WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR MARCH 2018

cityjaneLondon wrote: »

Katla -
I simply want to tell my sons it is coming out. I don't expect them to read it. Everybody else in my life knows about my father, including my brother's family. All the relatives know because of the court case. My friends all know. My sons are the only ones who don't.
Love Heather UK xxxxxxx

Heather ... are you positively certain that your sons don't know? When all the relatives know and everyone else you mention knows, there's a possibility your sons do too. Maybe not the real story or the whole story, but an inkling? Children have a way of sensing/knowing/understanding more than we every give them credit for. Just a thought I had.

Heather: I understand that your DDIL is feeling protective of your son right now, but I think keeping this from him could turn out to be a mistake if he finds out about the book from some friend, relative, or worse yet a frenemy. (Someone who poses as a friend but undermines and seeks power over others.) I hope you will be able to work it out with her before the book is advertised and released to the pubic. My personal opinion is that your book will be important to thousands of people who have been victimized at some time in their lives, and offers hope of healing to every reader. I am in awe of your courage and determination to write this book.


Katla in beautiful NW Oregon

A ridiculously long time ago DH and I bought some unfinished wood dressers for him with the plan to stain and poly them. But being a bug magnet that I am, we were unable to do this (working in garage with doors open) until weather and lack of biting insects coincided. Today is that day. It has been a day with a lot of satisfying camaraderie.

I upped my weights from 12 to 15 pound dumbbells and 8 to 9.5 pound leg weights (SWSY program with modifications) yesterday so I am feeling sore & strong today.

Downside today is that I appear to have another ear infection . Hoping It clears up before I have to make Dr. appt ( I’m giving it til Monday.).

I’m taking a work break from sanding smooth the dresser drawers and Jackie Kane is in my face telling me he would appreciate some dinner NOW! lol.

Dressers being stained and impatient cat behind spoiler tag Rye

Peach: I am so sorry about your allergies. Here is a pollen free flower, just for you. :flowerforyou:

NOAHBSMOM - I am about in your shoes and welcome. I recommend recording food in the diary on this site, because most of the time you haven't crashed as badly as you think! There are some great ladies here.

SHARON - I want to tell you some of what I learned going through something similar to you with my husband #2, in case any of it would be helpful in terms of your next steps, if any. In advance let me say that he was teaching Sunday school classes the whole time.

I, too, discovered the truth in a text to ME. He was flying somewhere on business and always texted me when landing. I got the text "Landed" I responded "How was flight?" He responded, "Baby, any flight to see you is wonderful!!!" He thought SHE was asking how his flight was! We were both in a second marriage, he was (and still is!) 12 years younger than I, he made a lot of money, I had moved twice and lost teacher retirement contributions twice in 2 states to go where his job took us after we were married. Anyway, after that informative text, my hands started shaking and I thought I would throw up. I hung in for two more years because I was 60 and tried to squirrel away some money first, have some medical treatment (he had the medical insurance), get some therapy, and just be patient. I decided NOT to file for divorce but to watch out for myself. I knew he would eventually file, but honestly, I just played dumb. If I had been 43, the age during my 1st divorce, I would have filed in an instant. I saw both therapist and lawyer and also eventually hired a private investigator. Several good friends were my sounding boards during all of this. My neighbor even took pictures of him bringing another women to our home while I went to see my daughter and family in California. I spent too many hours to count, all while finishing a masters degree, going through every expense on every credit card and in every account for 5 years and documenting what added up to over $200,000 of "dissipated" money spent on other women. He was on a website called SugarDaddy.com, he sent monthly money $500, usually only one woman a month, to "reserve" her. Then on his "business trips" there were expenses at resorts, flowers, dinners, gifts... I also had access to all of his cell phone calls and found who the frequent calls were made to. the importance of documenting this was that here in Tennessee, I was entitled to 1/2 of all dissipated money. It was bitter, it ultimately went to trial, I ultimately did get nearly half of that money plus 4 years of alimony at $1500 a month. I started over, bought a little house 6 minutes from where I teach, and my single adult son moved in with me to help out for 4 years. My advice to you is to continue to be smart and act on what helps you in the long run. Others may totally disagree with me, but people who have walked your path have stories and lessons that are instructive; you can say - yes that sounds like a good idea or no that wouldn't work for me. I would never say to you that things will work out because I don't know what that even means. When my #2 actually filed, I went to an attorney and the first thing the attorney did was to slap a set of typical interrogatory questions which he had 30 days to prepare. When I received these answers, that is how I compiled the lists of expenses. One of the questions was whether he had sexual relations in the last 5 years... SO--back to you and your husband: I know it is devastating to find those texts and he is really not very smart to leave his phone where you can get to it. I am guessing he does not even have a security code on it. The question I would have is whether he is spending money on anyone, because texting is different than spending money or going out and exposing sexually himself - and you - to possible diseases, etc. I am sure you have googled everything out there and if he is not smart enough to have a cell security code or erase text messages, I am sure he is not smart enough to erase the History on internet browsing, so that is also a place to check out if you suspect other activities. My #2 was a tech genius and hid everything, so it wasn't till I got the list of expenses and tracked them that I discovered the "sugarbabies." But here is a good little general article:

https://www.huffingtonpost.com/gobankingrates/40-secrets-only-divorce-a_b_8602766.html


I thought I had gotten myself out of hell with the end of 23 years with #1, who became severely depressed and clearly (in retrospect) was bi-polar and didn't "believe" in psychologists, therapists, or anyone else like that. So, as with most diseases, his left untreated got worse. Coupled with narcissism and the belief that no rules applied to him, oh - and a pornography addiction - he was more than I could handle. It was a nightmare. But, I picked a clone of him with #2.

