I feel like a parenting failure
Replies
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Gimsteinn1 wrote: »Spanking a child = child abuse
Don't try to call it anything else just cause you did it. Own up to your mistake so you can end the wrong doing.
Be thankful your kids turned out OK.
And again read bloody studies on the matter.
^^This, striking another human being is not the answer and it is not ok.
Seriously people? You turned out ok. Your kids turned out ok. That makes it right?
NOPE. NEVER. Striking some one is abuse.
You are an adult, so act like one.
Spanking is bad advice to give to a parent disciplining a 9 year old.2 -
Gimsteinn1 wrote: »Spanking a child = child abuse
Don't try to call it anything else just cause you did it. Own up to your mistake so you can end the wrong doing.
Be thankful your kids turned out OK.
And again read bloody studies on the matter.
Don't have to read the studies--I've got 30 yrs of experience in the field. I've been observing children and parenting behavior all that time--much better than an old study.
I live in Italy where people don't discipline their kids at all. Ever spend 2 months on the beach with Italian families? They adore children, but their kids are throwing sand, splashing water, and kicking soccer balls into you while you're reading the newspaper or a book on the beach. All these things are against the rules. Typically the mother is lying there in the sun getting a tan and ignoring her children. Nobody ever lays a hand on their little darlings--you just talk to them--nicely. Exactly what you're saying. It's too much work to discipline, and people just don't know how.
I told my sons at the dinner table about this thread. Since they're of the internet games age and I'm not, I wanted their take on it. They were howling with laughter. I said "what would you advise this mother to do?" They wiped their eyes and said "Simple Mom, have the lady send her kid over here to you, and just send him back after you've got him straightened out". Yup--I'm so thankfull that my kids are OK.3 -
snowflake954 wrote: »Gimsteinn1 wrote: »Spanking a child = child abuse
Don't try to call it anything else just cause you did it. Own up to your mistake so you can end the wrong doing.
Be thankful your kids turned out OK.
And again read bloody studies on the matter.
Don't have to read the studies--I've got 30 yrs of experience in the field. I've been observing children and parenting behavior all that time--much better than an old study.
I live in Italy where people don't discipline their kids at all. Ever spend 2 months on the beach with Italian families? They adore children, but their kids are throwing sand, splashing water, and kicking soccer balls into you while you're reading the newspaper or a book on the beach. All these things are against the rules. Typically the mother is lying there in the sun getting a tan and ignoring her children. Nobody ever lays a hand on their little darlings--you just talk to them--nicely. Exactly what you're saying. It's too much work to discipline, and people just don't know how.
I told my sons at the dinner table about this thread. Since they're of the internet games age and I'm not, I wanted their take on it. They were howling with laughter. I said "what would you advise this mother to do?" They wiped their eyes and said "Simple Mom, have the lady send her kid over here to you, and just send him back after you've got him straightened out". Yup--I'm so thankfull that my kids are OK.
Consider this: a kid is misbehaving in class. he doesn't focus, doesn't engage in work and only wants to do "fun" things. Gets home and doesn't concentrate on his homework and doenst want to do it.
How much 'straightening out' is needed? how much discipline do you apply?2 -
snowflake954 wrote: »Gimsteinn1 wrote: »Spanking a child = child abuse
Don't try to call it anything else just cause you did it. Own up to your mistake so you can end the wrong doing.
Be thankful your kids turned out OK.
And again read bloody studies on the matter.
Don't have to read the studies--I've got 30 yrs of experience in the field. I've been observing children and parenting behavior all that time--much better than an old study.
I live in Italy where people don't discipline their kids at all. Ever spend 2 months on the beach with Italian families? They adore children, but their kids are throwing sand, splashing water, and kicking soccer balls into you while you're reading the newspaper or a book on the beach. All these things are against the rules. Typically the mother is lying there in the sun getting a tan and ignoring her children. Nobody ever lays a hand on their little darlings--you just talk to them--nicely. Exactly what you're saying. It's too much work to discipline, and people just don't know how.
I told my sons at the dinner table about this thread. Since they're of the internet games age and I'm not, I wanted their take on it. They were howling with laughter. I said "what would you advise this mother to do?" They wiped their eyes and said "Simple Mom, have the lady send her kid over here to you, and just send him back after you've got him straightened out". Yup--I'm so thankfull that my kids are OK.
