WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR APRIL 2016

Joyce prayers for your sister.

Slept in my room last night.. ate horribly yesterday and now am feeling un well.. having a cup of tea ..but not going to the gym.. will go down and feed DFIL and working 9:30-5 today if the old boy isn't feeling well.. will go and work at my dads this weekend..

From Kim: Larisa – It seems to be worth a few hours to get to know this man and see after that.
From Larisa: I believe so...and who knows, maybe I'm destined to adopt in my 50s and finally be a mom.

I did it at 49, so one never knows. Didn't exactly adopt--my two came along with the love of my life, were 15 and 17 when we married, and within three years, I was a grandmother, so it all happened really, really fast. But to have two people that call you "Mom" (OK, sometimes, "Moooommmmmm!") when your last infertility surgery was unsuccessful, and you gave up on having children at barely 25 years old, literally 24 years earlier, half your life before... Yeah, that's nothing short of miraculous.

My best friend burst into happy tears the day I told her I was marrying him, because she knew I'd have the children and grandchildren that I'd long since given up hope of having. My love will be 47 in a few short months, and I just turned 56; both young'uns are military (John is Air Force, Kelsey is Army) and off to their own lives. Disrupting your life can turn out to be the biggest blessing of all if you go into it with an open heart and open arms. Can't believe June is already our 7th anniversary!

Please note, this is commentary on my own life--but I didn't know how unhappy my life had been until I lived with this man and loved these children, and their children. When you are always in the dark, you don't even know it's worth yearning for the light anymore.

OK, I'll quit being a Friday philosopher this morning!

To the person who just had bariatric surgery in December, there are a few of us on here--I'm ten years post-op from a gastric bypass, we have a few others that are in various stages as well. You're doing well to keep yourself focused on losing weight during this "honeymoon" period, as once the surgery-induced weight loss stops, you still have to stay focused on keeping it from coming back and staying healthy. Good luck, we're here to listen.

Margaret, I read with interest everything you're writing about--thank you!

I'm in garage sale buying and furniture refinishing mode this morning... Leaving at 7 a.m. for the town yard sales, but there are only a couple, then to the warehouse to get a few pieces sanded and ready to stain. Ribbon cutting at a new RV Park at noon, then 45 minutes back to the ranch, go for a run with Daisy, and it's the DH's turn to cook tonight, so I can shower and collapse after my run.

Have a good day, all!

Love,
Lisa in cloudy West Texas (at least I think so, it's dark right now!)

Hi all....

Welcome all the newbie and returning people.

It will be a hectic couple of months as I tidy up my files at work. I have told them I am retiring - I will need to hand my letter in by the end of May. I will also have a lot of work to do at home - I have always been a very organized person.... because on Monday you went back to work .... and I am sure I can waste a lot of time on doing nothing!!

Later everyone - I am on my way to the accountant and the doctor today and hopefully back home in time to take a walk

Lillian
in West Central Saskatchewan

Good morning all,
Just sitting here with 1st coffee catching up with all of you. Seems most of you get to the gym or at spend a significant amout of time in activities. Today I will work on mom's house. I keep thinking how I would MUCH rather ne working on a quilt. There is a silver lining there. Mom taught me to sew when I was 7. She's stashed lots of fabric & assorted notions. So far we have foumd enough spools of thread to fill a 5 gallon bucket. SIL also sews and has her charities. We'refinding stuff to donate & personal use. We will get this finished and have time & supplies to keep us busy for quite awhile.

Guess I need to start posting at computer instead of smart phone so I can have 2 windows open to include encouraging comments to each of you. I'll try that this evening.

All of you have a "loosimg" day

Sioux in Tulsa

nb1959 – I only weigh-in every 2 weeks. My scales at home do not weigh consistently; so, why bother? Regardless of where you weigh you should always do it at that place and with as light of weight of clothes you can strip down to. Try to make it as close to the same time each time. I take off my jewelry or I only wear my Medic Alert pendant. I take off my shoes because I have to in order to be weighed on my MD’s scales. It's a special scare that reads body and water % and torso, leg, and arm %s.

