All of my friends are getting bigger............
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Bry_Lander wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »LazyButHealthy wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
What a load of tosh.
Your assumption that people gain weight because they 'let themselves go' is atrociously insulting!
So using a phrase like “letting themselves go” triggers an extremely intense feeling of being insulted? Lol, I hope you use a great deal of caution when viewing this forum and most online content, that is about as benign as it gets.
Feel free to advance an alternative theory as to why a lot of couples tend to put on weight after they get married (keeping in mind that I have already identified aging, babies, and medical conditions as foreseeable and often unavoidable causes.)
Why are aging and babies valid reasons to become overweight IYO but other life changes are not?
For example?
Job change, moving, ill/death of parent/child/spouse, loss of income, natural disaster, ...
If significant stressful life events cause you to respond with the long term abuse of some substance (food, alcohol, drugs, etc.), then you have a psychological medical condition that you need professional help with.
Unless it's a baby or aging, of course.
One doesn't have to abuse food to become overweight. Even 50 extra calories a day will do it over time. That's hardly abuse.20 -
Bry_Lander wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »LazyButHealthy wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
What a load of tosh.
Your assumption that people gain weight because they 'let themselves go' is atrociously insulting!
So using a phrase like “letting themselves go” triggers an extremely intense feeling of being insulted? Lol, I hope you use a great deal of caution when viewing this forum and most online content, that is about as benign as it gets.
Feel free to advance an alternative theory as to why a lot of couples tend to put on weight after they get married (keeping in mind that I have already identified aging, babies, and medical conditions as foreseeable and often unavoidable causes.)
Why are aging and babies valid reasons to become overweight IYO but other life changes are not?
For example?
Job change, moving, ill/death of parent/child/spouse, loss of income, natural disaster, ...
If significant stressful life events cause you to respond with the long term abuse of some substance (food, alcohol, drugs, etc.), then you have a psychological medical condition that you need professional help with.
So now gaining weight = substance abuse = psychological condition requiring medical help?
Wow.21 -
Thank you all for the most entertaining/most ridiculous assumptions on MFP I've ever encountered.
I was not intending to be being judgy or "humble brag" at all.
It was a question... when people I know are complaining about their weight 24/7 but roll their eyes when I tell them what I do along the lines of counting calories and exercising (BECAUSE THEY ASK), it is annoying. Sorry but it is.
also, to the few #trolls who have stalked my previous discussions posted to MFP, if you must know, I was married over a year ago and had the ceremony in March of this year. Yes, I gained a few pounds in the last year but recognized and took care of it before it became a problem.
There. Now the OP has commented... KEEP AT IT PEOPLE!
So you didn't really have a question about why all your friends gained weight but wanted to rant about people not taking advice and being annoying.
If someone annoys me about a subject I just don't talk about it anymore. I would just be vague and change the subject when they ask. I don't have to waste my time and energy giving advice, explanations or defending some life choice. If someone is serious about making changes then they do their own research IME and ask detailed questions not "how do you lose weight?"
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WinoGelato wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »LazyButHealthy wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
What a load of tosh.
Your assumption that people gain weight because they 'let themselves go' is atrociously insulting!
So using a phrase like “letting themselves go” triggers an extremely intense feeling of being insulted? Lol, I hope you use a great deal of caution when viewing this forum and most online content, that is about as benign as it gets.
Feel free to advance an alternative theory as to why a lot of couples tend to put on weight after they get married (keeping in mind that I have already identified aging, babies, and medical conditions as foreseeable and often unavoidable causes.)
Why are aging and babies valid reasons to become overweight IYO but other life changes are not?
For example?
Job change, moving, ill/death of parent/child/spouse, loss of income, natural disaster, ...
If significant stressful life events cause you to respond with the long term abuse of some substance (food, alcohol, drugs, etc.), then you have a psychological medical condition that you need professional help with.
So now gaining weight = substance abuse = psychological condition requiring medical help?
Wow.
Failing to read / understand the entire discussion could lead you to that completely incorrect summary of my point of view .
15 -
Thank you all for the most entertaining/most ridiculous assumptions on MFP I've ever encountered.
I was not intending to be being judgy or "humble brag" at all.
It was a question... when people I know are complaining about their weight 24/7 but roll their eyes when I tell them what I do along the lines of counting calories and exercising (BECAUSE THEY ASK), it is annoying. Sorry but it is.
also, to the few #trolls who have stalked my previous discussions posted to MFP, if you must know, I was married over a year ago and had the ceremony in March of this year. Yes, I gained a few pounds in the last year but recognized and took care of it before it became a problem.
There. Now the OP has commented... KEEP AT IT PEOPLE!
There are lots of threads on MFP about the reactions that many of us get when people ask how we lost the weight, and we say "eat less move more" or "I track my calories on MFP" and things like that. Often times people think it either sounds too simple (oh yeah sure, if it were that easy everyone would be thin), or too difficult/obsessive (no way would I ever have time to log everything I eat, and with a food scale? Hah!).
