Boyfriends standards of weight?
Replies
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Sweetheart, abusers often escalate when they crack after luring you back.
Think on that.
I wish you the best.9 -
GottaBurnEmAll wrote: »Sweetheart, abusers often escalate when they crack after luring you back.
Think on that.
I wish you the best.
This.
He will not change. This is not a happy update.
But it's your life, so... I just hope one day you are able to see him for who he clearly is.3 -
Please take care of yourself, you're so young and have a lot ahead of you. Like someone said previously, do not be blinded by his "nice"moments.2
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This is an abusive relationship and unfortunately until YOU see it as such, no amount of comments on this thread will help! No one should be in a relationship with someone who doesn't love them for who they are regardless of their outside appearance, Sounds like your boyfriend is a royal D***! You will be sooooo much happier without him, the saying is true there are a LOT of fish in the sea, find a fish that can swim with you not against you!
Plus when you are free from this a-hole you will be less stressed and wieghtl oss will be even easier (if that is what YOU want!)
Don't let a guy define who you are and what makes you happy, I went through something very similar in my 20's and ditched him after 5 years, now I am married with a son and my husband is the most supportive wonderful guy, it it took me a long time to see how bad it was with my ex!
All I can say is good luck, you have support here!3 -
Ok, well, perhaps there is someone close to you that you can talk to you about this as this guy is verbally abusive to you aside from the snide comments about your weight? I ask this because I do not understand why you would want to stay with someone like this.0
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You should say "Well maybe I don't want a boyfriend thats so tiny". Your size is fine, sounds like he has a weight gaining problem. Of course I don't know his height either, unless he is shorter than you.0
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First Hugs. I was in a similar situation many years ago. I understand the love you have for him but he is verbally abusing you. It took me awhile to understand this and didn't want to believe it. But it was true. Mine would put me down constantly even when I weighed 110 at 5'5" (which for my frame was very unhealthy). He is the one that is being stupid. There are so many fish in the big sea that will love everything about you and bring you up instead of put you down. I wish you luck in your decision.1
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"In order for us to make a change, the fear of the known has to be greater than the fear of the unknown."
This is a quote I will never forget. You may have a reason for staying, but if you are on here looking for support I think you know deep down that it is time to move on. Abusers tend to keep us away from family and friends, but they are still there to help you if you need it.
There is a guy out there that will worship you. Don't settle.2 -
Hi guys!
I have a slight problem here, I started losing weight a week ago because I weighed myself in front of my boyfriend for the same time and I weighed 66.4kg while he weighed 70kg.
He instantly started complaining about how he doesn't want his girlfriend to weigh nearly as much as him and how he wants me to weigh less. This is the first time he has ever said anything negative about my weight, I'm 5'8" and slightly chubby. However, I had been thinking about losing a bit of weight for some time so I allowed him to say that and reduced my calories, started eating healthy and exercising.
Ever since then all he does everyday is tell me that I'm still fat and need to lose more (I'm not fat, I'm chubby, my BMI is healthy and I'm a size 10/12).
Whenever I tell him that I'm cooking he tells me to watch what I eat, I just informed him that I lost two kilograms in a week and he told me that I need to lose at least 10? We have been in a relationship for 2 years and meanwhile his standards are really high to the point of being unfair, they never have physically.
I feel as if when I get the body I want I will resent him for only being attractive to such a slim body, he said that it's a "fair exchange" because he has a "hot" body???
While his body is nice, he has a normal body, nothing extraordinary and I felt quite offended by it.
How do I get over this problem? It's really bugging me. Oh, he also gets like this with other things such as my intelligence, calling me a retard, idiot,etc.
How should I solve all of this?
(No, I don't want to leave him, sorry)
Sounds to me like he is insecure and you weighing close to the same amount as him threatens his "manhood." You need to talk about this insecurity, since you aren't willing to leave him, and get to the deeper root of the issue. Also, do not allow him to talk to you like that without consequences. Good luck.2 -
Your boyfriend is broken. Please trade him in for a new model. The manufacturers defects in the current boyfriend are irreparable. You will have then easily lost 70 kg of ugly fat overnight.5
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We had a break, now we are back together and since then he hasn't said anything bad or acted bad because he knows that if he does it once again we're over, hopefully he'll stick to this attitude and the break was a wake up call but I'll keep all you guys updated, sorry for not answering, I have been pretty busy and I when I have time I am either sleeping or studying since I have got another job besides the one I already had now.
