married chit-chatters?
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My husband is working sooo much preparing for a physics presentation he has to give. But, he needs to be done by tomorrow. Then tomorrow he will present it to his work. Then he could make some small changes. Then we are going on a date tomorrow night (yay). Then on Monday he goes away to the physics conference and give the presentation. And about 2.5 weeks left of summer vacation. My kids are going into 4th and 7th grade. This school is from K to 7. Next year my daughter starts high school. And they want her to go to a mini school for 8th and 9th. It's smaller classes and more creative and project oriented. It's for kids that excell in certain ways, especially when they can do projects in the areas of interest that they excell in, but don't always thrive as well in the typical school setting with big classes. They tested my daughter and she tested as unusually advanced in certain areas, but she does much better in smaller, more creative, and focused classes. Then she would join the high school for 10 to 12. I think it will be much better for her.1
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BinaryPulsar wrote: »My husband is working sooo much preparing for a physics presentation he has to give. But, he needs to be done by tomorrow. Then tomorrow he will present it to his work. Then he could make some small changes. Then we are going on a date tomorrow night (yay). Then on Monday he goes away to the physics conference and give the presentation. And about 2.5 weeks left of summer vacation. My kids are going into 4th and 7th grade. This school is from K to 7. Next year my daughter starts high school. And they want her to go to a mini school for 8th and 9th. It's smaller classes and more creative and project oriented. It's for kids that excell in certain ways, especially when they can do projects in the areas of interest that they excell in, but don't always thrive as well in the typical school setting with big classes. They tested my daughter and she tested as unusually advanced in certain areas, but she does much better in smaller, more creative, and focused classes. Then she would join the high school for 10 to 12. I think it will be much better for her.
That's great that your daughter has the chance to be in a class in which she would thrive. Are you looking forward to them going back to school or are you sad to see summer wind down? What are your daughter's favorite subjects? Or your son's?1 -
mskessler89 wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »I was just thinking about the previous topic of marrying younger or older. As I said, it depends on when you meet the person you want to be with. And some people have more than one marriage as well. But, all of that aside. I think my husband and I have a long history of being sexually adventurous together. And I think that's partly personality type. But, also because we were together when we were young. And because we then have been together a long time. I feel that brings about a degree of sexual adventure and experimentation and exploration that it seems to me people don't always understand or relate to (when they get married for the first time in their 30's and 40's), and I am not saying this is a negative thing just a difference. They could detail many positives as well. Maybe it's also what keeps our relationship lasting. But, we met young and passionate. And continue to keep that going together over the years. And we feel secure at the same time. And not encumbered by ideas of what we should or shouldn't do by other people's standards. And we get to grow older with a partner that we share all of those memories and history together. While being in a secure and stable relationship to grow older within. We have grown together. We didn't need to fit our lives together because our lives grew together. I feel comfortable with him. I sleep better when he is there. I think there are positives and negatives to having children younger or older. I know the positives and negatives. I don't know which is better. It depends. Maybe something in between. But, I think it all worked out well for me.
When my husband and I go out people think we are dating or sometimes ask if we are newly weds (we have been together 18 years). In some ways that newly wed feeling never went away. Like because we were young, in some ways we always feel young together.
People I know that are very negative about young marriage are people that married very young and had a dead bedroom, not exciting sex life. Because they talk negative about marriage and sex. So, they think that's how it is for everyone. Perhaps they married young for reasons other than the passionate love and friendship.
But, there is no right or wrong or one way. Just whatever happens. Different things for different people. Everything in life has pros and cons. Life is a learning experience.
I think you're very lucky, very wise in your selection, or both to have married someone who's grown with you, stayed close to you. I think a lot of young couples marry before they really know what they want out of life, and their expectations and aspirations change pretty dramatically as their careers advance and kids come into the picture. They put their own pursuits first and don't understand why their partner isn't supportive. Sex goes by the wayside as emotional distance creeps in.
