Family's Blatant Lack of Understanding of Basic Nutrition
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It's okay to feel frustrated. Just recognize that your family is actively trying to accommodate your needs. I have to make everything myself For health issues, and bring my own food to events and restaurants (Every once in a while I'll order/find a side that won't make me sick ). Because I save money from not buying a bunch of snacks or going out, I am able to buy local grass-fed foods. I like to do research on most of the food I eat. I know organic and other labels don't mean squat, but how animals are being fed and treated are important to me. I don't ask others to buy food for me, but sometimes my dad will bring home something like Target's organic eggs. Bless his heart, he takes labels and looks ('they're brown eggs!) at face value. I just feel so touched that he wants to help that I eat them. They're still delicious! We like to talk about food a lot, especially in regards to health and economics, so I just use those opportunities to make general comments about why I buy foods the way I do. He has picked up on it to some extent.
Anyway, my point is they're not doing what you're doing, so appreciated their efforts. Continue to communicate with them about your goals and how they can help. Send them recipes, bring your own dish for all of them to enjoy, or go early and cook with them. See if they're willing to do an activity that is not food related every now and then, like bowling.3 -
Wow, my bad. Apparently I'm an ungrateful *kitten* for expressing a frustration I'm sure many of you could relate to at some point. I'm so glad you strangers on the internet know me well enough from one post to set me straight.
So, you're expecting strangers on the Internet to read your mind about what kind of response you would like. I'm wondering if you also expect your family to read your mind about what you mean by "healthy."16 -
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Do you live with them? how often do they cook for you?1
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You need to talk to your family (rather than rant about them on the internet using pretty unpleasant and judgemental phrases), butter and salt can be added after cooking as a compromise for example.
Or you could cook for a change?4 -
You can work with this. As someone said,it's family first. My Mama was a great cook with no knowledge of nutrition,adding home made butter to all veggies,home made bread & sweet rolls.Yes,she tried...saying I only added a " bit" of butter today.Her bit was a nice hunk!
I simply learned to pick & choose.Did the best I could by appreciating her home cooked food.Thankfully,We never had a bad word over food.
My parents are gone now,along with my Bro & a Sis.
You are young & still learning. My advice is to love your family,enjoy your meals with them & just cut back where you can....in your own kitchen.
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Because you have a basic understanding of calories/macros, it doesn't mean everyone else does. If you are trying to lose weight then at some point you must not have had that knowledge either.
That being said, I do not discuss health/fitness/gym/diet with anyone, even my family, as their ignorance is astounding.5 -
trigden1991 wrote: »Because you have a basic understanding of calories/macros, it doesn't mean everyone else does. If you are trying to lose weight then at some point you must not have had that knowledge either.
That being said, I do not discuss health/fitness/gym/diet with anyone, even my family, as their ignorance is astounding.
This made me think of my mother-in-law who when her doctor told her to cut down on salt in her diet, switched to sea salt because, in her words, "it contains no sodium."
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A few suggestions you could try:
eat alone,
cook all of your own meals,
print out this little rant and present it to your family.
Hope that helps.2 -
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You're right, my response is rooted in the fact that I'm a mother who loves her kids and tries her best. If in spite of my best efforts, my kids expressed this kind of hostility and ingratitude, I'd be terribly hurt.4 -
Whenever I go to my family's or my MIL's house for dinner, I always bring things that I eat and make sure to bring enough for everyone to enjoy, if they so desire.2
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Whenever I go to my family's or my MIL's house for dinner, I always bring things that I eat and make sure to bring enough for everyone to enjoy, if they so desire.
This -- I don't expect my family and friends to cater to my specific food preferences and needs. If they do, it's a bonus. But the point is to spend time with my family and friends.4 -
trigden1991 wrote: »Because you have a basic understanding of calories/macros, it doesn't mean everyone else does. If you are trying to lose weight then at some point you must not have had that knowledge either.
That being said, I do not discuss health/fitness/gym/diet with anyone, even my family, as their ignorance is astounding.
This made me think of my mother-in-law who when her doctor told her to cut down on salt in her diet, switched to sea salt because, in her words, "it contains no sodium."
My dad refuses to use ground cayenne because he has to cut down his sodium
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Wow, my bad. Apparently I'm an ungrateful *kitten* for expressing a frustration I'm sure many of you could relate to at some point. I'm so glad you strangers on the internet know me well enough from one post to set me straight.
Sister, I am sorry. Sometimes these MFPers can be super judgmental and jump on the Judgement-Train pretty quickly. There is *nothing wrong* with wanting your veggies to be served without butter and salt. Heck, I have never made veggies with butter/salt for my kids, and I am nearly 50 years old. Just very kindly, politely ask them to set some aside without the fats/salts, and if they don't , you can easily just stop eating there.
Having said that, my daughters are 18 and 22 and I would be heartbroken if they stopped eating dinner with me because of a silly issue like butter and salt, and I would do my best to leave those (mostly unnecessary) items off of their vegetables. I am betting that your parents/family members love you just as much to do the same
Did the judgmental posts get deleted from this thread? All I am seeing is people trying to educate the OP who seems to believe she knows more about nutrition than her family yet doesn't seem to understand that cooking with fats doesn't negate the nutrients in those vegetables and that there's something bad about eating a piece of pizza...
