MFP Personals
Replies
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Brunette seeking strong, muscular man (has to be aesthetically pleasing in all aspects, including teeth) that doesn't mind being bossed around on a daily basis, can grill a mean steak, has fantastic survival skills (can chop a zombies head clean off with a single swing), has an accent to die for, showers twice a day (at least), loves felines, is Mr. Fixit and texts a "good morning, Beautiful" every morning, including weekends. A "have a lovely day, Sweetie, kick some @$$ at work today!
" or a, "give 'em hell sweetstuff!" Will be rewarded at the end of the work day, with a reward of my choosing. Must also greet me at the door when i get home with a drink of my choice (he will text me to find out), a passionate hello kiss, and dinner on the table (yes, we will take turns cooking, don't blow a gasket hotstuff). He will be respectful, responsible, trust worthy, excellent credit score is also a must and a little bit of scruff is ideal. This fantastic human being must also love playing video games, yoga (a must so he can be limber enough for frisky bedroom antics), Netflix, waking up to Elvis Crespo's Tu Sonrisa or a similar track every morning, including weekends (morning dancing is good for the soul plus it'll counteract any soreness from the aforementioned frisky bedroom antics). Last but certainly not least, he must always keep a chapstick on his person (gotta keep them luscious lips extra kissable for yours truly).
Hmm. That was a little lengthy. But...i think that about covers it.
Oh, one more thing he must enjoy reading.
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If you'd like a gal who just spent the last 15 minutes attempting to swipe right on all these posts using the desktop app, AND spells out her emoji's, then look no further! I'm your lady...
winkie-face; less-than-sign, three; heart-eyes7 -
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kitty_meow_meow_ wrote: »I am seeking someone to discuss "The wrath of Kahn, and how Oprah Winfrey compares/contrasts." Please consider that we will be wearing tin foil hats before responding.
I love tin foil hats! Let's live long and prosper
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OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »Current relationship status:pizza
If you want to change that, bring me a peanut butter banana shake
do you have pineapple and ham?
Bring the shake and then we'll talk.
P. S. Pineapple is my safeword.
small medium or large?
Large, of course! Go big or go home.
watta bout your calorie goals?
Love has no calorie limit.2 -
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OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »Current relationship status:pizza
If you want to change that, bring me a peanut butter banana shake
do you have pineapple and ham?
Bring the shake and then we'll talk.
P. S. Pineapple is my safeword.
small medium or large?
Large, of course! Go big or go home.
watta bout your calorie goals?
Love has no calorie limit.
no wonder im gaining weight i love to eat
I think you're the one for me. 0 -
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OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »Current relationship status:pizza
If you want to change that, bring me a peanut butter banana shake
do you have pineapple and ham?
Bring the shake and then we'll talk.
P. S. Pineapple is my safeword.
small medium or large?
Large, of course! Go big or go home.
watta bout your calorie goals?
Love has no calorie limit.
no wonder im gaining weight i love to eat I think you're the one for me.
wait..huh? are we still talking about shake and pizza? coz if not we need to take this to kik lol
I don't Kik, but I do sleep. I've got rhymes all the time and I think you look mighty fine.2 -
I'm looking for something with some sauce to it, a little cheesy is alright but needs to have some meat there. Has to be hot and ready to pick up. Can I get stuffed crust too.7
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Muscle_for_Fitness wrote: »I'm looking for something with some sauce to it, a little cheesy is alright but needs to have some meat there. Has to be hot and ready to pick up. Can I get stuffed crust too.
I've got Little Caesars on speed dial (hot and ready)
I've also got Pizza Hut (stuffed crust) 3 -
Desperately seeking kitten gifs4
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If you are looking for a quiet girl who makes things awkward real quick when she does talk - that's me!
I'm a horrible liar, and extremely picky, except when I can't make up my mind...then anything goes.
I couldn't tell you what I'm looking for but I will know it when I see it.
Smash1 -
What do you mean when u say smash0
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Married single adult male seeking fleeting online discourse and intercourse, of course. Must be highly intelligent, have an impeccable sense of humor, and exceptionally low standards for qualification in a partner. Income class is irrelevant, as are looks and weight. Must have technical skills with audio, video, and photos. Use of curse words for effect encouraged. Must available on demand around my family/work/tennis schedule. Must be discrete and not jealous of my other online flirtatious encounters, but you must be committed. Full set of teeth desired but negotiable. 4K video quality preferred, but HD at a minimum, with at least 8MP cameras. Good sound quality 48K is a must.