I really wonder how my marriage will go in the long term - we got married 2 years ago when I was 25 and he was 44. We're emotionally on the same page and have similar interests. A big attraction point for me was that he's established in his career and knows who he is - I'm planted in my career and confident about what I want, but most guys my age are still talking about where they want to live, what job they want long-term, and so on. Still, we're going to evolve a lot over 20, 30, 40 years, and his age will end our sex life prematurely. I don't know how it will be in the future.
We won't be having kids, but I wonder what impact that choice will have on our relationship. I heard a couple say that kids are what happen when you have nothing else to do together, which seems strange to me. I'm curious - if you had kids, was it good or bad for your marriage? If you didn't, do you think it would have been better, worse, or just different if you did?
In the short term having kids was hard on our marriage only because we had them very close together and I had bad ppd so life in general was stressful. but now we love family life and I think our kids keep us from falling into a rut we're always looking for fun things to with them that we likely wouldn't have before they came along. We have always made our marriage a priority though and taught the kids that mommy and daddy need time to be alone with each other as well as spending time with them. I'm a stay at home mom though and honestly think my kids have grown me as a person so marriage probably wouldn't be what it is now without them.2 -
HI you guys! So ya girl is married and on my 4th child and doing hard core workout training to get rid of this baby weight! I'm not going! Not just for my husband but for me! Looking in the mirror has been so depressing! Like I'm not sloppy or nothing but when you have a standard appearance for yourself and your not living up to it, it's hard. I have to keep it right and tight for my boo to. I want him to be like damn when he sees me like in the beginning.
Anyway, the hardest part was finding time, I got that together, now I'm trying to be patient until it falls off. Lol
And Jennifer the routine life can begin to get dull and redundant girl. Keep trying stuff like you've been doing. Branch out and get some card games, board games, sex games, and my favorite is role playing. I have only been married for 4 years and I'll be damned, if we have to be together forever, my marriage gets boring. Hell to the Naw! Lol0 -
Lonestar5715 wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »My husband is working sooo much preparing for a physics presentation he has to give. But, he needs to be done by tomorrow. Then tomorrow he will present it to his work. Then he could make some small changes. Then we are going on a date tomorrow night (yay). Then on Monday he goes away to the physics conference and give the presentation. And about 2.5 weeks left of summer vacation. My kids are going into 4th and 7th grade. This school is from K to 7. Next year my daughter starts high school. And they want her to go to a mini school for 8th and 9th. It's smaller classes and more creative and project oriented. It's for kids that excell in certain ways, especially when they can do projects in the areas of interest that they excell in, but don't always thrive as well in the typical school setting with big classes. They tested my daughter and she tested as unusually advanced in certain areas, but she does much better in smaller, more creative, and focused classes. Then she would join the high school for 10 to 12. I think it will be much better for her.
That's great that your daughter has the chance to be in a class in which she would thrive. Are you looking forward to them going back to school or are you sad to see summer wind down? What are your daughter's favorite subjects? Or your son's?
We had a great summer. I'm happy to see summer end and get back to our routine and my dancing. I also teach dance at my daughters' school. I have two daughters. My 9 year old's favorite subject is singing right now. My 12 year old's favorite subject is science. She always does elaborate science projects and even just on her own for extra credit. Or if there is a science project she will do that and then do a separate one to demonstrate the opposite effect (very advanced concepts). My older daughter also is very good at poetry. She definitely has a natural talent for that. Her math teacher died and she wrote a poem in memory of her. It makes me cry when I read it. She loves to read. I did a lot of science with my girls, especially in their preschool years. I love biology. And of course my husband is a physicist. They both do very well in science. And love to read. I'm a dancer and do movement comedy/theatre. My younger daughter takes after me in that way. She looks like me. She's very feminine. And creative and theatrical. She does very well in the dance classes that I teach. My older daughter likes dancing, but she knows it's not her calling in life. They also danced and performed with me in a multi-aged dance group. And I have done dance projects/performance with them in other projects that wanted children. We even did one as a family, including my husband. That was very fun!0 -
BinaryPulsar wrote: »Lonestar5715 wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »My husband is working sooo much preparing for a physics presentation he has to give. But, he needs to be done by tomorrow. Then tomorrow he will present it to his work. Then he could make some small changes. Then we are going on a date tomorrow night (yay). Then on Monday he goes away to the physics conference and give the presentation. And about 2.5 weeks left of summer vacation. My kids are going into 4th and 7th grade. This school is from K to 7. Next year my daughter starts high school. And they want her to go to a mini school for 8th and 9th. It's smaller classes and more creative and project oriented. It's for kids that excell in certain ways, especially when they can do projects in the areas of interest that they excell in, but don't always thrive as well in the typical school setting with big classes. They tested my daughter and she tested as unusually advanced in certain areas, but she does much better in smaller, more creative, and focused classes. Then she would join the high school for 10 to 12. I think it will be much better for her.