Kids being kids at the beach. Playing in the sand and water and kicking a ball around and it is against the rules? What do you expect them to be doing at the beach?
And it is not true that this mother is not trying to discipline her son, she is.
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Time to put passwords on everything that he doesn't know, and set up parental restrictions and/or shut the Internet off at night. Cell devices should be easy just make them require a password that you have to type in for him when he wants on them. As far as youtube goes it's all Internet so it shouldn't be that hard to shut off the Internet. My grand daughter is also addicted to youtube shows. She, thankfully, will listen when we tell her she's been on the tablet too much but I know her parents have had to lock her devices with a new password at times to ground her from them for being on them after she was told not to. It's a new generation folks, kids have the Internet at their disposal and it's full of content, most of which they shouldn't be seeing anyway. Parental controls are important, even manual ones. Doesn't make you a failure though, it makes you a caring parent. Passwords can do a lot to prevent some of this stuff. As far as TV's go they make devices that lock out the power plugs. Try searching on Amazon. They are simply a block you plug the power cord into and it locks like a padlock so it can't be plugged back in. Do that at night and he won't be able to sneak in and watch TV.1
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MrStabbems wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »Gimsteinn1 wrote: »Spanking a child = child abuse
Don't try to call it anything else just cause you did it. Own up to your mistake so you can end the wrong doing.
Be thankful your kids turned out OK.
And again read bloody studies on the matter.
Don't have to read the studies--I've got 30 yrs of experience in the field. I've been observing children and parenting behavior all that time--much better than an old study.
I live in Italy where people don't discipline their kids at all. Ever spend 2 months on the beach with Italian families? They adore children, but their kids are throwing sand, splashing water, and kicking soccer balls into you while you're reading the newspaper or a book on the beach. All these things are against the rules. Typically the mother is lying there in the sun getting a tan and ignoring her children. Nobody ever lays a hand on their little darlings--you just talk to them--nicely. Exactly what you're saying. It's too much work to discipline, and people just don't know how.
I told my sons at the dinner table about this thread. Since they're of the internet games age and I'm not, I wanted their take on it. They were howling with laughter. I said "what would you advise this mother to do?" They wiped their eyes and said "Simple Mom, have the lady send her kid over here to you, and just send him back after you've got him straightened out". Yup--I'm so thankfull that my kids are OK.
Consider this: a kid is misbehaving in class. he doesn't focus, doesn't engage in work and only wants to do "fun" things. Gets home and doesn't concentrate on his homework and doenst want to do it.
How much 'straightening out' is needed? how much discipline do you apply?
First question--How old is he or she?
Second--Did this problem show up out of the blue, or has it been going on for awhile?
Third--If this problem is just showing up, what has changed in his or her life at home or at school?
If at school--new teacher, heavier work load, problems with the other kids--time to talk to the school
If at home--what's going on there? Change things up, talk to him or her, and work it out. There is always
a solution to every problem.
Discipline or structuring a childs life to give them security, can take many forms. 2 of my boys are dyslexic and I had to work through a lot of problems, especially heavy homework loads. I never gave up on them and they know that. One finished law school and is studying to be a magistrate, the younger one is still in law school--it'll be another year or so, dyslexics are slower and need their time.0 -
3rdof7sisters wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »Gimsteinn1 wrote: »Spanking a child = child abuse
Don't try to call it anything else just cause you did it. Own up to your mistake so you can end the wrong doing.
Be thankful your kids turned out OK.
And again read bloody studies on the matter.
Don't have to read the studies--I've got 30 yrs of experience in the field. I've been observing children and parenting behavior all that time--much better than an old study.
I live in Italy where people don't discipline their kids at all. Ever spend 2 months on the beach with Italian families? They adore children, but their kids are throwing sand, splashing water, and kicking soccer balls into you while you're reading the newspaper or a book on the beach. All these things are against the rules. Typically the mother is lying there in the sun getting a tan and ignoring her children. Nobody ever lays a hand on their little darlings--you just talk to them--nicely. Exactly what you're saying. It's too much work to discipline, and people just don't know how.
I told my sons at the dinner table about this thread. Since they're of the internet games age and I'm not, I wanted their take on it. They were howling with laughter. I said "what would you advise this mother to do?" They wiped their eyes and said "Simple Mom, have the lady send her kid over here to you, and just send him back after you've got him straightened out". Yup--I'm so thankfull that my kids are OK.