I only tell those stories if I think someone might benefit because it is painful to relive. Best of luck. Be smart. I will add that I had not been overweight in 20 years until the second divorce. When it was over, I just opened the door to all the hurt in, and the food came in as well. I just crashed.


OKIE IN HILL COUNTRY - My sister and her husband lost their whole house in the flood and are moving into their new house on 6 acres in Kerrville in two weeks! We are Texans from way back.



Well, I did NOT make it through Day 6, but it could have been a LOT worse. First of all, I did not binge or eat sweets and felt strongly I would be okay if I just stopped and recorded all the food, and I was at 1920 cals instead of 1260, and I had to laugh when that little message came on and told me that if I ate this plan everyday that in 5 weeks I would be 3.5 pound lighter!!

So today I started again and am in control again. Yesterday the problem was a long meeting with pizza and then a K of C fish fry. Oh well. I went to another Overeaters Anonymous meeting this morning (that is my 3rd) and it was good for me. People were so nice and it feels good to be focusing on deeper behaviors as well as healthy eating.

Happy Saturday night!

Caroline in Tennessee

Caroline, thank you for sharing your story. You did so well looking after yourself before getting rid of #2 loser, I know you can do anything you put your mind to! Congrats on tracking everything and getting back on plan today! You have inspired me to stop thinking about what food I can "get away with" and made me decide to go brush my teeth instead! I'm not hungry and really don't need any more to eat! Thanks.
Evelyn, Vancouver Island

Machka, I am so sorry about your DH. It was so good he had co-workers that could take care of him right after the accident. God has helped him to be a healthy person ans he had a good brain. Recovery may be long but it will happen. My prayers are with the both of you throughout thT recovery.

Heather, I agree with the others that your son. Needs to be aware of the situation of the book before the book comes out. Let his wife help him if you think she can.

Barbie, happy birthday to you. I know it will be splendid with friends and fellow line dancers.

Charlies sister died last night. Apparently she had been sick since the first of the year, in and out of the hospital and eventauuly in ICU in a long term care hospital. We had not been told of any of this. But that is the way it is with any of the siblings. No one communicates. Charlie is devastated and doesn't know what to do. He wasn't allowed to see her. I'm not really sure how to help him because of you remember, she is the one that when his Mom died, I wrote her out of my life. I said she was dead to me. So I have no remorse of her death except that my husbands sister has died and he is briefing. But I'm not grieving. Of course she had no funeral planning and no money for anything. She was very c,one to her daughter at time of death and all of this is being put in her hands. So they are planning on cremation, she is going to ask the city trustees for any assistance. Charlie has said he would offer $1000 to help but he hasn't told her that. I am afraid that if he does that that niece will remember Uncle Charlie for any other thing she needs just like her Mom did. I don't know how much money we gave his sister, or picked up a prescription for her and then of course some groceries. We paid the up front money you have to do for Tupperware and one other thing she tried and failed at. When Charlie was at the hospital and she would come and visit, they would never have any money for a meal or two and I would pay for it. When their grand child was born and needed to be helicoptered up to RIley children's hospital, they didn't have money for that and we paid that. It was always promised to be paid back. So there is definetley a difference of how we feel right now. Earlier when he was back in his bedroom and banging on the wall, I went back and when he saw me he told me to go away, he didn't want me in there at all. I went in anyway and put my arms around him real tight and told him to just let it out. Come to find out the reason he was upset was that he couldn't get his sweater on. But as I held him tight, he did cry and said that he wished he could have seen her and told her he loved her. His Parkinson's disease won't let him use his left arm right. His left shoulder and arm don't have the movement his right do. He has so much trouble putting his left arm in anything. And if he does succeed, he can't pull the sweater up on his back. So I knew I better leave him alone or there would be many holes in the walls of his bedroom. He knows I love him very much.

I can't remember what else I was going to say. Oh, Becca, congrats on the house. Your son must have been excited to be able to give you a video tour of it.

Joyce, Indiana

Sharon, hard as it may be to keep secret from your brother, think until you've had the lawyer talk and proceedings have started, best not to say. Might be hard for him to keep his feelings secret from Larry while he's staying at your house. Maybe just before they leave, so he can process on the trip home? ... You could A. imagine marrying Michelangelo, but B. not imagine someone loving you enough to marry you? What happened between A and B?
Lisa, had no idea the author of "The Egg and I" also wrote the Mrs. Piggle Wiggle books. Luckily our library has "Onions in the Stew". I'll pick it up Monday. Safe travels.
Heather, when you alert your sons to the book's release, how will you answer their "what's it about" question? Can you explain to DDIL that your son should have some prep? Don't want to blindside him, neither to burden with details... Beth's insight sounds right on target, your sons may suspect more than you or DDIL realize.
Rye "bug magnet" I resemble that remark Well done on the SWSY weights!
Caroline "so today I started again..." Bingo, that's the way! Kerrville? Had an aunt and cousins there in the 50s-60s, now one's in Hunt. Love love LOVE Texas... except the bugs
Joyce that was a very loving hug. Sorry for Charlie's grief. Glad you can sympathize with him without feeling anything for his sister who treated you so poorly. He is a lucky man to have you.
Wendy, yikes! It's a miracle you weren't blown away!

Welcome Noahb'smom.

Stll procrastinating on the taxes, and wimping out on walking Tumble in the downpour... but met my step goal thanks to a lot of dancing to the YouTube

Today
Walk Tumble: no
Log: yes
Meditate: yes
Exercises: Winsor pilates (Thanks Michele)
Steps: 5390 vs goal 5159 hey, this accountability stuff really works! DOH...
Barbara, the Southern Oregon Coastie AHMOD.