Parents on here I need advice, my daughter is seeing a guy way older than her
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Honestly, if I was going on a date with with someone Ntm and she text my license plate to her friend... I'd probably fall head over heels for her right then and there...
Nothing more impressive than a street smart chick... To me anyway.2 -
my license plate says : dealer
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RavenLibra wrote: »There's a question of emotional maturity... I have a stepson with adhd... he's 30... emotionally he's around 15... seems like you lack trust in your parenting abilities... otherwise at 22 you would trust your daughter's decisions... a good friend in high school had a sister who at 17 became involved with a 40 year old ... they have been married for 30 years raised a family and are happily retired... what difference does age make in the context of allowing your child to seek out her happiness... and for all you know she's using him for one thing... young adults are far more "precocious " than at anytime in our history
OK, nope. That's a predator and the parents failed if they allowed anything but prison to happen for that man. Only someone who is mentally ill in some way seeks out at teenager at 40 years old. Totally unacceptable and disgusting.
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My husband is 9 years older than me. It's not always a bad sign to happen to meet someone you really like that is just a bit older than your parents would want. We've now been married 8 years, together 10+, with a 2 year old. She is 22 - leave her be and try to like the guy. She'll either figure it out for herself or not, but it's not up to you to decide her friends at that age.1
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abetterme9366 wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »I feel terribly sorry for this poor young lady
Why do you say that I'm teaching her the ropes
What ropes? Daddy manages your sex life?
No of how guys his age trying to get with her is aiming for one thing
You are way too worried about your daughter's vagina. Stay out of her sex life please.
I have to say that there are enough easy women out there that if he was only interested in one thing he could probably find it easier somewhere else. If he's taking her out and enjoying time with her and it's consentual then stay out of it. Hell they might just be f buddies, still not your business.
Sounds like mom met him because maybe she's level headed and doesn't come off as an intimidating abusive jerk.
No mom met him because my house rule is everyone has to come in the house . And he's disrespecting the house by picking up my daughter and not coming in
Lol obviously your daughter doesn't care about house rules. The guy is probably following her lead. She probably doesn't want to take the time to have him come in and be harassed when they have somewhere to be. Plus, he already came in once, he probably doesn't feel the need again.
Just leave your adult daughter alone about this and let it run its course. Give her advice on being safe and vigilant and recognizing red flags of abuse. Stop focusing on the guy and how awful he might be because you are literally pushing her to him. Show you care and want her to be safe while not controlling or smothering her.
People have given you great advice here but you seem to want some magic anecdote that makes you completely correct and gives you control of your daughter's actions and creepily her sex life.1 -
My brother was 22 and dating someone 45. Now they are married and happy. At first my family was very wary. Get to know the guy or offer to all go out together cause the more you try to push him away is just going to break your relationship with your daughter.0
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abetterme9366 wrote: »WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »You're daughter is a full blown adult. End of story.
That doesn't make a mom stop worrying like every mom does and should. And the other poster is right. If it's under her roof, it's 100% her business. I had to stay with my parents for a brief stint of 6 months between houses and even though I was 28 and a mom with a kid... I followed their rules, their curfew, and paid them rent.
This situation would fully concern me as well. Did you miss the part where her daughter is a VIRGIN at 22 years old?
Did you miss the part where 22 means adult and just because it his business doesn't mean there is anything he can do about it? Concern is one thing, asserting some sort of dominance over his adult daughters life is another. What else?
No, it's that any parent who claims they "stop parenting" at the magical age of legal adulthood are liars. A 22 year old is mentally a baby.
And rent or no rent, she's in his home and he has 100% right to parent her. If she doesn't want to be directly patented, she can get her "adult" self an apartment.