Kids being kids at the beach. Playing in the sand and water and kicking a ball around and it is against the rules? What do you expect them to be doing at the beach?
And it is not true that this mother is not trying to discipline her son, she is.
It's not allowed to throw sand--ever been in the midst of a sand fight?
Throwing water at your friends and getting people that are under beach umbrellas (that we pay for) wet while they are reading or sunbathing is against the rules.
Playing soccer on the beach (usually they do this in groups of 6-10) is prohibited, since there is an area for that. Have you ever gotten a soccer ball in the face while reading? Playing ball in the sea is allowed, as is throwing sand, and water.
However my main question is this: "Are you an Italian mother"?0 -
I haven't finished it yet but "1-2-3 Magic" has been really helpful to me and my 6 year old so far. Amazon has a Kindle version for $2.99 but I borrowed my copy from the library.
https://www.amazon.com/1-2-3-Magic-Discipline-Effective-Parenting/dp/149262988X/ref=dp_ob_title_bk0 -
You have an excuse for everything. Once yous top making excuses for your kid, you, your husband, things might change.3
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snowflake954 wrote: »
However my main question is this: "Are you an Italian mother"?3rdof7sisters wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »Gimsteinn1 wrote: »Spanking a child = child abuse
Don't try to call it anything else just cause you did it. Own up to your mistake so you can end the wrong doing.
Be thankful your kids turned out OK.
And again read bloody studies on the matter.
Don't have to read the studies--I've got 30 yrs of experience in the field. I've been observing children and parenting behavior all that time--much better than an old study.
I live in Italy where people don't discipline their kids at all. Ever spend 2 months on the beach with Italian families? They adore children, but their kids are throwing sand, splashing water, and kicking soccer balls into you while you're reading the newspaper or a book on the beach. All these things are against the rules. Typically the mother is lying there in the sun getting a tan and ignoring her children. Nobody ever lays a hand on their little darlings--you just talk to them--nicely. Exactly what you're saying. It's too much work to discipline, and people just don't know how.
I told my sons at the dinner table about this thread. Since they're of the internet games age and I'm not, I wanted their take on it. They were howling with laughter. I said "what would you advise this mother to do?" They wiped their eyes and said "Simple Mom, have the lady send her kid over here to you, and just send him back after you've got him straightened out". Yup--I'm so thankfull that my kids are OK.
Kids being kids at the beach. Playing in the sand and water and kicking a ball around and it is against the rules? What do you expect them to be doing at the beach?
And it is not true that this mother is not trying to discipline her son, she is.
No I am not an Italian mother, but I am a mother, and I have been to beaches and observed behavior by children. Which does include sand, water and balls, and sometimes even pets. Granted, they were beach balls, not soccer balls. Are you saying the children intentionally hit you in the face with a soccer ball?
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snowflake954 wrote: »Gimsteinn1 wrote: »Spanking a child = child abuse
Don't try to call it anything else just cause you did it. Own up to your mistake so you can end the wrong doing.
Be thankful your kids turned out OK.
And again read bloody studies on the matter.
Don't have to read the studies--I've got 30 yrs of experience in the field. I've been observing children and parenting behavior all that time--much better than an old study.
I live in Italy where people don't discipline their kids at all. Ever spend 2 months on the beach with Italian families? They adore children, but their kids are throwing sand, splashing water, and kicking soccer balls into you while you're reading the newspaper or a book on the beach. All these things are against the rules. Typically the mother is lying there in the sun getting a tan and ignoring her children. Nobody ever lays a hand on their little darlings--you just talk to them--nicely. Exactly what you're saying. It's too much work to discipline, and people just don't know how.
I told my sons at the dinner table about this thread. Since they're of the internet games age and I'm not, I wanted their take on it. They were howling with laughter. I said "what would you advise this mother to do?" They wiped their eyes and said "Simple Mom, have the lady send her kid over here to you, and just send him back after you've got him straightened out". Yup--I'm so thankfull that my kids are OK.
Honest question - is this a new parenting philosophy for them, or have generations of Italians been raised this way? Unless there's been a seismic shift in parenting there within the past few years, I'd say whatever they do must result in somewhat responsible adults or else their country would have collapsed by now. Parenting styles vary greatly from one culture to the next (and even within those cultures, as proven here) so I wouldn't base any judgments on that.1 -
3rdof7sisters wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »
However my main question is this: "Are you an Italian mother"?3rdof7sisters wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »Gimsteinn1 wrote: »Spanking a child = child abuse
Don't try to call it anything else just cause you did it. Own up to your mistake so you can end the wrong doing.
