Ladies - Receiving Unwanted "Attention"

Options
1…78101213

Replies

  • collectingblues
    collectingblues Posts: 2,541 Member
    Options
    eyer0ll wrote: »
    cqbkaju wrote: »
    We domesticated wolves by killing off all of the ones that we were trying to TAME but which continued to demonstrate traits we did not like.
    So are you suggesting we start bumping off all guys that cat-call at women?
    We are emasculating many men as it is,     but it sounds as if you think it should be taken even further.

    The implication that expecting men not to harass women is "emasculating" them is so telling.

    Pretty much what I was thinking.
  • Rusty740
    Rusty740 Posts: 749 Member
    Options
    It's too bad many of us men are not quick-witted enough to be polite, or for that matter, appear intelligent, and many of us are just really really stupid/self-centered/disrespectfull.

    I don't think there is a good/easy way of dealing with the idiots that say/do these types of things because the people who do them aren't capable of conversation. It's like dealing with North Korea. Take heart in knowing natural selection will probably deal with it.
  • Meganthedogmom
    Meganthedogmom Posts: 1,639 Member
    Options
    JetJaguar wrote: »
    I have an etiquette question. When I'm out running or on the bike and pass another runner/cyclist coming in the opposite direction, I'll give a little head nod and sometimes maybe a "hey". I do the exact same for men and women and always thought it was just a polite acknowledgement that doesn't really mean anything. Men almost always return the nod, but lately I've come to notice that often women either just keep focused straight ahead and completely ignore it, or (occasionally) give me a hard, "don't *kitten* with me or I'll cut you" staredown.

    So, is that harassment? Should I stop doing that? Maybe only acknowledge men and ignore women?

    No, that's normal human behavior. I nod or say hi/good morning to anyone who crosses my path when I'm running. That's not the same as cat-calling.
  • Alatariel75
    Alatariel75 Posts: 17,959 Member
    Options
    JetJaguar wrote: »
    I have an etiquette question. When I'm out running or on the bike and pass another runner/cyclist coming in the opposite direction, I'll give a little head nod and sometimes maybe a "hey". I do the exact same for men and women and always thought it was just a polite acknowledgement that doesn't really mean anything. Men almost always return the nod, but lately I've come to notice that often women either just keep focused straight ahead and completely ignore it, or (occasionally) give me a hard, "don't *kitten* with me or I'll cut you" staredown.

    So, is that harassment? Should I stop doing that? Maybe only acknowledge men and ignore women?

    I always acknowledge and respond to a greeting when I'm out and about, and usually initiate them. I don't consider it harassment in the slightest.
  • Mezzie1024
    Mezzie1024 Posts: 380 Member
    Options
    I've seen a lot on this thread about this being a way men behave in groups, but I've only been followed, cat-called, grabbed, told exactly what sexual things were going to be done to me, or shown an erect penis by lone men. I don't think the "pack mentality" theory even begins to explain that behavior.

    I generally feel safe, believe it or not, but one or more of the above happens pretty frequently. It's a disgusting and terrifying feeling when it does.
  • Kintsugi_Haikyo
    Kintsugi_Haikyo Posts: 361 Member
    Options
    canadianlbs wrote: »
    briansolomon7863 wrote: »
    I agree 100%. It is about how we raise our children.

    well, if that's the case they were raising kids wrong when my parents' generation were kids because men of that age were making themselves a nuisance to me when i was 18. it's not about the internet or instagram. this *kitten* was happening before those two things even were.

    That is true, it happens in every generation. I would also say that a boy becomes a man only when a man is needed. That is why you see some many 30 yo fathers dressing like their six yo sons with crooked baseball caps, low pants, $1000 tennis shoes with laces not tied, etc... This is only one example though. There are plenty of guys who never grow up and dress nice. I think it is still a problem that effects all socio-economic groups in our country.

    I think the media really spurs it one because they push "youth" as the most valuable "commodity." -- or close to it anyway.
  • Kintsugi_Haikyo
    Kintsugi_Haikyo Posts: 361 Member
    edited August 2017
    Options
    Err on the side of treating women like you'd treat another guy and I think you'll be fine.

    I'm not 100% sure on this. Much of the time, it has been my experience, that if you treat a woman like a man, they think you are hitting on them, or man-explaining.

    But most guys you can say "hi" to when running or cycling, strike up a conversation with in line at the store or whatever. They don't think you are trying to hit on them or explain anything to them.

    Just my experience.

