MFP Personals

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  • Ironandwine69
    Ironandwine69 Posts: 2,432 Member
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    Timshel_ wrote: »
    Married single adult male seeking fleeting online discourse and intercourse, of course. Must be highly intelligent, have an impeccable sense of humor, and exceptionally low standards for qualification in a partner. Income class is irrelevant, as are looks and weight. Must have technical skills with audio, video, and photos. Use of curse words for effect encouraged. Must available on demand around my family/work/tennis schedule. Must be discrete and not jealous of my other online flirtatious encounters, but you must be committed. Full set of teeth desired but negotiable. 4K video quality preferred, but HD at a minimum, with at least 8MP cameras. Good sound quality 48K is a must.

    Please apply within.

    Must epitomize the word moist.

    I can't decide if this super funny or creepy for how much thought you put into it...
    I'll go with funny
  • Svanel
    Svanel Posts: 6,255 Member
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    Brunette seeking strong, muscular man (has to be aesthetically pleasing in all aspects, including teeth) that doesn't mind being bossed around on a daily basis, can grill a mean steak, has fantastic survival skills (can chop a zombies head clean off with a single swing), has an accent to die for, showers twice a day (at least), loves felines, is Mr. Fixit and texts a "good morning, Beautiful" every morning, including weekends. A "have a lovely day, Sweetie, kick some @$$ at work today! :*:*" or a, "give 'em hell sweetstuff!" Will be rewarded at the end of the work day, with a reward of my choosing. Must also greet me at the door when i get home with a drink of my choice (he will text me to find out), a passionate hello kiss, and dinner on the table (yes, we will take turns cooking, don't blow a gasket hotstuff). He will be respectful, responsible, trust worthy, excellent credit score is also a must and a little bit of scruff is ideal. This fantastic human being must also love playing video games, yoga (a must so he can be limber enough for frisky bedroom antics), Netflix, waking up to Elvis Crespo's Tu Sonrisa or a similar track every morning, including weekends (morning dancing is good for the soul plus it'll counteract any soreness from the aforementioned frisky bedroom antics). Last but certainly not least, he must always keep a chapstick on his person (gotta keep them luscious lips extra kissable for yours truly).


    Hmm. That was a little lengthy. But...i think that about covers it.
    Oh, one more thing he must enjoy reading.
    :D

  • mechell007
    mechell007 Posts: 97 Member
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    kitty_meow_meow_ wrote: »
    I am seeking someone to discuss "The wrath of Kahn, and how Oprah Winfrey compares/contrasts." Please consider that we will be wearing tin foil hats before responding.

    I love tin foil hats! Let's live long and prosper :wink:
  • LittleHearseDriver
    LittleHearseDriver Posts: 2,677 Member
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    OutOfUserName wrote: »
    LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
    OutOfUserName wrote: »
    LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
    OutOfUserName wrote: »
    LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
    Current relationship status:pizza
    If you want to change that, bring me a peanut butter banana shake ;)
    46mjaz2dwiob.jpg

    do you have pineapple and ham?

    Bring the shake and then we'll talk.

    P. S. Pineapple is my safeword.

    small medium or large?

    Large, of course! Go big or go home.

    watta bout your calorie goals?

    Love has no calorie limit.
  • LittleHearseDriver
    LittleHearseDriver Posts: 2,677 Member
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    OutOfUserName wrote: »
    LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
    OutOfUserName wrote: »
    LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
    OutOfUserName wrote: »
    LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
    OutOfUserName wrote: »
    LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
    Current relationship status:pizza
    If you want to change that, bring me a peanut butter banana shake ;)
    46mjaz2dwiob.jpg

    do you have pineapple and ham?

    Bring the shake and then we'll talk.

    P. S. Pineapple is my safeword.

    small medium or large?

    Large, of course! Go big or go home.

    watta bout your calorie goals?

    Love has no calorie limit.

    no wonder im gaining weight i love to eat

    :open_mouth: I think you're the one for me.
  • LittleHearseDriver
    LittleHearseDriver Posts: 2,677 Member
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    OutOfUserName wrote: »
    LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
    OutOfUserName wrote: »
    LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
    OutOfUserName wrote: »
    LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
    OutOfUserName wrote: »
    LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
    OutOfUserName wrote: »
    LittleHearseDriver wrote: »
    Current relationship status:pizza
    If you want to change that, bring me a peanut butter banana shake ;)
    46mjaz2dwiob.jpg

    do you have pineapple and ham?

    Bring the shake and then we'll talk.

    P. S. Pineapple is my safeword.

    small medium or large?

    Large, of course! Go big or go home.

    watta bout your calorie goals?

    Love has no calorie limit.

    no wonder im gaining weight i love to eat

    :open_mouth: I think you're the one for me.

    wait..huh? are we still talking about shake and pizza? coz if not we need to take this to kik lol

    I don't Kik, but I do sleep. I've got rhymes all the time and I think you look mighty fine.
  • Svanel
    Svanel Posts: 6,255 Member
    edited May 2017
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    Muscle_for_Fitness wrote: »
    I'm looking for something with some sauce to it, a little cheesy is alright but needs to have some meat there. Has to be hot and ready to pick up. Can I get stuffed crust too.

    I've got Little Caesars on speed dial ;) (hot and ready)
    I've also got Pizza Hut (stuffed crust) :D
  • beagletracks
    beagletracks Posts: 6,035 Member
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    Desperately seeking kitten gifs
  • Motorsheen
    Motorsheen Posts: 20,498 Member
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    Vikka_V wrote: »
    If you are looking for a quiet girl who makes things awkward real quick when she does talk - that's me!

    I'm a horrible liar, and extremely picky, except when I can't make up my mind...then anything goes.

    I couldn't tell you what I'm looking for but I will know it when I see it.

    8uzffi9psubn.gif

    Smash
  • tsortsor
    tsortsor Posts: 830 Member
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    What do you mean when u say smash
  • MarvinsAMartian
    MarvinsAMartian Posts: 236 Member
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    Timshel_ wrote: »
    Married single adult male seeking fleeting online discourse and intercourse, of course. Must be highly intelligent, have an impeccable sense of humor, and exceptionally low standards for qualification in a partner. Income class is irrelevant, as are looks and weight. Must have technical skills with audio, video, and photos. Use of curse words for effect encouraged. Must available on demand around my family/work/tennis schedule. Must be discrete and not jealous of my other online flirtatious encounters, but you must be committed. Full set of teeth desired but negotiable. 4K video quality preferred, but HD at a minimum, with at least 8MP cameras. Good sound quality 48K is a must.

    Please apply within.

    Must epitomize the word moist.

    Slow clap my friend... This was hilarious to read.
  • MarvinsAMartian
    MarvinsAMartian Posts: 236 Member
    edited May 2017
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    Avocado_AS5 wrote: »
    I have low enough self-esteem that I may just buy into the lame compliments you throw at me. Will only answer messages sporadically and get bored easily. If nudes are shared, I will save yours and show them to my best friends for entertainment and comparison's sake. Smartass who will probably respond to everything with heavy sarcasm.
    My boobs are decent.
    Expect filtered selfies.

    Slow clap #2 haha... This is great.
  • MrStabbems
    MrStabbems Posts: 3,110 Member
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    Must be flexible, young, enthusiastic and have daddy issues.

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