Be thankful your kids turned out OK.
And again read bloody studies on the matter.
Don't have to read the studies--I've got 30 yrs of experience in the field. I've been observing children and parenting behavior all that time--much better than an old study.
I live in Italy where people don't discipline their kids at all. Ever spend 2 months on the beach with Italian families? They adore children, but their kids are throwing sand, splashing water, and kicking soccer balls into you while you're reading the newspaper or a book on the beach. All these things are against the rules. Typically the mother is lying there in the sun getting a tan and ignoring her children. Nobody ever lays a hand on their little darlings--you just talk to them--nicely. Exactly what you're saying. It's too much work to discipline, and people just don't know how.
I told my sons at the dinner table about this thread. Since they're of the internet games age and I'm not, I wanted their take on it. They were howling with laughter. I said "what would you advise this mother to do?" They wiped their eyes and said "Simple Mom, have the lady send her kid over here to you, and just send him back after you've got him straightened out". Yup--I'm so thankfull that my kids are OK.
Kids being kids at the beach. Playing in the sand and water and kicking a ball around and it is against the rules? What do you expect them to be doing at the beach?
And it is not true that this mother is not trying to discipline her son, she is.
No I am not an Italian mother, but I am a mother, and I have been to beaches and observed behavior by children. Which does include sand, water and balls, and sometimes even pets. Granted, they were beach balls, not soccer balls. Are you saying the children intentionally hit you in the face with a soccer ball?
Sure it does--and there's the right place for all that, and it's not 3 meters back from the water where the umbrellas are and the paying customers trying to relax. Here soccer is the national sport and young boys go nuts (mine went through the stage) and play wherever they can. These 7-14 yr olds pack a kick you wouldn't believe. Do they kick the ball in my face on purpose? No, but they know they're not to play there, and in the heat of the game.... My boys did it too, but I got up off my butt and told them to go in the water where it's allowed. I didn't wait for the lifeguard to have to do it. I didn't pretend I didn't know them. I notice these kids never play in front of their parents--funny that.1 -
snowflake954 wrote: »3rdof7sisters wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »
However my main question is this: "Are you an Italian mother"?3rdof7sisters wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »Gimsteinn1 wrote: »Spanking a child = child abuse
Don't try to call it anything else just cause you did it. Own up to your mistake so you can end the wrong doing.
Be thankful your kids turned out OK.
And again read bloody studies on the matter.
Don't have to read the studies--I've got 30 yrs of experience in the field. I've been observing children and parenting behavior all that time--much better than an old study.
I live in Italy where people don't discipline their kids at all. Ever spend 2 months on the beach with Italian families? They adore children, but their kids are throwing sand, splashing water, and kicking soccer balls into you while you're reading the newspaper or a book on the beach. All these things are against the rules. Typically the mother is lying there in the sun getting a tan and ignoring her children. Nobody ever lays a hand on their little darlings--you just talk to them--nicely. Exactly what you're saying. It's too much work to discipline, and people just don't know how.
I told my sons at the dinner table about this thread. Since they're of the internet games age and I'm not, I wanted their take on it. They were howling with laughter. I said "what would you advise this mother to do?" They wiped their eyes and said "Simple Mom, have the lady send her kid over here to you, and just send him back after you've got him straightened out". Yup--I'm so thankfull that my kids are OK.
Kids being kids at the beach. Playing in the sand and water and kicking a ball around and it is against the rules? What do you expect them to be doing at the beach?
And it is not true that this mother is not trying to discipline her son, she is.
No I am not an Italian mother, but I am a mother, and I have been to beaches and observed behavior by children. Which does include sand, water and balls, and sometimes even pets. Granted, they were beach balls, not soccer balls. Are you saying the children intentionally hit you in the face with a soccer ball?
Sure it does--and there's the right place for all that, and it's not 3 meters back from the water where the umbrellas are and the paying customers trying to relax. Here soccer is the national sport and young boys go nuts (mine went through the stage) and play wherever they can. These 7-14 yr olds pack a kick you wouldn't believe. Do they kick the ball in my face on purpose? No, but they know they're not to play there, and in the heat of the game.... My boys did it too, but I got up off my butt and told them to go in the water where it's allowed. I didn't wait for the lifeguard to have to do it. I didn't pretend I didn't know them. I notice these kids never play in front of their parents--funny that.
