my husband thinks that I am ungrateful
Replies
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Aaron_K123 wrote: »Aaron_K123 wrote: »I was just sitting here trying to picture the gender-swapped version of this post and how people might react to that.
Do you mean women who feed men to keep them overweight?
Well that is assuming a lot about the OPs post. No, I meant like the swap of the OPs post. So a wife gifting a husband chocolates and the husband being visibily distraught and upset about it and the wife feeling that the husband was being ungrateful.
Where did you get feeding from that? Buying someone chocolate is feeding them now?
The post right before yours was talking about feeding.
The response is always going to depend on the relationship and roles. Different people have different roles and expectations or reactions based on previous experience. I said I would thank him, be appreciative, give a hug, and say I had decided I wasn't going to eat this at least for a little while. Options being: give it to him and the kids, keep it in a cabinet that has food in it that I don't eat (food for the kids and him), take it to work. I would respond the same if my partner was a woman. There have been times when I bought my husband a lot of surprise gifts with the types of chocolate that I know he likes. He did ask me at one point to stop getting him so much surprise candy gifts.1 -
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Aaron_K123 wrote: »
It looked like recent posts about feeders were going in that direction.Aaron_K123 wrote: »Aaron_K123 wrote: »I was just sitting here trying to picture the gender-swapped version of this post and how people might react to that.
Do you mean women who feed men to keep them overweight?
Well that is assuming a lot about the OPs post. No, I meant like the swap of the OPs post. So a wife gifting a husband chocolates and the husband being visibily distraught and upset about it and the wife feeling that the husband was being ungrateful.
Where did you get feeding from that? Buying someone chocolate is feeding them now?
Ah...I was just refering to the original post not what others may have said. I was wondering if the response would have been the same if a husband came on here complaining about a thoughtless wife gifting him chocolates when he was trying to diet. My feeling is he wouldn't have recieved much sympathy.
Do women give men chocolates?
Yeah, I used to surprise my husband all the time with chocolate gifts. His favorite types and various chocolate peanut butter things. Until he wanted me to not always buy him so much chocolate.3 -
Aaron_K123 wrote: »
It looked like recent posts about feeders were going in that direction.Aaron_K123 wrote: »Aaron_K123 wrote: »I was just sitting here trying to picture the gender-swapped version of this post and how people might react to that.
Do you mean women who feed men to keep them overweight?
Well that is assuming a lot about the OPs post. No, I meant like the swap of the OPs post. So a wife gifting a husband chocolates and the husband being visibily distraught and upset about it and the wife feeling that the husband was being ungrateful.
Where did you get feeding from that? Buying someone chocolate is feeding them now?
Ah...I was just refering to the original post not what others may have said. I was wondering if the response would have been the same if a husband came on here complaining about a thoughtless wife gifting him chocolates when he was trying to diet. My feeling is he wouldn't have recieved much sympathy.
Do women give men chocolates?
My boyfriend loves them and I buy him a lot of chocolate, just as a small simple gift. I don't tend to buy them as much anymore though, he gets pimples if he eats too much chocolate and he can't portion his servings, and he hates pimples! Such a dillemma lol
Buy him chocolate and a facial scrub...problem solved!3 -
I don't think will power means (at least not to me) sitting and looking at food all day trying to resist it. Will power to me means being resolute in your goals. Eating the box isn't necessarily weak in will power either if you get right back on track and learn from your mistake.2
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Aaron_K123 wrote: »
It looked like recent posts about feeders were going in that direction.Aaron_K123 wrote: »Aaron_K123 wrote: »I was just sitting here trying to picture the gender-swapped version of this post and how people might react to that.
Do you mean women who feed men to keep them overweight?
Well that is assuming a lot about the OPs post. No, I meant like the swap of the OPs post. So a wife gifting a husband chocolates and the husband being visibily distraught and upset about it and the wife feeling that the husband was being ungrateful.
Where did you get feeding from that? Buying someone chocolate is feeding them now?