Michele in NC – The reason I’d clean up before leaving to go somewhere is so that I don’t have to add that to things that I am required to do when I come home. If I have the time while I am gone, I also try to, at least, wash most of my clothes before coming home so I can just put them in the dresser drawers. Pool statutes are cute. The beaded cat is also cute. Is it something you hang or use as a mat, so sand or whatever isn't tracked into house? I have about 75 different flamingos that are going to go into our glassed-in porch when we get it finished. Waiting for electricians to call to come do some work. DH is supposed to be talking to one of his contractor friends about putting in the door, maybe doing the walls, too. I’m ready to get it done. Might move the new DVD out on the porch with a smaller TV on a swinging arm so I can turn it so that it can be seen from anywhere in the porch and by a HDTV DVD for the den. That way I don’t have to be subjected to the ‘horror movies that DH sometimes brings home. Occasionally, he will bring home a “Chick Flick”.

Just had to go get my ½ teaspoon of sugar to melt in my mouth; to get rid of the stupid hiccups I get after eating breakfast. Works every time.

I’ve gotten rid of a LOT of clothes, going through my closet (2 days); took a lot of them to the consignment shop; maybe, I will make enough money to buy a ‘few’ pair of shorts. The rest went to Goodwill. Got 4 pair of shoes to go; but, don’t know if I’d just be better off to throw them into the local Goodwill bag and not worry about taking them to the consignment shop. I had found a shoe stand that would have fit in the side of he closet; but, did not buy it that day; when I went back later in the day .... they had sold it; but, I then went and bought enough plastic shoeboxes for the shoes I kept. I must have gotten into some mood that made me throw away the boxes most of them came in; but, this is a neat way; and, I think I am going to go look for some labels to mark the fronts with which are in each box. The new pair of shoes are in their original boxes.

lwischer2014 – Exercise and water intake are also important things to take in and do. I’ve increased my water intake to 8 8-ounce glasses of water (in 2 “Smart” water bottles) – each is ½ of what I need); always have one cold in the fridge. I count coffee as a part which is above the number of cups I drink to get the 64 ounces of water in.

Sioux in Tulsa – I love Tom Selleck in Blue Bloods, I watch re-runs most days just to see him. LOL!

Lisa in West Texas – DYS and DDnL#2 are trying to have a baby – going through several options. She got upset with the ‘specialist’ because he wanted to do a procedure on her that he could not guarantee would be successful and could cause irreversible fertility issue success; and, wanted to be paid 'in advance' - she told him 'to go to Hell'. Going to a Homeopathic person now and has done well with it. DYS did not want her to tell anybody; because they would probably think it was strange. But, she had a lot of things they could do that made me feel like maybe she is starting on the right track. Put her on ‘thyroid replacement’ meds. That is something that I have heard done to women when they had not been successful on getting pregnant on their own. I sent her a couple of ‘other’ things to try; also a little different.


Barbiecat – After having a “One Flew Over the Coo Coo’s Nest” experience – My husband drives me 2+ hours to a MD. I will NOT go to anybody whose ‘hospital privileges’ include going to our city’s local hospital. When I go, I eat lunch with about 5 or 6 of my former HS friends and their DHs or SOs. I ended up getting this particular MD/DO banned from the hospital, so now, even though she has come back to town, she is in a practice with another MD who has lost his ‘privileges’ for working in the hospital, too. I used to go to him as well. They deserve one another. Going out of town, if I need to be hospitalized is my choice (or ‘if’ life threatening), I’d go to the local hospital to find out if being transferred to the other hospital is feasible. I just never want to be ‘under the care' of too many of their MDs. So many of the MDs in town now have their own ‘out-patient surgery’ places in their offices. The first time I had rotator cuff surgery, they did it ‘in the hospital’ because my BP was spiking up and down). The 2nd time, I went through their own surgical center; and, had a PT come to my house because I was on a ‘driving restriction’.

