What nobody tells you about losing weight
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rachelr1116 wrote: »I know it's been mentioned here before and I might have even chimed in on the discussion but this week it really hit me again that losing weight can really change relationships with friends.
I've been using MFP since April of 2015 but I feel like my brain didn't click over to the "this is my new normal" until July of 2016. Since then I have been trying to be more active and really change how I think about food. I stopped going out drinking with my best friend and I no longer have whole weekends where I just sit at her house doing nothing. She says we never hang out anymore and she gets mad when I don't want to go to beer tastings with her (I know I can still fit beer into my calories but I also realized when I stopped drinking that I stopped getting migraines). I've tried inviting her to do the things that I'm already planning on doing (weekend bike rides, classes at the YMCA, all day shopping excursions at thrift stores) and most of the time she says she'll join me but then she never shows up and doesn't even bother to call or text to say she isn't coming. And then I feel bad when she invites me out for a drink and I decline, even though I've told her I'm not drinking because I'm pretty sure it's what caused my migraines to get worse. It almost makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong because I've chosen to change
I too had changes in my friendships...my friends complained that I never had time for them anymore .. I am a married, outside/inside of the home, working mom of four! My 'extra time' is generally working out when I am not running my kids around to their events...if you can't meet me at the gym or on my way to dance class then we won't see each other as much nowadays (the past 1.5 years lol). LOL They got on board though and started losing weight themselves!! I LITERALLY mean two of my friends joined the gym with me and that's how we had our social interaction while getting fit! I would say continue to invite her and try to go to Other events with her when you can ...sticking to your no beer rule...and she will eventually get used to it..and may start cutting back herself! All of this is a process for All us us including the folks around us. People don't like change, but oftentimes we adjust! lol15 -
rachelr1116 wrote: »I know it's been mentioned here before and I might have even chimed in on the discussion but this week it really hit me again that losing weight can really change relationships with friends.
I've been using MFP since April of 2015 but I feel like my brain didn't click over to the "this is my new normal" until July of 2016. Since then I have been trying to be more active and really change how I think about food. I stopped going out drinking with my best friend and I no longer have whole weekends where I just sit at her house doing nothing. She says we never hang out anymore and she gets mad when I don't want to go to beer tastings with her (I know I can still fit beer into my calories but I also realized when I stopped drinking that I stopped getting migraines). I've tried inviting her to do the things that I'm already planning on doing (weekend bike rides, classes at the YMCA, all day shopping excursions at thrift stores) and most of the time she says she'll join me but then she never shows up and doesn't even bother to call or text to say she isn't coming. And then I feel bad when she invites me out for a drink and I decline, even though I've told her I'm not drinking because I'm pretty sure it's what caused my migraines to get worse. It almost makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong because I've chosen to change
I can relate so much to this. All my friends ever do is go out to eat or drink or both. I join them sometimes, but usually don't drink. Not because I can't fit the calories, but because just a few drinks or a few less hours of sleep will affect my workout the next day. Which is fine once or twice a month, but every weekend is just too much to give up something I love to do for something someone else wants to do. After working, commuting, taking care of my family, and making sure I get enough sleep to support it all I only have a few hours left to do the things I really want to do. This is leaving them with the impression that I don't want to be with them, when in reality I just want to do different things than they do.17 -
rachelr1116 wrote: »I know it's been mentioned here before and I might have even chimed in on the discussion but this week it really hit me again that losing weight can really change relationships with friends.