Ah...I was just refering to the original post not what others may have said. I was wondering if the response would have been the same if a husband came on here complaining about a thoughtless wife gifting him chocolates when he was trying to diet. My feeling is he wouldn't have recieved much sympathy.
Do women give men chocolates?
I bring the Hubster chocolate. And ice cream. And cookies.1 -
Aaron_K123 wrote: »Aaron_K123 wrote: »
It looked like recent posts about feeders were going in that direction.Aaron_K123 wrote: »Aaron_K123 wrote: »I was just sitting here trying to picture the gender-swapped version of this post and how people might react to that.
Do you mean women who feed men to keep them overweight?
Well that is assuming a lot about the OPs post. No, I meant like the swap of the OPs post. So a wife gifting a husband chocolates and the husband being visibily distraught and upset about it and the wife feeling that the husband was being ungrateful.
Where did you get feeding from that? Buying someone chocolate is feeding them now?
Ah...I was just refering to the original post not what others may have said. I was wondering if the response would have been the same if a husband came on here complaining about a thoughtless wife gifting him chocolates when he was trying to diet. My feeling is he wouldn't have recieved much sympathy.
Do women give men chocolates?
Why wouldn't they? I mean I like dark chocolate so occassionally my wife will buy me a dark chocolate bar because I like dark chocolate. I don't know perhaps I live in a bubble and thats really strange but if it is an outlier I have to ask why. Its not like men don't like chocolate.
So there is this expectation that good husbands buy their wives chocolate to show that they love them but that a wife buying their husband chocolate is weird? Uh...why? What is the difference?
Ok. My mom used to buy my stepfather roses so I guess, "Why not?"0 -
Aaron_K123 wrote: »
It looked like recent posts about feeders were going in that direction.Aaron_K123 wrote: »Aaron_K123 wrote: »I was just sitting here trying to picture the gender-swapped version of this post and how people might react to that.
Do you mean women who feed men to keep them overweight?
Well that is assuming a lot about the OPs post. No, I meant like the swap of the OPs post. So a wife gifting a husband chocolates and the husband being visibily distraught and upset about it and the wife feeling that the husband was being ungrateful.
Where did you get feeding from that? Buying someone chocolate is feeding them now?
Ah...I was just refering to the original post not what others may have said. I was wondering if the response would have been the same if a husband came on here complaining about a thoughtless wife gifting him chocolates when he was trying to diet. My feeling is he wouldn't have recieved much sympathy.
Do women give men chocolates?
I absolutely give my husband chocolate! And I have been married 20 years and still get surprises from him.. he knows the way to my heart is through my stomach and something shiny.2 -
Hubby is the stay at home spouse, and I buy him chocolate all the time. He likes a bit as an after dinner treat.2
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No, no, no no no no no no no no no no no heroin addicts should not go to their old haunts. Food addicts shouldn't go to a bakery.Aaron_K123 wrote: »If you have an addiction that negatively affects your health you should confront it, not hide from it.0 -
DisruptedMatrix wrote: »
No, no, no no no no no no no no no no no heroin addicts should not go to their old haunts.Aaron_K123 wrote: »If you have an addiction that negatively affects your health you should confront it, not hide from it.
I'm talking about food addictions...not freaking heroine. Chocolate is not heroine.
Eat a ton of chocolate, worse case scenario you have a stomach ache. Shoot up a bunch of heroine, worse case scenario you die. Not the same ballpark.
I'm sorry but I do not accept this idea that talking about food addictions its at all remotely reasonable to draw comparisons to something like heroine.7 -
cerise_noir wrote: »Girl, just say NO!! That's called sabotage! Maybe he thinks if you lose weight you will not want him anymore - try to encourage him and let him know this will give you "more energy" to enjoy him even more....he'll like that!!
Sabotage? Yeah, how dare he buy his wife chocolates for her birthday. What a fool.
Yes, that was a foolish gift to give him. Would you buy cigarettes for someone that is trying to kick the habit?0 -
Science disagrees with you.cerise_noir wrote: »
Drug addiction is not anywhere near the same as "sugar addiction". It irks me when the two are similarly compared.
