I need some nonjudgemental (relationship) advice
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If he is already making this much trouble, it's best to just part ways.11
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indigoblue9572 wrote: »And I'm speaking from direct experience. At first, I thought his control was "concern" for me. He was a master manipulator and conned me into marrying him. After that, it just got worse because now I was his "property" as his wife. It then escalated to the point where my daughter and I were walking on eggshells around him doing anything and everything not to anger him. He became violent.
I was late from work one day and my phone was dead because I'd forgotten my charger. By the time I got home, he'd already locked my daughter in her room and proceeded to scream at me, accusing me of going out with some guy and then the beatings started. He threatened to kill me and my daughter if I ever left him. He choked me right in front of her to the point where I passed out and then told her that she was next. She was just a little girl and was scared to death of him.
It took me 7 yrs, losing custody of my daughter who went to live with her dad, losing lots of friends and family and also cost me jobs and money (he stole from me) before I could finally break free of him. I later found out I was wife #4, he had 4 kids by 2 different women, was a massive child support and tax evader, owing close to 50K and now he's moved on to victim #5 and married her. There's a ton more to this but you get the idea. It starts out little but gets way worse really quickly.
Whoa....
Thanks for sharing and it sounds like you've landed on your feet
I wish you well6 -
Thanks @Motorsheen - I'm doing SO much better now. I've been away from him for about 6.5 yrs now and ended up meeting and marrying a true gentleman that would never even raise his voice at me. My daughter came back around and moved in with us for her senior year of high school last year and we got her a car for graduation. My husband is the best father to her. I just feel such regret and guilt for what I put her through.9
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You found a sperm donor on craigslist. Not judging. Nope. Not me.4
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i wouldn't go back. it seems like you're more casual about the relationship than he is and he isn't handling that very well. cut your losses, move on, he sounds like a controlling insecure person who could become volatile. and truthfully, he doesn't have much reason to trust you based on past behavior. NOT that it excuses blatant violation of your privacy, but you guys don't seem suited for each other.4
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JeromeBarry1 wrote: »You found a sperm donor on craigslist. Not judging. Nope. Not me.
Everyone brighten up a room they say. Some when they walk in and others when they walk out.
Some time we old men forget that we were young once and made missteps in life choices from time to time.7 -
GTFO. Seriously. That is textbook abusive behavior just check the website of any battered woman's shelter.
In case it wasn't clear before GET THE F-BOMB OUT!!!!8 -
@Cutaway_Collar You're not the first person who's told me that! And one of his ex girlfriends found me on Facebook through one of his family members that I'm still friends with and contacted me asking me if he did the same things to me as he'd done to her. We became fast friends, comparing our very parallel lives with this man. We even contacted the new wife to let her know what he'd done to us. Of course, she's already brainwashed. It's very sad that he gets away with his horrific behavior. He's super smooth and manipulates people so well. He's a sociopath1
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Leave and don't look back.
Generally he didn't give you a second chance or he wouldn't of continued to go throw the old in your face, question you, and go through your phone a second time.
He showed you that he wouldn't change that behavior and if you go back its just showing him that what he did was okay and that he could do it again.
I definitely would not go back at all. Hes controlling and he wont get over it.5 -
There are just SO many people who stay in a bad relationship because they love the "idea" of how good the relationship "could" be. They don't confront the reality of what it actually is. Love is a two way street but to actually be truly in a loving relationship there has to be respect and trust. If there is not respect and trust then you are just kidding yourself and should RUN, not walk away.
Jealousy and mistrust has no place in a truly loving relationship. I have been with my husband for 20 years and have never once felt that he was controlling nor has he displayed any of the awful traits you describe. That is NOT love, it is a controlling boy that you need to block and stay away from. You deserve a true love not this boy-child.3 -
Everyone makes mistakes but they don't deserve to continuously be punished or treated badly for it. What you described and that's all I have to go by, this relationship sounds toxic. And while people can change, from my experience it usually takes longer than a couple weeks or days (or most of the time even years).
Doesn't sound promising. Good luck2 -
MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »Not judging but why would you even want to go back?
I have feelings for him, he was good to me before all of this nonsense. It's hard.
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I have been in this type of situation, twice. It doesn't get better. It gets worse. The first relationship ended with me being slammed against a wall while pregnant and on the phone with my mother who hung up on me and called 911.
The second one didn't make it quite that far but pretty close to it.
If you need to talk to someone about any of this feel free to message me.3 -
MeeseeksAndDestroy wrote: »Not judging but why would you even want to go back?
I have feelings for him, he was good to me before all of this nonsense. It's hard.
A persons true colors come out after they are comfortable. The beginning he was trying to impress you. Now that it's been a little bit, he's letting his true self show. He WAS good to you, meaning it's in the past. I say move on.5 -
Run and don't look back , its been my experience you cant be just friends with these types , they have all the right things to say to draw you back in. Its best to block all contact and move on . Listen to your instinct its telling you something's wrong.4
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"Over-caring", Gaslighting, Love Bombing, Controlling who you talk to, Stalking... This pattern will only get worse if you give him another chance. Don't go back.3
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strshllw84 wrote: »I have been in this type of situation, twice. It doesn't get better. It gets worse. The first relationship ended with me being slammed against a wall while pregnant and on the phone with my mother who hung up on me and called 911.
The second one didn't make it quite that far but pretty close to it.
If you need to talk to someone about any of this feel free to message me.
So sorry you went through that. And I'm available to message as well. If it means anyone can avoid what I and @strshllw84 have gone through, I'll do whatever it takes!!!6
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