I'm mad at myself for getting to where I was and I'm mad at other people...
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We become excited when someone points out that we are looking good, but become butt hurt if anyone offers constructive criticism or tells us the hurtful truth .... deep down I would know I am fat and wouldn't need someone else pointing it out. But, my grandmother had no problem letting me know I was putting on weight haha4
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You didn't notice? You didn't need new clothes? I don't really think you would have appreciated it being pointed out like you think. Take personal responsibility for what has happened and change it. You are in charge of you.8
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I had loved ones & my doctor point it out. Didn't matter until I was ready to deal with it, and the comments didn't really speed that process along.11
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Chef_Barbell wrote: »Verity1111 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »It would be nice but it's not their job.Ironandwine69 wrote: »Why is other people's responsibility to point that out?
It's not but it's also not their job to comment on weight loss as if it's bad. So if you're going to be a douche you should at least be a useful douche. (not you, them lol)
I'd personally rather no comments at all. I know I'm fat.
You're not right now lol. I didn't know I was overweight honestly. But I also think if I want to lose weight it's my choice. So if they don't comment on something unhealthy why are they so against something healthy? I feel like when people are overweight they want your company - as in they want you to stay overweight too.0 -
Ummm. no one can gain 100 pounds without noticing, unless they were grossly overweight to start with. At some point you had to buy new pants unless you wear the worlds stretchiest yoga pants! You want everyone else to be honest with you but you are seriously lying to yourself if you think you didnt notice you were gaining that much weight.
Why are you not held to the same standard then as them? Be honest with yourself. Don't worry about being the rest of the world's monitor. It starts at home. Lead by example.
I never bought new pants. I didn't own a scale and I was in a wheelchair. I didn't notice. I didn't gain 100lbs lol I was not talking about me when I said that. I gained probably 40 though and I didnt notice at all until I got on a scale months later.0 -
Verity1111 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »Verity1111 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »It would be nice but it's not their job.Ironandwine69 wrote: »Why is other people's responsibility to point that out?
It's not but it's also not their job to comment on weight loss as if it's bad. So if you're going to be a douche you should at least be a useful douche. (not you, them lol)
I'd personally rather no comments at all. I know I'm fat.
You're not right now lol. I didn't know I was overweight honestly. But I also think if I want to lose weight it's my choice. So if they don't comment on something unhealthy why are they so against something healthy? I feel like when people are overweight they want your company - as in they want you to stay overweight too.
Oh yes, that definitely happens. It's unfortunate, but it does happen.
I am curious how you didn't know. What did you think was happening when you kept getting larger and your clothes kept getting tighter?1 -
Verity1111 wrote: »for not pointing out when I was gaining a lot of weight. It wouldn't matter if it weren't for the fact that people won't hesitate to tell you that you're getting thin (even if you're healthy) or comment that you're not eating enough, but you can gorge or gain almost 100lbs and no one will tell you. I can not believe that not only did I not notice I'd gained any weight, but no one cared enough to say, hey, your health is deteriorating, but I guarantee they have no issue telling me I don't need to lose weight (even if I'm not at a healthy weight). Maybe it's just me, but I point out and say good job when someone loses a lot of weight (in a polite way) and I also will be honest with people I know well and find a way to tell them they've gained weight if they ask or comment on it or that I've lost and if they ever want to join me at the gym etc I do something to show I am interested in their well-being and I wish people had done that for me.
You're mad because you didn't notice your clothes didn't fit anymore and no one pointed it out to you? I always assume people can tell they're gaining weight ...
This is YOUR responsibility. People will point out you're losing because it's considered a compliment in our society. Most people don't want to be rude and mean and point out when you're gaining. They assume you know, since, you know, you live in your body. You being in denial is not my fault.
You are all missing the point. Im mad because when I lose weight they complain yet when I was gaining weight no one said a word. It's as if they wanted me to gain weight. Because they're overweight it's like they want me to be overweight too.0 -
Verity1111 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »Verity1111 wrote: »Chef_Barbell wrote: »It would be nice but it's not their job.Ironandwine69 wrote: »Why is other people's responsibility to point that out?
