I'm mad at myself for getting to where I was and I'm mad at other people...
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DJ_Skywalker wrote: »We become excited when someone points out that we are looking good, but become butt hurt if anyone offers constructive criticism or tells us the hurtful truth .... deep down I would know I am fat and wouldn't need someone else pointing it out. But, my grandmother had no problem letting me know I was putting on weight haha
Your granny is a good woman lol. But I seriously think it's polite because if you care for someone why would you want them to end up with health problems? But like I said this is more because me doing healthy things is discouraged but the unhealthy things were either ignored or encouraged. Also I hate when people comment on my looks at all unless it's for a productive reason lol I dont want to be called pretty unless it's from my boyfriend... makes me uncomfortable. but I dont mind if someone says I gained weight. At least then I know I should lose it. Lol.0 -
Verity1111 wrote: »DJ_Skywalker wrote: »We become excited when someone points out that we are looking good, but become butt hurt if anyone offers constructive criticism or tells us the hurtful truth .... deep down I would know I am fat and wouldn't need someone else pointing it out. But, my grandmother had no problem letting me know I was putting on weight haha
Your granny is a good woman lol. But I seriously think it's polite because if you care for someone why would you want them to end up with health problems? But like I said this is more because me doing healthy things is discouraged but the unhealthy things were either ignored or encouraged. Also I hate when people comment on my looks at all unless it's for a productive reason lol I dont want to be called pretty unless it's from my boyfriend... makes me uncomfortable. but I dont mind if someone says I gained weight. At least then I know I should lose it. Lol.
"Also I hate when people comment on my looks at all unless it's for a productive reason lol I dont want to be called pretty unless it's from my boyfriend... makes me uncomfortable. but I dont mind if someone says I gained weight."
saying you gained weight IS commenting on your looks
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Need2Exerc1se wrote: »I think I get where you are coming from. It was a comment from my husband that brought me out of my funk and spurred me to lose weight. I wish he'd made the comment sooner. But, he didn't and that's not his fault. And who knows if he'd made it earlier if I'd have been as receptive.
Once I started on a diet I too was pretty p.o.'d at myself for gaining all the weight. All my life I'd been thin and fit. Why did I throw it all away and get fat for the first time after so many years??
I also agree with a poster above who said you had to know you were gaining weight. I did. Anyone that gains enough to make your clothes tight or go up a size knows it, whether they acknowledge it or not.
But anger and regret accomplish nothing. The past is the past. You can wallow in it, or you can move on from it.
My clothes weren't tight. I had a huge cast so my pants had to be loose so I could get them over it and I had giant baggy shirts. I really didnt notice at all. Its crazy but I didnt lol I went up 40lbs0 -
Maybe when you had a little bit of weight on you, you were considered healthy to them. When you lost the weight, your smaller size may have looked unhealthy in their eyes, therefore they never made a comment. However, do not worry or even occupy any space in your brain worrying or thinking about that. This is your race big or small, just try to be as healthy as you can be.0
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lemurcat12 wrote: »I knew I was getting fat -- how could I not? -- and I would have been rather insulted if someone had said "hey, getting fat!" or "did you know you gained a bunch of weight?" I also would never say that to someone else.
I also don't think comments on getting too thin are polite and wouldn't make them, but the only ones I've had are basically "great job" type comments or attempted reassurance "you don't need to lose more" that I think are intended to be positive. Sometimes comments come out weirdly.
I blame absolutely no one but myself for me getting fat (and I'm not really that hard on myself about it, what would be the point?, I know why I let it happen).
Im still in the obese category though. I feel like comments saying I dont need to lose weight or telling me to eat a giant slice of cake or five are honestly more like "Stay fat with me" lol and other things people say have kind of confirmed that thought process. But I really am surprised you all noticed you gained weight. But then again I was on bedrest and didnt leave my home for months so I was in huge baggy t shirts that werent even really mine and baggy pants with string pulls to fit them over my cast.0 -
So now I would just say to them, "Next time let me know when I'm getting fat, ok?"
If they are close friends and family, they will. If not now you know where you stand.
People can't read minds and it's generally a double edged sword to talk about weight gain or loss in general normal society.6 -
I had loved ones & my doctor point it out. Didn't matter until I was ready to deal with it, and the comments didn't really speed that process along.
