Ladies - Receiving Unwanted "Attention"

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  • WorkerDrone83
    WorkerDrone83 Posts: 3,195 Member
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    Rosemary7391 wrote: »
    WorkerDrone83 wrote: »
    cmriverside wrote: »
    WorkerDrone83 wrote: »
    Sorry, that's terrible. Everyone deserves to not be harassed.
    But, since I'm learning here, what is the appropriate way to give a compliment or break the ice? Is there one?

    How about not complimenting, how about just talking about neutral subjects? Or at least subjects that don't involve how someone looks or your attraction to them.

    I mean, c'mon, we're talking about interrupting someone who is obviously out for a run or something not-related-to-looking-for-company.

    Compliments are personal and are appropriate after you've been talking to someone for a while. Not strangers.

    So, short answer is that there is no way to break the ice unless you see them regularly. Sounds lonely and boring, but I think I got it.

    P.S. - I think we all agree that it's never acceptable to interrupt someone during a workout. Headphones are a clear "Do not disturb" sign. SHAME!

    Compliments aren't the same as breaking the ice (especially ones on physical appearance/fitness, which, let's face it, is all you've got to go on for a random stranger out for a run). It's not making a lonely and boring world for it not to be polite to yell "nice <bodypart>" at a randomer as they zoom past. It'd be lonely and boring if it wasn't polite to strike up a brief conversation about the weather/lateness of the bus/current events on public transport and gentle meanders through the park, but that's quite different. Leave the busy folks to it - and be nice to the ones who maybe would appreciate a natter :)

    I don't know what a "natter" is, but I think we're in agreement :)
  • PrincessTinyheart
    PrincessTinyheart Posts: 679 Member
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    I don't have any advice on how I handle it personally, because I've never experienced it. I go out walking quite a bit in various areas and have never received that kind of attention. I've been told that I often have a "don't mess with me!" look on my face and I carry myself with very straight posture which makes me look even taller than my 5'10", so maybe that has something to do with it too. Or... maybe I'm just not attractive enough to be worth the trouble, LOL :neutral:

    I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong, OP, I'm just going by what I've been told about myself... that I carry myself with an air of authority and "*kitten* face" and that I come across as somewhat intimidating. Maybe that makes a difference? It's a shame if that were the case. Nobody should have to always feel like they have to look "tough" just to go for a run.
  • Rosemary7391
    Rosemary7391 Posts: 232 Member
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    WorkerDrone83 wrote: »
    Rosemary7391 wrote: »
    WorkerDrone83 wrote: »
    cmriverside wrote: »
    WorkerDrone83 wrote: »
    Sorry, that's terrible. Everyone deserves to not be harassed.
    But, since I'm learning here, what is the appropriate way to give a compliment or break the ice? Is there one?

    How about not complimenting, how about just talking about neutral subjects? Or at least subjects that don't involve how someone looks or your attraction to them.

    I mean, c'mon, we're talking about interrupting someone who is obviously out for a run or something not-related-to-looking-for-company.

    Compliments are personal and are appropriate after you've been talking to someone for a while. Not strangers.

    So, short answer is that there is no way to break the ice unless you see them regularly. Sounds lonely and boring, but I think I got it.

    P.S. - I think we all agree that it's never acceptable to interrupt someone during a workout. Headphones are a clear "Do not disturb" sign. SHAME!

    Compliments aren't the same as breaking the ice (especially ones on physical appearance/fitness, which, let's face it, is all you've got to go on for a random stranger out for a run). It's not making a lonely and boring world for it not to be polite to yell "nice <bodypart>" at a randomer as they zoom past. It'd be lonely and boring if it wasn't polite to strike up a brief conversation about the weather/lateness of the bus/current events on public transport and gentle meanders through the park, but that's quite different. Leave the busy folks to it - and be nice to the ones who maybe would appreciate a natter :)

    I don't know what a "natter" is, but I think we're in agreement :)

    Just a random aimless chat :) might be a UK phrasing!
  • EHollander89
    EHollander89 Posts: 169 Member
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    I saw that Runner's World article recently that was referenced above, and this line really stood out to me: "No matter how swift a woman's pace, it's impossible to outrun harassment."

    It's disheartening that this is the reality. I think of my runs as my personal time to clear my head and relax. I usually try to just ignore the people who make comments about my body. I find it better to not engage. It is frightening when you're just jogging through your neighborhood and a car with several men slows down to drive next to you and make comments. It's unnerving when you keep crossing paths with someone during your run and each time you run past them they make a new comment at you. I always try to stay aware of my surroundings when I'm out, but it just plain sucks that this is the reality. It's not going to stop me from running, but no one -men or women - should have to deal with this crap.
  • EHollander89
    EHollander89 Posts: 169 Member
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    I saw that Runner's World article recently that was referenced above, and this line really stood out to me: "No matter how swift a woman's pace, it's impossible to outrun harassment."

