Too large for a seat, did the venue respond correctly?
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The venue very likely has a pre-determined policy for situations such as this, and if they followed their policy, which very likely factored in legal aspects, customer service / reputation concerns, the comfort and viewing ability of other patrons and potential damage to the standard seating etc., then they did exactly the right thing. It is entirely possible that they gave them the option of a refund or paying the difference to be seated in the other area - we know nothing about the transaction other than the visual evidence. Everything else is speculation.
All of these lofty principles of accountability and fairness are great concepts that I believe in but honestly, is a little compassion so out of order? The good old 'golden rule' is a great way to gauge the appropriate response - "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." If you found yourself in a predicament where for whatever reason, (gifted tickets, wrong information, didn't think of it, WHATEVER) you discovered when you got to your designated seat that there was a problem, would you hope for some help and assistance that might salvage your outing, or would you be content with humiliation and disappointment. How would you want them to treat your mother? Your grandmother?
A mature response would be happy to see another's problem resolved so easily and with little disruption to anyone. Resenting them because it didn't feel "fair" is a very human response, but certainly not a great example of taking the high road.
While I see what you're saying, and somewhat agree, I also think it was still not right.
When you buy seats to a concert, you do not know who will be sitting near you, in front of you, behind you, etc. I have sat through shows with loud, drunk people behind me, pot smokers to the right of me (nice contact high that night) and very tall people in front of me. Should I have made a big fuss and wanted new seats? That's the gamble you take when you go to a public event.
My heart goes out to her as an individual who could not fit into a seat. Had I been there, I don't even know if I would have noticed where they ended up seating her because I'd be so into the show (assuming I loved what I was there to see). I think many people are voicing their opinions on the general special treatment and accommodations of obese people that is taking place these days. Well, at least I was commenting on the general rather than just her situation.0 -
As your sig says: "Fall seven times, stand up eight." (One of my favourite quotes, by the way.
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Maybe this woman was just starting to get up for the eighth time?
Maybe she is. Maybe we all are, no matter how we look on the outside.
Do I think overweight people in general should be treated special? No.
I certainly agree with that.
I just don't like the notion that all obese people are created equal. The stereotype that we all sit on our couches and eat 24/7 for the fun of it is one that just. pushes. my. buttons. People come from different circumstances. <-- not directing this to you, but to anyone who perpetuates that stereotype
I really try to not judge others unless I know what they've been through. Even then, unless I've shared their experiences, I can't even pretend to know or understand what they feel like and why they do the things they do.
I don't look at every fit person and assume they eat healthy foods and work out daily...and I realize that many don't! All I ask is that people don't jump to conclusions about those of us who are obese.0 -
As your sig says: "Fall seven times, stand up eight." (One of my favourite quotes, by the way. )
Maybe this woman was just starting to get up for the eighth time?
Maybe she is. Maybe we all are, no matter how we look on the outside.
Do I think overweight people in general should be treated special? No.
I certainly agree with that.
I just don't like the notion that all obese people are created equal. The stereotype that we all sit on our couches and eat 24/7 for the fun of it is one that just. pushes. my. buttons. People come from different circumstances. <-- not directing this to you, but to anyone who perpetuates that stereotype
I really try to not judge others unless I know what they've been through. Even then, unless I've shared their experiences, I can't even pretend to know or understand what they feel like and why they do the things they do.
I don't look at every fit person and assume they eat healthy foods and work out daily...and I realize that many don't! All I ask is that people don't jump to conclusions about those of us who are obese.
Very true! However, I don't think the venue workers asked for her life story and therefore did not know anything about why she was overweight.
And, sometimes, I wish I could just sit on my couch 24/7 and eat for the fun of it. :laugh: It would be easy to do, but I push myself not to.0 -
i reckon she knew it would happen (or there was a good chance of it) if they complained, because she would have known before buying the tickets that she didnt fit in normal chairs.
I think the venue had no choice, but it wouldnt make me think good things about the woman0 -
I am mildly amused by the person who brought maturity into it. By that logic, one who is human, and has human responses is therefore immature.
