WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR APRIL 2017

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Chris in MA way to go!!!

Lisa thanks for the explanation.

Sarah

Kim from N. CaliforniaCheri – your comment about your mom and some other comments about counselors got me thinking about what my therapist got me to understand, that my mom (in the past and currently) does act and say things that are awful, but they are the best she can do at the moment. She is like most folks she doesn’t sit around dreaming up ways to be hurtful or mean, but based on her beliefs, upbringing and understanding does and says things that seem right to her.

Thank you for putting this into words for me. Thankfully I was able to come to this conclusion on my own. Somewhere along the line of looking into this whole thing I came upon the term "wounded soul". I know this to be true with my mother. Once I put this in perspective I was able to understand she was doing "the best she can do at the moment." I started modifying my behavior and responses.

Have a good day!

Cheri
TX

LENORA - We saw the Terracotta Warriors on a visit to Berlin and again In London at the British Museum but the Berlin display was far far better then the London one. We didn't know it was on and just happened to see an ad amazing.

Kate UK

Cheri wrote " I started modifying my behavior and responses." Thank you so much for your insight. Took me years to figure this out too. I can't tell you how many times I've said the same to my daughters when they have come to me upset with spouses, co-workers, etc. We only have control over our own action and/or reaction. Thanks for the reminder.

Janetr okc

Beth – THIS IS A RANT – skip-pity-do-dah if you don’t want to read! This week my DH and I sat down and discussed our finances as well. I made out a nice spreadsheet so he could ‘actually’ see what I am talking about. DH won’t learn how to operate computer, so I had to be the one who actually does it, if it got done. At our ages (75 & 66) we’ve talked about just wanting to feel like we could ‘pick up and go’ on trips and do the things we have wanted to do. Like a lot of people, I would guess, we are ‘insurance poor’ with a lot of ‘credit card debt, or 'help grown children' over rough spots. We’re in the process of ‘trying to get insurance’ – we have it; but on one, it will run out of Louis when he turns 80; I have more, so no worries for him. "At this point, you're telling me that you [for me] would be better dead than alive?" Don't get any ideas, you know I sleep with sharp objects by my side of the bed. LOL!!!

We talked about a ‘home equity loan’ but quickly changed our minds on it after the loan officer was continuing to ask for a Profit & Loss statement on his business. He is a small business with only 2 employees, and it is a ‘service’ type of job, so he does not have any inventory. I had provided them with a copy of our Income Taxes for 2 years, as requested. I told her that we had provided her with 'everything' she needed. She wasn’t satisfied with that and told me so; I told her that is the only information she’d get. My ‘tax lady friend’ said she’d fill out the form; but, it wasn’t needed. She'd only have to fill it out the way she filled on the income taxes. She said, 'damn, she must be stupid or something - everything you need to show is ON that first page, then on pages 4 and 5. I already have a ‘note’ on my car – why would I take it and roll it up into a 2nd mortgage did not make good sense to me; then she asked that I put my insurance company to put their name as 2nd lien. That got my attention. Oh hell NO! That got take off the day I/we decided we would 'withdraw our application'. DH and I talked, and the next day I went to the bank ‘frustrated beyond comprehension’ and told the loan officer there that I wanted to 'withdraw the application'. She almost had a stroke; because they had paid for the appraiser and told me that they'd be taking the loan; but, I didn't care - "Cancel the Damn Thing and do it now while I am sitting here'. That is one they will have to just ‘eat’. The loan officer in San Antonio was getting very irritating and persistent about the P&L statement and I finally told her, ‘forget it’, not providing you with a breakdown because then you’d want to see his business income taxes; and since he is small with only 3 of them (including my husband) we filed his business through our personal taxes. I told the local loan officer to contact the other one and tell her we have ‘withdrawn the application' and I wanted something in writing to the effect. That was on Friday; so Tuesday the one in San Antonio called and asked why we withdrew the application. I told her that it was due to her dragging her @$$ and insisting on something that the lady who helps us file it and used to work for the IRS as an agent said we did not have to break it down. I had even sent her an email on Friday (31st) to tell her ‘why’ we had withdrawn, because she had called earlier to find out ‘why’. I wanted to tell her ‘because we do not want to (again) encumber our car because that would have automatically mean that I was going to be paying 18 months again for it). It would actually be 'upside-down' in value. I had sent a copy of the email to the local office and to her supervisor. She seemed to be ‘new’ at her job; and, wanting to impress her supervisors by ‘crossing all her ‘t’s’ and ‘dotting all her ‘i’. Anyway, we did not want to do it, period, the end … no more discussion. HANG UP! Don’t ever do an ‘equity line of credit’ (or for that matter) a ‘reversed mortgage’; because then they have you by the balls in a ‘vice grip’. We don’t have that much longer for our house to be paid for. Why, on earth, would I then ‘encumber’ unsecured debt? I’m not ‘that’ stupid.

