All of my friends are getting bigger............
kas1317
Posts: 67 Member
I am 31, 5'1, CW 115, GW 112 (keeps bouncing back up bc I am not maintaining properly). I have been married a year and most of my friends are married, with or without kids, or in a long term committed relationship. EVERYONE is getting HUGE. Seeing friends from college or somewhere after a year or so, and they have gained 50 pounds. What is going on? Do they not care? Also, I would never FORCE diet advice on them, but if they ask or it come up, I say "MFP" and they say im pyscho etc and have no interest blah blah, takes too long, excuse. WHAT GIVES???
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Replies
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That's their business.124
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RuNaRoUnDaFiEld wrote: »That's their business.
This.31 -
I once read that statistically, women are very likely to put on weight after the start of a long-term relationship. Wherever it was claimed it was because it comes naturally to someone dishing up food to give both adults exactly the same size of portion.
No idea if this is true, but it's interesting.26 -
How to lose friends: #1. Be skinnier than they are and tell them how to lose weight. So... keep hush no matter what.
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LOL, well they complain about it to me...that's why im asking *kitten*10
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oh weLL0
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HeliumIsNoble wrote: »I once read that statistically, women are very likely to put on weight after the start of a long-term relationship. Wherever it was claimed it was because it comes naturally to someone dishing up food to give both adults exactly the same size of portion.
No idea if this is true, but it's interesting.
This has happened to me twice, but was easily stopped when i realized portion sizes for men and women simply can't be the same (even if i want them to).
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To lazy to look this up and apparently iv'e lived in a dark fish bowl all my life, but why are people calling people kittens, and whats with the asterisk? Are you emulating the sound of a kitten? Is this a compliment since kittens are cute, fluffy and adorable or is it an insult because kittens are cute, fluffy and adorable? So many questions.
But almost everyone gains weight after school, having a job and a bazillion responsibilities and problems will do that to ya.11 -
Dr_Fishbowl wrote: »To lazy to look this up and apparently iv'e lived in a dark fish bowl all my life, but why are people calling people kittens, and whats with the asterisk, are you emulating the sound of a kitten? Is this a compliment since kittens are cute, fluffy and adorable or is it an insult because kittens are cute, fluffy and adorable? So many questions.
But almost everyone gains weight after school, having a job and a bazillion responsibilities and problems will do that to ya.
Kitten is the MFP way of editing out cursing.7 -
If they don't care why do you?11
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HeliumIsNoble wrote: »I once read that statistically, women are very likely to put on weight after the start of a long-term relationship. Wherever it was claimed it was because it comes naturally to someone dishing up food to give both adults exactly the same size of portion.
No idea if this is true, but it's interesting.
Yes, I have historically gained weight in new relationships. And I did used to split pizzas with my OH, then realized how foolish this was, given that he is a foot taller than me.9 -
Chef_Barbell wrote: »Dr_Fishbowl wrote: »To lazy to look this up and apparently iv'e lived in a dark fish bowl all my life, but why are people calling people kittens, and whats with the asterisk, are you emulating the sound of a kitten? Is this a compliment since kittens are cute, fluffy and adorable or is it an insult because kittens are cute, fluffy and adorable? So many questions.
But almost everyone gains weight after school, having a job and a bazillion responsibilities and problems will do that to ya.
Kitten is the MFP way of editing out cursing.
Yes, the swear filter used to be ****** which made a lot more sense. One April Fool's Day they went to *kitten* which would have been fine for a day, but they kept it despite community complaints, and it has caused confusion ever since.12 -
Kind of borrowing from 12-step groups, here. It's okay to talk about yourself and your experience; but not to offer unsolicited advice or tell them how to fix themselves. They have to want it and they have to make the leap.
If they ask, or complain, you can tell them how MFP helped you, changed your life;
Give them examples on how you have learned so much, why the forums are full of funny, helpful advice, etc.
Good luck.18 -
I am 31, 5'1, CW 115, GW 112 (keeps bouncing back up bc I am not maintaining properly). I have been married a year and most of my friends are married, with or without kids, or in a long term committed relationship. EVERYONE is getting HUGE. Seeing friends from college or somewhere after a year or so, and they have gained 50 pounds. What is going on? Do they not care? Also, I would never FORCE diet advice on them, but if they ask or it come up, I say "MFP" and they say im pyscho etc and have no interest blah blah, takes too long, excuse. WHAT GIVES???
