WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR MARCH 2018
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Becca the house does sound lovely.
Joyce I agree it is great you can be supportive of Charlie in his loss of his sister.
Margaret 4 -
NYKAREN My taxes are done - well, all but filing them, which I will do in a couple of weeks. I was trying to help Barbara get started on hers.
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I don't spend much on "treats" for myself, but one of the best is the cost of an accountant to do my taxes. I keep receipts and write down what I spend. She sends me a questionnaire in January to help her gather information and a list of what documents to send to her. She fills out the return and sends me a bill. Then she files the return electronically. I still have to spend 15-30 minutes a day for a few weeks to get things ready, but she does the tricky part and I don't have all the extra stress. 6 -
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Heather - no matter what, I'm guessing that as long as everything is prefaced with "look at how good life is for me now!" your sons will understand. I would imagine their feelings - whatever they are - would be quite different if you'd ended up with a life on the street in terrible circumstances. And I wonder what advice your DDIL would give in this situation if your son wasn't her husband. I'm sure she's trying to figure it out in her own way.
Katiebug - gorgeous bathroom. Please let us know when it's completed and ready to go, I'll be ringing your doorbell in my bathrobe and shower cap. I'll bring my own towel - don't want you to think I'm a bad guest!
Caroline in TN - Your story is heartbreaking - I am so glad you did get enough of a settlement after the 2nd to get the house. You are a strong woman to have soldiered on and covered your bases in preparation for the divorce. So glad you are here with us and attending OA meetings for support. (((HUGS))))
Barbie - Glad Jake was feeling good enough to get out of the house. Is he supposed to be stretching and walking during his recovery? Glad the gas-up went OK.
Wendy - you are so teensy you are lucky you didn't blow off that rock! Your healthy eating and activity is paying off! Great job!! And great smile!!
NY Karen - how sad your gym is closing down! But yes, there are so many great things you can do from home. I haven't been to the gym in ages since I started doing the weights in my little potting shed turned exercise room. The hardest part was making myself schedule it, same with walking. When I was at the gym I knew I had to do something for 40 minutes - treadmill, circuit training. It took discipline for me to carry on but it didn't take long.
Someone asked about how much room it took to do the Leslie Sansone walking program - I used to do them in our office with a tiny 6 x 6 foot floor space. All I needed was enough room to step forward and back and from side to side. Worked fine.
Joyce - so sorry to hear about Charlie's sister. Understandable that he'd want to contribute to her final expenses but I also see your point of view. Hopefully Charlie understands that the financial help he's given in the past was a way of telling her he loved her. Do you think Charlie would be a soft touch if the niece did need financial help at some point? You both are not in the best of health and may need $$ for your own welfare - or for members of your own family even - at some point, even if you have enough to spare right now. It's hard to say "no" to family sometimes. Been there. Said no. Lost sleep for a few nights. The relative worked it out without our help.
Machka - please pop in when you can and give us the update. You know we wish we could be with you right now fixing you a cup of tea, but we are in your pocket and on your shoulder!
Have a good day ladies!
Lanette
SW WA State6 -
Greetings,
Machka- prayers still flowing. I hope you can feel the love and support from all of us.
Happy birthday to all the March ladies! I am sure I have missed a few.
Heading over to rental to install luxury vinyl plank flooring. Have never done it.....should be easy (maybe) Just hoping it doesn't take all day. U used the last of the eggs for breakfast, out of bread and produce, milk expired, out of clean work clothes.....I need a wife -lol!
I am trying to catch up but things are a little hectic.
Safe travels to those traveling. Lots of support to those in need.
Kylia learning new craft in Ohio5 -
Thank you all.
My husband is still in an induced coma and stable. That's where they want him right now.
We're waiting while his brain heals ... but it's hard to wait, and there's so much uncertainty ...
Machka in Oz20 -
Machka, thank you for popping in and giving us an update. Know that you have us all sending hugs and healing thoughts your way.
Joyce, you may not be grieving for your SIL’s passing, but you are most certainly grieving for the relationship that could have/should have been. Hugs to you and your husband as well.
Lanette, come on over. I’ll even provide the towel! I’m thinking it will be all be done on Wednesday. Then maybe he’ll give us a couple of days of reprieve before he tears out the guest bath. I would like to have the house in order for Easter, even though we have no plans and the kids aren’t even coming since they came up yesterday for Mama’s birthday.