    It's disheartening that this is the reality. I think of my runs as my personal time to clear my head and relax. I usually try to just ignore the people who make comments about my body. I find it better to not engage. It is frightening when you're just jogging through your neighborhood and a car with several men slows down to drive next to you and make comments. It's unnerving when you keep crossing paths with someone during your run and each time you run past them they make a new comment at you. I always try to stay aware of my surroundings when I'm out, but it just plain sucks that this is the reality. It's not going to stop me from running, but no one -men or women - should have to deal with this crap.
  • Strong_Savannah
    Strong_Savannah Posts: 28 Member
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    TeacupsAndToning wrote: »
    jemhh wrote: »
    TeacupsAndToning wrote: »
    cqbkaju wrote: »
    TeacupsAndToning wrote: »
    I take issue with your language used here because this is coming off as, "if you just didn't look so approachable they'd stop."

    No. She's not the issue. It's them.
    You can take issue with human psychology all you want. I don't care.

    Besides, I did not say they (as in all) would stop. I said many would.
    Argue it all you want. This is what I do.

    You will not change the wolves into puppies just because you don't like them.
    But you can make them more likely to pick other prey.

    You missed what I said.

    I don't take issue with human psychology, I took issue with you saying that she needs to change the way that she looks in order to stop being harassed. The person who is doing the harassing is the one who needs to make a change.



    Would it be nice if the harasser had a lightbulb moment wherein he realized his behavior was wrong and did not repeat it from that point forward? Yes, of course. However, if a person is living in reality and not in fantasy land, she'll realize that she cannot dictate/restrict/change the harasser's behaviors. She can only change her own behavior. To me it makes sense to *try* to develop skills, or a look or whatever you want to call it, that *might* deter harassment rather than insist on all harassers in the world seeing the light, which is never going to happen.

    I never said that she shouldn't take her own precautions - we're in agreement there.

    But I dislike when blame is put on the person being harassed.

    It's hard to find the happy place in between letting fear control your actions and not giving a *kitten*. I'm going to wear clothes that are most practical and comfortable for my run, and choose the most convenient route for me, but I also do not run without a phone, or at night.
  • RedSierra
    RedSierra Posts: 253 Member
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    Strong_Savannah wrote: »
    On Sunday evening I decided to run up to the gym. There is a bowling alley/bar across the street from the gym, and as I am approaching, I see 3 guys sitting outside smoking.

    I wouldn't run through the bowling alley again. The area sounds too remote. Run on the main street even if it's longer. These guys are probably just annoying, but you never know.

  • Strong_Savannah
    Strong_Savannah Posts: 28 Member
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    Cutaway_Collar wrote: »
    OP, I see from your profile picture that you are quite pretty.

    So this kind of treatment you are getting is just expected. It is not right but that is how the cookie crumbles. It happens to all pretty women around the world.

    My wife deals with it. She says men roll down windows while jammed in traffic and they whistle or just make kissing faces and all kinds of effery. She gets followed in grocery stores. She is hourglass shaped and she gets comments about her butt. When I am with her, she gets stares. That is just how it is.

    In NYC, women get followed.... and they need to hide in duane reade pretending to shop and take another door out.

    My advice to you... don't run or hike in secluded areas. You never know what happens out there. Be careful.

    I actually prefer more secluded areas, because I know I won't have to deal with anyone else! Just me, and peace and quiet. My favorite place to run is the backroad I grew up on.
    But that is what's unfortunate - this treatment happens more often than not... yet I always seem surprised by it, smh.
  • Rosemary7391
    Rosemary7391 Posts: 232 Member
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    RedSierra wrote: »
    Strong_Savannah wrote: »
    On Sunday evening I decided to run up to the gym. There is a bowling alley/bar across the street from the gym, and as I am approaching, I see 3 guys sitting outside smoking.

    I wouldn't run through the bowling alley again. The area sounds too remote. Run on the main street even if it's longer. These guys are probably just annoying, but you never know.

    If she's running to the gym, and the bowling alley is across the road, that's kinda unavoidable. Also, a street with a bar and gym is hardly remote - just sadly sometimes stocked with idiots !

    To the person who posted the comedy clip - that is probably the sort of thing that is needed to change this. From guys, to guys, highlighting how daft they're being and how many man points they're not winning. Ditto for similar behaviour from females.
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