All of my friends are getting bigger............

123468

Replies

  • msf74
    msf74 Posts: 3,498 Member
    Tacklewasher wrote: »
    MommaGem2017 wrote: »
    I am appreciating my husband more and more and more and this thread continues. I am such a lucky lady!!

    Just know not all men share the opinions expressed.

    Well clearly. Men are not a homogeneous group sharing a single viewpoint and neither are women. People can and do approach their relationships as they see fit as expressed above.

    Unless the argument is that this a male traits thing v a female traits thing.

    Which would be a bit silly.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    RaeBeeBaby wrote: »
    Mom used to say "fat and happy, skinny and sad". That has been true my entire life. Why? Comfort eating and confident in the love no matter the shape or size. It is easier than you think to gain a few pounds here and there and shrug it off. At the end of the day it comes down to wanting a better body for yourself and making the changes to get there.

    I've had (former) friends who dropped me when I got fit. As long as we were all struggling it was fine, but get thinner and fit and you're somehow a threat, even if you're absolutely not. You realize those aren't real friends after all. These days I make better choices all around - food, fitness AND friends. B)
    kokonani wrote: »
    I agree. When we are fit, thin, and healthy, people stop being nice. Even "friends" find something to say about you out of jealousy, or whatever it is they feel towards you. Even on this app, people don't want to hear that you weigh 120#. I think that thin people get mistreated and don't get the respect as the heavier people in the midst of their weight loss,.. Although we started out at unhealthy levels just like the rest of them..

    I was going to take issue with this, but then I saw you guys were talking about when people are all overweight together things are fine, but if one person gets fit the dynamic changes. I don't have an issue with that. My problem was when I though you were talking about all thin people getting mistreated, a concept I find bizarre.
  • joinn68
    joinn68 Posts: 480 Member
    HeliumIsNoble wrote: »
    I'm not sure if I should confess this, but I'm married to a sedentary vegetarian bloke who has a natural off-switch. He's one of those people who will never become anything over slightly overweight, however much cake you put in front of him. This isn't anything to do with a naturally high metabolism; it's his habits. He will only have cake after dinner, "because it wouldn't be enjoyable if you ate it all the time" and he always just stops after one slice because "he's full".

    Any way, the upshot of all this is that since I raised my activity level to be two levels higher than his, and shrank my portion sizes to about his, I don't put on weight. Don't lose either, but I don't gain.

    So that's what you need to do. Find a sedentary man with a small appetite, and exercise more than him.

    Grrr... My man has a huge appetite, exercises like a pro-player, is almost a foot taller than me AND is younger! (BMI 21.6) Should I trade him in?

    On the plus size he does encourage me to exercise more. I already did before I met him but he does encourage me to push harder and try new things. Rare times I cook for both of us, it will be my usual food, but he'll eat 3x as much + extras and side items for him.
  • kshama2001
    kshama2001 Posts: 28,052 Member
    MommaGem2017 wrote: »
    Bry_Lander wrote: »
    I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.

    I just don't think it's even that intentional. I was at my lowest weight ever when I met my husband. Living alone, I didn't want to bother cooking extensive meals for myself, so I would eat a bowl of cereal, soup, frozen meal, and then go to yoga all night. After I moved in with my (soon-to-be) husband, I actually wanted to cook nice meals for this person I loved. A lazy bowl of cereal turned into yummy lasagnas with wine, and other delicious foods. Both my husband and I were eating richer, more calorie dense foods than normal and we both gained a few pounds.

    "(taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course)"

    But this is really the key of it all - just LIFE. After our wedding I had two babies and two knee injuries. Tired from back-to-back babies and no longer able to perform the exercise I preferred.... well, now I'm here on MFP trying to lose weight.

    Did I intentionally "let myself go"? No, but life happens.

    Yes, I have a very different cooking style when I'm single. Food is simpler and less caloric.

    And I'm also more active. I didn't even have cable (or netflix or hulu) last few times I was single. Now, I spend a lot of time watching TV with my OH, but a lot of this is for the cuddling. Sometimes I intend to do some yoga after an hour of TV but get sucked into that cuddling vortex.
  • siraphine
    siraphine Posts: 185 Member
    It's not your business. Worry about yourself.

    People do tend to put on weight when they get into a serious relationship. Comfort levels, y'know? You don't need to put forth as much effort to attract people, so you fall into the comfort trap. Doesn't matter, though. It's their business, and their life, and if anyone decides they need to lose weight, it has to be them.
  • MommaGem2017
    MommaGem2017 Posts: 405 Member
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    MommaGem2017 wrote: »
    Bry_Lander wrote: »
    I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.

    I just don't think it's even that intentional. I was at my lowest weight ever when I met my husband. Living alone, I didn't want to bother cooking extensive meals for myself, so I would eat a bowl of cereal, soup, frozen meal, and then go to yoga all night. After I moved in with my (soon-to-be) husband, I actually wanted to cook nice meals for this person I loved. A lazy bowl of cereal turned into yummy lasagnas with wine, and other delicious foods. Both my husband and I were eating richer, more calorie dense foods than normal and we both gained a few pounds.

    "(taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course)"

    But this is really the key of it all - just LIFE. After our wedding I had two babies and two knee injuries. Tired from back-to-back babies and no longer able to perform the exercise I preferred.... well, now I'm here on MFP trying to lose weight.