The difference between discussions where someone is genuinely interested in understanding why people find it so hard to get on board with this approach, and your post - is that most of them don't start by talking about how "EVERYONE has gotten HUGE" in your OP. That's where the judgement, and then your humble brag that you figured it out, why can't they; is coming through.
You don't genuinely seem interested in helping your friends, and given the way you phrased your post about them, it's not surprising they might roll their eyes or discount your advice, even if you did phrase it in a helpful way.
Best of luck with the marriage and your friendships...13 -
Bry_Lander wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »LazyButHealthy wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
What a load of tosh.
Your assumption that people gain weight because they 'let themselves go' is atrociously insulting!
So using a phrase like “letting themselves go” triggers an extremely intense feeling of being insulted? Lol, I hope you use a great deal of caution when viewing this forum and most online content, that is about as benign as it gets.
Feel free to advance an alternative theory as to why a lot of couples tend to put on weight after they get married (keeping in mind that I have already identified aging, babies, and medical conditions as foreseeable and often unavoidable causes.)
Why are aging and babies valid reasons to become overweight IYO but other life changes are not?
For example?
Job change, moving, ill/death of parent/child/spouse, loss of income, natural disaster, ...
If significant stressful life events cause you to respond with the long term abuse of some substance (food, alcohol, drugs, etc.), then you have a psychological medical condition that you need professional help with.
So now gaining weight = substance abuse = psychological condition requiring medical help?
Wow.
Failing to read / understand the entire discussion could lead you to that completely incorrect summary of my point of view .
Oh no trust me, I've got it. Your feelings on this topic shine through time and again on these sorts of threads.31 -
WinoGelato wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »LazyButHealthy wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
What a load of tosh.
Your assumption that people gain weight because they 'let themselves go' is atrociously insulting!
So using a phrase like “letting themselves go” triggers an extremely intense feeling of being insulted? Lol, I hope you use a great deal of caution when viewing this forum and most online content, that is about as benign as it gets.
Feel free to advance an alternative theory as to why a lot of couples tend to put on weight after they get married (keeping in mind that I have already identified aging, babies, and medical conditions as foreseeable and often unavoidable causes.)
Why are aging and babies valid reasons to become overweight IYO but other life changes are not?
For example?
Job change, moving, ill/death of parent/child/spouse, loss of income, natural disaster, ...
If significant stressful life events cause you to respond with the long term abuse of some substance (food, alcohol, drugs, etc.), then you have a psychological medical condition that you need professional help with.
So now gaining weight = substance abuse = psychological condition requiring medical help?
Wow.
Failing to read / understand the entire discussion could lead you to that completely incorrect summary of my point of view .
Oh no trust me, I've got it. Your feelings on this topic shine through time and again on these sorts of threads.
Honestly, to draw that conclusion you would have had to have just read the last post and then strawmanned it.17 -
Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
But I was at my highest ever weight when I got married - is that supposed to be my baseline????
And after I lost around 1/2 my body weight my husband told me he got cheated, I was only 1/2 the woman he married! (And before anyone misinterprets, he was totally kidding. He is really proud of me.)25 -
Bry_Lander wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »LazyButHealthy wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
What a load of tosh.
Your assumption that people gain weight because they 'let themselves go' is atrociously insulting!
So using a phrase like “letting themselves go” triggers an extremely intense feeling of being insulted? Lol, I hope you use a great deal of caution when viewing this forum and most online content, that is about as benign as it gets.
Feel free to advance an alternative theory as to why a lot of couples tend to put on weight after they get married (keeping in mind that I have already identified aging, babies, and medical conditions as foreseeable and often unavoidable causes.)
Why are aging and babies valid reasons to become overweight IYO but other life changes are not?
For example?
Job change, moving, ill/death of parent/child/spouse, loss of income, natural disaster, ...
If significant stressful life events cause you to respond with the long term abuse of some substance (food, alcohol, drugs, etc.), then you have a psychological medical condition that you need professional help with.
So now gaining weight = substance abuse = psychological condition requiring medical help?
Wow.
Failing to read / understand the entire discussion could lead you to that completely incorrect summary of my point of view .
Oh no trust me, I've got it. Your feelings on this topic shine through time and again on these sorts of threads.
Honestly, to draw that conclusion you would have had to have just read the last post and then strawmanned it.
LOL7 -
Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
Maybe I have a realllly thick skin but I don't find this sentiment objectionable or insulting at all.
I was in reasonable shape when I got married. If I then thought "well, I've bagged this chick for life so I don't see the need to keep trying anymore, bring on the pies!" that would be pretty disrespectful to my wife.
Of course, life and weight gain happens and I am sure she would love whatever. However I have the desire to keep in relatively good shape for her (as well as me, natch) as it helps with our physical attraction to one and other.
7 -
Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
Maybe I have a realllly thick skin but I don't find this sentiment objectionable or insulting at all.
I was in reasonable shape when I got married. If I then thought "well, I've bagged this chick for life so I don't see the need to keep trying anymore, bring on the pies!" that would be pretty disrespectful to my wife.