It's also funny that those who complain about our being judgmental are in turn being judgmental of us for being judgmental.0 -
I'm quite shocked and saddened by some of the responses. I truly hope that those that are so judgemental never have to deal with a situation like this for any reason.
Many overweight people don't "choose" to be. Medical conditions, prescriptions, and psychological issues can cause someone to gain weight out of their control.
What if it was a handicapped person? What if it was someone on crutches?
I would have been truly happy that she was accommodated and was able to enjoy the show, especially because no one had to lose their seats to make her more comfortable.0 -
I am mildly amused by the person who brought maturity into it. By that logic, one who is human, and has human responses is therefore immature.
It's also funny that those who complain about our being judgmental are in turn being judgmental of us for being judgmental.
I am likewise somewhat amused at having what I said about maturity being intermingled with a different statement about human response in order to somehow disprove what I said logically. That is fine - I am amused by many things - please don't judge me for that!.0 -
Wow, just wow. This response hurts my heart. I really hope you never have to endure the pain of being labeled purely by your appearance. I am morbidly obese and I do not constantly over eat nor do I sit on my couch 24/7. I have lost 65 pounds, but if you just met me, I guess you might think I'm just another fat, lazy person.
this thread has nothing to do with judging the person whether its just by looking or by having an indepth pychological profile done on her. its about whether or not someone who is overweight should be given preferential treatment by a venue when the rest of the people just get what they pay for.0 -
What if it was a handicapped person? What if it was someone on crutches?
Then by all means, accommodate them.0 -
Seriously? This website is about support. How do you know the woman in question is not a member of MFP? You dont. This situation could have easily happened to any woman on here that is obese, at any venue, with any chair. I have seen cheap chairs break under heavy women.
This would have been an embarrassing situation for any one of us. If the OP saw this, then there were lots others that also witnessed it. Can you imagine how that could have traumatized her? We all have issues, we all are here because of our weight, the only difference is how much. I weigh 172 pounds.
No one knows the who what when or why so stop speculating and leave it alone. You are only hurting our own members who need our support. IF I had been morbidly obese and read this rant I would have been very discouraged.
Spread positive thoughts, be a positive influence. We all shoulder enough of our own negativity we dont need to spread it to others.
Just my opinion.0 -
I really try to not judge others unless I know what they've been through. Even then, unless I've shared their experiences, I can't even pretend to know or understand what they feel like and why they do the things they do.
I don't look at every fit person and assume they eat healthy foods and work out daily...and I realize that many don't! All I ask is that people don't jump to conclusions about those of us who are obese.
Very true! However, I don't think the venue workers asked for her life story and therefore did not know anything about why she was overweight.
And, sometimes, I wish I could just sit on my couch 24/7 and eat for the fun of it. :laugh: It would be easy to do, but I push myself not to.
Ha! Yes...that would be a choice...a choice called GIVING UP!
My initial comments were mostly a result of the direction the debate was taking and not the OP's question. I was giving the woman whose seat was moved the benefit of the doubt, based on my own experiences with my weight. As the discussion began to move from opinions about the situation to blanket judgements of fat people, I was moved to post.
Honestly, when I began reading the thread, I was seeing both sides of the issue. I'm not sure it was right for the employees to move her to the VIP section, but I have no clue what the place is like and if that was the quickest and easiest option to resolve the matter. When all was said and done, it doesn't sound like anyone else's concert experience was too affected by the whole thing. For all we know, any other solutions may have resulted in a big ordeal that REALLY affected others in that section. It may be best that they ushered her off and made her happy elsewhere.0 -
Many overweight people don't "choose" to be. Medical conditions, prescriptions, and psychological issues can cause someone to gain weight out of their control.
is there seiously any kind of medical condition that would cause someone to become morbidly obese without making some poor choices alond the way. i would doubt it but if someone can prove me wrong then i will be happy to accept it.
sure, some people maybe more predisposed for storing fat etc etc but im sure it would take more than just a genetic or medical condition to become so large that you cant fit in to a seat.0 -
Wow, just wow. This response hurts my heart. I really hope you never have to endure the pain of being labeled purely by your appearance. I am morbidly obese and I do not constantly over eat nor do I sit on my couch 24/7. I have lost 65 pounds, but if you just met me, I guess you might think I'm just another fat, lazy person.
this thread has nothing to do with judging the person whether its just by looking or by having an indepth pychological profile done on her. its about whether or not someone who is overweight should be given preferential treatment by a venue when the rest of the people just get what they pay for.