  • Kintsugi_Haikyo
    Kintsugi_Haikyo Posts: 361 Member
    Options
    TeacupsAndToning wrote: »
    briansolomon7863 wrote: »
    Err on the side of treating women like you'd treat another guy and I think you'll be fine.

    I'm not 100% sure on this. Much of the time, it has been my experience, that if you treat a woman like a man, they think you are hitting on them, or man-explaining.

    But most guys you can say "hi" to when running or cycling, strike up a conversation with in line at the store or whatever. They don't think you are trying to hit on them or explain anything to them.

    Just my experience.

    I think that by saying "treat women like you'd treat another guy" was more meant as - treat them as if they weren't just a sex object.

    Because that is something I agree with.

    I would agree with that too. I think the thing is, don't treat anyone like any type of object. Treat them like a human being.
  • jenilla1
    jenilla1 Posts: 11,118 Member
    edited August 2017
    Options
    briansolomon7863 wrote: »

    I'm not 100% sure on this. Much of the time, it has been my experience, that if you treat a woman like a man, they think you are hitting on them, or man-explaining.

    But most guys you can say "hi" to when running or cycling, strike up a conversation with in line at the store or whatever. They don't think you are trying to hit on them or explain anything to them.

    Just my experience.

    I go hiking, running and mountain biking on trails. I primarily see men out there. I get the same treatment my husband gets as far as I can tell. When I come upon someone I generally smile and say hi or wave. I'm not on the defensive. The guys I see out there aren't hollering, "Hey baby" or wolf whistling at me. They're just passing by, getting their fitness on, and offering polite greetings as they pass. It's definitely a way different feeling than when I get those suggestive (and often downright repulsive) "greetings" from creepers on the street. It's a different group of guys I guess...?

    ETA: Something went wrong with the quoting feature...
  • Hoshiko
    Hoshiko Posts: 179 Member
    Options
    briansolomon7863 wrote: »

    I would agree with that too. I think the thing is, don't treat anyone like any type of object. Treat them like a human being.

    Yes, I was basically using it as a shorthand.

    Obviously misunderstandings are always possible, but if you start from a place of respect then you usually can't go too far wrong.
  • Goober1142
    Goober1142 Posts: 219 Member
    Options
    Have you ever noticed that the young, good.looking ones never give you any trouble lol
  • 7elizamae
    7elizamae Posts: 758 Member
    Options
    WorkerDrone83 wrote: »
    Sorry, that's terrible. Everyone deserves to not be harassed.
    But, since I'm learning here, what is the appropriate way to give a compliment or break the ice? Is there one?

    Smile. Say "good morning." Repeat if you see her again. If she likes you, she'll reply. If not, there ya go.

    Certainly don't follow her, or gawk, or holler 'compliments' at her in front of a group of guys.
  • 7elizamae
    7elizamae Posts: 758 Member
    Options
    Strong_Savannah wrote: »
    cqbkaju wrote: »
    You appear to the casual observer to be one of the "sheep" so the wolves mark you as prey.

    It is about body language mostly, especially with women.
    It revolves around how you are carrying yourself and the attitude you are projecting.
    If you want the wolves to leave you alone, look like one of the sheepdogs instead of a sheep.

    Those clowns will not stop because they feel safe, empowered and in control.
    Some of them may even think they are flattering you to get a date.
    You on the other hand come across as a victim, even in this post.

    My wife (who has fought several grown men full-contact and been in more than one altercation while out drinking in bars) calls it a "perpetual b1tch-face". Move and look like you don't want people messing with you and many won't.
    Of course, being able to back that up helps with your self-confidence.
    My wife may be a little too eager to start stuff sometimes...

    Full Disclosure: I have taught Personal Protection, Combatives and Defensive Tactics for about 30 years.

    I agree with what you are saying, but I'm not sure how I can possibly display sheep-like body language when I am running at like a 9min pace, sweating - I am certainly NOT smiling. Guess I just have to remember, shoulders back, gaze forward. Generally I do have a RBF in public, though.

    It's not your smile they're looking at.
    And it's not up to you to adjust your behavior because they behave badly.

    The only thing that ever seemed to make a practical difference (back when I was younger and this kind of thing happened) was crossing the street to avoid groups of men.

    Construction sites were the worst as I recall. There would be a LOT of guys and it just felt intimidating.


  • Christine_72
    Christine_72 Posts: 16,049 Member
    Options
    Dear catcallers video:


    https://youtu.be/WggsJDJLxlU?t=5
This discussion has been closed.

Categories