Re taxes: I do my own. The hard part to me is getting all the paperwork ready. If I have to do that, I might as well finish. I do pay for tax software, but I use the cheapest one that includes the state.
Time for church. Best wishes to all.
K
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Katie, love your bathroom pictures.
Barbie, Happy Birthday weekend to you. Hope this is an especially healthy year for you and Jake and your furry babies.
Machka, Prayers and healing hugs.
Betsy in NW Washington .... where I just walked Ella and it is frosty and cold this morning.6 -
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Heather/Karen all my dear friends. Again I apologize for over stepping boundaries. Having been through sexual abuse perpetrated against my grandson from age 7 causing years and years of drug abuse, thousands of dollars spent for therapy/rehab and most of all the utter dispair, helplessness and anguish caused to so many I get over zealous in my defense of young children in abusive situations of any sort. Heather, of course, has to proceed as she deems wisely.
Again sorry for my out burst. I thought about deleting it before posting, in hind sight I should have done.
Janetr OKC10 -
noahbsmom & Caroline in TN: Welcome to a great group!
Michele: Thanks for explaining about cabin filters on cars. I asked DH about it, and he says that both of our cars have cabin filters. I've been protected all these years without knowing it. Knowing is better. :flowerforyou:
Barbie: Happy Birthday! Enjoy your day.
Machka: Sending good thoughts and prayers for your husband's complete recovery. I'm also sending hugs and prayers for you. Facing this heath crisis for your partner in life takes so much strength and courage.
Wendy: You look awesome!!! The scenery is stunning, too. :bigsmile:
Heather: I like Lanette's advice to you. I wonder about giving your DDIL a copy of your book when one is available, and making her the gatekeeper. I would be furious in your son's place if everyone else knew about the situation and I was left out of the loop. How will he feel when he sees the book in the bookshops or on Amazon and has had no prior knowledge? What if his brother wants to talk about it? During my childhood, my favorite cousin was killed in a tragic car accident on her 16th birthday. My parents would not let me go to the funeral. They thought they were protecting me. EVERYONE else in the family went, including all of my much younger cousins & many of her high school classmates. I have had an angry spot in my heart all these years because of it. My parents should have trusted me. I was 14 when that occurred & felt left out of my own family. I would not want your adult son to feel left out of his family nor trusted with difficult past events that have affected his family. Perhaps you and DDIL can make a plan for dealing with the eventual release of the book that will be supportive and respectful of his feelings & hers.
DH is getting ready to make sourdough pancakes for the second day in a row. Yesterday's pancakes were made with brown rice flour. Today's will be made with white rice flour. My sourdough starter is an heirloom that was brought to Oregon in a covered wagon. I plan to keep a crock of the original wheat flour starter and add a crock of rice flour starter. The original sourdough got him through a bad case of pneumonia nearly 30 years ago.
Katla in beautiful NW Oregon
"That which doesn't kill us, makes us stronger." Friedrich Nietzsche
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My husband is in an induced coma in Intensive Care and has been for the past 48 hours or so. They're going to keep him in the induced coma for at least another 60 hours ... they keep pushing it out.
He had a fall at work, hit his head, and there was bleeding on the brain. His coworkers possibly saved his life by acting quickly with first aid. He was airlifted into town, and rushed into surgery. They had trouble getting ahold of me, and I got there just before they took him into surgery. They let me walk up with them, then told me to tell him I love him and good bye.
That was about 48 hours ago.
Fortunately the surgery went well. Basically they installed a monitor to keep an eye on the pressure in the brain. If the pressure had been a lot, they would have had to remove half his skull, but it fell within the normal range (although high normal), and so they've opted to install this monitor and put him into an induced coma for some time.
Yesterday they had him lightly sedated, and he was showing good movement on his left side, but less so on his right. Today they decided to put him into deep sedation. I just need to trust that the neurologists are doing the best they can for the best outcome.
They've warned me that there's a good chance his speech will be affected, and possibly also behaviour. I'm hoping that maybe because the pressure isn't too high the effects won't be too bad.
I've been spending long periods of time in the hospital, not eating (I've lost 2 kg in 3 days) and sleeping fitfully. I do come home each night, but it's just so sad here without him. I miss him so much.
The next month ... or more maybe? ... are going to be very uncertain.