The most judgmental post in this thread as, aside from the OP lashing out at her families good intentions... is yours.9 -
If it's often, see if you can bring side dishes and stuff that are ungreasy and safe for you. If it's seldom, just make sure to hit the gym really hard on days you eat there.1
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How often do you eat with them? Could you go over like a half hour before and help with the meal?
As for being seen as ungrateful, the OP does come off as ......a bit whiney. You never specified if you asked your parents not to cook the veggies without butter, or to plop you out a portion before they add it. They can't read your mind, so have a non confrontation chat with them, not at the dinner table, about how you'd prefer to have something cooked. Esp, if they ask tend to ask you, "is this healthy?" You could respond with something like, "its great to be adding greens to our plates, but it'd be even better if you cook it without the X" And bring a nice healthy dish to pass with a recipe card so when your parents say "Hey, this is great!" you can give them the recipe.
If, after that, they continue to do what they do, then just take smaller portions. You are changing your diet, they are not but seem to be trying to accommodate you when you come over.
Also, even in butter, a cup of veggies is better then no veggies at all.4 -
Because I feel you, I really do. I'm having to go to the inlaws place for Thanksgiving. The inlaws know and care NOTHING about nutrition, calories, blah blah. It's just a fat fest. I'm going to probably have a protein shake ahead of time to help me not be very hungry, so that I can eat small portions instead of going wild and then feeling like a miserable blob.
It's not like there's any conversation to be had with the inlaws, either. They are, um, not terribly concerned with intellectual matters and have few interests, shall we say. My husband, who's a fairly brainy guy, is adopted and you can totally tell! lol. dreading it.3 -
Even if butter doesn't negate the healthiness of veggies, it's still cholesterol, which builds up over time and can be very dangerous to your health. Sodium isn't unhealthy unless you have a condition like heart failure or high blood pressure, then it needs to be limited. It does, however, make you retain fluids which can make a weight loss journey more difficult (which is not what any of us need!) I hope you and your family can come to a more acceptable compromise!2
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Because I feel you, I really do. I'm having to go to the inlaws place for Thanksgiving. The inlaws know and care NOTHING about nutrition, calories, blah blah. It's just a fat fest. I'm going to probably have a protein shake ahead of time to help me not be very hungry, so that I can eat small portions instead of going wild and then feeling like a miserable blob.
It's not like there's any conversation to be had with the inlaws, either. They are, um, not terribly concerned with intellectual matters and have few interests, shall we say. My husband, who's a fairly brainy guy, is adopted and you can totally tell! lol. dreading it.
Hey GC, if you're in the NY area, you can certainly drop by our TG dinner...never mind my GF's 'rents... my 22 y/o daughter will bend your ear for hours on politics, religion and sex, and everything near, far, around, or in-between. Last year she had a one-hour discussion with my GF's 89 y/o step-dad about Dante's Inferno and whether Lucifer was simply misunderstood. The following Saturday we will be in the Philly area at MY parents' with my bro and HIS family. More opinions at one table than Ann Landers had in her whole career. You should stop by!
But at least the food is always awesome!3 -
weeza29745 wrote: »Even if butter doesn't negate the healthiness of veggies, it's still cholesterol, which builds up over time and can be very dangerous to your health. Sodium isn't unhealthy unless you have a condition like heart failure or high blood pressure, then it needs to be limited. It does, however, make you retain fluids which can make a weight loss journey more difficult (which is not what any of us need!) I hope you and your family can come to a more acceptable compromise!
Dietary cholesterol has jack to do with the cholesterol in your blood. Yes, they share the same name (cholesterol), but they don't really relate to each other. As such, the cholesterol in the butter doesn't build up over time in your system.
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I was making dinner with my parents when I was visiting, and I was put in charge of the Brussels sprouts - I roasted them with a measured tablespoon of olive oil, garlic, and seasoning then put them in a serving bowl.
Then my mom dumped a quarter cup of melted butter on them.
I laughed so hard. They were delicious. (I'm the only fat one.)4 -
weeza29745 wrote: »Even if butter doesn't negate the healthiness of veggies, it's still cholesterol, which builds up over time and can be very dangerous to your health. Sodium isn't unhealthy unless you have a condition like heart failure or high blood pressure, then it needs to be limited. It does, however, make you retain fluids which can make a weight loss journey more difficult (which is not what any of us need!) I hope you and your family can come to a more acceptable compromise!
But, why does her family need to compromise further? She asked for "healthy" food, they were nice about it and attempted to accommodate her.
OP has certain ideas (which are NOT universal) about the definition of "healthy" food. What's the big deal if her family didn't guess right about her definition? It's one meal. I really don't feel she needs to insult them.
OP is an adult. She can bring her own food.4 -
vikinglander wrote: »Because I feel you, I really do. I'm having to go to the inlaws place for Thanksgiving. The inlaws know and care NOTHING about nutrition, calories, blah blah. It's just a fat fest. I'm going to probably have a protein shake ahead of time to help me not be very hungry, so that I can eat small portions instead of going wild and then feeling like a miserable blob.