That's great that your daughter has the chance to be in a class in which she would thrive. Are you looking forward to them going back to school or are you sad to see summer wind down? What are your daughter's favorite subjects? Or your son's?
We had a great summer. I'm happy to see summer end and get back to our routine and my dancing. I also teach dance at my daughters' school. I have two daughters. My 9 year old's favorite subject is singing right now. My 12 year old's favorite subject is science. She always does elaborate science projects and even just on her own for extra credit. Or if there is a science project she will do that and then do a separate one to demonstrate the opposite effect (very advanced concepts). My older daughter also is very good at poetry. She definitely has a natural talent for that. Her math teacher died and she wrote a poem in memory of her. It makes me cry when I read it. She loves to read. I did a lot of science with my girls, especially in their preschool years. I love biology. And of course my husband is a physicist. They both do very well in science. And love to read. I'm a dancer and do movement comedy/theatre. My younger daughter takes after me in that way. She looks like me. She's very feminine. And creative and theatrical. She does very well in the dance classes that I teach. My older daughter likes dancing, but she knows it's not her calling in life. They also danced and performed with me in a multi-aged dance group. And I have done dance projects/performance with them in other projects that wanted children. We even did one as a family, including my husband. That was very fun!
I love that......she sounds like a very creative thinker loves learning with perhaps some type A personality thrown in there. lol You must be proud of them both, they sound like delightful children!1 -
Lonestar5715 wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »Lonestar5715 wrote: »BinaryPulsar wrote: »My husband is working sooo much preparing for a physics presentation he has to give. But, he needs to be done by tomorrow. Then tomorrow he will present it to his work. Then he could make some small changes. Then we are going on a date tomorrow night (yay). Then on Monday he goes away to the physics conference and give the presentation. And about 2.5 weeks left of summer vacation. My kids are going into 4th and 7th grade. This school is from K to 7. Next year my daughter starts high school. And they want her to go to a mini school for 8th and 9th. It's smaller classes and more creative and project oriented. It's for kids that excell in certain ways, especially when they can do projects in the areas of interest that they excell in, but don't always thrive as well in the typical school setting with big classes. They tested my daughter and she tested as unusually advanced in certain areas, but she does much better in smaller, more creative, and focused classes. Then she would join the high school for 10 to 12. I think it will be much better for her.
That's great that your daughter has the chance to be in a class in which she would thrive. Are you looking forward to them going back to school or are you sad to see summer wind down? What are your daughter's favorite subjects? Or your son's?
We had a great summer. I'm happy to see summer end and get back to our routine and my dancing. I also teach dance at my daughters' school. I have two daughters. My 9 year old's favorite subject is singing right now. My 12 year old's favorite subject is science. She always does elaborate science projects and even just on her own for extra credit. Or if there is a science project she will do that and then do a separate one to demonstrate the opposite effect (very advanced concepts). My older daughter also is very good at poetry. She definitely has a natural talent for that. Her math teacher died and she wrote a poem in memory of her. It makes me cry when I read it. She loves to read. I did a lot of science with my girls, especially in their preschool years. I love biology. And of course my husband is a physicist. They both do very well in science. And love to read. I'm a dancer and do movement comedy/theatre. My younger daughter takes after me in that way. She looks like me. She's very feminine. And creative and theatrical. She does very well in the dance classes that I teach. My older daughter likes dancing, but she knows it's not her calling in life. They also danced and performed with me in a multi-aged dance group. And I have done dance projects/performance with them in other projects that wanted children. We even did one as a family, including my husband. That was very fun!
