Lost sex drive?

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  • rps67
    rps67 Posts: 163 Member
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    I'm quite open about the fact that I'm in essentially a sexless marriage and very unhappy about it. I'm the "high libido" person. My spouse has refused to seek any kind of help; every time we've discussed it, he's agreed with me that there's a problem but he's made no attempt to change things. The only time I've had a missing libido was when I had some complications with our youngest child and was in and out of the hospital and on bedrest.

    I'd suggest reading "The Sex-Starved Marriage." If you're a Reddit user, there's a subreddit, deadbedrooms, that may help. Most of the posters are the high libido half of a relationship, but I think it's important for the lower libido person to see what happens if you leave the situation unchecked.

    FWIW, when I'm training more cardio, my libido is normal for me. When I'm lifting, it skyrockets.

  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,841 Member
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    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    Like I said before.... After getting married, it's like eating oatmeal. Not that exciting anymore.

    I have oatmeal almost every morning. Of course it isn't as fancy or exciting as trying new meals or going out for something really good - those happen occasionally - but it satisfies the immediate needs until those days can come.

    You see wut I did thar?

  • Timshel_
    Timshel_ Posts: 22,841 Member
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    rps67 wrote: »
    ..Most of the posters are the high libido half of a relationship, but I think it's important for the lower libido person to see what happens if you leave the situation unchecked.

    It is pretty typical to see what happens when unchecked. They go to online areas to find other sexually aroused but unsatisfied people for cyber and attention.

  • JustMissTracy
    JustMissTracy Posts: 6,339 Member
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    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    jajomo0118 wrote: »
    :lol: I'm horny fat, I'm horny thin, I'm horny just as much now as in my teens & twenties. I think it all boils down to individual sex drive.

    Talking to my girlfriends some go weeks or months and they and their spouses seem happy and content. I do agree with others, I assume some couples become complacent and it becomes the new normal for them.

    But when two horn dogs get married...it makes for 25 years of fun! Just saying! ;)
    Do you believe this is the truth? :p

    Absolute truth in what she says...23 years living in sin with my guy, and we're still all over each other...it may not happen every day thanx to "life" but our heads and bods are still in the game, waiting for our nite off together.....horndogs unite!
  • jhmomofmany
    jhmomofmany Posts: 571 Member
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    If married sex is like eating oatmeal, you're doing it wrong. Or maybe I'm not enjoying oatmeal like I should.

    Low sex drive is pretty much to be expected in the year or so following giving birth, particularly if it was a difficult delivery, if breastfeeding, etc. One of the joys of motherhood. I also had problems after going on medication, which got better the longer I was on the Med. Keep communicating with your partner and do talk to your doctor if it's causing serious worry for you. But I think highs and lows are part of any long-term relationship and not necessarily a sign that somethings wrong.
  • musclegood_fatbad
    musclegood_fatbad Posts: 9,809 Member
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    I usually lose mine a couple minutes every day but it comes back pretty quick.
  • Francl27
    Francl27 Posts: 26,372 Member
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    Been married for 13 years. We have sex maybe twice a year. I'm just not into it anymore... I know my husband isn't happy but it's just really uncomfortable for me to force myself to do it. Losing weight didn't change anything (except make it harder for him probably).

    Honestly though, it doesn't help that I'm a SAHM and with kids over me all day the last thing I want is being touched. And to be fair, I'm not really attracted by my husband anymore either.. so it doesn't really help... but I was never really into sex in the first place, truth be told.
  • grannynot
    grannynot Posts: 146 Member
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    Ironically, menopause brings the same set of "meh-ness". There are plant-based foods that can mimic estrogen: soy and flaxseed come to mind. They are recommended to take the rollercoaster ride of hormones down a notch, but partly why they work is that they build up estrogen, which is usually waning. Soy is easy - either make a smoothie with soy milk; or toss a cube of tofu into a shake (makes it nice and thick).
  • gothchiq
    gothchiq Posts: 4,598 Member
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    I went to the doctor for that and it turned out that my estrogen levels were decreasing. I now take hormone replacement therapy. Some bloodwork and a convo with the doctor about whatever meds you currently take may help you unravel the cause.
  • Wolfena
    Wolfena Posts: 1,570 Member
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    Well... for me, when I moved my focus in life to eating healthy, cooking healthy and exercise - my sex drive pretty much disappeared, been years now and it's not come back. Maybe a good thing, as mine was always way stronger than my husband's.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,492 Member
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    Am I the only one just reading the posts made by womenz on this thread?

