I'm mad at myself for getting to where I was and I'm mad at other people...

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  • vespiquenn
    vespiquenn Posts: 1,455 Member
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    Verity1111 wrote: »
    vespiquenn wrote: »
    Somehow your threads always become trainwrecks..

    If you don't like the company you are with because they comment on your weight loss, then either tell them you are getting by fine or change the people you surround yourself with.

    However, it seems less taboo to mention weight loss rather than gain in our society. Complaining about it won't change that.

    Oh I dont mind them mentioning it! I mind them telling me not to do it or that I cant and to give up, etc. It's cool with me if they mention it or even make a quick suggestion, but I hate when they are super pushy about what I should do with my body and it's not even good advice. :/

    Then refer back to both steps of my advice.

  • Verity1111
    Verity1111 Posts: 3,309 Member
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    vespiquenn wrote: »
    Verity1111 wrote: »
    vespiquenn wrote: »
    Somehow your threads always become trainwrecks..

    If you don't like the company you are with because they comment on your weight loss, then either tell them you are getting by fine or change the people you surround yourself with.

    However, it seems less taboo to mention weight loss rather than gain in our society. Complaining about it won't change that.

    Oh I dont mind them mentioning it! I mind them telling me not to do it or that I cant and to give up, etc. It's cool with me if they mention it or even make a quick suggestion, but I hate when they are super pushy about what I should do with my body and it's not even good advice. :/

    Then refer back to both steps of my advice.

    Yes seems to be the only option. It's not easy when some are relatives or close friends for years however. And even if I do that I needed to get this out of my system, even if it's just to strangers. lol.
  • A_Rene86
    A_Rene86 Posts: 141 Member
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    Sometimes you need to be really blunt with people. As I mentioned in my earlier comment, I dealt with similar remarks and I've had to really put my foot down. "My weight, my body and/or my eating habits are not open for discussion. I'm an adult, I've made my decision and I'm asking you to respect that if you'd like to continue being involved in my life." Sounds cheesy, but I found it effective. Some people don't see the problem with their behavior and need to be told in no uncertain terms that you simply will not tolerate it.
  • Verity1111
    Verity1111 Posts: 3,309 Member
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    A_Rene86 wrote: »
    Sometimes you need to be really blunt with people. As I mentioned in my earlier comment, I dealt with similar remarks and I've had to really put my foot down. "My weight, my body and/or my eating habits are not open for discussion. I'm an adult, I've made my decision and I'm asking you to respect that if you'd like to continue being involved in my life." Sounds cheesy, but I found it effective. Some people don't see the problem with their behavior and need to be told in no uncertain terms that you simply will not tolerate it.

    I guess so. I am blunt on here and like I said I speak up about things, but I also have lines I don't like to cross. Defending myself is harder than defending other things. I try to explain it kindly and then I just give up sometimes and walk away trying not to be rude. Maybe I do just need to be sterner.
  • Sunna_W
    Sunna_W Posts: 744 Member
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    Nobody is on this journey but YOU! No one BUT you is responsible for what you put in your mouth. Own it. Move on...
  • dydn11402
    dydn11402 Posts: 95 Member
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    op, im wondering if you are in a different culture than a lot of us. all i know is when somebody tells me im skinny, i lost weight, i should stop losing, etc i feel great! even if they meant that i look terrible lol. but to tell someone that they gained or theyre too fat? that is a huge no-no where im from. in no way, shape, or form is that acceptable. or helpful btw. in most cases, the person themselves knows better than anyone that theyve gained weight or are fat and nothing will make them lose until they decide to do it. i would never, never tell someone that.
  • ImKaren768
    ImKaren768 Posts: 19 Member
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    A lot of times they want to slow your progress because they don't want to have to reflect on their own body/health and feel guilted into action themselves.
  • Machka9
    Machka9 Posts: 24,980 Member
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    Verity1111 wrote: »
    TR0berts wrote: »
    Verity1111 wrote: »
    I think I get where you are coming from. It was a comment from my husband that brought me out of my funk and spurred me to lose weight. I wish he'd made the comment sooner. But, he didn't and that's not his fault. And who knows if he'd made it earlier if I'd have been as receptive.

    Once I started on a diet I too was pretty p.o.'d at myself for gaining all the weight. All my life I'd been thin and fit. Why did I throw it all away and get fat for the first time after so many years??

    I also agree with a poster above who said you had to know you were gaining weight. I did. Anyone that gains enough to make your clothes tight or go up a size knows it, whether they acknowledge it or not.

    But anger and regret accomplish nothing. The past is the past. You can wallow in it, or you can move on from it.