I love that......she sounds like a very creative thinker loves learning with perhaps some type A personality thrown in there. lol You must be proud of them both, they sound like delightful children!
Thank you. Yes. They are wonderful. And very loving, caring, empathic. And happy kids. Sometimes I have challenges with my older daughter. Haha. But, I think that's also normal at her age. She gets through them and learns. And she still wants me to sing to her every night for bedtime and hugs me while I sing. I sing Circle Game by Joni Mitchell. They know they are genuinely loved. And that makes me very happy. Parenthood brings so many worries. We want them to thrive and be their best selves and happy and have confidence to try things and make mistakes and to know that they are loved. Every person will have issues to work through in life. But, good if they at least aren't harmed at home. Parenthood is a lot of work! I feel much more at peace in my life now. I loved being a mom of babies. But, I had so many worries for them. My worries are eased now. So I feel very happy. Parenthood has been a healing experience for me.1 -
Question for all the married people: How often do you and your spouse engage in separate interest? Do these interests conflict with each other?0
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Question for all the married people: How often do you and your spouse engage in separate interest? Do these interests conflict with each other?
Great question and thanks for posting it. I am going to remain silent on this one because I am currently separated but I am anxious to read other's responses.0 -
Separate interest as in hobbies and such? Every day. The only thing I have in common with my wife is food.
She refuses to do any fitness stuff, she hates cars, doesn't agree on spending money on photography gear, and dislikes anime/manga/videogames. (basically everything that I like).
She'll Hulu on her phone while I watch anime or play games on the TV. She'll sleep or go out with friends for lunch if I go on a weekend bike ride. She mostly just sleeps if I go out without her because she works so much during the week. lol.0 -
Question for all the married people: How often do you and your spouse engage in separate interest? Do these interests conflict with each other?
Not that often, really. I go to Zumba on Saturdays while he watches a sports car race. He'll watch documentaries or read a history book while I cook, then we watch something we both enjoy after dinner. He nerds out on an airline forum; I nerd out on here. As far as things we actually go out and do, we're very well aligned - we both love going to wine bars and nice restaurants, we like going for walks together, we go dancing sometimes, if he wants to take photos at car shows I like going with him. Sometimes I want to go shopping, and I'm fine leaving him at home for that. But generally we really like being around each other and very rarely feel a need for "me" time.
I think the biggest "conflict" would be a new addition to my friend group that he's not so fond of - this guy is younger, a little immature, vocal about politics, etc. and my husband doesn't enjoy being around him. He'll skip going out to dinner with us or stay in the bedroom if my friends come over. I don't pressure him to be social - I think it's more fun for all of us if those two avoid getting into a nasty conversation. But it is a bummer that he can't be friends with all of my friends.1 -
I'm talking any interest that you guys don't do together. If your spouse gave you an ultimatum of you can't join a gym or I'll divorce you (for example purposes) how would you handle it?0
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If she used divorce as a threat for any decisions, I would tell her I think its time to go ahead and do it. If she takes divorce that lightly, then she probably isn't that involved in the marriage. My wife used to use the term "i hate you," when in serious arguments. I told her if she feels that way we can end the relationship, because I won't accept being stuck with someone that hates me nor will I listen to it. She's never used that term since then.
edit: but besides that D word, my wife very rarely tells me I can't do something. She once complained about me buying my bike, and I reminded her that I pay her car insurance and all the daycare expenses, so I can buy what I want with whats left of my money.0 -
If my husband is giving me ultimatums about anything, we've got much bigger issues than separate interests.
