What No One Tells You About Going Paleo (Hint: It's Sad)

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Replies

  • MostlyWater
    MostlyWater Posts: 4,294 Member
    HAHAHAHAHA

    We call ourselves it Modified Paleo
  • missyfitz1
    missyfitz1 Posts: 93 Member
    This is one of the best things I've ever read! Hilarious, but I also have to thank you for allowing me to experience a Paleo diet in five minutes of reading rather than in weeks of horror. I was right there with you every step of the way. I will stick to a sensible CICO deficit!
  • LC107
    LC107 Posts: 41 Member
    Lol!! You're awesome OP! This was awesome!
  • SportyCanuckChick19
    SportyCanuckChick19 Posts: 361 Member
    A very funny rendition of Paleo lifestyle. It is not an easy way to eat. I have eaten Paleo for three years now. In fact the first 6 months was much like what you describe. I would not imagine choosing to eat this way if I didn't have to. I have an autoimmune condition and I am allergic to anti-inflammatories. My airway closes at the slightest dose of advil. So instead of regular shots of steroids in my spinal facets, and my SI joints, and talks of remicade treatments.. I chose to research paleo eating. This is a mistake to call it a diet. Anyone looking for an easy way to lose weight without work.. well this isn't it. Essentially your making everything from scratch. Nothing processed, as natural as can be. I have become an excellent cook now, but its very expensive and time consuming... still cheaper than remicade. I am pain med free 95 percent of the time, and I have lost 65 pounds, I can out run my teens, and took up cycling, xc mtb, did two tough mudders, two other obstacle races, and backpack 30 miles every fall solo. I have cheat days. I pay the price with pain, and tears, but paleo eating has put my autoimmune condition in control. My rheumy is amazed. I think people look at paleo for the wrong reason. It's not a diet, its a lifestyle, that is unable to be kept to if there is no underlying reason to. Where there's a will theres a way. Thanks for the laugh :P
  • cjean920
    cjean920 Posts: 13 Member
    kmanrique321 wrote: »
    So funny!! Loved the laughs, but seriously, I've been Paleo for almost a year: practically zero refined carbs, sugars & everything else. It's cured by diabetes, drastically reduced my arthritis & I've lost 140 lbs. You can giggle all you want at my affair with the produce section & you can keep you muffins & cookies! I'd rather eat cabbage than cookies if it means walking without a cane, not sticking my fingers 3xday & having clothes fit a whole lot better!! It's not a diet for everyone but I'm not giving it up!!

    Holy crap congrats on your weight loss!!! I LOVE paleo too cause I feel amazing on it! So many aches and pains gone as well brain fog. What an inspiration you to stick with it and have such an amazing result!
  • Obnoxa
    Obnoxa Posts: 187 Member
    'Being paleo has killed my will to live, so I'm to sad to snack' Bwahahaha!
    This was such a funny read! Thanks for the laugh :)
  • Mogicor
    Mogicor Posts: 1 Member
    I love this. I'm a little late to the party, but thank you!
  • SarahJP20
    SarahJP20 Posts: 6 Member
    This made me laugh so much! Thanks.
  • danacondah
    danacondah Posts: 57 Member
    Hahaha this just put a huge smile on my face! Thanks for the laugh!
  • HomeatWDW
    HomeatWDW Posts: 121 Member
    This had me spitting my smoothie on the laptop screen. I wouldn't even attempt paleo, although I do have a cookbook of decent paleo crockpot recipes that are not nearly as soul sucking as the cookies. I got it because they were appealing in general, not because I have any paleo aspirations.
  • spicy618
    spicy618 Posts: 2,114 Member
    This was too funny to read at the office. I love your sense of humor OP.
  • fireball326
    fireball326 Posts: 6 Member
    SportyCanuckChick19 wrote: »
    A very funny rendition of Paleo lifestyle. It is not an easy way to eat. I have eaten Paleo for three years now. In fact the first 6 months was much like what you describe. I would not imagine choosing to eat this way if I didn't have to. I have an autoimmune condition and I am allergic to anti-inflammatories. My airway closes at the slightest dose of advil. So instead of regular shots of steroids in my spinal facets, and my SI joints, and talks of remicade treatments.. I chose to research paleo eating. This is a mistake to call it a diet. Anyone looking for an easy way to lose weight without work.. well this isn't it. Essentially your making everything from scratch. Nothing processed, as natural as can be. I have become an excellent cook now, but its very expensive and time consuming... still cheaper than remicade. I am pain med free 95 percent of the time, and I have lost 65 pounds, I can out run my teens, and took up cycling, xc mtb, did two tough mudders, two other obstacle races, and backpack 30 miles every fall solo. I have cheat days. I pay the price with pain, and tears, but paleo eating has put my autoimmune condition in control. My rheumy is amazed. I think people look at paleo for the wrong reason. It's not a diet, its a lifestyle, that is unable to be kept to if there is no underlying reason to. Where there's a will theres a way. Thanks for the laugh :P
    I'm 90/10 Paleo but this was helpful and so true. Paleo is a love/hate lifestyle. Hard, but worth it.
  • myempire
    myempire Posts: 10 Member
    Awesome post OP.
  • KorvapuustiPossu
    KorvapuustiPossu Posts: 434 Member
    haha :D ... OP you are seriously awesome!
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    Whitezombiegirl wrote: »
    You admit to not researching it and would probably agree that you had some misunderstandings. I came to paleo via an intetest in paleo ethnology and its worked great for me for the last 8 years. Im 90% which means i have 10% of my diet on whatever. Not gonna make a case for it coz it obviously didnt work for you. Each to our own.