I've been using MFP since April of 2015 but I feel like my brain didn't click over to the "this is my new normal" until July of 2016. Since then I have been trying to be more active and really change how I think about food. I stopped going out drinking with my best friend and I no longer have whole weekends where I just sit at her house doing nothing. She says we never hang out anymore and she gets mad when I don't want to go to beer tastings with her (I know I can still fit beer into my calories but I also realized when I stopped drinking that I stopped getting migraines). I've tried inviting her to do the things that I'm already planning on doing (weekend bike rides, classes at the YMCA, all day shopping excursions at thrift stores) and most of the time she says she'll join me but then she never shows up and doesn't even bother to call or text to say she isn't coming. And then I feel bad when she invites me out for a drink and I decline, even though I've told her I'm not drinking because I'm pretty sure it's what caused my migraines to get worse. It almost makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong because I've chosen to change
I too had changes in my friendships...my friends complained that I never had time for them anymore .. I am a married, outside/inside of the home, working mom of four! My 'extra time' is generally working out when I am not running my kids around to their events...if you can't meet me at the gym or on my way to dance class then we won't see each other as much nowadays (the past 1.5 years lol). LOL They got on board though and started losing weight themselves!! I LITERALLY mean two of my friends joined the gym with me and that's how we had our social interaction while getting fit! I would say continue to invite her and try to go to Other events with her when you can ...sticking to your no beer rule...and she will eventually get used to it..and may start cutting back herself! All of this is a process for All us us including the folks around us. People don't like change, but oftentimes we adjust! lol
Yeah, the thing that really frustrates me is that when we are together she will tell me how great I look and then complain about being fat (she isn't, she's 5'2" and maybe 125 lbs) and out of shape but she won't go with me to the gym. I'll keep trying to include her though and hope she gets on board!8 -
rachelr1116 wrote: »I know it's been mentioned here before and I might have even chimed in on the discussion but this week it really hit me again that losing weight can really change relationships with friends.
I've been using MFP since April of 2015 but I feel like my brain didn't click over to the "this is my new normal" until July of 2016. Since then I have been trying to be more active and really change how I think about food. I stopped going out drinking with my best friend and I no longer have whole weekends where I just sit at her house doing nothing. She says we never hang out anymore and she gets mad when I don't want to go to beer tastings with her (I know I can still fit beer into my calories but I also realized when I stopped drinking that I stopped getting migraines). I've tried inviting her to do the things that I'm already planning on doing (weekend bike rides, classes at the YMCA, all day shopping excursions at thrift stores) and most of the time she says she'll join me but then she never shows up and doesn't even bother to call or text to say she isn't coming. And then I feel bad when she invites me out for a drink and I decline, even though I've told her I'm not drinking because I'm pretty sure it's what caused my migraines to get worse. It almost makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong because I've chosen to change
I'm lucky that the two people I consider my best friends are 100% on board and actually love the new me more than the old me (meaning, I'm damned lucky to have these two wonderful people who not only put up with me during my worst, but actively supported me no matter what).
They're always on board when I suggest hikes, walks or trying a class. They don't mind that I no longer drink alcohol and actually propose things that don't include drinks or, if they do, where I can get an alternative that fits my health requirements. Same with food. They know what I need to limit and make sure that when they cook or propose to eat out, that there's food I can eat without being in misery for a day afterwards.
That's not to say that I haven't lost friendships over the changes I had to make. My health depended on it, so I was damned well going to be egoistical about it. I am willing to compromise if I can, but my health might not always allow it.22 -
treehugnmama wrote: »the mind is a funny thing. some days I catch my reflection and think wow my legs are getting so muscular other days I look in the mirror and see the old me. wonder who I will see when I'm t goal.
This right here!!! I have lost over 40 pounds and am few pounds from goal weight, but I still see myself as overweight. When does the brain catch up?6 -
rachelr1116 wrote: »I know it's been mentioned here before and I might have even chimed in on the discussion but this week it really hit me again that losing weight can really change relationships with friends.