Did you write the post below? If so it says you married in March which isn't a year ago, interestingly within a couple of months or so, there was a 9lb gain...so I guess you already know what gives....
I think the post about EVERYONE getting HUGE but not you is just a brag post.
Well done you, you lost your weight gain after your wedding, perhaps you could show your friends some compassionate and perhaps not be so judgemental about them. You have no idea what goes on in their lives, could be family or relationship issues, work issues, depression, children issues, emotional eating, etc etc...don't think for one minute they tell you everything about them.
https://community.myfitnesspal.com/en/discussion/10558943/weight-gain-after-the-wedding
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I'm not sure if I should confess this, but I'm married to a sedentary vegetarian bloke who has a natural off-switch. He's one of those people who will never become anything over slightly overweight, however much cake you put in front of him. This isn't anything to do with a naturally high metabolism; it's his habits. He will only have cake after dinner, "because it wouldn't be enjoyable if you ate it all the time" and he always just stops after one slice because "he's full".
Any way, the upshot of all this is that since I raised my activity level to be two levels higher than his, and shrank my portion sizes to about his, I don't put on weight. Don't lose either, but I don't gain.
So that's what you need to do. Find a sedentary man with a small appetite, and exercise more than him.41 -
HeliumIsNoble wrote: »
So that's what you need to do. Find a sedentary man with a small appetite, and exercise more than him.
I am going to update my dating profile with this now - seeking slightly lazy man with no interest in food
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HeliumIsNoble wrote: »I'm not sure if I should confess this, but I'm married to a sedentary vegetarian bloke who has a natural off-switch. He's one of those people who will never become anything over slightly overweight, however much cake you put in front of him. This isn't anything to do with a naturally high metabolism; it's his habits. He will only have cake after dinner, "because it wouldn't be enjoyable if you ate it all the time" and he always just stops after one slice because "he's full".
Any way, the upshot of all this is that since I raised my activity level to be two levels higher than his, and shrank my portion sizes to about his, I don't put on weight. Don't lose either, but I don't gain.
So that's what you need to do. Find a sedentary man with a small appetite, and exercise more than him.
funny you mention this, this is exactly what i've done. 10 -
It really works!rainbowbow wrote: »HeliumIsNoble wrote: »I'm not sure if I should confess this, but I'm married to a sedentary vegetarian bloke who has a natural off-switch. He's one of those people who will never become anything over slightly overweight, however much cake you put in front of him. This isn't anything to do with a naturally high metabolism; it's his habits. He will only have cake after dinner, "because it wouldn't be enjoyable if you ate it all the time" and he always just stops after one slice because "he's full".
Any way, the upshot of all this is that since I raised my activity level to be two levels higher than his, and shrank my portion sizes to about his, I don't put on weight. Don't lose either, but I don't gain.
So that's what you need to do. Find a sedentary man with a small appetite, and exercise more than him.
funny you mention this, this is exactly what i've done.
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HeliumIsNoble wrote: »I once read that statistically, women are very likely to put on weight after the start of a long-term relationship. Wherever it was claimed it was because it comes naturally to someone dishing up food to give both adults exactly the same size of portion.
No idea if this is true, but it's interesting.
I put on weight when I first got married. It wasn't so much portion sizes for me as just having a big 'dinner' every night. When I was single if I wasn't particularly hungry I'd just have a snack for dinner which meant a couple of days a week I was eating at a fairly large deficit, which kept me at maintenance even though we were dating and eating out a lot.
Once we married and moved in together I started cooking, and of course eating, dinner every night. That put me at a calorie surplus and I started gaining weight. That's when I gave up breakfast, which I never really cared for anyway but always thought I should eat. I liked the dinners together so I kept that but skipping breakfast put me back at maintenance, more or less. Still over the years I'd occasionally gain 5-10 lbs and have to cut back.7 -
HeliumIsNoble wrote: »I once read that statistically, women are very likely to put on weight after the start of a long-term relationship. Wherever it was claimed it was because it comes naturally to someone dishing up food to give both adults exactly the same size of portion.
No idea if this is true, but it's interesting.