And I already said the Dad should be background and criminal checking this dude out. Rather than talking about meeting up (to fight? talk? I dunno, that's unclear). Talking to him is useless if he's an accomplished liar and criminal. Which is what he should be looking into and then calmly urging his daughter to understand that a man much older seeking a 22 year old, virginal girlfriend is likely a sicko/pervert.1 -
Most of you guys up here are coming at me but explain this he knows that I don't like the idea of my daughter hanging with him and that I think he's using her so why hasn't he come to me like a grown man to prove me other wise. I blocked his car in last month and asked him "what were his intentions and when was he coming to see me " he still hasn't came ! I also found his Facebook and added him he didn't add me back
We've already explained this to you, it's because legally she's an adult & she's contributing, therefore IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS & YOU COMMITTED THE CRIME, OF FALSE IMPRISONMENT; BY BLOCKING HIS VEHICLE BECAUSE IT PREVENTED HIM FROM LEAVING AT WILL! He could've had you, arrested for that! The fact's you're a criminal & yet you've the audacity, to worry about him doing legal things; with your daughter!2 -
if he is in it for real hell step up to the plate if not you see it0
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abetterme9366 wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »I feel terribly sorry for this poor young lady
Why do you say that I'm teaching her the ropes
What ropes? Daddy manages your sex life?
No of how guys his age trying to get with her is aiming for one thing
You are way too worried about your daughter's vagina. Stay out of her sex life please.
I have to say that there are enough easy women out there that if he was only interested in one thing he could probably find it easier somewhere else. If he's taking her out and enjoying time with her and it's consentual then stay out of it. Hell they might just be f buddies, still not your business.
Sounds like mom met him because maybe she's level headed and doesn't come off as an intimidating abusive jerk.
No mom met him because my house rule is everyone has to come in the house . And he's disrespecting the house by picking up my daughter and not coming in
What? He's not disrespecting the house at all.0 -
HeliumIsNoble wrote: »
If you were his daughter, would you have been sharing any personal details about activity with previous boyfriends?WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »You're daughter is a full blown adult. End of story.
That doesn't make a mom stop worrying like every mom does and should. And the other poster is right. If it's under her roof, it's 100% her business. I had to stay with my parents for a brief stint of 6 months between houses and even though I was 28 and a mom with a kid... I followed their rules, their curfew, and paid them rent.
This situation would fully concern me as well. Did you miss the part where her daughter is a VIRGIN at 22 years old?
Me personally? Lol.... my parents were MUCH stricter than this guy. They already had the background info on every dude long before I gave them any details willingly. And they were right to do so. They still check out my current boyfriend. And so do I. That's the reasonable thing to do regardless of age. All this hand-wringing is useless. Check him out. Social Media, criminal info, credit, former girlfriends. The whole bag. If he doesn't accept a person being responsible, he's hiding something anyway and should be dismissed.0 -
Most of you guys up here are coming at me but explain this he knows that I don't like the idea of my daughter hanging with him and that I think he's using her so why hasn't he come to me like a grown man to prove me other wise. I blocked his car in last month and asked him "what were his intentions and when was he coming to see me " he still hasn't came ! I also found his Facebook and added him he didn't add me back
Wow. Really? You're upset he didn't add you to his FB after you block him in? I can't even with this.2 -
PikaJoyJoy wrote: »Most of you guys up here are coming at me but explain this he knows that I don't like the idea of my daughter hanging with him and that I think he's using her so why hasn't he come to me like a grown man to prove me other wise. I blocked his car in last month and asked him "what were his intentions and when was he coming to see me " he still hasn't came ! I also found his Facebook and added him he didn't add me back
Wow. Really? You're upset he didn't add you to his FB after you block him in? I can't even with this.
giggles0 -
Most of you guys up here are coming at me but explain this he knows that I don't like the idea of my daughter hanging with him and that I think he's using her so why hasn't he come to me like a grown man to prove me other wise. I blocked his car in last month and asked him "what were his intentions and when was he coming to see me " he still hasn't came ! I also found his Facebook and added him he didn't add me back
He is dating your daughter not you. Plus you are coming off like a bit of a psycho. Most guys wouldnt try to force the issue with someone whos shown themselves to be a hot head when there is no need for it.