I am sorry that they are not obeying the rules, but it really is kind of off topic from the OP's issue with her son.
She is turning to her peers to perhaps get some helpful ideas on how to resolve this issue with her son. She has done a lot of different things to try to solve this and he finds ways to get around her. It is affecting his school work and disrupting the family as well.
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snowflake954 wrote: »Gimsteinn1 wrote: »Spanking a child = child abuse
Don't try to call it anything else just cause you did it. Own up to your mistake so you can end the wrong doing.
Be thankful your kids turned out OK.
And again read bloody studies on the matter.
Don't have to read the studies--I've got 30 yrs of experience in the field. I've been observing children and parenting behavior all that time--much better than an old study.
I live in Italy where people don't discipline their kids at all. Ever spend 2 months on the beach with Italian families? They adore children, but their kids are throwing sand, splashing water, and kicking soccer balls into you while you're reading the newspaper or a book on the beach. All these things are against the rules. Typically the mother is lying there in the sun getting a tan and ignoring her children. Nobody ever lays a hand on their little darlings--you just talk to them--nicely. Exactly what you're saying. It's too much work to discipline, and people just don't know how.
I told my sons at the dinner table about this thread. Since they're of the internet games age and I'm not, I wanted their take on it. They were howling with laughter. I said "what would you advise this mother to do?" They wiped their eyes and said "Simple Mom, have the lady send her kid over here to you, and just send him back after you've got him straightened out". Yup--I'm so thankfull that my kids are OK.
Honest question - is this a new parenting philosophy for them, or have generations of Italians been raised this way? Unless there's been a seismic shift in parenting there within the past few years, I'd say whatever they do must result in somewhat responsible adults or else their country would have collapsed by now. Parenting styles vary greatly from one culture to the next (and even within those cultures, as proven here) so I wouldn't base any judgments on that.
Nope this is the 80's+ generations. Children have always been revered, but were disciplined in past generations. Families got alot smaller and mothers started working. Most children are at the beach during the week watched by babysitters-usually Philipinos, or other immigrants and the grandparents. The babysitters don't care much what the kids do. On weekends, mom and dad arrive and want to relax on the beach. The month of August is the big vacation month. The beach is packed, most of the babysitters are off and the parents don't have a clue what to do, so they do nothing. Italy is actually falling apart right now. There are alot of fantastic people--don't get me wrong, but corruption is corroding the culture. This has to do with a lack of values in general, and a "me firster" attitude, which could be argued grow out of the lackadaisical way they are raised. Time will tell. The Italians have always been creative and resilient.0 -
snowflake954 wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »Gimsteinn1 wrote: »Spanking a child = child abuse
Don't try to call it anything else just cause you did it. Own up to your mistake so you can end the wrong doing.
Be thankful your kids turned out OK.
And again read bloody studies on the matter.
Don't have to read the studies--I've got 30 yrs of experience in the field. I've been observing children and parenting behavior all that time--much better than an old study.
I live in Italy where people don't discipline their kids at all. Ever spend 2 months on the beach with Italian families? They adore children, but their kids are throwing sand, splashing water, and kicking soccer balls into you while you're reading the newspaper or a book on the beach. All these things are against the rules. Typically the mother is lying there in the sun getting a tan and ignoring her children. Nobody ever lays a hand on their little darlings--you just talk to them--nicely. Exactly what you're saying. It's too much work to discipline, and people just don't know how.
I told my sons at the dinner table about this thread. Since they're of the internet games age and I'm not, I wanted their take on it. They were howling with laughter. I said "what would you advise this mother to do?" They wiped their eyes and said "Simple Mom, have the lady send her kid over here to you, and just send him back after you've got him straightened out". Yup--I'm so thankfull that my kids are OK.
Honest question - is this a new parenting philosophy for them, or have generations of Italians been raised this way? Unless there's been a seismic shift in parenting there within the past few years, I'd say whatever they do must result in somewhat responsible adults or else their country would have collapsed by now. Parenting styles vary greatly from one culture to the next (and even within those cultures, as proven here) so I wouldn't base any judgments on that.
