Lost sex drive?
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Honestly I can't really offer an unbiased response on this topic. I've been dealing with this in my marriage for years and it sucks. I don't want to be mean or harsh because I know that when you don't want it you just don't want it, but I feel really strongly that you have to make sure that you figure out some other way to express affection for your partner and make sure that their emotional needs are being met.2
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I noticed that once I increased my level of activity my energy levels would serve plus working out can be a sensual thing so I saw an increase in my sex drive.
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I guess it's all bout psychological:) You should what kind of things give you a good start for sex, what makes you feel sexy and open.
Healthy life gives you a energy but all starts from your brain. You should focus on being relaxed and calm. Don't focus what makes you unhappy or sad. Do some shopping, get some new clothes, mostly underw.
Give a short break for bussy life, like a with long weekend there are more other things but important thing is your intention:)
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strebor337 wrote: »Honestly I can't really offer an unbiased response on this topic. I've been dealing with this in my marriage for years and it sucks. I don't want to be mean or harsh because I know that when you don't want it you just don't want it, but I feel really strongly that you have to make sure that you figure out some other way to express affection for your partner and make sure that their emotional needs are being met.
Alright, I have to throw it out there though - since when does sex equal emotional needs? Because men can behave like jerks then except sex, and it couldn't be farther from 'emotion'. I'd even go as far as to say that, as far as I'm concerned, if THEY meet my emotional needs, I'll be more likely to be willing to have sex.0 -
Alright, I have to throw it out there though - since when does sex equal emotional needs? Because men can behave like jerks then except sex, and it couldn't be farther from 'emotion'. I'd even go as far as to say that, as far as I'm concerned, if THEY meet my emotional needs, I'll be more likely to be willing to have sex.
I'm not the person you replied to, but I have a husband that apparently decided our sex life is over. This has been very upsetting to me because I do get my emotional needs met through sex. I feel loved and desired. He can tell me he loves me all day long, but when we have zero sex life, I don't believe it. I have gone through hell, feeling rejected, ugly, undesirable and even suicidal so yeah, I'd say sex does equal emotional needs.3 -
Alright, I have to throw it out there though - since when does sex equal emotional needs? Because men can behave like jerks then except sex, and it couldn't be farther from 'emotion'. I'd even go as far as to say that, as far as I'm concerned, if THEY meet my emotional needs, I'll be more likely to be willing to have sex.
I'm not the person you replied to, but I have a husband that apparently decided our sex life is over. This has been very upsetting to me because I do get my emotional needs met through sex. I feel loved and desired. He can tell me he loves me all day long, but when we have zero sex life, I don't believe it. I have gone through hell, feeling rejected, ugly, undesirable and even suicidal so yeah, I'd say sex does equal emotional needs.
I just replied to your post on the other thread. I am so sorry you are going through this. As I mentioned, marital separation is considered to date from the last time you had sex. So if you have not had sex for a year legally you have been separated for 1 year. Speak to a lawyer as life is too short to live in a marriage without intimacy. You deserve to be with someone who wants you as much as you want him.2 -
cassiecalhoun wrote: »Okay, I'm married with two kids. Been married for 5 years. Kids are 1 & 3. I haven't had a sex drive in... Over 6 months? All I want is to want sex again. And don't get me wrong, when I do have sex, it's good stuff. I just can't remember the last time I felt like I had to have it.
I'm hoping that eating better /working out will help, but I've not heard anyone mention that as a bonus side effect. I've not gained a lot of weight (currently 135), not super stressed... I don't get it.
Has anyone noticed a boost in that department??
(wasn't too sure which thread would be best for this, so I chose the most open - minded one)
I had a major loss in sex drive once I started not loving the way my body looked. If I didn't like my body, I didn't want others to see my body either. After feeling accomplishment of results from the gym and dieting, my sex drive started to return. It's still not what it was when I was 18, but then again, I've been with the same woman for the past few years instead of dating 4 at a time, so its not like the excitement is the same.0 -
strebor337 wrote: »Honestly I can't really offer an unbiased response on this topic. I've been dealing with this in my marriage for years and it sucks. I don't want to be mean or harsh because I know that when you don't want it you just don't want it, but I feel really strongly that you have to make sure that you figure out some other way to express affection for your partner and make sure that their emotional needs are being met.
Alright, I have to throw it out there though - since when does sex equal emotional needs? Because men can behave like jerks then except sex, and it couldn't be farther from 'emotion'. I'd even go as far as to say that, as far as I'm concerned, if THEY meet my emotional needs, I'll be more likely to be willing to have sex.
I never suggested that they're equal, but for a lot of people they're closely tied together. What I was saying is that if you can't express your affection for your partner through sex and you value the relationship, you really should find out some other way to express that affection that will be meaningful for them. I would start by communicating openly about it and trying to come to some kind of compromise. I just know that it can be very hurtful when a person doesn't feel like they're desirable to their partner. Figure out how to tell and show them what they mean to you.2 -
TL;DR
Can I ask, do you think it might not be you? Is it possible you and your partner aren't putting forth the effort to create that moment?0 -
Been married for 13 years. We have sex maybe twice a year. I'm just not into it anymore... I know my husband isn't happy but it's just really uncomfortable for me to force myself to do it. Losing weight didn't change anything (except make it harder for him probably).
Honestly though, it doesn't help that I'm a SAHM and with kids over me all day the last thing I want is being touched. And to be fair, I'm not really attracted by my husband anymore either.. so it doesn't really help... but I was never really into sex in the first place, truth be told.
But if he has sex outside of your marriage, he's the bad guy, right???