To give an example more extreme than shopping, my friend invited me to tag along to a BDSM play party (involvement optional). Husband said go ahead if I wanted, he wasn't interested in coming with me. (I ended up not going for other reasons.) That's how our marriage works - if one of us wants to do something that the other isn't interested in, we go do our thing. We spend enough time together that there's not anxiety about being apart. The only time there might be "permission" issues is if something crossed a line with safety or infidelity as we've defined it.1 -
I'm talking any interest that you guys don't do together. If your spouse gave you an ultimatum of you can't join a gym or I'll divorce you (for example purposes) how would you handle it?
That's a WAY heavy threat - only to be used in the case where you're down to your bottom dollar and the cupboard is empty, and the other half wants to join a gym (smack forehead). Divorce should NEVER be used as a threat for "compliance" - or else it shows a real lack of commitment.
Regarding your earlier question about couples having their own activities: it works great for my husband and I, especially since we work together. When he's dragracing, I work. When I'm kayaking, he works. We both have a circle of friends with common interests - although I know some of his "car" friends and he knows some of my "kayak" friends. Racing makes him insanely happy and gives him a nice break - why would I not support that? He does the same for me.0 -
Divorce is not a game. If someone uses it as a threat for leverage that's borderline abuse in my opinion.2
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When we were dating we did a lot together and still had things we wanted to do without each other. I'm a dancer. And I love to hike. But, I have a long history of injury to my knees/feet. So, I stopped running. I run occasionally for fun. But, I don't go running. My husband likes to play soccer and run. He likes to hike up the mountain and run down hill. He does that without me. I love hiking up mountains, but it's difficult on my knees going downhill, so running down a mountain hill isn't the best idea for me. As a dancer it's wise to avoid unnecessary injury.
I have always gone to the gym. My husband does not like going to a gym. He wants to exercise outside. I have weights at home now, though. I don't like being out in the sun too much because I have sun sensitivity. But, I still spend a lot of time outside, just sometimes want a break from the sun.
I have been more social in our married life and generally keep our social life going with friendships with other families and with going out for an adult night life without the kids.
After having kids I started going to the gym on my own. And going out with friends. And I had lots of friends from dancing and we would go out together at night to dance or see dance shows. It was fun.
A couple years ago I convinced my husband to start going out with me more. Because I have most fun with him and dancing with him. And I wanted to go to fetish dance parties. He was reluctant at first. But, I really wanted to go, and convinced him. We had fun. So, now I spend majority of my social and night life with him. And I am actually loving this much more than when I went out with friends. But, I do both. Some stuff with him. Some stuff without him. And other things I want him to go and do and enjoy without me.1 -
Married man in the building! Shout out to all the married people out there putting in work in the gym, so their significant other does not have to look at other guys and/or females.5
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Question for all the married people: How often do you and your spouse engage in separate interest? Do these interests conflict with each other?
My hubs and I have many different interests, but share majority of them. It's not often that we're actually 'separated' -- or off doing different things. There are times when I just don't feel like going fishing, or chukar hunting, so I'll go lay out at Tahoe, bring my camera and some lunch and have a picnic by myself. However, I do enjoy fishing/hunting, so it's not like he's ever doing something I absolutely hate, so I would never forbid him from doing it. I think even if I didn't like a hobby of his, that's my own problem; it doesn't mean he shouldn't/can't do it just because I don't like it and I would never concern myself with what he spends our money on. He's an adult, so if he's bankrupting us....*ehh*....then we'll be homeless together. Except, because he's an adult, I'm not worried that he ever would. He is also an outdoorsy/would-live-off-the-grid-if-he-could type of guy, so the club scene is definitely not his thing. I, however, love dancing and going out and staying young with the girls. So, there are definitely things we choose to do alone, because the other doesn't like doing, at times, but majority of our time is spent creating memories with each other.1 -
Question for all the married people: How often do you and your spouse engage in separate interest? Do these interests conflict with each other?