Learn to be a father figure as the advice has suggested. You asked for it. you got it and still dont want to listen to it.0 -
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PikaJoyJoy wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »I feel terribly sorry for this poor young lady
Why do you say that I'm teaching her the ropes
What ropes? Daddy manages your sex life?
No of how guys his age trying to get with her is aiming for one thing
You are way too worried about your daughter's vagina. Stay out of her sex life please.
I have to say that there are enough easy women out there that if he was only interested in one thing he could probably find it easier somewhere else. If he's taking her out and enjoying time with her and it's consentual then stay out of it. Hell they might just be f buddies, still not your business.
Sounds like mom met him because maybe she's level headed and doesn't come off as an intimidating abusive jerk.
No mom met him because my house rule is everyone has to come in the house . And he's disrespecting the house by picking up my daughter and not coming in
What? He's not disrespecting the house at all.
Yes, that's traditionally disrespectful. Gentlemen don't sit outside and honk the horn. They come to the door to pick a woman up. Including when you live alone. That's pretty commonly universal. This guy was clearly raised wrong and sadly... his daughter isn't demanding respect, either. Running out to jump in his car? Ugh. That's sad.2 -
this went beyond lengthy0
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PikaJoyJoy wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »I feel terribly sorry for this poor young lady
Why do you say that I'm teaching her the ropes
What ropes? Daddy manages your sex life?
No of how guys his age trying to get with her is aiming for one thing
You are way too worried about your daughter's vagina. Stay out of her sex life please.
I have to say that there are enough easy women out there that if he was only interested in one thing he could probably find it easier somewhere else. If he's taking her out and enjoying time with her and it's consentual then stay out of it. Hell they might just be f buddies, still not your business.
Sounds like mom met him because maybe she's level headed and doesn't come off as an intimidating abusive jerk.
No mom met him because my house rule is everyone has to come in the house . And he's disrespecting the house by picking up my daughter and not coming in
What? He's not disrespecting the house at all.
My rules are if you're going out you have to come in the house if you don't it's disrespect
But you said they're just friends so why does he have to come into the house?
And how do you know you're daughter isn't the one telling him not to?0 -
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WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »HeliumIsNoble wrote: »
If you were his daughter, would you have been sharing any personal details about activity with previous boyfriends?WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »You're daughter is a full blown adult. End of story.
That doesn't make a mom stop worrying like every mom does and should. And the other poster is right. If it's under her roof, it's 100% her business. I had to stay with my parents for a brief stint of 6 months between houses and even though I was 28 and a mom with a kid... I followed their rules, their curfew, and paid them rent.
This situation would fully concern me as well. Did you miss the part where her daughter is a VIRGIN at 22 years old?
Me personally? Lol.... my parents were MUCH stricter than this guy. They already had the background info on every dude long before I gave them any details willingly. And they were right to do so. They still check out my current boyfriend. And so do I. That's the reasonable thing to do regardless of age. All this hand-wringing is useless. Check him out. Social Media, criminal info, credit, former girlfriends. The whole bag. If he doesn't accept a person being responsible, he's hiding something anyway and should be dismissed.
That's all well and good, but what can you do if your adult daughter/son still wishes to see someone despite the information. There really isn't anything he can do in this situation.0 -
WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »You're daughter is a full blown adult. End of story.
That doesn't make a mom stop worrying like every mom does and should. And the other poster is right. If it's under her roof, it's 100% her business. I had to stay with my parents for a brief stint of 6 months between houses and even though I was 28 and a mom with a kid... I followed their rules, their curfew, and paid them rent.
This situation would fully concern me as well. Did you miss the part where her daughter is a VIRGIN at 22 years old?
Did you miss the part where 22 means adult and just because it his business doesn't mean there is anything he can do about it? Concern is one thing, asserting some sort of dominance over his adult daughters life is another. What else?