    My clothes weren't tight. I had a huge cast so my pants had to be loose so I could get them over it and I had giant baggy shirts. I really didnt notice at all. Its crazy but I didnt lol I went up 40lbs


    Take a look at the first line of your OP. Here, I'll quote it - including the title/header:
    I'm mad at myself for getting to where I was and I'm mad at other people for not pointing out when I was gaining a lot of weight.

    If you were in a wheelchair with a huge cast and were wearing giant shirts such that you didn't notice you were gaining 40 lb, do you really think others would notice it? And if so, do you think they'd mention it, given the condition you were in at the time? I'd think the answers to both questions would unequivocally, "no."

    I dont know. I notice when other people gain weight. I mention it.

    And how does that go for you?

  • danika2point0
    danika2point0 Posts: 197 Member
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    I didn't gain 100lbs. That was an exaggerated example but I have a friend who gain hundredS and no one stepped in until he ended up in the hospital to say hey youre killing yourself... BUT I did gain 40lbs and not notice at all. I was injured and I wore large shirts and large pants with pull ties (to be able to get them over my injured leg). Never went out. Now people seem to have an issue with me aiming for a healthy weight. It bothers me that people seem to like when others are overweight and dislike them to get healthier unless theyre also on a path to wellness.[/quote]


    What did you say to that friend as he was gaining the weight? How successful was your verbal intervention?

    Also, I am not sure how you would expect others to: 1. notice a weight gain and then 2. comment on weight gain when you claim you could not even see it on yourself?

    Yeah, it sucks when we feel people idly sit by and watch us self-destruct but a lot of time: 1. People know that we know - whatever it is...we're too fat, we drink too much, we do x, y, z, etc. 2. People know a verbal comment won't help and will usually only make things worse. There are rare cases where a verbal intervention is warranted and appropriate depending upon the relationship and situation. I just don't understand how you could have expected such when you could not even tell you had gained 40 lbs?
  • lemurcat12
    lemurcat12 Posts: 30,886 Member
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    dydn11402 wrote: »
    op, im wondering if you are in a different culture than a lot of us. all i know is when somebody tells me im skinny, i lost weight, i should stop losing, etc i feel great! even if they meant that i look terrible lol. but to tell someone that they gained or theyre too fat? that is a huge no-no where im from. in no way, shape, or form is that acceptable. or helpful btw. in most cases, the person themselves knows better than anyone that theyve gained weight or are fat and nothing will make them lose until they decide to do it. i would never, never tell someone that.

    Exactly this.

    Where I live, being thin is a positive, being told I'm looking thin is a compliment (or I take it as that, but I think it's mean as such). People would be annoyed if I stopped going to restaurants with them, but they don't care what I order.

    I do wonder if these are just extreme cultural differences of some sort.
  • Verity1111
    Verity1111 Posts: 3,309 Member
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    No one can win. People complain when others comment on their weight loss, or when they don't comment on their weight loss, or when they comment on their weight gain, or now apparently if they don't comment on their weight gain. No one wins. Ever.

    You obviously didn't get the point isn't that they didn't comment on the weight gain alone but that they also discourage the weight loss.
  • Verity1111
    Verity1111 Posts: 3,309 Member
    edited May 2017
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    I didn't gain 100lbs. That was an exaggerated example but I have a friend who gain hundredS and no one stepped in until he ended up in the hospital to say hey youre killing yourself... BUT I did gain 40lbs and not notice at all. I was injured and I wore large shirts and large pants with pull ties (to be able to get them over my injured leg). Never went out. Now people seem to have an issue with me aiming for a healthy weight. It bothers me that people seem to like when others are overweight and dislike them to get healthier unless theyre also on a path to wellness.

    What did you say to that friend as he was gaining the weight? How successful was your verbal intervention?

    Also, I am not sure how you would expect others to: 1. notice a weight gain and then 2. comment on weight gain when you claim you could not even see it on yourself?

    Yeah, it sucks when we feel people idly sit by and watch us self-destruct but a lot of time: 1. People know that we know - whatever it is...we're too fat, we drink too much, we do x, y, z, etc. 2. People know a verbal comment won't help and will usually only make things worse. There are rare cases where a verbal intervention is warranted and appropriate depending upon the relationship and situation. I just don't understand how you could have expected such when you could not even tell you had gained 40 lbs?