    scroll down...

    dude - skip
    chicka - read
    chicka - read
    dude - skip
    dude - skip
    chicka - read


    That being said, I'm sure that the guys are making valid points too.
  • Heartisalonelyhunter
    Heartisalonelyhunter Posts: 786 Member
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    Tsartele wrote: »
    cassiecalhoun wrote: »
    I really hope it works for me! Like 143tobe, mine used to be super high. Like, I was jokingly called a nympho. And now I'm just like, yeah, okay. Get it over with. And I really hate it because my husband has been working out a little and watching what he eats. He's lost about 20 pounds in the last year or so, and I'm sure my lack of reaction is killing his self esteem.

    I've never been on anti depressants (I'm actually always happy /optimistic --annoyingly so at times, lol!), so I know it's not that.

    Quite honestly this topic scares the crap out of me. It would be horrible to marry someone and have everything hitting on all cylinders and then comes the baby and boom cold turkey. There is really nothing you as a man can do about it. I really hope you find your mojo again !!

    Well having a baby made me want it more (after the first couple of sleepless months) so it's not necessarily true that having babies ruins everything.
    I will say that as a woman if you are in a marriage and love your husband you should make the effort to be intimate on a fairly regular basis, even if you're not in the mood. Like anything, the more you have sex the easier/more fun it gets plus even you often get into it once you start. It's just the starting that's the biggest hurdle. The more you overthink something the harder it is to overcome.
  • Bonny132
    Bonny132 Posts: 3,617 Member
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    After loosing 13kg I can honestly not wait to get rid of the next 13kg as I am
    So much more confident, sex is so much better and I feel fabulous! If I could have it everyday, I would right now >:)
  • strebor337
    strebor337 Posts: 168 Member
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    sindirella21 wrote: »

    This! Some of this comments kill me and make me so sad. I've been in the situation where things get comfortable and the sex stops. And I say NO MORE!!! I hate it when people say sex isn't everything, well you know what, for some of us, it is!! Physicality is how I feel loved and if I'm not getting laid on the daily, I die a little bit inside every day.

    Amen!
  • strebor337
    strebor337 Posts: 168 Member
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    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    After getting married, sex is like eating oatmeal. It just becomes a daily/weekly staple. You can go a few days without sex because well... there is the married life and the many complexities and responsibilities.

    Now with kids, a lot of things change and take precedence. So it is not unusual that sex drive isn't there at times. It is part of the package, unless it is lasting for many weeks or months.
    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    After getting married, sex is like eating oatmeal.

    Mmmmm, oatmeal.
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,492 Member
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    strebor337 wrote: »
    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    After getting married, sex is like eating oatmeal. It just becomes a daily/weekly staple. You can go a few days without sex because well... there is the married life and the many complexities and responsibilities.

    Now with kids, a lot of things change and take precedence. So it is not unusual that sex drive isn't there at times. It is part of the package, unless it is lasting for many weeks or months.
    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    After getting married, sex is like eating oatmeal.

    Mmmmm, oatmeal.

    With raisins!

    Wait. No....

    That might be weird.
  • strebor337
    strebor337 Posts: 168 Member
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    Motorsheen wrote: »

    With raisins!

    Wait. No....

    That might be weird.

    Brown sugar! How come you taste so good now?
  • Abriellefulton
    Abriellefulton Posts: 41 Member
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    Ugh I feel the same thing!! (And I'm in the gym a lot)

    Can't tell if it's from beating myself up over what I eat, or if it's my partner (#savage)

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