Louis got upset with me at first; but, I told him that we did not have enough life insurance to cover a 2nd lien. “DO WHAT?” Yes, it is a 2nd lien; and, he agreed that we did not need that and that I had made the right decision. I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I just had $265 released to me by my youngest son taking the balance I still owed on the FASFA bill and my other son recently ‘borrowed’ money and I told him that ‘they’ were going to ‘pay me back’ now. Over the past few years – since the ‘first’ incident with his wife – which should have told him ‘something’ and it apparently did not …; we’ve spend nearly $30K on helping them with tuition, prom dresses, property taxes, cellphones, repairs to cars, and God knows what else. DYS has ‘never’ asked us for money – outright. We did pay for his apartment and help with his living expenses – but never anything else.

Michele – Yep that one was a doozy! I never went back; and, got my boss to write them a ‘nasty letter’ to get my notebooks back. That’s all it took. They had told me that it was ‘their records’ now … but; I’m entitled to them, then; nothing. But, when she got the letter I was called and told to come pick them up.

Chris – St. Anthony gets a daily prayer around here, sometimes more from my house. I don’t think he’d mind if Re or anybody else call him either.

Lisa – There must be a lot of abuse going on … I don’t remember a time when I seem to see more and more obese or even ‘morbidly’ obese people, even children. Even my own DGDs have weight issues. One because she did not stop at the “Freshman 15”, another one isn’t overweight, she is just incredibly shy when he comes to her body (gets that from her mother who won’t even let her DH see her undressed). Older of the 2 younger ones; works out as a cheerleader and dancing, she is just a ‘big’ child and it really isn’t extra poundage as it is ‘inherited’ … he Dad is a big man and our DDnL#2 is very thin, always has been. DYGD is at least 70lbs over what the Pediatrician says she ‘ought’ to weigh.

BBRRT – I think you can respond in the block at the end of each page and it will actually end up being posted at the end. I think it is sort of a dumping spot for people who post but not often. What I do, if I do that is after I am finished answering posts on the page; in the next spot I put a symbol and post it. It can be a letter, number, or character sign. That way, it will take you all the way back to that last post you mad. The ONLY thing you cannot do is ‘go back a page’; if you don’t save it first, it will disappear.
But, whenever you post; then that becomes you ‘last’ post on page 10; even if your last post was actually to things on page 8. I always put a smiley face so it will take me back to it. I don’t know, because I always post on the last page, where posting box at the end of each page actually goes. I know there have been times when I felt like I’ve walked into a room of friends, totally naked, because their stories don’t make sense to me, their responses made eve less. I know that it is because somehow those posting go done before I finished mine.
A lot of us open up a ‘word processing program’ on out computer and minimize both so you can have them side-by-side and then ‘cut and paste’ your comments made onto the MFP community’s last page. I never ‘x’ out of my WPP until after I know that the MFP site will accept it. Sometimes it won’t because it has so many in its que to prevent any more coming in until they get them posted. Or that is my thoughts about it. But, after I know it is on the MFP site, I do go in and ‘x’ it and don’t save it.

Well, need to go find a few things to finish my project of ‘financial screaming’ … “HELP ME!”

Lenora

meg - (((hugs))) we will be praying for you and your husband.



Mary from Minnesota

Meg ~ Prayers have been said for you and your husband. I am sorry that Benny is doing poorly but I know you have done the best for him.

Leigh ~ My husband knows nothing about our utilities that I pay through my bank account and I know nothing about the taxes and insurance that he pays through his. We both need to rectify that. The only good thing is that he does know I put all our activities with pass words on index cards. Since he is in business for himself (antique dealer) I would definitely not know about paying the federal taxes he has to come up with every quarter. I really need to learn.

