All of my friends are getting bigger............
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It happened to all but one of my friends right out of high school as well. I don't really care, but it is a little frustrating when they ask me what to do and then give me a long, exasperated sigh when I give them the basic "count your calories using one of these three apps, or cut back significantly on sugar/snacks/a meal/whatever if you don't want to track everything".4
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Nope. You hit the whole packet of nails on the head.WinoGelato wrote: »Let's see...
OP writes humble brag/judgy post about overweight friends that she thinks is OK because internet anonymity...
People chime in to offer counterpoints with reasons why said overweight friends might be struggling, might not be ready to lose the weight, etc...
A couple posters eager for any chance to Fat shame those who are overweight and struggling join in because clearly these friends are lazy and just don't give a baby sloth about their health and there should be no excuses for getting fat...
Sounds about right, did I miss anything?
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Men and women seem to be different on the whole.
If a dude loses weight and now sports a muscular body, another dude might well ask "dude, you look ripped, what you been doing?" If asked (and only if asked) you can answer "dude, check out MyFitnessPal, you can track your food and exercise. It rocks!"
I have no data to back this up, but men seem much more likely to comment on other men's bodies without mishap. Woe be the man that comments on a woman's body (even comments intended to be positive can go badly wrong). I am not sure what goes on between women, but it sounds complicated.
In all cases, advice works best when it's solicited. It's also best when it's simple, as in, "check out MFP."4 -
Bry_Lander wrote: »LazyButHealthy wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
What a load of tosh.
Your assumption that people gain weight because they 'let themselves go' is atrociously insulting!
So using a phrase like “letting themselves go” triggers an extremely intense feeling of being insulted? Lol, I hope you use a great deal of caution when viewing this forum and most online content, that is about as benign as it gets.
Feel free to advance an alternative theory as to why a lot of couples tend to put on weight after they get married (keeping in mind that I have already identified aging, babies, and medical conditions as foreseeable and often unavoidable causes.)
Why are aging and babies valid reasons to become overweight IYO but other life changes are not?7 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »LazyButHealthy wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
What a load of tosh.
Your assumption that people gain weight because they 'let themselves go' is atrociously insulting!
So using a phrase like “letting themselves go” triggers an extremely intense feeling of being insulted? Lol, I hope you use a great deal of caution when viewing this forum and most online content, that is about as benign as it gets.
Feel free to advance an alternative theory as to why a lot of couples tend to put on weight after they get married (keeping in mind that I have already identified aging, babies, and medical conditions as foreseeable and often unavoidable causes.)
Why are aging and babies valid reasons to become overweight IYO but other life changes are not?
For example?
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We all grow up differently. The world would be a sad place if we were all exactly the same.
I feel for those who know what to do, do it but have an endocrine system which is none compliant.0 -
Yeah, tracking my calories was totally at the top of my list when I spent a year in crisis waiting for treatment, diagnosis and doing my best not to go the way of my dad (spoiler alert, he committed suicide). I'm still not "well" but I got my *kitten* together enough to care about looking after my physical health while my mental health was (and mostly still is) in the toilet. But like with any illness, physical or mental, everyone deals differently and needs to prioritise different things.
As for friends. My closest friend has become very overweight, as did I. She's not yet in a place to really commit to doing something about it. She knows. She knows I know. It's of no help to her for me to tell her. She also knows what to do. And we've often talked about my "journey". She doesn't need me shaming her every time I see her, it's not going to make things better or motivate her.
All I'll say is I'm very glad a lot of the people in this thread aren't friends of mine.30 -
We just need to look at the statistics in the US. 65% of adults are overweight to obese. That means 35% aren't. OP, you're one of the 35%.
Why do 65% get overweight or obese..................one reason. They consume more than they burn. Why they do it varies from person to person.
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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I agree. When we are fit, thin, and healthy, people stop being nice. Even "friends" find something to say about you out of jealousy, or whatever it is they feel towards you. Even on this app, people don't want to hear that you weigh 120#. I think that thin people get mistreated and don't get the respect as the heavier people in the midst of their weight loss,.. Although we started out at unhealthy levels just like the rest of them..RaeBeeBaby wrote: »Mom used to say "fat and happy, skinny and sad". That has been true my entire life. Why? Comfort eating and confident in the love no matter the shape or size. It is easier than you think to gain a few pounds here and there and shrug it off. At the end of the day it comes down to wanting a better body for yourself and making the changes to get there.
I've had (former) friends who dropped me when I got fit. As long as we were all struggling it was fine, but get thinner and fit and you're somehow a threat, even if you're absolutely not. You realize those aren't real friends after all. These days I make better choices all around - food, fitness AND friends.
Then you have the wrong friends! I have a good friend who started off at 90+ kgs then started running / being careful what she ate and she started losing weight, I cheered her every step of the way, even when she got down to what I weighed and then went on to lose about another 10kgs below what I weigh. I was so proud of her, I was also trying to lose weight, but she worked harder and deserved every single kilo. I am still slowly losing and she is now maintaining, I'm not jealous of her, she's my friend, her success is my success because I was her cheerleader. Now she's mine... My advice - Choose better friends!!14 -
For some reason the title of this thread reminds me of this Morrissey song:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l6g0gDrCUi8 2 -
Bry_Lander wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »LazyButHealthy wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
What a load of tosh.
Your assumption that people gain weight because they 'let themselves go' is atrociously insulting!
So using a phrase like “letting themselves go” triggers an extremely intense feeling of being insulted? Lol, I hope you use a great deal of caution when viewing this forum and most online content, that is about as benign as it gets.