They definitely would have for me. A doctor once while I was pregnancy said you dont NEED to gain anymore weight. I had no idea about calories or anything at that point though. I didnt know how to lose weight but I sure wanted to... but I was pregnant so it didnt seem safe. But I never forgot that and lost weight right after.0 -
I hate to say it but I'm not sure how successful you'll be in your weight loss if you don't take responsibility for your weight gain and admit it's all on you. As others have said, it's no one else's responsibility to point out the obvious to you. Most people have too much decency to say anything to your face.
It's not decent. Especially when you encourage someone to remain overweight.1 -
Verity1111 wrote: »for not pointing out when I was gaining a lot of weight. It wouldn't matter if it weren't for the fact that people won't hesitate to tell you that you're getting thin (even if you're healthy) or comment that you're not eating enough, but you can gorge or gain almost 100lbs and no one will tell you. I can not believe that not only did I not notice I'd gained any weight, but no one cared enough to say, hey, your health is deteriorating, but I guarantee they have no issue telling me I don't need to lose weight (even if I'm not at a healthy weight). Maybe it's just me, but I point out and say good job when someone loses a lot of weight (in a polite way) and I also will be honest with people I know well and find a way to tell them they've gained weight if they ask or comment on it or that I've lost and if they ever want to join me at the gym etc I do something to show I am interested in their well-being and I wish people had done that for me.
Have you ever tried telling someone they are getting fat? It doesn't go well. You would have written some BS post about THAT if it had happened
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Verity1111 wrote: »for not pointing out when I was gaining a lot of weight. It wouldn't matter if it weren't for the fact that people won't hesitate to tell you that you're getting thin (even if you're healthy) or comment that you're not eating enough, but you can gorge or gain almost 100lbs and no one will tell you. I can not believe that not only did I not notice I'd gained any weight, but no one cared enough to say, hey, your health is deteriorating, but I guarantee they have no issue telling me I don't need to lose weight (even if I'm not at a healthy weight). Maybe it's just me, but I point out and say good job when someone loses a lot of weight (in a polite way) and I also will be honest with people I know well and find a way to tell them they've gained weight if they ask or comment on it or that I've lost and if they ever want to join me at the gym etc I do something to show I am interested in their well-being and I wish people had done that for me.
Have you ever tried telling someone they are getting fat? It doesn't go well. You would have written some BS post about THAT if it had happened
I told my daughter I thought she was gaining too much weight with her last pregnancy. She didn't get upset.1 -
Verity1111 wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »I think I get where you are coming from. It was a comment from my husband that brought me out of my funk and spurred me to lose weight. I wish he'd made the comment sooner. But, he didn't and that's not his fault. And who knows if he'd made it earlier if I'd have been as receptive.
Once I started on a diet I too was pretty p.o.'d at myself for gaining all the weight. All my life I'd been thin and fit. Why did I throw it all away and get fat for the first time after so many years??
I also agree with a poster above who said you had to know you were gaining weight. I did. Anyone that gains enough to make your clothes tight or go up a size knows it, whether they acknowledge it or not.
But anger and regret accomplish nothing. The past is the past. You can wallow in it, or you can move on from it.
My clothes weren't tight. I had a huge cast so my pants had to be loose so I could get them over it and I had giant baggy shirts. I really didnt notice at all. Its crazy but I didnt lol I went up 40lbs
Take a look at the first line of your OP. Here, I'll quote it - including the title/header:I'm mad at myself for getting to where I was and I'm mad at other people for not pointing out when I was gaining a lot of weight.
If you were in a wheelchair with a huge cast and were wearing giant shirts such that you didn't notice you were gaining 40 lb, do you really think others would notice it? And if so, do you think they'd mention it, given the condition you were in at the time? I'd think the answers to both questions would unequivocally, "no."12 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Verity1111 wrote: »for not pointing out when I was gaining a lot of weight. It wouldn't matter if it weren't for the fact that people won't hesitate to tell you that you're getting thin (even if you're healthy) or comment that you're not eating enough, but you can gorge or gain almost 100lbs and no one will tell you. I can not believe that not only did I not notice I'd gained any weight, but no one cared enough to say, hey, your health is deteriorating, but I guarantee they have no issue telling me I don't need to lose weight (even if I'm not at a healthy weight). Maybe it's just me, but I point out and say good job when someone loses a lot of weight (in a polite way) and I also will be honest with people I know well and find a way to tell them they've gained weight if they ask or comment on it or that I've lost and if they ever want to join me at the gym etc I do something to show I am interested in their well-being and I wish people had done that for me.