I am so thankful to be a part of a group of ladies who do not mind expressing what is on their minds - past or present. Just knowing that so many of us have been through the same sort of situations in our lives is comforting.

A beautiful cold Spring day here today.

Carol in GA

(((Meg))) Hard to remember; but you are not the one who did anything wrong. So sorry his actions created this for your family. Prayers. Take care of you!

(((Lenora))) we face some of these financial issues with a son too. I am always asking myself when is it help and when is it enabling. It is a hard balance. Sorry to hear it created financial strain for you.

Lenora trauma and abuse I think are part of the problems with the weight problems we see. The processed food and the way our food is produced with herbicides and man made fertilizer is another factor. All the ads of T.V. promoting empty calorie foods. I went to a lecture where the food companies look at populations for how many calories that population will be eating and target marketing accordingly. It is interesting how many CEO of these big food companies do not even eat their own products. They look at us as dollar signs and our health is secondary. Our best defense is knowledge and I agree with Barbie and many others here to develop strategies to help guide us in making the healthiest choices.

Lenora having worked in the schools for the past 25 years. Yes I have seen more and more children living under stress. I do have to credit Michelle Obama for trying to get more healthy choices in the menu for school age children.
The awareness of the problems I do believe is becoming greater. The finding of solutions is a much more slippery slope.

Margaret

Accountability Post
Thursday's Progress (4/6)
✔1. Carbs 50-75g (limit 25g/meal)
(B21, L2, D21, BBS24=68)
✔2. Fiber 30g (31g)
✔3. Track/complete entry daily
✔4. Vegetables - big salad daily
✔5. Exercise - log 30 Fitbit minutes, 2 miles, 5000 steps. And the elliptical 5 days a week. (Tues)
✔6. No eating after 9pm.
✔7. In bed by midnight.
8. Declutter: Electronics, Craft Supplies, Pantry, ✔Fridge, Cooking and Baking, Dishes and Serving, ✔Linen Closet, Laundry Closet, ✔Medicine Cabinets, ✔Personal Care.
✔9. Digital Detox. Track daily timeouts.

• Exercise. I did my 30 active Fitbit minutes. And I did 2 minutes on the BowFlex Max Trainer. I'm using the 14 minute interval workout. You hit a higher level for a minute, then a lower rest level for 90 seconds. Then cycle back through until you've finished the 14 minute workout. My Heart rate avg 147. But it's tough to do. I'll build on it. Still learning the machine. There are other programmed workouts - I need to look at those too.

• Digital Detox. still going to sleep with it. Need to wean myself off it. It's preventing me from getting a solid night of sleep. That... and DH. He's up at 3am then back at 7am. Seems he can't sleep for more than a few hours at a time. But this is nothing new.

Have a great day.

-- Ginger in Texas

meg sins for strength and your way.

NYKAREN

Meg, ((((hugs))))) What Karen in VA said.... I cannot begin to say it more eloquently. Thank you, thank you Karen. It's been an amazing week for this group. So glad we are here for each other.

Katla, cute little Nutria. Does Fish & Wildlife try to trap them along the river? Beavers often get "moved" from their ponds around here when it results in the roads being flooded. I'll never forget the time I saw one hit on the road - those guys are BIG!

Kim, we lost power this morning at about 9:15, got it back just before noon. It's still pretty blustery out there, a weather station a mile north of us recorded a 40 mph gust at around 10:30 which isn't that big of a deal, really, but continued gusts removed part of the shingles on our neighbor's house. Still gusting in the 30 mph range, but generally winds are starting to die back a little. To pass the time, DH and I raided the cupboards (avoided opening the fridge) and listened to the radio which cut out a lot since the radio station in town was also losing power.


Lanette
SW WA State - anxious to take a walk and see the wind damage but playing it safe for a while.

Meg I am SO sorry to hear about your situation. I cannot imagine the way you must feel and how difficult it must be for you. We are here for you and will be a support to you on this journey. I am very glad you felt safe to share this and you have my deepest respect
Margaret/Katia/Karen I know we don't know each other well, but your kind words are those of a true friend, thank you
Lenora Wow what a stressful experience regarding the insurance story
Leigh Thank you for listening and you are very smart to have things organized and written down. I need to do that too. I thought having a will was enough...

We are such an amazing group and I am so honored to be able to witness the difficult stories as well as the tremendous success stories.

Thank you.

Sarah.