Nope this is the 80's+ generations. Children have always been revered, but were disciplined in past generations. Families got alot smaller and mothers started working. Most children are at the beach during the week watched by babysitters-usually Philipinos, or other immigrants and the grandparents. The babysitters don't care much what the kids do. On weekends, mom and dad arrive and want to relax on the beach. The month of August is the big vacation month. The beach is packed, most of the babysitters are off and the parents don't have a clue what to do, so they do nothing. Italy is actually falling apart right now. There are alot of fantastic people--don't get me wrong, but corruption is corroding the culture. This has to do with a lack of values in general, and a "me firster" attitude, which could be argued grow out of the lackadaisical way they are raised. Time will tell. The Italians have always been creative and resilient.
That's a shame
I think every generation goes through a period of thinking 'This new generation is going to be the downfall of society!' As a Gen Xer, I know people thought that about us 
Hopefully, of course, that won't be the case there. 2 -
3rdof7sisters wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »3rdof7sisters wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »
However my main question is this: "Are you an Italian mother"?3rdof7sisters wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »Gimsteinn1 wrote: »Spanking a child = child abuse
Don't try to call it anything else just cause you did it. Own up to your mistake so you can end the wrong doing.
Be thankful your kids turned out OK.
And again read bloody studies on the matter.
Don't have to read the studies--I've got 30 yrs of experience in the field. I've been observing children and parenting behavior all that time--much better than an old study.
I live in Italy where people don't discipline their kids at all. Ever spend 2 months on the beach with Italian families? They adore children, but their kids are throwing sand, splashing water, and kicking soccer balls into you while you're reading the newspaper or a book on the beach. All these things are against the rules. Typically the mother is lying there in the sun getting a tan and ignoring her children. Nobody ever lays a hand on their little darlings--you just talk to them--nicely. Exactly what you're saying. It's too much work to discipline, and people just don't know how.
I told my sons at the dinner table about this thread. Since they're of the internet games age and I'm not, I wanted their take on it. They were howling with laughter. I said "what would you advise this mother to do?" They wiped their eyes and said "Simple Mom, have the lady send her kid over here to you, and just send him back after you've got him straightened out". Yup--I'm so thankfull that my kids are OK.
Kids being kids at the beach. Playing in the sand and water and kicking a ball around and it is against the rules? What do you expect them to be doing at the beach?
And it is not true that this mother is not trying to discipline her son, she is.
No I am not an Italian mother, but I am a mother, and I have been to beaches and observed behavior by children. Which does include sand, water and balls, and sometimes even pets. Granted, they were beach balls, not soccer balls. Are you saying the children intentionally hit you in the face with a soccer ball?
Sure it does--and there's the right place for all that, and it's not 3 meters back from the water where the umbrellas are and the paying customers trying to relax. Here soccer is the national sport and young boys go nuts (mine went through the stage) and play wherever they can. These 7-14 yr olds pack a kick you wouldn't believe. Do they kick the ball in my face on purpose? No, but they know they're not to play there, and in the heat of the game.... My boys did it too, but I got up off my butt and told them to go in the water where it's allowed. I didn't wait for the lifeguard to have to do it. I didn't pretend I didn't know them. I notice these kids never play in front of their parents--funny that.
I am sorry that they are not obeying the rules, but it really is kind of off topic from the OP's issue with her son.
She is turning to her peers to perhaps get some helpful ideas on how to resolve this issue with her son. She has done a lot of different things to try to solve this and he finds ways to get around her. It is affecting his school work and disrupting the family as well.
Oh, sorry, I thought the discussion had to do with discipline, childrens behaviour(not obeying rules), and going behind her back to find the remote she hid. Of course I hope the OP can resolve this issue (hopefully with the help of her husband) as quickly as possible.1 -
snowflake954 wrote: »3rdof7sisters wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »3rdof7sisters wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »
However my main question is this: "Are you an Italian mother"?3rdof7sisters wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »Gimsteinn1 wrote: »Spanking a child = child abuse
Don't try to call it anything else just cause you did it. Own up to your mistake so you can end the wrong doing.
Be thankful your kids turned out OK.
And again read bloody studies on the matter.
Don't have to read the studies--I've got 30 yrs of experience in the field. I've been observing children and parenting behavior all that time--much better than an old study.
I live in Italy where people don't discipline their kids at all. Ever spend 2 months on the beach with Italian families? They adore children, but their kids are throwing sand, splashing water, and kicking soccer balls into you while you're reading the newspaper or a book on the beach. All these things are against the rules. Typically the mother is lying there in the sun getting a tan and ignoring her children. Nobody ever lays a hand on their little darlings--you just talk to them--nicely. Exactly what you're saying. It's too much work to discipline, and people just don't know how.