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DisruptedMatrix wrote: »
Science disagrees with you.cerise_noir wrote: »
Drug addiction is not anywhere near the same as "sugar addiction". It irks me when the two are similarly compared.
Oh you mean the study that shows rats choose food (sugar) over non food (drugs) which is a no trainer or the one that says it stimulates dopamine which in really everything you like stimulates4 -
How did this turn into drug and cigarette addiction?
We are talking food..!!!!!2 -
DisruptedMatrix wrote: »
Science disagrees with you.cerise_noir wrote: »
Drug addiction is not anywhere near the same as "sugar addiction". It irks me when the two are similarly compared.
No it doesn't don't be ridiculous. There is a big difference between being tempted by a food you like and a chemically addictive drug.
Comparing chocolate to heroine is insultingly naive. You know a lot of people who break open their child's piggy bank and hop in their car at 3am to drive to some sketch part of town and buy some Hershey bar only to be found later passed out in their vehicle still clutching the wrapper?9 -
Steps forward and backwards, just make sure there are more 'forward ' than 'backwards'. Slow and steady1
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Aaron_K123 wrote: »
It looked like recent posts about feeders were going in that direction.Aaron_K123 wrote: »Aaron_K123 wrote: »I was just sitting here trying to picture the gender-swapped version of this post and how people might react to that.
Do you mean women who feed men to keep them overweight?
Well that is assuming a lot about the OPs post. No, I meant like the swap of the OPs post. So a wife gifting a husband chocolates and the husband being visibily distraught and upset about it and the wife feeling that the husband was being ungrateful.
Where did you get feeding from that? Buying someone chocolate is feeding them now?
Ah...I was just refering to the original post not what others may have said. I was wondering if the response would have been the same if a husband came on here complaining about a thoughtless wife gifting him chocolates when he was trying to diet. My feeling is he wouldn't have recieved much sympathy.
I would give the same advice which was that OP should cut her husband some slack. I don't think a person is thoughtless but are giving chocolates either out of habit or not having their s/o's new restrictions in the forefront of their mind.1 -
Aaron_K123 wrote: »
It looked like recent posts about feeders were going in that direction.Aaron_K123 wrote: »Aaron_K123 wrote: »I was just sitting here trying to picture the gender-swapped version of this post and how people might react to that.
Do you mean women who feed men to keep them overweight?
Well that is assuming a lot about the OPs post. No, I meant like the swap of the OPs post. So a wife gifting a husband chocolates and the husband being visibily distraught and upset about it and the wife feeling that the husband was being ungrateful.
Where did you get feeding from that? Buying someone chocolate is feeding them now?
Ah...I was just refering to the original post not what others may have said. I was wondering if the response would have been the same if a husband came on here complaining about a thoughtless wife gifting him chocolates when he was trying to diet. My feeling is he wouldn't have recieved much sympathy.
I would give the same advice which was that OP should cut her husband some slack. I don't think a person is thoughtless but are giving chocolates either out of habit or not having their s/o's new restrictions in the forefront of their mind.
I don't think husbands mean to be unthoughtful, forgetful or mean harm or foul.. sometimes the excitement of doing something nice for your wife might cause the excitement to oversee all else.
Our husbands either know the boundaries and completely forget, or there are there are none to begin with. Perhaps OP is quiet about this, he is not a mind reader..1 -
Aaron_K123 wrote: »DisruptedMatrix wrote: »
Science disagrees with you.cerise_noir wrote: »
Drug addiction is not anywhere near the same as "sugar addiction". It irks me when the two are similarly compared.
No it doesn't don't be ridiculous. There is a big difference between being tempted by a food you like and a chemically addictive drug.
Comparing chocolate to heroine is insultingly naive. You know a lot of people who break open their child's piggy bank and hop in their car at 3am to drive to some sketch part of town and buy some Hershey bar only to be found later passed out in their vehicle still clutching the wrapper?