Thanks a lot everyone, all of you helped me stand up for myself for once and have the strength to have a break from him.
Another good note is that something happened with one of my parents and now we're a lot closer so now I have someone to support me
Thanks again to everyone, I'll update if anything changes, you're all great people ❤
This is a sad update indeed.2 -
We had a break, now we are back together and since then he hasn't said anything bad or acted bad because he knows that if he does it once again we're over, hopefully he'll stick to this attitude and the break was a wake up call but I'll keep all you guys updated, sorry for not answering, I have been pretty busy and I when I have time I am either sleeping or studying since I have got another job besides the one I already had now.
Thanks a lot everyone, all of you helped me stand up for myself for once and have the strength to have a break from him.
Another good note is that something happened with one of my parents and now we're a lot closer so now I have someone to support me
Thanks again to everyone, I'll update if anything changes, you're all great people
@Leaz947 & others in similar situations
Oh Honey, it's called the 'Honeymoon phase'
Know that ppl do care, YOU DO MATTER TO OTHERS, people that don't even know you care about you being safe! It can take many times for an abused person to leave for good. I don't think anyone here is angry but more scared for you, perhaps frustrated but that comes with caring.
An abused person can't see clearly like someone on the outside trying to help. That's what this entire thread has been about.. trying to help anyone that's currently in an abusive situation. I really doubt you're the only one on MFP right now dealing with this so I'm glad I added to the thread and I imagine others are as well.
If we can help one person escape harm from an abuser we can begin to break the cycle..... to help someones children not be stuck in this same situation.
National Crisis Organizations and Assistance:
a resource guide for many organizations that can help in multiple situations
http://ncadv.org/learn-more/resources
Everyone deserves a violence-free life.
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I know you love him, but your boyfriendshould be less focused on what you weigh, and more on how you make him feel when he looks at you. By the way, your boyfriend is well on the LOW side of weight for a typical male. 155 lbs is not much at all for a dude. Again, that's just a number, but I'm just using his logic here. I would never advise anyone to break up with someone else, unless the person is unhappy. However, you should respect yourself enough to know that either this man needs a serious attitude change, or he needs to hit the road.2
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Something I always did and never thought about... "But I love him!" in reference to abusive men in my life. It's always "I" love "HIM". Does HE love ME? That is the question. Abusive people don't love the people they abuse, they love the control they have, knowing they can always reel that other person back in.7
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When I was initially with my ex, I was 5'8" and 140, which was perfectly normal and worked great on my frame. He did, however, have a great habit of calling me "fat," "cow," "chubby," etc., and always laughed it off as a "joke." I was young, too, at 18, with no one else to really compare him to.
However, after the birth of our kid, I gained 40 pounds, and while I still wasn't supremely overweight, he made sure to tell me how unattractive I was and compare me to other women. This was coming from a guy who was both scrawny and flabby and didn't care about his health whatsoever. Add in that he eventually switched from verbal abuse to literal physical abuse, I had a choice to make.
You know what I did? I dumped his sorry butt.
Fast-forward to years later, with my current boyfriend. Since we met, I've gained an additional 50 pounds, and the only comments he has ever made has been in regards to making sure I stay active. He has never made a comment about my weight, has never made me feel unattractive, has only been supportive in my struggles to lose weight **FOR MYSELF**, not for him.
In a nutshell: dump the idiot. You will save yourself a lot of time and heartache, because the relationship isn't meant to last to begin with.1 -
This is the thread that never ends...3
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We had a break, now we are back together and since then he hasn't said anything bad or acted bad because he knows that if he does it once again we're over, hopefully he'll stick to this attitude and the break was a wake up call but I'll keep all you guys updated, sorry for not answering, I have been pretty busy and I when I have time I am either sleeping or studying since I have got another job besides the one I already had now.
Thanks a lot everyone, all of you helped me stand up for myself for once and have the strength to have a break from him.
Another good note is that something happened with one of my parents and now we're a lot closer so now I have someone to support me
Thanks again to everyone, I'll update if anything changes, you're all great people ❤
This is very sad.