campinggirl888 - Gee, I wish I could find a 5-gallon bag of spools of thread. Although I know how to sew; it seems like I never have the right color thread for what I am doing (or enough). Right at the moment, I need to 'google' how to get the bobbin thread out of the machine, when I tried to load it and it did not do so. Might just end up taking it in to be serviced (then start using it more). I think 'sitting up' isn't good for it. I really need t put it back into the piece of furniture it came in. Going to have to wash it down ... it's been sitting out on my studio's porch. I've got so much de-cluttering to do that I think that is going to be my 'exercise' program for the next 2 weeks; with walking still on my list of things to do for exercise.

FYI - Newbies ... give us the name you prefer to be called. Tell us a little about yourself - location (general or specific), family (married, single, widowed, etc.) and children and grandchildren. The things you do for hobbies, your monthly goals and anything about your 'journey' so that we can all help in encouraging you. We even 'vent' and 'rant and rave' here. We do try to keep posts concerning 'politics' and/or 'religion' at a bare minimum.

Lenora

Lenora proud of you in purging your closet.

Dance of Anger: Who"s Responsible for What: The Trickiest Anger Question

When I put my energy into taking on others thoughts and feelings and expect others to take care of mine it makes it difficult to change patterns that no longer serve. Example DH and DS are doing this to annoy me. If only they would do this our relationship would have smooth sailing. I called it the blame and persecution game. (Talk about giving up my power!)

Sometimes I fall into the trap of that I can avoid the problem if I just try hard enough. In this process I tend to take on guilt and self blame. The author used the example of a friend who got bumped on a ski slope of taking on the responsibility for the accident and apologizing. Even after reading this when I was bumped while walking at our local community center I apologized to the person who was not watching their body space. Go figure.

Learning to take more responsibility for self and less for others. Clarifying the I and changing the patterns that keep us stuck is a start.

One pattern I find myself stuck in is the over functioning under functioning pattern.
In her example it about two friends deciding when it was best to take their dog into the vet. One friend overpowered the other friend in the decision. (over functioning) The friend didn't feel heard and went along with rather than create a conflict. Resentment brewed on both sides. When this cycle happens each reinforces the pattern of the other. I have lived this pattern with both my sons.

To start changing this pattern she suggests reflecting on who does what when calm. When caught up in blame and intense emotions it is virtually impossible to sort out who does what. At times it will take one of us to be the one to step back and give space to the problem. This helps so that there is less reaction and more clarity to what is really happening. For me sometimes so much easier said that done when caught in the intensity of the moment.

Taking responsibility for my own thoughts and feelings is a first big step. The second step is recognizing how I react which I control gives the other a chance to react that I cannot control. Janet said it well, "You cannot control the audience." For me I can only put my best foot forward.

Learning to change occurs best in a self loving environment. I know I do not do my best work if I am in an atmosphere of blaming and shaming.

Sometimes to protect a relationship we will play the game I self deprecate so you can feel up. This game can contribute to the blame/shame atmosphere.

When I say (quoted from the author) "This is what I observe I am doing in this relationship and I am going to work to change it." When doing this I am taking a position of dignity and strength. It allows others to do the same.

If I do not proceed to take care of my problem. No one will do it for me. It is my problem I regained 20 of my 25 pounds. No one else can take this weight off of me except me!

Making changes as to improve your life and not as a move to change the other person takes out the blame and persecution game.

There is more to the over functioning ( I am caught in this) and under functioning I will reflect on another time.

Quote:

Rather than wait for the storm to pass I will learn to dance in the rain.

A good friend pointed out if there is lightning I might need to take precautions so I do not get struck. I prefer the glass half full attitude myself.

Margaret