    Do the animals you eat, eat Paleo as well? Learn about the difference between modern cattle and wild antelope here: https://youtu.be/fYnihrPvtqk?t=542
  • sparklyglitterbomb
    sparklyglitterbomb Posts: 458 Member
    That made my afternoon.
  • Reinventing_Me
    Reinventing_Me Posts: 1,053 Member
    Hilarious and absolutely brilliant!
  • Tatumhop
    Tatumhop Posts: 19 Member
    Beautiful. Exactly how I felt about Paleo.
  • fitdaisygrrl
    fitdaisygrrl Posts: 139 Member
    Love this! Had to hold back actual lols at work.
  • junodog1
    junodog1 Posts: 4,792 Member
    NSFW
  • Wickedfaery73
    Wickedfaery73 Posts: 184 Member
    :D
  • llbrixon
    llbrixon Posts: 964 Member
    Great story! I love your humor. You should write short stories..
  • GrooveMerchant
    GrooveMerchant Posts: 44 Member
    Best post on MFP I've read yet.
  • mpat81
    mpat81 Posts: 353 Member
    Haha, never tried any type of diet other than portion control. So glad to have been spared the discomfort of becoming a "human play-doh press" or choking on a carrot "puck"
  • catt952
    catt952 Posts: 190 Member
    this is amazing
  • beanielovesricky
    beanielovesricky Posts: 4 Member
    great post. But I disagree the fit guy would be Christian Bale not Jeff I'm afraid
  • Pinkylee77
    Pinkylee77 Posts: 432 Member
    Thank you I laughed until I cried. My son is Paleo he seems angry most of the time now I understand!
  • Tweaking_Time
    Tweaking_Time Posts: 733 Member
    hahahahahaha

    except for the Jeff Goldblum part - he should have died in Jurassic Park and he should have died in Independence Day, etc., etc.

  • Wetcoaster
    Wetcoaster Posts: 1,788 Member
    edited March 2016
    Jame Fell wrote this....a couple chuckles in it

    Paleo is the Scientology of Diets
    http://www.bodyforwife.com/paleo-is-the-scientology-of-diets/

    A small excerpt

    The Disney Diet
    Everyone loves Disney movies. Just like the Paleolithic era, men were the heroes and women were the damsels in distress, although Disney damsels had way less body hair and much better teeth.

    So, based on what I’ve learned from watching Disney films, here are the rules of the Disney Diet:

    Never eat anything given to you by an old woman, because it’s poison – Snow White

    Eat only fresh kills, but only the females are allowed to do the hunting – Lion King

    Unless you think you killed your father and ran away from home, in which case you can eat lots of bugs – Lion King

    Sugar can only be consumed while taking medicine – Mary Poppins

    Don’t eat turkey, popcorn or sweet potato pie. And definitely not pancakes piled up until they reach the sky, because if you do, it will cause mental deficiencies of Goofy proportions, not to mention the fact that you will eat and eat and eat and eat and eat until you die – Jack and the Beanstalk

    Chicken is okay, but not duck, because I love Donald

    Spaghetti can only be eaten as a couple, and must lead to a kiss, followed by the male chivalrously passing the last meatball to the female using only his nose. Any fornication that results from this romantic gesture must be done doggie style – Lady and the Tramp

    See how silly a diet can become when you start adopting arbitrary rules based on mythical thinking?


    Our Paleolithic ancestors were far more likely to get protein from bugs. So instead of paying double for your antibiotic free, grass-fed methane dispenser meat, you should just head to your nearest field and commence chopping down crickets.
  • Pinkylee77
    Pinkylee77 Posts: 432 Member
    Wetcoaster wrote: »
    Jame Fell wrote this....a couple chuckles in it

    Paleo is the Scientology of Diets
    http://www.bodyforwife.com/paleo-is-the-scientology-of-diets/

    A small excerpt

    The Disney Diet
    Everyone loves Disney movies. Just like the Paleolithic era, men were the heroes and women were the damsels in distress, although Disney damsels had way less body hair and much better teeth.

    So, based on what I’ve learned from watching Disney films, here are the rules of the Disney Diet:

    Never eat anything given to you by an old woman, because it’s poison – Snow White

    Eat only fresh kills, but only the females are allowed to do the hunting – Lion King

    Unless you think you killed your father and ran away from home, in which case you can eat lots of bugs – Lion King

    Sugar can only be consumed while taking medicine – Mary Poppins

    Don’t eat turkey, popcorn or sweet potato pie. And definitely not pancakes piled up until they reach the sky, because if you do, it will cause mental deficiencies of Goofy proportions, not to mention the fact that you will eat and eat and eat and eat and eat until you die – Jack and the Beanstalk

    Chicken is okay, but not duck, because I love Donald

    Spaghetti can only be eaten as a couple, and must lead to a kiss, followed by the male chivalrously passing the last meatball to the female using only his nose. Any fornication that results from this romantic gesture must be done doggie style – Lady and the Tramp

    See how silly a diet can become when you start adopting arbitrary rules based on mythical thinking?


    Our Paleolithic ancestors were far more likely to get protein from bugs. So instead of paying double for your antibiotic free, grass-fed methane dispenser meat, you should just head to your nearest field and commence chopping down crickets.

    I love this!

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