Abusers will often behave well when they realise they're losing the battle and then in for the crushing of souls again to make them feel superior. Do you watch The Walking Dead, OP? Your boyfriend is Negan (minus the charming sexy smile), and his insulting words are Lucille. Do as he says and he'll be happy.....you won't. It seems as though you have a Negan+Sheldon cross...
What is so great about staying with a guy that constantly verbally abuses you? I don't get the appeal. It's not sexy to have every insult thrown at you. He's a sad, pathetic little twirpoid.2 -
vikinglander wrote: »This is the thread that never ends...
That's because it's SO important! and prevalent in our world! The message needs to be hammered in...I hope this thread keep going!!!
Are you annoyed that people still need to voice their comments (and experiences) with abuse???6 -
The dude is watching too much porn.
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1 -
vikinglander wrote: »This is the thread that never ends...
Head up to the top right and unclick the little yellow star. Notifications will cease.2 -
WinoGelato wrote: »I think it's sweet that people are still trying to help OP but since she hasn't been back in weeks, I think she either:
Decided to stay with her boyfriend and ignore all this great advice
Wasn't genuine to begin with
Alternative scenario which is depressing to consider so let's just assume it's option one or two....
Those aren't the only possibilities. There are some pretty terrible ones.2 -
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You solve this issue by leaving the jerk!0
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[/quote]
Probably. It's obvious the actresses eat only one or two things....[/quote]
Neither of which makes you gain weight...lol
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vikinglander wrote: »This is the thread that never ends...
That's because it's SO important! and prevalent in our world! The message needs to be hammered in...I hope this thread keep going!!!
Are you annoyed that people still need to voice their comments (and experiences) with abuse???
As the OP I'm the opposite of annoyed, I'm very grateful about everything and you guys are the reason that I'm still torn about my decision....2 -
vikinglander wrote: »This is the thread that never ends...
That's because it's SO important! and prevalent in our world! The message needs to be hammered in...I hope this thread keep going!!!
Are you annoyed that people still need to voice their comments (and experiences) with abuse???
As the OP I'm the opposite of annoyed, I'm very grateful about everything and you guys are the reason that I'm still torn about my decision....
Are you serious?
I can't believe that you are blaming your decision to stay with an abusive person on a bunch of internet people who are saying the truth about the cycle of abuse.
Here's the deal. Unless he's gotten some serious therapy and figured out what is wrong with him and is working toward fixing that, he has not changed one single bit. He's lured you back, is keeping you in a honeymoon phase, but the abuse will start again.
I wish you the best of luck and, please, stay safe.3 -
WinoGelato wrote: »I think it's sweet that people are still trying to help OP but since she hasn't been back in weeks, I think she either:
Decided to stay with her boyfriend and ignore all this great advice
Wasn't genuine to begin with
Alternative scenario which is depressing to consider so let's just assume it's option one or two....
Those aren't the only possibilities. There are some pretty terrible ones.
That was my "alternative scenario too depressing to consider so let's hope for option 1 or 2"
Sadly it sounds like she went with Option 1...1 -
vikinglander wrote: »This is the thread that never ends...
That's because it's SO important! and prevalent in our world! The message needs to be hammered in...I hope this thread keep going!!!
Are you annoyed that people still need to voice their comments (and experiences) with abuse???
As the OP I'm the opposite of annoyed, I'm very grateful about everything and you guys are the reason that I'm still torn about my decision....
Good to hear. That means you are giving some thought as to what you "should" do as opposed to what you want to do. It seems a lot of people here speak from experience. Most of us had these experiences when we were young and also unwilling to take this same advice from others at that young age. We look back and wish we had known then what we know now. That's the most unfair aspect of life. We don't get to gain life's wisdom until we eff up a lot, or watch others as they make mistakes. I hope you will find a way to look at this with your mind and not your heart. It's so easy to let our emotions take us into places we should avoid. Just know if it is love and closeness you seek this guy is not the last and only guy. There are many others who would give the love and respect you deserve. If you find yourself seeking chaos and problematic relations because it feels comfortable or because you don't feel that you deserve better, I suggest looking to yourself and asking why. There is a reason for everything. Don't let yourself become comfortable in the fire, or else you will surely burn.3
This discussion has been closed.
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