I've been using MFP since April of 2015 but I feel like my brain didn't click over to the "this is my new normal" until July of 2016. Since then I have been trying to be more active and really change how I think about food. I stopped going out drinking with my best friend and I no longer have whole weekends where I just sit at her house doing nothing. She says we never hang out anymore and she gets mad when I don't want to go to beer tastings with her (I know I can still fit beer into my calories but I also realized when I stopped drinking that I stopped getting migraines). I've tried inviting her to do the things that I'm already planning on doing (weekend bike rides, classes at the YMCA, all day shopping excursions at thrift stores) and most of the time she says she'll join me but then she never shows up and doesn't even bother to call or text to say she isn't coming. And then I feel bad when she invites me out for a drink and I decline, even though I've told her I'm not drinking because I'm pretty sure it's what caused my migraines to get worse. It almost makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong because I've chosen to change
I too had changes in my friendships...my friends complained that I never had time for them anymore .. I am a married, outside/inside of the home, working mom of four! My 'extra time' is generally working out when I am not running my kids around to their events...if you can't meet me at the gym or on my way to dance class then we won't see each other as much nowadays (the past 1.5 years lol). LOL They got on board though and started losing weight themselves!! I LITERALLY mean two of my friends joined the gym with me and that's how we had our social interaction while getting fit! I would say continue to invite her and try to go to Other events with her when you can ...sticking to your no beer rule...and she will eventually get used to it..and may start cutting back herself! All of this is a process for All us us including the folks around us. People don't like change, but oftentimes we adjust! lol
Well said5 -
NicholeAckerman wrote: »treehugnmama wrote: »the mind is a funny thing. some days I catch my reflection and think wow my legs are getting so muscular other days I look in the mirror and see the old me. wonder who I will see when I'm t goal.
This right here!!! I have lost over 40 pounds and am few pounds from goal weight, but I still see myself as overweight. When does the brain catch up?
And that's just it. You and I don't look overweight, but we were overweight for so long that we still perceive ourselves that way. When I objectively look at myself in the mirror I see the slimmer me, but still don't really feel slim.
OTOH, I'm getting out more and interacting with more people since I started the weight loss, but that's because I'm more active and much less likely to just sit in front of my computer all weekend.9 -
It never gets easier. . . you have to continually go harder, faster, further.26
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47Jacqueline wrote: »- Having the saleswoman look at you and say, Ok, you wear a "small" right?
- Seeing your collarbone
- Being cold all the time
- Your bones hurt when trying to work out without a mat
- That eating healthy, veggies & low fat, lean meats) can mean eating a lot of food - some days I am just tired of eating, and still don't reach my calorie goal.
- Working out makes you smaller even when you're on maintenance.
I've always wondered why people need a mat to work out! Now I know...and I'll understand very soon!
-Viewing fruit as "dessert"
-1/2 a tsp of Truvia on Rice Chex is too sweet (and Rice Chex suddenly becomes a "treat" instead of part of breakfast!)
-Looking forward to working out
-Realizing that cutting refined carbs isn't really as hard as I thought
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It's when you have that moment that it all "clicks" and you realize, I get this.
I have done diets since I was a kid. Cabbage Soup, Slimfast, Atkins, Weight Watchers...you name it. I lost on them all, but I gained it right back and usually more. Now I get it. Anyone can lose if you have a calorie deficit, but you can't get to goal and eat like you did. Diets do not work, lifestyle changes do. I just turned 50 and now I'm learning to feed myself. I get it now, I really get it!
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MrsBoney12 wrote: »-Looking forward to working out
And feeling cheated/hard done by when something in life prevents you from your workout . . .
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Smart_Beautiful_and_Strong wrote: »It's when you have that moment that it all "clicks" and you realize, I get this.
I have done diets since I was a kid. Cabbage Soup, Slimfast, Atkins, Weight Watchers...you name it. I lost on them all, but I gained it right back and usually more. Now I get it. Anyone can lose if you have a calorie deficit, but you can't get to goal and eat like you did. Diets do not work, lifestyle changes do. I just turned 50 and now I'm learning to feed myself. I get it now, I really get it!