It's not like there's any conversation to be had with the inlaws, either. They are, um, not terribly concerned with intellectual matters and have few interests, shall we say. My husband, who's a fairly brainy guy, is adopted and you can totally tell! lol. dreading it.
Hey GC, if you're in the NY area, you can certainly drop by our TG dinner...never mind my GF's 'rents... my 22 y/o daughter will bend your ear for hours on politics, religion and sex, and everything near, far, around, or in-between. Last year she had a one-hour discussion with my GF's 89 y/o step-dad about Dante's Inferno and whether Lucifer was simply misunderstood. The following Saturday we will be in the Philly area at MY parents' with my bro and HIS family. More opinions at one table than Ann Landers had in her whole career. You should stop by!
But at least the food is always awesome!
muchly appreciated. I'm in North Carolina unfortch. But thank you for the invite!0 -
You're right, my response is rooted in the fact that I'm a mother who loves her kids and tries her best. If in spite of my best efforts, my kids expressed this kind of hostility and ingratitude, I'd be terribly hurt.
When I was 20, I might have felt similarly to the OP (because I was 20, and everyone knows everything at that age). Now that I'm no longer 20, I will never, ever pass up an opportunity to eat anything my mom cooks for me if I want it, because I know that someday I will want nothing more than my mom's cooking and I won't be able to get it. That's a perspective that has only come with age and distance, though.16 -
Maybe offer to come over and cook with your family?
I agree that THIS is the way to handle it - show them a better (and yet just as tasty) way to prepare food! And how to broach that with the rest of the family?? "I found this great recipe for _______ that I want to try - let me bring that to dinner?"
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I can understand the frustration, but this definitely a suck it up and deal situation (by bringing food yourself, cooking with mom, just eating less, etc).
My family is being 'forced' by an offer we couldn't reasonably refuse to have Thanksgiving at a friend's place. It wouldn't be any big deal, except that we have traditional recipes that are a really big deal to us and something we make only on this one day and really look forward to. In addition, our food tastes and the friends' food tastes are diametrically opposed. If we like something, they nearly always don't and vice versa. Worst yet, we've already proposed that we should bring a side dish or two and were completely shut down - in a way that it is clear that they will be somewhat offended if we do.
So, we're going, and we're appreciative that we were invited. We'll eat and be thankful that we have thoughtful and generous friends. And, for once, we'll likely escape Thanksgiving in a deficit. Then we'll make it up the next day at home, because we'll be making the particular favorites we refuse to skip for another year. I NEED leftover turkey. Best part of Thanksgiving, in my opinion - making sandwiches from the leftovers.4 -
I dont know if my clan could be so gracious as to go to someone elses house for thanksgiving - we LOVE to have people join us, but I think our traditions mean so much to us that we couldnt even conceive of having it elsewhere. One year my parents were on an extended holiday and my sister and I and the rest of the family organized a dinner at a local restaurant - we are still taking flak for that!
I agree about the leftovers - I make two turkeys - one for the actual meal, and one to carve up to give away to the kids and other relatives who want a hot turkey sandwich the next day. I send them home with a jarful of gravy, and stuffing too!3 -
When I started, they kind of didn't take my needs into consideration with meal planning if they were going to have me for dinner. Now they kind of do, but it's almost worse than it was before. They've added veggies to the menu, but they cook them ALL in butter and tons of salt. Totally kills the low calorie aspect and *kitten* the nutrition. I may as well eat pizza but stop after one piece.
They are so proud of themselves too...
"Is this healthy?"
"Uh..no, not exactly.."
"But why? We have three kinds of veggies."
Yeah, you did. But you've smothered them in other unhealthy *kitten*...veggies are delicious why do you feel the need to kill them with grease?
This is what annoyed me the most about your post. I feel sorry for your family. They tried to take your new way of eating into consideration and instead of being grateful and polite, you just came on the internet and bashed them and ridiculed them for being ignorant. So even if you didn't mean it that way, your post did come off as ungrateful. At least they did try. I wouldn't treat my mother that way even though she may always "get it" and I hope that my 20 something year old kids will never treat me that way.
I think that you should offer to come over and help, or share some recipes with your family. I bet your mom would love to have some of your recipes that she could fix when she invites you over for dinner. And besides, putting butter on your vegetables does not make them unhealthy. It might kill the low calorie aspect, but it doesn't make them unhealthy.9 -
You're right, my response is rooted in the fact that I'm a mother who loves her kids and tries her best. If in spite of my best efforts, my kids expressed this kind of hostility and ingratitude, I'd be terribly hurt.
When I was 20, I might have felt similarly to the OP (because I was 20, and everyone knows everything at that age). Now that I'm no longer 20, I will never, ever pass up an opportunity to eat anything my mom cooks for me if I want it, because I know that someday I will want nothing more than my mom's cooking and I won't be able to get it. That's a perspective that has only come with age and distance, though.
Well said. I'd give anything for one of my mom's fresh out of the oven biscuits. I make them just as good on occasion, but having one of hers and her presence in my life would be awesome.7
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