Maybe not a good analogy, millions of folks slowing killing themselves by overeating. Some not so slow when heartache hits.3 -
Aaron_K123 wrote: »DisruptedMatrix wrote: »
Science disagrees with you.cerise_noir wrote: »
Drug addiction is not anywhere near the same as "sugar addiction". It irks me when the two are similarly compared.
No it doesn't don't be ridiculous. There is a big difference between being tempted by a food you like and a chemically addictive drug.
Comparing chocolate to heroine is insultingly naive. You know a lot of people who break open their child's piggy bank and hop in their car at 3am to drive to some sketch part of town and buy some Hershey bar only to be found later passed out in their vehicle still clutching the wrapper?
I've heard of people who tried to sell their kids or organs for drugs... Would you REALLY sell your kid for chocolate?3 -
Aaron_K123 wrote: »DisruptedMatrix wrote: »
Science disagrees with you.cerise_noir wrote: »
Drug addiction is not anywhere near the same as "sugar addiction". It irks me when the two are similarly compared.
No it doesn't don't be ridiculous. There is a big difference between being tempted by a food you like and a chemically addictive drug.
Comparing chocolate to heroine is insultingly naive. You know a lot of people who break open their child's piggy bank and hop in their car at 3am to drive to some sketch part of town and buy some Hershey bar only to be found later passed out in their vehicle still clutching the wrapper?
Maybe not a good analogy, millions of folks slowing killing themselves by overeating. Some not so slow when heartache hits.
Not saying obesity isn't a problem but that does not make food equivalent to heroine.
I'm losing weight right now but I'll occasionally have a chocolate bar. I don't, however, occasionally shoot up heroine.4 -
lemurcat12 wrote: »paperpudding wrote: »I still dont agree with this "develop will power as a means to itself" line of thought.
I would still say Develop strategies that work for you.
It may be developing greater will power - or it may be finding ways to work with what you are .
Really basic example - if I have a bowl of chocolate peanuts and I am mindlessly eating them - I could put them on my lap and make myself have willpower to not eat them.
Or I could move them out of reach/out of sight/out of the house so i dont eat them.
neither method is better - and the aim of losing weight is to lose weight, however that may work for you.
Weight loss is about weight loss, not about developing different 'better' personality traits.
I don't think people are disagreeing with any of this.
But the fact is that will powder will be necessary.
Strategies work to a certain extent: IMO, eating something like chocolate peanuts out of a bowl vs. taking out a serving size and putting them away would be asking for trouble. Someone else may find that having them at home is, and I respect that. But at some point, you will face temptation: maybe someone will remember you love chocolate peanuts and give you some as a gift; maybe during the holidays your office will decide to have a big bowl of chocolate peanuts in the breakroom; maybe a friend will invite you over and offer you chocolate peanuts or want to split some during a movie, I dunno. If the response to that is "you know I can't resist chocolate peanuts! I can't! It is impossible for me, and therefore all of the people or situations are sabotaging me and making it impossible to lose weight," then that's a problem, and by that I don't mean the people or situations.
I don't really think it's fair to suggest that OP was doing that (she was venting, she was asking about a specific situation, mostly), but I think this is the sort of thing that people are talking about when mentioning taking responsibility or needing to develop will power. These sorts of situations WILL come up, better to have an ability to deal with them or think about how you will, and not just cast blame because you can't avoid chocolate peanuts. But of course that doesn't mean (IMO) that anyone is saying there's some virtue to seeing how difficult you can make it for yourself and still resist.
(As you can see, I like the chocolate peanut example!)
yes I agree strategies work to a certain extent and there is a limit to how much one can or should control the environment. Some things will come up and that is unavoidable and not something to cast blame about.
Unrealistic to expect no chocolate peanuts ( or whatever the trigger food is) to not be brought into your workplace or to see a friend who knows you like them giving you some as a gift as sabotage
But realistic to nicely ask your spouse to give you alternative gifts.
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If the worst thing my husband did was to bring chocolates on my birthday, I'd cry tears of joy at having such a loving, caring man who genuinely wanted to make me happy even if his attempt went a bit astray.
He remembered your birthday.
He remembered you enjoy chocolate.
Honestly, you won the husband lottery.