We do our own thing the majority of the time. I think the only common interest we have at this point is the kids. I spend a lot of time either at the gym, outside running or cycling or at the pool. He talks about all of the things he's going to do and doesn't follow through.1 -
hi everyone1
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We don't have any money arguments. We are pretty compatible that way. I like buying sexy lingerie and outfits (not too expensive or too often), and he likes that I like that too. So, that's compatible. And other than that I don't spend money on much "non-essential" stuff like food and just some basic stuff like sneakers and dancing shoes. He doesn't spend much money either. We are doing alright in that area.1
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Guns_N_Buns wrote: »Question for all the married people: How often do you and your spouse engage in separate interest? Do these interests conflict with each other?
My hubs and I have many different interests, but share majority of them. It's not often that we're actually 'separated' -- or off doing different things. There are times when I just don't feel like going fishing, or chukar hunting, so I'll go lay out at Tahoe, bring my camera and some lunch and have a picnic by myself. However, I do enjoy fishing/hunting, so it's not like he's ever doing something I absolutely hate, so I would never forbid him from doing it. I think even if I didn't like a hobby of his, that's my own problem; it doesn't mean he shouldn't/can't do it just because I don't like it and I would never concern myself with what he spends our money on. He's an adult, so if he's bankrupting us....*ehh*....then we'll be homeless together. Except, because he's an adult, I'm not worried that he ever would. He is also an outdoorsy/would-live-off-the-grid-if-he-could type of guy, so the club scene is definitely not his thing. I, however, love dancing and going out and staying young with the girls. So, there are definitely things we choose to do alone, because the other doesn't like doing, at times, but majority of our time is spent creating memories with each other.
I like to go out dancing too.1 -
Let's go, Binary!1
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Guns_N_Buns wrote: »Let's go, Binary!
We would have fun!1 -
Married man in the building! Shout out to all the married people out there putting in work in the gym, so their significant other does not have to look at other guys and/or females.
No shame in just looking or complimenting. My wife and I point out attractive people all the time. lol2 -
My wife and I have different interests. I'd rather be outside and she'd rather read a book quietly somewhere. We used to go on hikes where I'd stop to fish while she read on a rock. It was awesome. We have our won outlets now. Hers is running, mine is mountain biking and fishing. It's important to allow each other those outlets for your sanity and theirs.1
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Question for all the married people: How often do you and your spouse engage in separate interest? Do these interests conflict with each other?
Not enough, and sometimes too much. I need away time by myself to do my thing, but my wife is not like that, so I have to moderate myself and make sure I am not leaving here 'alone' too often. So I could play tennis all day, every day and be happy, but that wouldn't fly for the marriage so I throw in movies, dinner dates, etc.
Simple as finding the balance in it all.2 -
Question for all the married people: How often do you and your spouse engage in separate interest? Do these interests conflict with each other?
Not enough, and sometimes too much. I need away time by myself to do my thing, but my wife is not like that, so I have to moderate myself and make sure I am not leaving here 'alone' too often. So I could play tennis all day, every day and be happy, but that wouldn't fly for the marriage so I throw in movies, dinner dates, etc.
Simple as finding the balance in it all.
You ain't kidding. That goes for family stuff to. My wife thinks something fun has to involve the kids. I can have fun with or without the kids. Let's be honest doing things you want to do usually doesn't involve young children. I can go on a camping or fishing trip by myself all weekend and not feel a drop of guilt. My wife leaves the kids for 4hours and constantly checks her phone to see if she received a text about them needing something.
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kevinf2380 wrote: »You ain't kidding. That goes for family stuff to. My wife thinks something fun has to involve the kids. I can have fun with or without the kids. Let's be honest doing things you want to do usually doesn't involve young children. I can go on a camping or fishing trip by myself all weekend and not feel a drop of guilt. My wife leaves the kids for 4hours and constantly checks her phone to see if she received a text about them needing something.
Exactly. Now as I have gotten a bit older I also like to spend more time with the kids because I know that time is fleeting, but I still my own time to do things for me. And I TRY to get my wife to find things she can do for herself as well. Never easy and sometimes I am away too much, while other times I feel too fricken crowded.
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