Please apply within.
Must epitomize the word moist.
Slow clap my friend... This was hilarious to read.
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Avocado_AS5 wrote: »I have low enough self-esteem that I may just buy into the lame compliments you throw at me. Will only answer messages sporadically and get bored easily. If nudes are shared, I will save yours and show them to my best friends for entertainment and comparison's sake. Smartass who will probably respond to everything with heavy sarcasm.
My boobs are decent.
Expect filtered selfies.
Slow clap #2 haha... This is great.0 -
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Must be flexible, young, enthusiastic and have daddy issues.2
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competecompetecompete wrote: »Simple:
Looking for a hot chick who will take the D at least daily, fold and put away my clothes, and not complain about ANYTHING.
I'll be waiting. Just rented more space in my inbox for all you ladies to message me.
Good luck with thatkitty_meow_meow_ wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »Current relationship status:pizza
If you want to change that, bring me a peanut butter banana shake
do you have pineapple and ham?
Bring the shake and then we'll talk.
P. S. Pineapple is my safeword.
small medium or large?
Large, of course! Go big or go home.
watta bout your calorie goals?
Love has no calorie limit.
no wonder im gaining weight i love to eat I think you're the one for me.
wait..huh? are we still talking about shake and pizza? coz if not we need to take this to kik lol
Once again I am passed over for somebody better looking and with a faster metabolism.
Story of my life!!
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OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »Current relationship status:pizza
If you want to change that, bring me a peanut butter banana shake
do you have pineapple and ham?
Bring the shake and then we'll talk.
P. S. Pineapple is my safeword.
small medium or large?
Large, of course! Go big or go home.
watta bout your calorie goals?
Love has no calorie limit.
no wonder im gaining weight i love to eat I think you're the one for me.
wait..huh? are we still talking about shake and pizza? coz if not we need to take this to kik lol
I don't Kik, but I do sleep. I've got rhymes all the time and I think you look mighty fine.
hahaha! man you got bars?
I'm not going to jail for you. No matter how impressive your thumb is.0 -
Attention:
Need a Zombie Apocalypse partner? Well look no further cause here I am!
You don't have to worry about them zombies when I'm around and I'd be super helpful.
As a tiny person I can squeeze into tight spaces and small windows and I'm light so if you need to lift me up to help me reach something it should not be a problem.
I'm an expert climber and I could teach you to climb street signs, poles, drains, walls and ropes.
Not only am I tiny, an expert climber and super charming. I'm also a strong lady who can shoulder press her body weight and deadlift a full grown man if need to. So if you're unconscious I could just lift you up and throw you into a hiding space. See, I'm super helpful like that.
I'm also a very straight forward person with little *kitten* toleration. So there will be no: "do these jeans we found on the dead girls body make my *kitten* look fat" in fact, I don't like wearing trousers at all and much prefer yoga shorts or leggings and before you say leggings aren't pants.. yes they are. They are pants. Deal with it or I'll let the zombies eat you.
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OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »OutOfUserName wrote: »LittleHearseDriver wrote: »Current relationship status:pizza
If you want to change that, bring me a peanut butter banana shake
do you have pineapple and ham?
Bring the shake and then we'll talk.
P. S. Pineapple is my safeword.
small medium or large?
Large, of course! Go big or go home.
watta bout your calorie goals?
Love has no calorie limit.
no wonder im gaining weight i love to eat I think you're the one for me.
wait..huh? are we still talking about shake and pizza? coz if not we need to take this to kik lol
I don't Kik, but I do sleep. I've got rhymes all the time and I think you look mighty fine.
hahaha! man you got bars?
I'm not going to jail for you. No matter how impressive your thumb is.
awwww......you dont wanna be the bonnie to my clyde? lol bars i meant rhymes
I'm too cute for jail, but I can rap for you when I come see you during visiting hours.1 -
Average insecure girl that reeks of cigarette smoke, bad decisions and regret with nice boobs looking for a flexible double jointed average male so we can have average offspring. Preferably you own your own winery/brewery with a pot farm in back. If you have a twin brother, is he open minded? I have some fantasies that need fulfilled.9
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Potty mouth female seeks male with enough balls to put said female in her place when needed. Doesn't mind her sometimes dominate nature. Will go beer tasting and enjoys trying different foods. If you are looking for someone that you question meeting your mother, then I'm your gal.2
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