This post needs a double-awesome clickie thingy at the bottom.4 -
Sloth I dont think OP was saying otherwise about her husband.
The original question wasnt about whether he is a loving husband but about how to deal with the issue of him giving food gifts.
And whilst all those good things about him may well be true, it is still best to nicely ask him to buy alternative gifts in future.4 -
This thread is so entertaining. It's got it all! Food-is-as-addicting-as-heroin? Check! Suggesting the OP should get a divorce? Check! Willpower vs. Modifying your environment? Check!
It's only missing a discussion on Diet Sodas, Yes or No? to be perfectly well rounded. So that will be my contribution:
Why not ask him to get you a crate of Diet Coke for your birthday instead?9 -
Hungry_Shopgirl wrote: »This thread is so entertaining. It's got it all! Food-is-as-addicting-as-heroin? Check! Suggesting the OP should get a divorce? Check! Willpower vs. Modifying your environment? Check!
It's only missing a discussion on Diet Sodas, Yes or No? to be perfectly well rounded. So that will be my contribution:
Why not ask him to get you a crate of Diet Coke for your birthday instead?
My boyfriend just asked if I wanted him to pick up a case of pepsi (my favorite). I told him to get Pepsi max lol.
Getting divorced over a box of chocolates. That would be hard to explain without sounding horrible. " I had been dieting for two weeks and he gave me a box of chocolates so I new he was trying to sabotage me and filed for divorce before he could do anymore damage".4 -
Once a thread like this becomes two days old and older, strange things always happens. the topic of discussion stops being the topic of discussion, or topic of discussion gets blown way out of proportion and it starts taking on a life of its own.. you just have to roll with the flow...2
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Aaron_K123 wrote: »Aaron_K123 wrote: »DisruptedMatrix wrote: »
Science disagrees with you.cerise_noir wrote: »
Drug addiction is not anywhere near the same as "sugar addiction". It irks me when the two are similarly compared.
No it doesn't don't be ridiculous. There is a big difference between being tempted by a food you like and a chemically addictive drug.
Comparing chocolate to heroine is insultingly naive. You know a lot of people who break open their child's piggy bank and hop in their car at 3am to drive to some sketch part of town and buy some Hershey bar only to be found later passed out in their vehicle still clutching the wrapper?
Maybe not a good analogy, millions of folks slowing killing themselves by overeating. Some not so slow when heartache hits.
Not saying obesity isn't a problem but that does not make food equivalent to heroine.
I'm losing weight right now but I'll occasionally have a chocolate bar. I don't, however, occasionally shoot up heroine.
I don't disagree just saying...
Oddly enough there are casual heroin users called chippers. Certainly not recommending it just saying SOME can casually use it. Few exist I'm sure.0 -
Aaron_K123 wrote: »
It looked like recent posts about feeders were going in that direction.Aaron_K123 wrote: »Aaron_K123 wrote: »I was just sitting here trying to picture the gender-swapped version of this post and how people might react to that.
Do you mean women who feed men to keep them overweight?
Well that is assuming a lot about the OPs post. No, I meant like the swap of the OPs post. So a wife gifting a husband chocolates and the husband being visibily distraught and upset about it and the wife feeling that the husband was being ungrateful.
Where did you get feeding from that? Buying someone chocolate is feeding them now?
Ah...I was just refering to the original post not what others may have said. I was wondering if the response would have been the same if a husband came on here complaining about a thoughtless wife gifting him chocolates when he was trying to diet. My feeling is he wouldn't have recieved much sympathy.
I would give the same advice which was that OP should cut her husband some slack. I don't think a person is thoughtless but are giving chocolates either out of habit or not having their s/o's new restrictions in the forefront of their mind.
I don't think husbands mean to be unthoughtful, forgetful or mean harm or foul.. sometimes the excitement of doing something nice for your wife might cause the excitement to oversee all else.
Our husbands either know the boundaries and completely forget, or there are there are none to begin with. Perhaps OP is quiet about this, he is not a mind reader..
Which is pretty much what I said.0
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