Have you ever tried telling someone they are getting fat? It doesn't go well. You would have written some BS post about THAT if it had happened
I told my daughter I thought she was gaining too much weight with her last pregnancy. She didn't get upset.
Wow. WTG Mom! :noway:6 -
Verity1111 wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »I think I get where you are coming from. It was a comment from my husband that brought me out of my funk and spurred me to lose weight. I wish he'd made the comment sooner. But, he didn't and that's not his fault. And who knows if he'd made it earlier if I'd have been as receptive.
Once I started on a diet I too was pretty p.o.'d at myself for gaining all the weight. All my life I'd been thin and fit. Why did I throw it all away and get fat for the first time after so many years??
I also agree with a poster above who said you had to know you were gaining weight. I did. Anyone that gains enough to make your clothes tight or go up a size knows it, whether they acknowledge it or not.
But anger and regret accomplish nothing. The past is the past. You can wallow in it, or you can move on from it.
My clothes weren't tight. I had a huge cast so my pants had to be loose so I could get them over it and I had giant baggy shirts. I really didnt notice at all. Its crazy but I didnt lol I went up 40lbs
Take a look at the first line of your OP. Here, I'll quote it - including the title/header:I'm mad at myself for getting to where I was and I'm mad at other people for not pointing out when I was gaining a lot of weight.
If you were in a wheelchair with a huge cast and were wearing giant shirts such that you didn't notice you were gaining 40 lb, do you really think others would notice it? And if so, do you think they'd mention it, given the condition you were in at the time? I'd think the answers to both questions would unequivocally, "no."
I dont know. I notice when other people gain weight. I mention it. I couldnt see myself though - no mirrors! I only have a chest up mirror in the bathroom (Im short). I would be concerned for their health and definitely tell them.0 -
I think I kind of get where you are coming from, OP.
I have an aunt who keeps going on about how small I'm getting and how I need to eat. Meanwhile, I still need to lose 20lbs to get to a healthy weight for my height. This is not the smallest I've ever been either.
When I was putting on weight no one really said anything and I did gain 20 lbs or so without noticing. I didn't own a working scale at that point (my old one was a million years old and had stopped working) and my clothes (mostly dresses) are very forgiving though there were a few pieces that wouldn't fit, but I didn't realize I had gained so much.
I have given all the important people in my life permission now to tell me if they think I'm putting on weight because I have and will ask people what they think and everyone always said I looked 'fine'. I can be oblivious and sometimes I get lazy about weighing myself.
Yes, I agree it is my responsibility, but sometimes you need to hear it from someone else.1 -
Verity1111 wrote: »for not pointing out when I was gaining a lot of weight. It wouldn't matter if it weren't for the fact that people won't hesitate to tell you that you're getting thin (even if you're healthy) or comment that you're not eating enough, but you can gorge or gain almost 100lbs and no one will tell you. I can not believe that not only did I not notice I'd gained any weight, but no one cared enough to say, hey, your health is deteriorating, but I guarantee they have no issue telling me I don't need to lose weight (even if I'm not at a healthy weight). Maybe it's just me, but I point out and say good job when someone loses a lot of weight (in a polite way) and I also will be honest with people I know well and find a way to tell them they've gained weight if they ask or comment on it or that I've lost and if they ever want to join me at the gym etc I do something to show I am interested in their well-being and I wish people had done that for me.
Have you ever tried telling someone they are getting fat? It doesn't go well. You would have written some BS post about THAT if it had happened
Uh no I would not. Because it's helpful. Why would anyone get mad? If you're like MAN YOURE A FAT COW! of course someone will get upset. If you tactfully say you've gained some weight and I'm concerned they shouldn't get mad. And yes I have told my father that and he was not offended. He said Maybe I have I need to start walking more. My mom finally commented on my weight btw but by then I was already dieting. She was the only person who had the kindness to say anything.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Verity1111 wrote: »for not pointing out when I was gaining a lot of weight. It wouldn't matter if it weren't for the fact that people won't hesitate to tell you that you're getting thin (even if you're healthy) or comment that you're not eating enough, but you can gorge or gain almost 100lbs and no one will tell you. I can not believe that not only did I not notice I'd gained any weight, but no one cared enough to say, hey, your health is deteriorating, but I guarantee they have no issue telling me I don't need to lose weight (even if I'm not at a healthy weight). Maybe it's just me, but I point out and say good job when someone loses a lot of weight (in a polite way) and I also will be honest with people I know well and find a way to tell them they've gained weight if they ask or comment on it or that I've lost and if they ever want to join me at the gym etc I do something to show I am interested in their well-being and I wish people had done that for me.