    We always asked how his weight loss was going and encouraged it. We did not order food around him, etc but these people promoted his bad habits and when he said no would push it on him. Also, again, I can't see me from far away but others can. I'm sure I notice when someone gains weight before they do unless they wear tight clothing. But again as I said it's not just watching people gain, it's because they discourage weight loss.
  • Verity1111
    Verity1111 Posts: 3,309 Member
    edited May 2017
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    lemurcat12 wrote: »
    dydn11402 wrote: »
    op, im wondering if you are in a different culture than a lot of us. all i know is when somebody tells me im skinny, i lost weight, i should stop losing, etc i feel great! even if they meant that i look terrible lol. but to tell someone that they gained or theyre too fat? that is a huge no-no where im from. in no way, shape, or form is that acceptable. or helpful btw. in most cases, the person themselves knows better than anyone that theyve gained weight or are fat and nothing will make them lose until they decide to do it. i would never, never tell someone that.

    Exactly this.

    Where I live, being thin is a positive, being told I'm looking thin is a compliment (or I take it as that, but I think it's mean as such). People would be annoyed if I stopped going to restaurants with them, but they don't care what I order.

    I do wonder if these are just extreme cultural differences of some sort.

    Not at all. I'm in Chicago. My friends are mostly caucasian or hispanic. It's not annoyance it's like anger and it's not like it's mentioned one time and then dropped either.
  • Verity1111
    Verity1111 Posts: 3,309 Member
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    ImKaren768 wrote: »
    A lot of times they want to slow your progress because they don't want to have to reflect on their own body/health and feel guilted into action themselves.

    Yeah I am starting to wonder if that's part of it.
  • Verity1111
    Verity1111 Posts: 3,309 Member
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    If you didn't notice a gain of 40 lbs due to baggy clothing, how was anyone else supposed to?

    I don't have a mirror? I think other people would notice before me - same as if I lose weight. I don't notice unless I step on a scale. I lost 30lbs in about 2-3 months once without trying as a teenager and I did not notice until someone said OMG your legs are so skinny what happened? I looked down and I was like huh...I guess? lol.
  • Verity1111
    Verity1111 Posts: 3,309 Member
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    dydn11402 wrote: »
    op, im wondering if you are in a different culture than a lot of us. all i know is when somebody tells me im skinny, i lost weight, i should stop losing, etc i feel great! even if they meant that i look terrible lol. but to tell someone that they gained or theyre too fat? that is a huge no-no where im from. in no way, shape, or form is that acceptable. or helpful btw. in most cases, the person themselves knows better than anyone that theyve gained weight or are fat and nothing will make them lose until they decide to do it. i would never, never tell someone that.

    Well, first of all I don't like being told anything about my body as far as you look good or bad. I simply appreciate being told hey I care about you and I think you're risking your health a lot more than I appreciate people discouraging my new healthy habits.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
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    Verity1111 wrote: »
    If you didn't notice a gain of 40 lbs due to baggy clothing, how was anyone else supposed to?

    I don't have a mirror? I think other people would notice before me - same as if I lose weight. I don't notice unless I step on a scale. I lost 30lbs in about 2-3 months once without trying as a teenager and I did not notice until someone said OMG your legs are so skinny what happened? I looked down and I was like huh...I guess? lol.

    Sorry, I don't buy it. You wash you, dress you, see yourself naked. You don't need a mirror to have an awareness of your body. It's completely illogical to be dark on people for not pointing something out to you that you didn't even see yourself. Gradual weight isn't screamingly obvious, clearly if you never noticed it. It's bizarre that you expect people who aren't you to notice it first.
  • Verity1111
    Verity1111 Posts: 3,309 Member
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    Verity1111 wrote: »
    If you didn't notice a gain of 40 lbs due to baggy clothing, how was anyone else supposed to?

    I don't have a mirror? I think other people would notice before me - same as if I lose weight. I don't notice unless I step on a scale. I lost 30lbs in about 2-3 months once without trying as a teenager and I did not notice until someone said OMG your legs are so skinny what happened? I looked down and I was like huh...I guess? lol.

    Sorry, I don't buy it. You wash you, dress you, see yourself naked. You don't need a mirror to have an awareness of your body. It's completely illogical to be dark on people for not pointing something out to you that you didn't even see yourself. Gradual weight isn't screamingly obvious, clearly if you never noticed it. It's bizarre that you expect people who aren't you to notice it first.

    I don't exactly sit around looking at myself naked. and I had an ED and I always think I'm huge but the scale doesn't usually show it. There's a big difference. And don't buy it all you want. I really don't care. That's all I have to say on it. I don't find it bizarre. I notice someone else gaining before they do - as I said. I don't see how they'd notice first unless they wear a lot of tight clothing. 40lbs in 4-5 months isn't that gradual of a weight gain.