Parents on here I need advice, my daughter is seeing a guy way older than her
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So daddy has over parented her entire life to the point that she made it to 22 with very little if any guy experience. And is now upset that he cannot control her life anymore and is still trying.
That is a fast track to having your daughter marry the wrong guy and never talk to you again.
Let her learn her own life lessons, if you are trying to control and live her life then you are even that much more in the wrong.2 -
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I agree 22 is an adult and I don't have a daughter, but if God decides to bless me so...
She's always going to be my little girl, and I'm always going to be Daddy, no matter how old she gets...1 -
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abetterme9366 wrote: »I was a VIRGIN at 22 years old as far as my father was concerned. All the way up until I gave birth to my first born. Still nothing my dad could do.
Amen.
Ive never talked about my sexual relationships with guys to my dad - ew.
For all he knows Im a virgin too.3 -
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hillaryflicka92 wrote: »Honesty, as an early twenties female, I try to look for men about 10 years older - just a preference.
If he's a scumbag, he was probably one at 25 as well.
She didn't know him at 25 though
Im just saying that if hes a *kitten* guy, hes likely always been one regardless of the age he currently is.
You need to trust that you've raised your kid to have good judgment, and if this doesnt work out then be there for her at that point.
Don't make her feel like letting you know about her relationships is a bad idea.1 -
Ok so a few things:
1. A guy can be a gentleman or a scumbag at any age, so I don't see why you think your daughter dating a younger man would equate to her dating a better one.
2. If she's 22, then you have to let go an trust that you have raised her well enough to be smart about herself and the people she chooses to associate with. You have to relinquish that control at some point.
3. If she's paying bills and rent, then you don't have the ability to use that "under my roof" argument. You can't treat her like an adult in one situation and a child in another.
4. Whom she gives her virginity to and when is her business and hers alone, not yours. She is not a dog and you are not her breeder. Please please do not think that you have any control over her sexuality. (And if she does have sex with this man, and if they stop dating and she decides she's made a mistake, it is only your job to support and love her, not to tell her "told you so.")2 -
*Edited to delete quote from wrong person, too lazy to requote*
I agree totally. My Dad STILL writes down the license plate numbers of every dude I've ever dated. And I'm 36 years old with a 13 year old child!
I background check my own boyfriends and even my current significant other of 5 years because you never truly know someone or what they're hiding. That's why people are always "shocked because X was such a nice/loving guy".
There are tons of free ways to run reverse cell look ups, background checks, and criminal records including DUI are public records (also free to search and download depending on your State). Absolutely check out everything about this dude. And you should teach your daughter to be pro-active and do this herself, as well.3 -
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WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »You're daughter is a full blown adult. End of story.
That doesn't make a mom stop worrying like every mom does and should. And the other poster is right. If it's under her roof, it's 100% her business. I had to stay with my parents for a brief stint of 6 months between houses and even though I was 28 and a mom with a kid... I followed their rules, their curfew, and paid them rent.
This situation would fully concern me as well. Did you miss the part where her daughter is a VIRGIN at 22 years old?
By law you had tenant rights that, your parents had to legally obey; if they took either money, items (such as trading a vehicle as payment) and/or services (you did household chores as payment) & the payment doesn't have to equate with market value either! Which means as long as you were following all laws, what you did under their roof; was legally 0% their business! That's how, the law works!3 -
hillaryflicka92 wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »I was a VIRGIN at 22 years old as far as my father was concerned. All the way up until I gave birth to my first born. Still nothing my dad could do.
Amen.
Ive never talked about my sexual relationships with guys to my dad - ew.
For all he knows Im a virgin too.
I never never talked to my dad about these things.. When I was younger, we had one conversation.. My sister and I was in his truck, and a song came on that was about AIDs. He looked over to us and asked if we understood what the song meant? I said, yes sir.. He said good.. The end.
However, mom's convo was a lot longer and detailed than that..
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BattleRopes wrote: »It's nonsensical to me that you're concerned of some guy, taking legal advantage of your daughter; all the while you yourself her own Father's committing actual crimes against her!