This is totally what happened to me. Well this, and the general "nesting" where you cook comfort food and spend time at home because we were so exhausted after the wedding. (Also my maid of honour was in the throws of end stage cancer and died two months after the wedding - So comfort eating was a thing ). It's only been in the last year and a half that I've been viewing my eating habits as separate from hubby but in that first year I easily put on 50 lbs! Seems to just be a cycle that happens. Now I'm losing again and setting myself up with sustainable habits.2 -
I am 31, 5'1, CW 115, GW 112 (keeps bouncing back up bc I am not maintaining properly). I have been married a year and most of my friends are married, with or without kids, or in a long term committed relationship. EVERYONE is getting HUGE. Seeing friends from college or somewhere after a year or so, and they have gained 50 pounds. What is going on? Do they not care? Also, I would never FORCE diet advice on them, but if they ask or it come up, I say "MFP" and they say im pyscho etc and have no interest blah blah, takes too long, excuse. WHAT GIVES???
Sometimes as you get older your lifestyle changes. You may start a new job, relationship or have kids. Your eating habits do not always change with your lifestyle and there is a lot of confusing advice out there.
Your friends probably care since they are asking questions but haven't prioritized weight loss yet over other things or figured out what is right for them.
You can tell them that MFP or similar apps/sites are useful tools that help you. If they don't want to try it then so be it. It isn't required to use an app to lose weight.
I gained weight with pregnancy and becoming more sedentary. I resisted counting calories and logging food for 15 years. I tried different diets and stuff during that time and lost and regained more than once.
Probably a lot of people here on MFP have struggled with their weight for years before coming to MFP. Doesn't mean they didn't care or weren't trying to lose weight.
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WHAT GIVES???
Eating out more when in a relationship
Increasingly sedentary activities when in a relationship (Netflix & chill...and falling face first into a bowl of ice cream)
Generally eating bigger portion sizes (especially for women who match their OH's volume of food)
General laziness
It's official. Love makes you fat.
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I understand the frustration. People ask for advice, then when you explain what it is that works and how it works, they say "oh I could never do that. What about this one week juice fast, that's easier" and then keep complaining about being fat. I think some folks are missing the point about how these people come to *us* asking what to do, it's not like we're going out of our way to point out how fat they are. No one likes being asked for advice and then having people say "oh but how about this snake oil instead."20
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It's funny. I gained weight when I was single but since I've been married, I've lost weight and I'm healthier than ever. I actually want to look FABULOUS for my husband even though he thinks I look good no matter what.10
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Many people have different reasons for this...it happened to me and it was my thyroid that didn't starting effecting me until college. Don't judge other people on their bodies or weight struggles. You don't walk In their shoes and unless you're still BFF and talk with them everyday and know their struggles, you shouldn't say anything. You're clearly on here to become a healthier YOU. not a healthier THEM. good luck.18
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I understand what you mean OP. I also know a lot of people who are getting huge and having major health issues. At the same time they said nothing to me and accepted me when I was 80+ pounds heavier while most of them weighed less.
When people ask me how I lost weight/maintain my weight almost all of the time I hear I don't have time to workout or I could never do this or that. They are looking for a specific diet, plan or pill it seems.
I stay out of it and just continue working hard on myself.
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rainbowbow wrote: »HeliumIsNoble wrote: »I'm not sure if I should confess this, but I'm married to a sedentary vegetarian bloke who has a natural off-switch. He's one of those people who will never become anything over slightly overweight, however much cake you put in front of him. This isn't anything to do with a naturally high metabolism; it's his habits. He will only have cake after dinner, "because it wouldn't be enjoyable if you ate it all the time" and he always just stops after one slice because "he's full".
Any way, the upshot of all this is that since I raised my activity level to be two levels higher than his, and shrank my portion sizes to about his, I don't put on weight. Don't lose either, but I don't gain.
So that's what you need to do. Find a sedentary man with a small appetite, and exercise more than him.
funny you mention this, this is exactly what i've done.
Same! It's almost like a sideshow sometimes because I'll watch my OH eat a boxed lunch of a sandwich, bag of chips, and a cookie (total creeper, I know)... and he'll leave half of the sandwich and the whole cookie, and my mind is just blown! I can't seem to grasp how he can leave food behind, as my first instinct would be to try to finish everything off. I ask him why he stopped eating, why can't he finish off the rest of the meal, and he simply states, "I'm full". What a concept!6 -
You are psyching yourself out worrying what they will ask you, how you will respond, and how they will respond to that. Just focus yourself and the here and now!5
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