The post I was responding to absolutely was about judging someone based on their appearance. Making a blanket statement that anyone who is morbidly obese "constantly over eats and sits on their couch 24/7" is exactly that.0 -
When all was said and done, it doesn't sound like anyone else's concert experience was too affected by the whole thing. For all we know, any other solutions may have resulted in a big ordeal that REALLY affected others in that section. It may be best that they ushered her off and made her happy elsewhere.
Yes, I do agree with the ending of your statement there.0 -
Many overweight people don't "choose" to be. Medical conditions, prescriptions, and psychological issues can cause someone to gain weight out of their control.
is there seiously any kind of medical condition that would cause someone to become morbidly obese without making some poor choices alond the way. i would doubt it but if someone can prove me wrong then i will be happy to accept it.
sure, some people maybe more predisposed for storing fat etc etc but im sure it would take more than just a genetic or medical condition to become so large that you cant fit in to a seat.
I gained about 40 pounds in 3 months with my issue. Depression from the weight gain set in and I made some bad choices and gained another 20 pounds. Had I not resolved most of it (my physical issue and emotional issues), who knows how large I could have become. Movie theater seats were getting tight. My driver's seat was getting smaller.....or something
I didn't want special treatment though.0 -
Okay I'm getting off the original topic again and I swore that I wouldn't...hahaMany overweight people don't "choose" to be. Medical conditions, prescriptions, and psychological issues can cause someone to gain weight out of their control.
is there seiously any kind of medical condition that would cause someone to become morbidly obese without making some poor choices alond the way. i would doubt it but if someone can prove me wrong then i will be happy to accept it.
___* -- Anyone with an eating disorder who is easily triggered should probably not read any further. --*___
Most, if not all, morbidly obese people likely make some poor choices along the way, but I don't feel they ever choose to eat themselves into obesity. This condition is typically triggered by early physical and/or psychological problems that lead us down a rockier road than most, at least as far as our weight is concerned. The seeds for obesity may be planted fairly early in life, when a child does not have the capacity to make good decisions about caring for his or her body.
For many, the path includes an eating disorder of some sort that backfires. It may also include addictions and anxieties that cannot be helped by therapy or medication. These issues often lead to a period of time in which the person falls into a major depressive state. We're not talking feeling sad here -- Imagine slipping into a brain fog on and off for years and you just don't know what you're doing to yourself. You simply no longer have the mental capacity to make proper, reasonable decisions.
It is during these fogs that many food addicts and bulimics gain the majority of their weight. (Yes there is such a thing as an obese bulimic.) Have you ever starved yourself to the point of weakness and then gotten dressed, gotten into your car, went to the store, bought about 4000 calories worth of food and ate it until you were sick or made yourself sick? Imagine doing this without any true awareness of what's going on until it is over.
At times, the fog may lift and the person may realize what's been going on and try to lose weight over and over again. Each time takes a toll on the body and each failure brings with it mental and physical scars. Each failure is a blow to the person's self confidence and each blow feeds the disorder. The cycle continues.
Those of us who are lucky break the cycle.0 -
but it is a choice. they may not have chosen to get that big, but they did choose to not do anything about it before it started to get out of control. there would have to be some point where you look at yourself and think, holy crap, i really need to do something about it.
and if she is doing something about it, then that is great, but she (or any other person) shouldnt get special treatment.
the key point is that it is avoidable. sure its not easy, but it is possible.0 -
I couldn't make up my mind to jump into this or not, but thought "why not?" I am considered morbidly obese. (according to the metropolitan scale I'm 180# overweight, thats morbidly obese in anyones book. I only want to lose 145 right now and maybe a bit more later. I am a survivor of physical and emotinal abuse, I am a recovering addict (23 years clean and sober, Damn straight skippy!) :bigsmile: But in no way shape or form with a non-functioning pituitary and all, am I not responsible for my weight. Period end of story no questions asked. Since getting my hormones in balance has weight loss been easier? Hell yes! Was I able to lose weight in the past, hell yes!