Feel free to advance an alternative theory as to why a lot of couples tend to put on weight after they get married (keeping in mind that I have already identified aging, babies, and medical conditions as foreseeable and often unavoidable causes.)
Why are aging and babies valid reasons to become overweight IYO but other life changes are not?
For example?
Our (US/western) culture, along with a slew of well-marketed, atrocious diet & fitness advice, plays a pretty substantial role in why people are overweight, generally speaking. I hope you're considering this within your conservative permissions of acceptable weight gain.1 -
Bry_Lander wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »LazyButHealthy wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
What a load of tosh.
Your assumption that people gain weight because they 'let themselves go' is atrociously insulting!
So using a phrase like “letting themselves go” triggers an extremely intense feeling of being insulted? Lol, I hope you use a great deal of caution when viewing this forum and most online content, that is about as benign as it gets.
Feel free to advance an alternative theory as to why a lot of couples tend to put on weight after they get married (keeping in mind that I have already identified aging, babies, and medical conditions as foreseeable and often unavoidable causes.)
Why are aging and babies valid reasons to become overweight IYO but other life changes are not?
For example?
Job change, moving, ill/death of parent/child/spouse, loss of income, natural disaster, ...5 -
Bry_Lander wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »LazyButHealthy wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
What a load of tosh.
Your assumption that people gain weight because they 'let themselves go' is atrociously insulting!
So using a phrase like “letting themselves go” triggers an extremely intense feeling of being insulted? Lol, I hope you use a great deal of caution when viewing this forum and most online content, that is about as benign as it gets.
Feel free to advance an alternative theory as to why a lot of couples tend to put on weight after they get married (keeping in mind that I have already identified aging, babies, and medical conditions as foreseeable and often unavoidable causes.)
Why are aging and babies valid reasons to become overweight IYO but other life changes are not?
For example?
Our (US/western) culture, along with a slew of well-marketed, atrocious diet & fitness advice, plays a pretty substantial role in why people are overweight, generally speaking. I hope you're considering this within your conservative permissions of acceptable weight gain.
We are specifically referencing weight gain following marriage, not in general.
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interesting that OP started this and never came back to comment again...especially about her conflicting posts that was pointed out earlier...12
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Muscleflex79 wrote: »interesting that OP started this and never came back to comment again...especially about her conflicting posts that was pointed out earlier...
LOL0 -
tiptoethruthetulips wrote: »I am 31, 5'1, CW 115, GW 112 (keeps bouncing back up bc I am not maintaining properly). I have been married a year and most of my friends are married, with or without kids, or in a long term committed relationship. EVERYONE is getting HUGE. Seeing friends from college or somewhere after a year or so, and they have gained 50 pounds. What is going on? Do they not care? Also, I would never FORCE diet advice on them, but if they ask or it come up, I say "MFP" and they say im pyscho etc and have no interest blah blah, takes too long, excuse. WHAT GIVES???
Did you write the post below? If so it says you married in March which isn't a year ago, interestingly within a couple of months or so, there was a 9lb gain...so I guess you already know what gives....
I think the post about EVERYONE getting HUGE but not you is just a brag post.
Well done you, you lost your weight gain after your wedding, perhaps you could show your friends some compassionate and perhaps not be so judgemental about them. You have no idea what goes on in their lives, could be family or relationship issues, work issues, depression, children issues, emotional eating, etc etc...don't think for one minute they tell you everything about them.
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10558943/weight-gain-after-the-wedding
So OP basically gained 9 pound in 2 months after marrying...which at the rate that she was going would bring her to 54lbs weight gain in a year if she continued to live the lifestyle she did for those 2 months ...which would make her just like her "friends" she is judging. So I'm assuming she knows damn well the answer to her own question of how this happens since she lived it with her "two cookies or chips while watching TV".
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Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
Dear Mr Judgy-McJudgy-Pants,
I am so happy that you and your wife of many years have keeping fit and eating healthily in common. Other couples may have eating and drinking and watching movies in common and may not be feel that they are "letting themselves go" because they put on a bit of weight. They probably love each other for other attributes rather than just what they look like.
Yours sincerely (or not...)
Mrs Happy-Not-To-Be-Quite-As-Skinny-As-I-Was.25 -
Thank you all for the most entertaining/most ridiculous assumptions on MFP I've ever encountered.
I was not intending to be being judgy or "humble brag" at all.
It was a question... when people I know are complaining about their weight 24/7 but roll their eyes when I tell them what I do along the lines of counting calories and exercising (BECAUSE THEY ASK), it is annoying. Sorry but it is.
also, to the few #trolls who have stalked my previous discussions posted to MFP, if you must know, I was married over a year ago and had the ceremony in March of this year. Yes, I gained a few pounds in the last year but recognized and took care of it before it became a problem.
There. Now the OP has commented... KEEP AT IT PEOPLE!
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Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »LazyButHealthy wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
What a load of tosh.
Your assumption that people gain weight because they 'let themselves go' is atrociously insulting!
So using a phrase like “letting themselves go” triggers an extremely intense feeling of being insulted? Lol, I hope you use a great deal of caution when viewing this forum and most online content, that is about as benign as it gets.
Feel free to advance an alternative theory as to why a lot of couples tend to put on weight after they get married (keeping in mind that I have already identified aging, babies, and medical conditions as foreseeable and often unavoidable causes.)
Why are aging and babies valid reasons to become overweight IYO but other life changes are not?
For example?
Job change, moving, ill/death of parent/child/spouse, loss of income, natural disaster, ...
If significant stressful life events cause you to respond with the long term abuse of some substance (food, alcohol, drugs, etc.), then you have a psychological medical condition that you need professional help with.
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