married chit-chatters?

Married for 16 years...3 beautiful children but not so happy. Ready for a change...

Same

That's very difficult. I mean, we all have issues, bad moments, fights (unfortunately almost always about something unimportant in reality and we were just tired or something). That's extreme to actually cause damage, though. That's never happened with us. I wouldn't bounce back from that very well if I had caused damage. I would have trouble forgiving myself. I try so much to be kind to my husband. But, occasionally I still have a difficult moment (for me it's always because of being very tired). So, I try to take care not to get so tired and stressed. But, life is hard sometimes. The thought of hurting my husband long term or him not being able to forgive me is a very painful thought, fear, concern. I try to make sure that in all my good moments I tell him (and show him) how much I love and appreciate him and what I adore about him both as a person and physically. Because I never want those good things to go unsaid. I want him to feel good about himself and in our marriage and family and to feel loved and appreciated. Home should be the retreat from the stress of work. I want the good to always outweight the rare difficult moments. We don't have many difficult moments now in our mature 30's. But, I had a few in our 20's. So, I did my own work on healing and growth and managing emotions. It would be good if she (or both of you) could maybe do some stuff on your own like anger management and therapy type of things (or just introspection or a workbook of some sort) and together to heal the hurt from the times that wrong was done or wrong things were said. Sorry you are going through this. Sorry you feel these strong and difficult feelings. I hope you two can mend these wounds together. Everytime a tense moment happens I spend a while thinking about why it happened and what I can do to prevent it or be prepared to handle it better if a moment like that happens again. You will get through this. ♥

Married and really enjoying these posts.

Well, my wife once accused me in a fight that the only reason I'm trying to lose weight is so I can weigh less than her. That one caught me off-guard. She'll also say "now that you're 'Mr. Fitness'..."

Kimberly_Phillips wrote: »

Married for 16 years...3 beautiful children but not so happy. Ready for a change...

...hopefully just weight.

Love it -- you people who have been married forever. You are great examples for the rest of us. (We two just celebrated our 29th anniversary. I can hardly believe it has been this long -- doesn't seem like it.

@BinaryPulsar it's baaaaaaaaaaack.

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Cutaway_Collar wrote: »

The reason I work long hours is that sometimes I hate going home in the immediate after-days of one of those fights

She acts like everything is back to normal after truce has been called.

I hate when people do this, not because I can't 'let it go', but don't also downplay the fact that you were a total c*nt and sweep things under the rug.

Guns_N_Buns wrote: »

Also, I've never been a 'tantrum fighter'. I can lose my temper and yell, but I've always worked hard for my things and don't break anything. I remember in my younger years a guy I was dating became a lunatic and grabbed my purse by the handles and chucked it across the room; it smashed into the wall and the leather straps came OFF my Louis Vuitton Papillon bag! I learned an important lesson that day. Don't buy expensive hand bags in conjunction with dating psychos and I'm not materialistic, but I will dump you for breaking my *kitten* over the principle of the matter.

Speaking of which....that's probably not the right chandelier for a glass breaker...

I was thinking that about the chandelier. Yeah, breaking things is like almost violence. I mean. It's not ok to damage stuff. Maybe it is violence in a way. Like one step away. My husband has only ever lost his temper about two times. Over really weird stuff. Just under stress. One time he didn't believe me that I knew what over-the-counter lotion thing I needed and we were parked at the store. He fought me on it and wouldn't let me go in and yelled at me. At home I was able to prove to him that I knew what I was talking about and he was mistaken. He apologized. I was dealing with difficult health problems (medical injury) and he was preparing for an unexpected presentation he had to travel for. And around that same time I asked him to buy one steak. To see if I could handle eating it. The medical injury caused me to have histamine reactions to food. And for some reason he bought like 15 steaks. And I said something like, "Why did you buy 15? I said buy one." Then he threw the steaks on the counter and stormed out of the house. We laughed about it a week later. But, that was our big family drama moment. It was a very weird time. We were under weird stress.

Kimberly_Phillips wrote: »

Married for 16 years...3 beautiful children but not so happy. Ready for a change...

Hi kimberley, that is a familiar notion. Married for 14yr together for 18....need a change too

How you doin'?

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