What crimes
Violating your tenant's rights!1 -
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Once a child grows up, the right thing for a father to do is to be helpful and supportive. The time for you to guide and direct your child has long since past.5
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You've heard of May-December stories in literature? It's not uncommon in real life. If you want to push your daughter straight into this man's arms, nag her. If you let it run its course, it will end most likely. My 18 year old son was being chased by a 23 year old married woman. I was very careful in what I said never being critical of her as a person, just pointing out the difficulties such a relationship has. It was over by his decision. Whew. We dodged that bullet; the woman was a nut.1
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Jeffagner2 wrote: »Once a child grows up, the right thing for a father to do is to be helpful and supportive. The time for you to guide and direct your child has long since past.
Yes. This.2 -
WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »*Edited to delete quote from wrong person, too lazy to requote*
I agree totally. My Dad STILL writes down the license plate numbers of every dude I've ever dated. And I'm 36 years old with a 13 year old child!
Your Dad's a *kitten* bad@ss, I'm so going to do this with my daughter and teach her to text license plates to her friends when going out with new people if I'm not around...
That's great advice actually...
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The real funny thing is: We wouldn't hear any word about age-difference if @lookat6 would be the father of the guy.
As for the story as such: Literally EVERY father hates it if "his little girl" starts seeing (or even worse "dating") other people (no matter which sex is involved). The only remarkable thing in this special story is that the daughter had to become 22.1 -
abetterme9366 wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »I feel terribly sorry for this poor young lady
Why do you say that I'm teaching her the ropes
What ropes? Daddy manages your sex life?
No of how guys his age trying to get with her is aiming for one thing
You are way too worried about your daughter's vagina. Stay out of her sex life please.
I have to say that there are enough easy women out there that if he was only interested in one thing he could probably find it easier somewhere else. If he's taking her out and enjoying time with her and it's consentual then stay out of it. Hell they might just be f buddies, still not your business.
Sounds like mom met him because maybe she's level headed and doesn't come off as an intimidating abusive jerk.1 -
Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »*Edited to delete quote from wrong person, too lazy to requote*
I agree totally. My Dad STILL writes down the license plate numbers of every dude I've ever dated. And I'm 36 years old with a 13 year old child!
Your Dad's a *kitten* bad@ss, I'm so going to do this with my daughter and teach her to text license plates to her friends when going out with new people if I'm not around...
That's great advice actually...
My dad is a father of 4 girls, lord knows he has seen men come and go. In my opinion perfect blend of protective and 'stand back and watch'. He'd be there in a second if I needed him, but has never told me (as an adult) that I cant see someone. That being said, he knows he raised me to value myself and trusts that is enough to help me make good choices.
Really valuable for a strong relationship IMO.2 -
Mr_Healthy_Habits wrote: »WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »*Edited to delete quote from wrong person, too lazy to requote*
I agree totally. My Dad STILL writes down the license plate numbers of every dude I've ever dated. And I'm 36 years old with a 13 year old child!
Your Dad's a *kitten* bad@ss, I'm so going to do this with my daughter and teach her to text license plates to her friends when going out with new people if I'm not around...
That's great advice actually...
that really is very smart jesse cover your license plate giggles1 -
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Ok so a few things:
1. A guy can be a gentleman or a scumbag at any age, so I don't see why you think your daughter dating a younger man would equate to her dating a better one.
2. If she's 22, then you have to let go an trust that you have raised her well enough to be smart about herself and the people she chooses to associate with. You have to relinquish that control at some point.
3. If she's paying bills and rent, then you don't have the ability to use that "under my roof" argument. You can't treat her like an adult in one situation and a child in another.
4. Whom she gives her virginity to and when is her business and hers alone, not yours. She is not a dog and you are not her breeder. Please please do not think that you have any control over her sexuality. (And if she does have sex with this man, and if they stop dating and she decides she's made a mistake, it is only your job to support and love her, not to tell her "told you so.")
I can use the under my roof because my name is on the house she just helps and if he comes around my house to get her it's my business
By law since she's contributing, she's a tenant & all tenants, have rights that can't be; taken away from them! Your name being on the papers, doesn't take away any of her rights; to what she's paying for!2
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