Wow, I can totally relate to you. My first cabbage soup diet was when I was maybe 9 or 10 years old because the doctor told my mom I was too fat. I've been going on crash diets my whole life ever since then until now. I have tried literally every "diet". I went into my twenties with lots of health problems caused by insulin resistance (was not even obese yet just ate a bunch of "diet" foods, "diet" sodas, vanilla lattes and constantly fought cravings). I started realizing my food choices were a problem when I was around 25 but it took me years to start to learn normal eating habits and let go of the ones that were not serving me. I finally feel like I have gotten it under control at 30 but it took awhile for it to click.15 -
How easy you notice loss and gain in your hands and forearms. I'm at that point where my hands and forearms are slimming down. That line where you start seeing a sliver of tendons just under skin, and your wrist bone emerging. I swear in 3-4 days I can see if I've gained a few or lost a few just by looking down at my wrists, lol.18
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rachellosesitall85 wrote: »How easy you notice loss and gain in your hands and forearms. I swear in 3-4 days I can see if I've gained a few or lost a few just by looking down at my wrists, lol.
on that note...i always thought i had tiny wrists.....and like lower arm...even got a half sleeve on my wrist area because i figured it was so tiny itd never stretch/shrink.
im down 83 pounds and i realized just the other day holy *kitten* my arms shrunk. like alot. I swear there was no fat on them XD My tattoo doesnt look bad now but it looks different. And my elbows are pointy and my wrists.
So weird the places you lose you never expected (feet, hands, wrists, armpits/back of knees, face) Places you never expected had alot of fat to lose in XD13 -
Relationships with family can change as well. I was always the chubby kid, the fat teenager, and the obese adult. My sister was always the skinny one. Then after a couple of decades she gained two kids worth of weight and I lost 110 pounds. At first she was supportive and graciously passed down a lot of her clothes as I sized out of mine. Once I settled out at half her size for the first time in our lives, she got prickly and distant. I've tried returning the favour and offering back clothes that are too large for me, but she refuses them. I feel a little hurt, to be honest. As kids she teased me about my weight for years, but now as adults I have never done the same back to her.37
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rachelr1116 wrote: »I know it's been mentioned here before and I might have even chimed in on the discussion but this week it really hit me again that losing weight can really change relationships with friends.
I've been using MFP since April of 2015 but I feel like my brain didn't click over to the "this is my new normal" until July of 2016. Since then I have been trying to be more active and really change how I think about food. I stopped going out drinking with my best friend and I no longer have whole weekends where I just sit at her house doing nothing. She says we never hang out anymore and she gets mad when I don't want to go to beer tastings with her (I know I can still fit beer into my calories but I also realized when I stopped drinking that I stopped getting migraines). I've tried inviting her to do the things that I'm already planning on doing (weekend bike rides, classes at the YMCA, all day shopping excursions at thrift stores) and most of the time she says she'll join me but then she never shows up and doesn't even bother to call or text to say she isn't coming. And then I feel bad when she invites me out for a drink and I decline, even though I've told her I'm not drinking because I'm pretty sure it's what caused my migraines to get worse. It almost makes me feel like I'm doing something wrong because I've chosen to change
My husband and I got married soon after we started doing Whole30/Paleo lifestyle together because I wanted to be the absolutely perfect wife. We had about 6 months where we were 100% on the same page and I worked so hard to be a different/better person. The problem was exercise and being really disciplined had always been his thing but it was not mine and I started falling off. The lifestyle was just not sustainable for me. I missed the days we used to go drinking together. A lot of our time dating was spent going wine/beer tasting, going to bars with friends or even by ourselves. I felt like my husband was not "fun" anymore. He was so rigid with "the rules". If he drank a beer he'd be mad about it afterward. For awhile I was really frustrated with that and with him and I really missed the guy I dated. Probably much like your friend is feeling.
Over time though, his commitment to his health changed me in little ways. I realized that I really did want to be healthy and I had to learn to not think about what we were NOT doing anymore, but focus on the things we could do together now to be happy in a different/better way than we used to. We both adjusted our way of eating so that it is not strict whole30/paleo anymore but it is still focused on eating healthy things which makes the way we eat sustainable for me. I have given up a lot of things i used to like but now I still get to eat things I really like to eat. Our meals are delicious! We both rarely drink which I have gotten used to at this point. For valentines day we had carbonated water with blackberry juice in it so it kinda looked like pink champagne. It makes me feel better too honestly. Sometimes we have some kombucha which tastes like beer to me and that is fun too.