It's not but it's also not their job to comment on weight loss as if it's bad. So if you're going to be a douche you should at least be a useful douche. (not you, them lol)
I'd personally rather no comments at all. I know I'm fat.
You're not right now lol. I didn't know I was overweight honestly. But I also think if I want to lose weight it's my choice. So if they don't comment on something unhealthy why are they so against something healthy? I feel like when people are overweight they want your company - as in they want you to stay overweight too.
Misery loves company.1 -
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I think the only people that I would talk to about their unhealthy weight gain is family. I routinely see a very obese person and shake my head because I know that they can reverse it. I also think about all pain suffering and expense it will cause. I realize that in most cases I can not change the world but I can set a good example.
I am talking about family and people I know pretty well. They seem to want me (and other people as well) to gain weight because they had no issue with that but I can be overweight and I'm told I don't need to lose weight and discouraged from it.0 -
If someone stopped you and said, "Wow, you've gotten really fat. You need to stop eating crap and start exercising." would that have helped or would you have gotten mad? We've tried giving you help on here and you just get mad at us, so I'm guessing them telling you that you are fat would have gone over about as well as most of your other posts looking for help.22
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Well I had someone put their hands on my belly and ask me when I was due. So at least one person let me know I had gained weight. It was painful and I am not grateful. I'm grateful that most people did not feel the need to let me know I had gained weight.
I knew I had gained. My clothes didn't fit. I had a scale. I had a mirror. I saw photos of myself. I didn't need anyone to tell me I weighed more than I should.
I'm not angry at myself or others. That isn't productive to me. I am managing my weight better now and that is the important thing.
Well I wish someone had because I did not know. My clothes felt the same to me. Im not really the type of person to pay attention and I wore huge shirts so unless I gained 150lbs I wouldnt notice. lol. BUT as I said if they didnt say anything thats OKAY but then why the hell are they commenting NOW when Im trying to be healthier? Like you get fat thats cool but you want to get thin and we are all unhealthy let me tell you why you shouldnt...1 -
If someone stopped you and said, "Wow, you've gotten really fat. You need to stop eating crap and start exercising." would that have helped or would you have gotten mad? We've tried giving you help on here and you just get mad at us, so I'm guessing them telling you that you are fat would have gone over about as well as most of your other posts looking for help.
It could be said in a nice way. "I've noticed you've been gaining weight lately, is everything okay?"0 -
HeliumIsNoble wrote: »Sorry you're feeling frustrated. I can see where you're coming from, but most reasonable, civil people (as in the people who aren't standard issue pains in the neck on a daily basis) would take it for granted that anyone overweight knows they're overweight and that any comment to that effect would be pointlessly personal and rude.
On the other hand, "ooh you're so slim" and similar are seen as nice, complimentary things to say. As well, everyone has seen a documentary about anorexic women who genuinely think they're fat, so many reasonable, civil people will feel the need to reassure anyone who has visibly lost weight that they are slim. Most of the time, most people are well-intentioned and wish to help others; it's just the application which leaves something to be desired.
It's not so much you're so slim as brushing you off if you say youre dieting.... Like oh here eat this ____ You dont need to lose weight its not a big deal type of stuff that gets me. Yes, I do need to lose weight. No Im not unhealthy because Im losing weight Im healthy for it and I was unhealthy when I was gaining... Or my friend he was 700lbs people had no issue sneaking him alcohol to get him even bigger. He's on an oxygen tank! And they still give him food when he's trying to get healthy. It's ridiculous.0 -
Let's be honest, most people don't respond well to family and friends calling them fat. The mirror doesn't lie and getting winded easier during normal activities is a good sign.
I do hate when people say I don't need to lose weight and I'm thin. If I'm working out I know I'm fat and clearly trying to better myself. No need to try and make me feel better by talking me out of it lol.
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Verity1111 wrote: »
Well, it seems like you're mostly mad people are being unsupportive and rude while you're losing. If so, there's no need to muddy the waters by complaining that they weren't equally rude while you were gaining.9 -
Verity1111 wrote: »Ummm. no one can gain 100 pounds without noticing, unless they were grossly overweight to start with. At some point you had to buy new pants unless you wear the worlds stretchiest yoga pants! You want everyone else to be honest with you but you are seriously lying to yourself if you think you didnt notice you were gaining that much weight.