Have you ever tried telling someone they are getting fat? It doesn't go well. You would have written some BS post about THAT if it had happened
I told my daughter I thought she was gaining too much weight with her last pregnancy. She didn't get upset.
Because I assume she understood you care about her health. When my Dr said it I found the way she said it rude but I was glad she said it! The difference is at that time I was having my weight taken every week so I knew I was gaining lol BUT I was 19-20 and didnt know what was healthy or even what a calorie was.0 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »If someone stopped you and said, "Wow, you've gotten really fat. You need to stop eating crap and start exercising." would that have helped or would you have gotten mad? We've tried giving you help on here and you just get mad at us, so I'm guessing them telling you that you are fat would have gone over about as well as most of your other posts looking for help.
It could be said in a nice way. "I've noticed you've been gaining weight lately, is everything okay?"
Some people would respond in a positive way to something like that. The OP has a history of getting upset over actual helpful information that isn't negative or could be interpreted as an attack on her, so I don't think anyone telling her she's gained weight would go over well.10 -
Verity1111 wrote: »Verity1111 wrote: »for not pointing out when I was gaining a lot of weight. It wouldn't matter if it weren't for the fact that people won't hesitate to tell you that you're getting thin (even if you're healthy) or comment that you're not eating enough, but you can gorge or gain almost 100lbs and no one will tell you. I can not believe that not only did I not notice I'd gained any weight, but no one cared enough to say, hey, your health is deteriorating, but I guarantee they have no issue telling me I don't need to lose weight (even if I'm not at a healthy weight). Maybe it's just me, but I point out and say good job when someone loses a lot of weight (in a polite way) and I also will be honest with people I know well and find a way to tell them they've gained weight if they ask or comment on it or that I've lost and if they ever want to join me at the gym etc I do something to show I am interested in their well-being and I wish people had done that for me.
Have you ever tried telling someone they are getting fat? It doesn't go well. You would have written some BS post about THAT if it had happened
Uh no I would not. Because it's helpful. Why would anyone get mad? If you're like MAN YOURE A FAT COW! of course someone will get upset. If you tactfully say you've gained some weight and I'm concerned they shouldn't get mad. And yes I have told my father that and he was not offended. He said Maybe I have I need to start walking more.
You see .. if someone felt the need to tell me I was gaining weight, I would not look at that any differently than if they had called me stupid. Did they think I didn't know??? Do they think they've given me some insight that I didn't have? How arrogant and condescending do you have to be to do that?9 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »If someone stopped you and said, "Wow, you've gotten really fat. You need to stop eating crap and start exercising." would that have helped or would you have gotten mad? We've tried giving you help on here and you just get mad at us, so I'm guessing them telling you that you are fat would have gone over about as well as most of your other posts looking for help.
It could be said in a nice way. "I've noticed you've been gaining weight lately, is everything okay?"
Some people would respond in a positive way to something like that. The OP has a history of getting upset over actual helpful information that isn't negative or could be interpreted as an attack on her, so I don't think anyone telling her she's gained weight would go over well.
Perhaps not. But even if she got upset she still might make changes because of it. We often get upset initially over things that ultimately help us.0 -
I think I kind of get where you are coming from, OP.
I have an aunt who keeps going on about how small I'm getting and how I need to eat. Meanwhile, I still need to lose 20lbs to get to a healthy weight for my height. This is not the smallest I've ever been either.
When I was putting on weight no one really said anything and I did gain 20 lbs or so without noticing. I didn't own a working scale at that point (my old one was a million years old and had stopped working) and my clothes (mostly dresses) are very forgiving though there were a few pieces that wouldn't fit, but I didn't realize I had gained so much.
I have given all the important people in my life permission now to tell me if they think I'm putting on weight because I have and will ask people what they think and everyone always said I looked 'fine'. I can be oblivious and sometimes I get lazy about weighing myself.
Yes, I agree it is my responsibility, but sometimes you need to hear it from someone else.
This. It isn't about responsibility for the weight. Of course I am the one who gained it! This has nothing to do with that. The point of this post is why are people complaining when we are getting healthier, but they never complain when we're killing ourselves...0
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