Of course, life and weight gain happens and I am sure she would love whatever. However I have the desire to keep in relatively good shape for her (as well as me, natch) as it helps with our physical attraction to one and other.
Insulting or not it makes a lot of ridiculous assumptions.7 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
Maybe I have a realllly thick skin but I don't find this sentiment objectionable or insulting at all.
I was in reasonable shape when I got married. If I then thought "well, I've bagged this chick for life so I don't see the need to keep trying anymore, bring on the pies!" that would be pretty disrespectful to my wife.
Of course, life and weight gain happens and I am sure she would love whatever. However I have the desire to keep in relatively good shape for her (as well as me, natch) as it helps with our physical attraction to one and other.
Insulting or not it makes a lot of ridiculous assumptions.
Fair enough.
My perception of the sentiment behind the post was a person should keep making an effort to the best of their ability as their relationship progresses which I agree with.6 -
Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
Maybe I have a realllly thick skin but I don't find this sentiment objectionable or insulting at all.
I was in reasonable shape when I got married. If I then thought "well, I've bagged this chick for life so I don't see the need to keep trying anymore, bring on the pies!" that would be pretty disrespectful to my wife.
Of course, life and weight gain happens and I am sure she would love whatever. However I have the desire to keep in relatively good shape for her (as well as me, natch) as it helps with our physical attraction to one and other.
Insulting or not it makes a lot of ridiculous assumptions.
Fair enough.
My perception of the sentiment behind the post was a person should keep making an effort to the best of their ability as their relationship progresses which I agree with.
My perception is that every relationship is different and people should mind their own.23 -
WinoGelato wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »LazyButHealthy wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
What a load of tosh.
Your assumption that people gain weight because they 'let themselves go' is atrociously insulting!
So using a phrase like “letting themselves go” triggers an extremely intense feeling of being insulted? Lol, I hope you use a great deal of caution when viewing this forum and most online content, that is about as benign as it gets.
Feel free to advance an alternative theory as to why a lot of couples tend to put on weight after they get married (keeping in mind that I have already identified aging, babies, and medical conditions as foreseeable and often unavoidable causes.)
Why are aging and babies valid reasons to become overweight IYO but other life changes are not?
For example?
Job change, moving, ill/death of parent/child/spouse, loss of income, natural disaster, ...
If significant stressful life events cause you to respond with the long term abuse of some substance (food, alcohol, drugs, etc.), then you have a psychological medical condition that you need professional help with.
So now gaining weight = substance abuse = psychological condition requiring medical help?
Wow.
But isn't it at some point? If someone is eating to soothe some psychological condition and said eating results in a 50 or 100+ pound weight gain (impacting their health), doesn't one need to treat the psychological condition or their will be virtually no hope in treating the medical condition (obesity)?11 -
I am appreciating my husband more and more and more and this thread continues. I am such a lucky lady!!23
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MommaGem2017 wrote: »I am appreciating my husband more and more and more and this thread continues. I am such a lucky lady!!
Just know not all men share the opinions expressed.26 -
#notallmen In this case I'll allow it *insert tongue in cheek emoji here*18
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Packerjohn wrote: »WinoGelato wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »Need2Exerc1se wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »LazyButHealthy wrote: »Bry_Lander wrote: »I don't see how it is acceptable to "let yourself go" because you feel comfortable with someone and are no longer motivated to impress that person with your physical appearance (taking into account aging, babies, and medical conditions, of course). The shape that you were in when you committed to being in a relationship should be the baseline going forward.
What a load of tosh.
Your assumption that people gain weight because they 'let themselves go' is atrociously insulting!
So using a phrase like “letting themselves go” triggers an extremely intense feeling of being insulted? Lol, I hope you use a great deal of caution when viewing this forum and most online content, that is about as benign as it gets.
Feel free to advance an alternative theory as to why a lot of couples tend to put on weight after they get married (keeping in mind that I have already identified aging, babies, and medical conditions as foreseeable and often unavoidable causes.)
Why are aging and babies valid reasons to become overweight IYO but other life changes are not?
For example?
Job change, moving, ill/death of parent/child/spouse, loss of income, natural disaster, ...
If significant stressful life events cause you to respond with the long term abuse of some substance (food, alcohol, drugs, etc.), then you have a psychological medical condition that you need professional help with.
So now gaining weight = substance abuse = psychological condition requiring medical help?
Wow.
But isn't it at some point? If someone is eating to soothe some psychological condition and said eating results in a 50 or 100+ pound weight gain (impacting their health), doesn't one need to treat the psychological condition or their will be virtually no hope in treating the medical condition (obesity)?
'at some point' as in 'in some cases' yes, but to assume everyone that gains weight after marriage need counseling is dumb.7 -
You don't genuinely seem interested in helping your friends, and given the way you phrased your post about them, it's not surprising they might roll their eyes or discount your advice, even if you did phrase it in a helpful way.
Best of luck with the marriage and your friendships... [/quote]
@WinoGelato you are a piece of work. you need to calm down.
25
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