Why are you not held to the same standard then as them? Be honest with yourself. Don't worry about being the rest of the world's monitor. It starts at home. Lead by example.
I never bought new pants. I didn't own a scale and I was in a wheelchair. I didn't notice. I didn't gain 100lbs lol I was not talking about me when I said that. I gained probably 40 though and I didnt notice at all until I got on a scale months later.
You live in your body. You get in and out of the wheelchair multiple times a day. You put clothes on and off. You go to the bathroom and have to wipe. You notice your body. You pay more attention to your own body than I guarantee anyone else on the planet ever would.
I can honestly say that someone sitting in a wheelchair that I see often could gain some weight without me noticing. ANd again, no one else is paying that much attention to your body.
My mom is in a wheelchair. I lift her 6-7 times a day. I wipe her butt. I dress her. I look at her constantly. I would notice if she gained 40 pounds. I assume that if you are lifting yourself, dressing yourself, wiping your own butt.... you would notice. If I gained 40 pounds (and I have, many times), I notice when putting my clothes on, when getting in and out of bed, when taking a shower or going to the bathroom, when sitting and feeling my stomach in my lap.
40 pounds is less than 100, yes. But go pick up a 40 pound bag of dog food - it is definitely noticeable. And that weight went somewhere - something on you is definitely bigger.
So my question is still valid - if you, seeing and feeling and lifting and living inside your body day in and day out, did not notice, why on earth are you upset that people who only see you dressed, sitting in a chair, not having to lift you up or look at you naked (clothes hide a lot, especially when sitting) did NOT notice or say anything? Why is the standard higher for them than you?9 -
snickerscharlie wrote: »1) Maybe they didn't think you were fat?
2) Maybe they didn't notice anything worth commenting on?
3) Maybe they felt it was none of their business?
4) Maybe they don't care?
5) Maybe you should just do you?
I am but that doesn't mean I don't find it frustrating being told that it's unhealthy to lose weight (when it obviously is not) but then when I was actually being unhealthy it was encouraged.0 -
RelCanonical wrote: »Getting down on yourself and others isn't really going to help anything. Time to reset everything to "now" and figure out how you're going to spend your future. You're here, so you know you have work to do.
Well yes true. Im already doing that. Something someone said just made it dawn on me... that people encourage negative behavior and discourage positive.0 -
Verity1111 wrote: »Verity1111 wrote: »for not pointing out when I was gaining a lot of weight. It wouldn't matter if it weren't for the fact that people won't hesitate to tell you that you're getting thin (even if you're healthy) or comment that you're not eating enough, but you can gorge or gain almost 100lbs and no one will tell you. I can not believe that not only did I not notice I'd gained any weight, but no one cared enough to say, hey, your health is deteriorating, but I guarantee they have no issue telling me I don't need to lose weight (even if I'm not at a healthy weight). Maybe it's just me, but I point out and say good job when someone loses a lot of weight (in a polite way) and I also will be honest with people I know well and find a way to tell them they've gained weight if they ask or comment on it or that I've lost and if they ever want to join me at the gym etc I do something to show I am interested in their well-being and I wish people had done that for me.
You're mad because you didn't notice your clothes didn't fit anymore and no one pointed it out to you? I always assume people can tell they're gaining weight ...
This is YOUR responsibility. People will point out you're losing because it's considered a compliment in our society. Most people don't want to be rude and mean and point out when you're gaining. They assume you know, since, you know, you live in your body. You being in denial is not my fault.
You are all missing the point. Im mad because when I lose weight they complain yet when I was gaining weight no one said a word. It's as if they wanted me to gain weight. Because they're overweight it's like they want me to be overweight too.
It's just how society is it seems. Don't bring up flaws and encourage everyone they are perfect the way they are. I find it to be complete BS but in our overly PC culture this is the new Norm. Mention someone being fat and watch the backlash you will get.1
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