No, it's that any parent who claims they "stop parenting" at the magical age of legal adulthood are liars. A 22 year old is mentally a baby.
And rent or no rent, she's in his home and he has 100% right to parent her. If she doesn't want to be directly patented, she can get her "adult" self an apartment.
And I already said the Dad should be background and criminal checking this dude out. Rather than talking about meeting up (to fight? talk? I dunno, that's unclear). Talking to him is useless if he's an accomplished liar and criminal. Which is what he should be looking into and then calmly urging his daughter to understand that a man much older seeking a 22 year old, virginal girlfriend is likely a sicko/pervert.
Tenant laws, disagree with; the bolded!1 -
WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »PikaJoyJoy wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »I feel terribly sorry for this poor young lady
Why do you say that I'm teaching her the ropes
What ropes? Daddy manages your sex life?
No of how guys his age trying to get with her is aiming for one thing
You are way too worried about your daughter's vagina. Stay out of her sex life please.
I have to say that there are enough easy women out there that if he was only interested in one thing he could probably find it easier somewhere else. If he's taking her out and enjoying time with her and it's consentual then stay out of it. Hell they might just be f buddies, still not your business.
Sounds like mom met him because maybe she's level headed and doesn't come off as an intimidating abusive jerk.
No mom met him because my house rule is everyone has to come in the house . And he's disrespecting the house by picking up my daughter and not coming in
What? He's not disrespecting the house at all.
Yes, that's traditionally disrespectful. Gentlemen don't sit outside and honk the horn. They come to the door to pick a woman up. Including when you live alone. That's pretty commonly universal. This guy was clearly raised wrong and sadly... his daughter isn't demanding respect, either. Running out to jump in his car? Ugh. That's sad.
Just because people don't date like you and the OP, doesn't automatically make him wrong, disrespectful or hiding something.
Actually a lot of people (these days) tend to do date and WHEN they feel like the relationship is actually serious and may be leading to more, THEN they'll do the whole "meet the parents."
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_notorious_ wrote: »Tldr- but...
A man your daughters age is probably going to be immature, annoying and all sorts of other really awful things...
I've always dated men at least 5 years older because I can't handle the immaturity level of the ones closer to my age.
So really- count your blessings.
Also.. you have boundary issues.
If the guy was 5 years older I'd be okay but nearly 10 ? No
So 5 years and younger don't need to be checked in?0 -
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BattleRopes wrote: »WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »WendyLeigh1119 wrote: »abetterme9366 wrote: »You're daughter is a full blown adult. End of story.
That doesn't make a mom stop worrying like every mom does and should. And the other poster is right. If it's under her roof, it's 100% her business. I had to stay with my parents for a brief stint of 6 months between houses and even though I was 28 and a mom with a kid... I followed their rules, their curfew, and paid them rent.
This situation would fully concern me as well. Did you miss the part where her daughter is a VIRGIN at 22 years old?
Did you miss the part where 22 means adult and just because it his business doesn't mean there is anything he can do about it? Concern is one thing, asserting some sort of dominance over his adult daughters life is another. What else?
No, it's that any parent who claims they "stop parenting" at the magical age of legal adulthood are liars. A 22 year old is mentally a baby.
And rent or no rent, she's in his home and he has 100% right to parent her. If she doesn't want to be directly patented, she can get her "adult" self an apartment.
And I already said the Dad should be background and criminal checking this dude out. Rather than talking about meeting up (to fight? talk? I dunno, that's unclear). Talking to him is useless if he's an accomplished liar and criminal. Which is what he should be looking into and then calmly urging his daughter to understand that a man much older seeking a 22 year old, virginal girlfriend is likely a sicko/pervert.
Tenant laws, disagree with; the bolded!
It's been proven judges don't side with the whole "it's the parents house so kids forgo tenant rights" when they are paying rent.0
This discussion has been closed.
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