I told my sons at the dinner table about this thread. Since they're of the internet games age and I'm not, I wanted their take on it. They were howling with laughter. I said "what would you advise this mother to do?" They wiped their eyes and said "Simple Mom, have the lady send her kid over here to you, and just send him back after you've got him straightened out". Yup--I'm so thankfull that my kids are OK.
Kids being kids at the beach. Playing in the sand and water and kicking a ball around and it is against the rules? What do you expect them to be doing at the beach?
And it is not true that this mother is not trying to discipline her son, she is.
No I am not an Italian mother, but I am a mother, and I have been to beaches and observed behavior by children. Which does include sand, water and balls, and sometimes even pets. Granted, they were beach balls, not soccer balls. Are you saying the children intentionally hit you in the face with a soccer ball?
Sure it does--and there's the right place for all that, and it's not 3 meters back from the water where the umbrellas are and the paying customers trying to relax. Here soccer is the national sport and young boys go nuts (mine went through the stage) and play wherever they can. These 7-14 yr olds pack a kick you wouldn't believe. Do they kick the ball in my face on purpose? No, but they know they're not to play there, and in the heat of the game.... My boys did it too, but I got up off my butt and told them to go in the water where it's allowed. I didn't wait for the lifeguard to have to do it. I didn't pretend I didn't know them. I notice these kids never play in front of their parents--funny that.
I am sorry that they are not obeying the rules, but it really is kind of off topic from the OP's issue with her son.
She is turning to her peers to perhaps get some helpful ideas on how to resolve this issue with her son. She has done a lot of different things to try to solve this and he finds ways to get around her. It is affecting his school work and disrupting the family as well.
Oh, sorry, I thought the discussion had to do with discipline, childrens behaviour(not obeying rules), and going behind her back to find the remote she hid. Of course I hope the OP can resolve this issue (hopefully with the help of her husband) as quickly as possible.
Sorry, I see a huge difference. You claim that these Italian children are getting no discipline from their parents. She is disciplining her son. He is defying her at every turn.
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https://www.technonutty.com/2015/09/how-to-block-porn-unwanted-websites-on-phone.html
we used this to block the sites on our sons galaxy pad. once he learned they were no longer accessible... he moved on.0 -
I read about half of the responses, so I'm sorry if this was already provided as an answer.
My advice would be to structure his screen time and to partake in screen time with him. There is nothing wrong with being interested in television shows or video games as long is those interests are explored in moderation. Don't automatically shut him down or shut down his interest, try to better understand his interests and get into them. We take the television show that my son loves and my husband and I get into it by dressing up as the characters for Halloween, throwing parties with the theme of the show for birthdays, and so on. He's much younger than your son, but I hope to continue to partake in my sons interests as he gets older.
Then, after having your designated screen time (maybe an hour or so), he doesn't have an option but to do something else. This can be drawing, painting, reading, playing outside, sports, or anything else he wants to do without screen time. One of my cousins used to be addicted to screen time and one of the things his parents did to get him away from the television was have him start cooking dinner for the family. They had him follow the directions in cookbooks and work on his culinary skills and he ended up loving it. He is still into watching TV and playing video games but a lot of the TV he watches now is Food Network. This strategy made it so that he was helping around the house, it taught him a new skill, and it took him away from the screens.
As far as stopping him from getting into trouble in the middle of the night, I agree that you should take the router and put it in your bedroom. Another additional option is to put bells around his door knob or even attach them to his mattress. My parents did this for me growing up because I have epilepsy and would sometime sleepwalk. The bells helped wake them up so they could check on me. If you hear the bells ringing you know that he is getting up, and possibly getting into trouble, and you can immediately intervene. A few nights of this, and I imagine he will stop getting out of bed in the middle of the night. If he tries to remove the bells, you can literally sew them into his mattress or to the fitted sheet on his bed.
Beyond all of this, it does not sound like you and your husband are on the same page, so I would suggest working on that before you start trying to implement new strategies with your children. Both partners need to be on the same page for any of the strategies to work.1 -
Everyone talking about spanking being child abuse wouldn't know actual child abuse if it broke their arm. I have been the victim of child abuse. I have also been spanked. Those are two very different things. GTFO with that BS.11
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