I guess my point is that its normal for your friend to miss the things you used to do together but she might adjust to your new lifestyle overtime because she sees how healthy you are and realizes that "fun" can be different things. Perhaps you can go with her to a tea house or coffee shop (still delicious but non-alcoholic). If she cannot find a way to have fun with you without drinking then I suspect there is something going on in her life that she needs to deal with and it has nothing to do with you. You should not feel guilty to do something that is healthy for yourself. Keep up the good work and I hope your new lifestyle rubs off on her in a positive way!30 -
Relationships with family can change as well. I was always the chubby kid, the fat teenager, and the obese adult. My sister was always the skinny one. Then after a couple of decades she gained two kids worth of weight and I lost 110 pounds. At first she was supportive and graciously passed down a lot of her clothes as I sized out of mine. Once I settled out at half her size for the first time in our lives, she got prickly and distant. I've tried returning the favour and offering back clothes that are too large for me, but she refuses them. I feel a little hurt, to be honest. As kids she teased me about my weight for years, but now as adults I have never done the same back to her.
I can relate. My narcissistic sister has been cruel our whole lives about my weight. Now that I'm losing and she's gaining. I haven't seen her in a while and I'm not looking forward to her reaction.14 -
That your glasses would fit different. I had not taken any new pics of myself in my glasses because I only wear them for driving and shopping. I caught myself in a security video while at the store and noticed how different my glasses looked. I had to come home and do a comparison pic. Another 50 pounds and I'll need some tiny glasses to go with my tiny head.
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treehugnmama wrote: »the mind is a funny thing. some days I catch my reflection and think wow my legs are getting so muscular other days I look in the mirror and see the old me. wonder who I will see when I'm t goal.
This! Some days, I will look at my profile and see that my rear is becoming rounder and that my thighs are beginning to have some definition. Other days, all I see is flabby cellulite.9 -
That if I don't work out for a week I'm exhausted and need naps. But if I exercise and pick up my routine again, I'm alert even when I don't get enough sleep at night!
Sitting in one position for more than 30 mins is agonizing on my rear end. Church has gotten so uncomfortable, and we have comfy seats!
I don't regularly wiggle my shoulders up and down, back and forth to adjust my bra. It's a total non-issue!!12 -
People will actually tell you that you don't look as good since losing the weight.
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jennybearlv wrote: »That your glasses would fit different. I had not taken any new pics of myself in my glasses because I only wear them for driving and shopping. I caught myself in a security video while at the store and noticed how different my glasses looked. I had to come home and do a comparison pic. Another 50 pounds and I'll need some tiny glasses to go with my tiny head.
amazing transformation!!! you like like your own daughter!!!19 -
scarabonback902 wrote: »People will actually tell you that you don't look as good since losing the weight.
If your picture is how you look, don't let them tell you that! You look AMAZING!!!! Keep those toxic people out of your life!25 -
scarabonback902 wrote: »People will actually tell you that you don't look as good since losing the weight.
That happened to me too. It really hurt my feelings! I just look at my pictures and I know that I do look better. Plus I feel better. Don't let someone else make you feel bad about your progress. You look fantastic!27 -
scarabonback902 wrote: »People will actually tell you that you don't look as good since losing the weight.
That's people just not used to seeing you that way. I've been told a couple of times that I look gaunt, but that's only in comparison to how I used to look. Either that, or they're jealous.
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scarabonback902 wrote: »People will actually tell you that you don't look as good since losing the weight.
that's is horrible that someone would say that...how rude.11 -
scarabonback902 wrote: »People will actually tell you that you don't look as good since losing the weight.
That's people just not used to seeing you that way. I've been told a couple of times that I look gaunt, but that's only in comparison to how I used to look. Either that, or they're jealous.
I grew a beard to hide my gaunt face.
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That's not really an option for me.7
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How long food lasts now.
I have great leftovers in the fridge, but they must wait till I have the opening in my meal plan.33
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