I see the OP's dilema and I feel for the women and think the venue did what it thought was best and nobody was really hurt. Would I have felt (we are human and we do feel these things no matter how we hope we would be able to ascend our feelings) a little bummed that I didn't get an upgrade? Probably for a minute or two and then I would have forgotten it and enjoyed myself. As I have had many situations where I did not fit, I have never asked for special acccomodations, I get outside aisle seats so I can keep my rolls to the outside and not cause others inconvenience because of my personal issue.
After reading all the posts it's really not about the OP anymore it's about how we all view ourselves and each other and I am saddened that many of us seem to think we should allow our personal accountability to be dismissed as not important. This is something that is bigger than our weight loss it is a trend in this country and I have to ask when did we become a nation of people who have no responsibility to ourselves and our fellow human beings? Why don't we have to be personally responsible for our health, or at least how we respond to our situations whether they include great health or chronic illness? Lest you think I am not compassionate to folks with chronic diseases, my wife has MS and she deals with bouts of blindness, lack of motor skills, cognitive issues and sometimes she just can't get her legs to work. But don't ever tell her she should not be personally responsible cause it's not her fault and she would kick you with her good leg if she had one. (what I mean by this is she would never categorize herself as a victim) Why don't we have to be accountable? Why should others pay for our lack of accountability? I've never thought about these questions in terms of weight, but sure as heck it applies.0 -
*sigh* This is really difficult to explain and I can only imagine it's hard for others to comprehend, not knowing what it's like.but it is a choice. they may not have chosen to get that big, but they did choose to not do anything about it before it started to get out of control. there would have to be some point where you look at yourself and think, holy crap, i really need to do something about it.
I have spent every day of my life since about the age of four fighting this. I would guess that a very large percentage of people going through this are in therapy for years and are trying to stop the behaviour and form healthy habits when it comes to food and exercise. Being this size is not necessarily the result of never putting forth any effort to NOT be this size.
The mental state may have been unavoidable. No one really knows what makes us tick, so that's a difficult thing to judge with any certainty.the key point is that it is avoidable. sure its not easy, but it is possible.
A person may snap out of it for some time and seek medical attention and do everything right and lose weight and live a normal life for a while, but the mind is a quirky and powerful thing. I often refer to a state of recovery as a "switch being flipped." The scariest thing is that those of us who are trying to recover don't know if the proverbial switch will get flipped BACK and live in fear of that. This is why I said that those of us who are lucky break the cycle. I don't know yet if I'm a lucky one, but I'm trying. If I succeed, it doesn't mean I am any stronger than someone who hasn't yet. It just means that I somehow found a way to superglue MY switch in its current position.
I agree that obese people generally should not get "special" (i.e. better) treatment. See my thoughts on this specific situation in an earlier post.and if she is doing something about it, then that is great, but she (or any other person) shouldnt get special treatment.
P.S. My original response was directed in response to a generalization of all obese people and I do understand the importance of personal accountability.
Even for those of us with disorders that led us down this path, we are here on MFP because we CHOOSE to keep fighting. We want to overcome the obstacles that have been put before us. We may not be thin, but we are not lazy.0 -
Seriously? This website is about support. How do you know the woman in question is not a member of MFP? You dont. This situation could have easily happened to any woman on here that is obese, at any venue, with any chair. I have seen cheap chairs break under heavy women.
This would have been an embarrassing situation for any one of us. If the OP saw this, then there were lots others that also witnessed it. Can you imagine how that could have traumatized her? We all have issues, we all are here because of our weight, the only difference is how much. I weigh 172 pounds.
No one knows the who what when or why so stop speculating and leave it alone. You are only hurting our own members who need our support. IF I had been morbidly obese and read this rant I would have been very discouraged.
Spread positive thoughts, be a positive influence. We all shoulder enough of our own negativity we dont need to spread it to others.
Just my opinion.
BRAVO!!!!!!! My thoughts exactly!:drinker:0
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