    Did I intentionally "let myself go"? No, but life happens.

    Yes, I have a very different cooking style when I'm single. Food is simpler and less caloric.

    And I'm also more active. I didn't even have cable (or netflix or hulu) last few times I was single. Now, I spend a lot of time watching TV with my OH, but a lot of this is for the cuddling. Sometimes I intend to do some yoga after an hour of TV but get sucked into that cuddling vortex.

    Ohhhhhh, the cuddle vortex is super strong!!
  • Katiebear_81
    Katiebear_81 Posts: 719 Member
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    Katiebear_81 wrote: »
    I don't owe anyone "thin" or "fit" or "pretty". I am my own human being and if I get married and gain weight then I don't "owe" it to my spouse to lose that weight. If he doesn't like it and it becomes a deal-breaker for him, then that is that - he is also his own human being and gets to determine the terms of his own life. If we have a discussion and I decide to lose weight, I'd do it for my own goddamned self, not because he wants me to.

    I freakin hate the term "let herself go", like she *kitten* owed anyone anything. Because we are only talking about looks, here. And women (and men!) do not owe anyone any kind of aesthetic.

    I think you'll love this: https://www.romper.com/p/21-signs-youve-let-yourself-go-after-having-a-baby-61684

    This is amazing. Lizard person!!! Hahahahahaha. So good.
  • Bry_Fitness70
    Bry_Fitness70 Posts: 2,480 Member
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    Bry_Lander wrote: »
    MommaGem2017 wrote: »
    Bry_Lander wrote: »
    I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.

    I just don't think it's even that intentional. I was at my lowest weight ever when I met my husband. Living alone, I didn't want to bother cooking extensive meals for myself, so I would eat a bowl of cereal, soup, frozen meal, and then go to yoga all night. After I moved in with my (soon-to-be) husband, I actually wanted to cook nice meals for this person I loved. A lazy bowl of cereal turned into yummy lasagnas with wine, and other delicious foods. Both my husband and I were eating richer, more calorie dense foods than normal and we both gained a few pounds.

    "(taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course)" is actually a huge part of it."

    But this is really the key of it all - just LIFE. After our wedding I had two babies and two knee injuries. Tired from back-to-back babies and no longer able to perform the exercise I preferred.... well, now I'm here on MFP trying to lose weight.

    Did I intentionally "let myself go"? No, but life happens.

    I lived with someone in my 20s, and about 6 months into it, we both had gained a fair amount of weight. While it wasn't "intentional", the lack of pressure to stay fit was the primary cause. We didn't care to impress each other with our healthy eating habits like when we first met, there was a lot of fast food. We both skipped the gym because having a decent physique to attract the opposite sex wasn't a priority anymore. There was more laying around the house and eating comfort food While this is all evident in hindsight, I was not even aware of the reality of any of this until we were no longer together and I had to reverse what had happened to me.

    I bet If you'd led with this you wouldn't be catching nearly as much flack.

    Perhaps you are now getting the sense that "let yourself go" is primarily an insult leveled against women and will be more careful about using it in the future.

    21 Signs You’ve Let Yourself Go After Having A Baby

    I specifically excluded having babies from the "letting yourself go" narrative multiple times, it is all in the record above ;) if people keep bringing it back to baby weight, that is shedding light on their own viewpoint, not mine.
  • jessiferrrb
    jessiferrrb Posts: 1,758 Member
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    Katiebear_81 wrote: »
    I don't owe anyone "thin" or "fit" or "pretty". I am my own human being and if I get married and gain weight then I don't "owe" it to my spouse to lose that weight. If he doesn't like it and it becomes a deal-breaker for him, then that is that - he is also his own human being and gets to determine the terms of his own life. If we have a discussion and I decide to lose weight, I'd do it for my own goddamned self, not because he wants me to.

    I freakin hate the term "let herself go", like she *kitten* owed anyone anything. Because we are only talking about looks, here. And women (and men!) do not owe anyone any kind of aesthetic.

    I think you'll love this: https://www.romper.com/p/21-signs-youve-let-yourself-go-after-having-a-baby-61684

    this is amazing.
    The one exception would be if you were trying to impress a man by eating cake and saying something like, "OMG I am such a fatty, right? I mean, I love cake and I eat it all the time and I don't gain weight! How funny is that, huh? I'm not like those other girls. They're so b*tchy and they all eat bunny food. Ha! I love my burgers!"

    In that moment you were prioritizing performative misogyny for male approval over watching what you eat. I'll give you a pass. After all, part of not letting yourself go is maintaining a focus on male approval.
  • tabletop_joe
    tabletop_joe Posts: 455 Member
    kshama2001 wrote: »
    Katiebear_81 wrote: »
    I don't owe anyone "thin" or "fit" or "pretty". I am my own human being and if I get married and gain weight then I don't "owe" it to my spouse to lose that weight. If he doesn't like it and it becomes a deal-breaker for him, then that is that - he is also his own human being and gets to determine the terms of his own life. If we have a discussion and I decide to lose weight, I'd do it for my own goddamned self, not because he wants me to.

    I freakin hate the term "let herself go", like she *kitten* owed anyone anything. Because we are only talking about looks, here. And women (and men!) do not owe anyone any kind of aesthetic.

    I think you'll love this: https://www.romper.com/p/21-signs-youve-let-yourself-go-after-having-a-baby-61684

    Thanks for sharing that; I loved it!

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