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Been married for 13 years. We have sex maybe twice a year. I'm just not into it anymore... I know my husband isn't happy but it's just really uncomfortable for me to force myself to do it. Losing weight didn't change anything (except make it harder for him probably).
Honestly though, it doesn't help that I'm a SAHM and with kids over me all day the last thing I want is being touched. And to be fair, I'm not really attracted by my husband anymore either.. so it doesn't really help... but I was never really into sex in the first place, truth be told.
But if he has sex outside of your marriage, he's the bad guy, right???
I actually know 2 women who withheld sex deliberately hoping their husbands would eventually be unfaithful. Because in our state infidelity = alimony whereas you don't get it in a no-fault divorce. So they wanted him to cheat (and of course for all the sympathy/money when he did). Makes me sick.0 -
Heartisalonelyhunter wrote: »Been married for 13 years. We have sex maybe twice a year. I'm just not into it anymore... I know my husband isn't happy but it's just really uncomfortable for me to force myself to do it. Losing weight didn't change anything (except make it harder for him probably).
Honestly though, it doesn't help that I'm a SAHM and with kids over me all day the last thing I want is being touched. And to be fair, I'm not really attracted by my husband anymore either.. so it doesn't really help... but I was never really into sex in the first place, truth be told.
But if he has sex outside of your marriage, he's the bad guy, right???
I actually know 2 women who withheld sex deliberately hoping their husbands would eventually be unfaithful. Because in our state infidelity = alimony whereas you don't get it in a no-fault divorce. So they wanted him to cheat (and of course for all the sympathy/money when he did). Makes me sick.
Well, that's just *kitten* up0 -
Been married for 13 years. We have sex maybe twice a year. I'm just not into it anymore... I know my husband isn't happy but it's just really uncomfortable for me to force myself to do it. Losing weight didn't change anything (except make it harder for him probably).
Honestly though, it doesn't help that I'm a SAHM and with kids over me all day the last thing I want is being touched. And to be fair, I'm not really attracted by my husband anymore either.. so it doesn't really help... but I was never really into sex in the first place, truth be told.
But if he has sex outside of your marriage, he's the bad guy, right???
Honestly? I wouldn't care.0 -
Yyyyyup! Sex drive went bye bye, and it's sad, 'cause it used to be sky-high! But! I'm confident it'll come back. I'm all jiggly and self-conscious now and just can't get over how I look to myself long enough to enjoy sex. Oh, well...0
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Been married for 13 years. We have sex maybe twice a year. I'm just not into it anymore... I know my husband isn't happy but it's just really uncomfortable for me to force myself to do it. Losing weight didn't change anything (except make it harder for him probably).
Honestly though, it doesn't help that I'm a SAHM and with kids over me all day the last thing I want is being touched. And to be fair, I'm not really attracted by my husband anymore either.. so it doesn't really help... but I was never really into sex in the first place, truth be told.
But if he has sex outside of your marriage, he's the bad guy, right???
Honestly? I wouldn't care.
Why are you two still married? Just asking
I'm a SAHM and I don't have any money. But we get along well (usually). We bicker a lot about things but I suppose that's normal after almost 15 years together. It's just that the spark has been gone for a while for me.. and we don't connect emotionally much anymore either (too tired at night, he gets home and does his things, the only thing we do together is watching TV)... so that really doesn't make me want to have sex (oh hi honey, I haven't really talked to you in ages but can we have sex? No thank you).
I just don't think it's that uncommon when you've been together for such a long time and have kids. But it's not like I'd be interested in having sex elsewhere either... Personally, I need those 'emotional needs' met before even thinking about sex. I need the connection. It just hasn't been there in a long time.
The bottom line though... I'm not sure it would be different with someone else. Even if I had money to move, met someone else, who knows that it wouldn't be the same after 15 years too?0 -
Been married for 13 years. We have sex maybe twice a year. I'm just not into it anymore... I know my husband isn't happy but it's just really uncomfortable for me to force myself to do it. Losing weight didn't change anything (except make it harder for him probably).
Honestly though, it doesn't help that I'm a SAHM and with kids over me all day the last thing I want is being touched. And to be fair, I'm not really attracted by my husband anymore either.. so it doesn't really help... but I was never really into sex in the first place, truth be told.
But if he has sex outside of your marriage, he's the bad guy, right???
Honestly? I wouldn't care.
Why are you two still married? Just asking
I'm a SAHM and I don't have any money. But we get along well (usually). We bicker a lot about things but I suppose that's normal after almost 15 years together. It's just that the spark has been gone for a while for me.. and we don't connect emotionally much anymore either (too tired at night, he gets home and does his things, the only thing we do together is watching TV)... so that really doesn't make me want to have sex (oh hi honey, I haven't really talked to you in ages but can we have sex? No thank you).
I just don't think it's that uncommon when you've been together for such a long time and have kids. But it's not like I'd be interested in having sex elsewhere either... Personally, I need those 'emotional needs' met before even thinking about sex. I need the connection. It just hasn't been there in a long time.
The bottom line though... I'm not sure it would be different with someone else. Even if I had money to move, met someone else, who knows that it wouldn't be the same after 15 years too?
I don't want to pry into your personal life if you don't want to discuss it, but I'm always interested in hearing from people who have been married a long time. It's OK if you don't want to answer, but if you're willing to talk about it:
Why are your emotional needs not being met? What's keeping you two from talking and connecting? Given that you're in it together for the foreseeable future, is it worth making efforts to connect more, or are you both genuinely content as is? I agree with you that your situation is not uncommon, but is it avoidable or fixable?1
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