Machka in Oz
my heart is with you4 -
morning peeps - surprise breakfast in bed by chef kirby. love that man!7
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Good afternoon all! Happy Sunday! Just finished up my broth and rice for my mindful eating meal. I had a little "glitch" in my plans for the weekend. I had planned to get my sandbox constructed and filled yesterday; but a flat tire sent me to the local Belle Tire to have it fixed. 2 hour wait! Ugh! But had to get it done so that I could make it to the inlaws for the late afternoon /evening visit. On the way back from Belle Tire I stopped at Home Depot and picked up my sand. Thank God it was dry sand! So, I will build the box in just a few minutes and get it filled and not have to monkey with wet sand and letting it dry out! Yea! Had a nice time at the inlaws. FIL was able to go to Mass, which he hasn't been able to do in a couple of months. That was a big energy boost for him. He came home a happier man, which made me very glad to be able to do that for him. I entertained MIL with photos and videos from my phone, we walked to all of the windows of her house so that she could see what was beginning to bud/sprout outside. We then sat down with a snack and beverage and I showed her the same pictures and videos from my phone. She couldn't remember looking at them and was thrilled to see them, (again)! It made me smile as I thought about it on the way home. Sometimes her memory issues are scary to us; but she is blissfully unaware that she has any issues with her memory. In some ways, it is kind of like a gift (for her). She has forgotten the loss of her oldest son, the loss of her first husband, his infidelity and their separation/reconciliation is also a missing memory. She also forgets her own children still alive, grandchildren and great grandchildren are always a surprise to her. We repeat things to her constantly, because nothing stays in her head. Brains sure are interesting organs. We (her sons and daughters-in-law) have agreed to stop "correcting" her memory. Especially where it concerns bad news (ex. the death of her son). We have agreed that there is no point to inflict pain when the information is not going to stay in her head. I feel this was/is the right thing to do. Wondering if you ladies have had any experience with this? Do you remind some one with memory issues of the bad stuff?
I was home by 8pm and the guys had good news. DYS's jeep will cost half of what he was originally quoted AND they can have it done in a week! It's going to cost him $300 to have it towed to the shop that will do the rebuild; but all in all, still considerably less than what he figured he was going to be spending! (yea! We get our car back!) Then DH came upstairs and told me that he has a couple of interviews lined up! One is at our local hospital in their IT department; the other is at a local college in their finance department. The hospital job is part time and 3rd shift. No benefits included, but the hours might work better for him with his RA/pain issues. The college job is days, full time and would include benefits. Although he has been in IT for 20 years; his degree and career before IT was accounting/auditing. He has been doing our taxes and a few other people's taxes over the years; so he has been able to stay abreast of changes in tax law, etc. I know he really WANTS a job with benefits, but I am not sure he could handle the hours. Although I counted the hours (8am-3pm, five days a week) and it is only 35 hours a week. He used to work 50+/week. Anyway, I am hoping one of these comes through for him. Him getting a job would mean, I don't have to get a second job (which would mean I give up my weekends). I am a very lackadaisical when it comes to praying on a daily basis. My prayers tend to be said as I am crawling into bed and kind of off the cuff, lately. Must say I will be praying more fervently for this. I am also, selfishly, wanting him out of the house/out from under foot. I understand employers are looking for the best fit for every position; but if they only knew how much employment would mean to some one who is suffering depression from chronic pain, the meds that go with it, and being unemployed...sometimes work really IS the best medicine. Ah well, life goes on.
Joyce- so glad you were able to be there for your DH and the loss of his sister. Tough stuff, family relationships. I think that most men are ill equipped to deal with the emotional side of relationships. If he would like to help with funeral expenses; I bet he could do so anonymously through the funeral director. That way, a burden is lifted off both the children and himself; AND may alleviate any future hands held out for "financial aid" from Uncle Charlie.
Janet- Whoa! I don't think you said anything offensive or out of line! Nothing you need to stress yourself about. All advice is given out of love and respect for each other. I don't think Heather will take offense at any suggestions you have given.
Machka- Sending love and hugs! Patience!
Barbie- If it ever comes to the point where DH can not do our taxes, an accountant would be a "treat" I would also splurge on. I am good at keep my reciepts/expenses organized and recorded, but know nothing about tax/business tax laws and filing, etc. I should also admit, that my eyes glaze over at the thought of paperwork like this. No thank you!
Well, I better get busy if I want time to sit in the sand and have a drink later! ttfn xoxoxo KJ (Kelly)7 -
Thank you so much everyone for all your support and good wishes for my memoir. You all made me cry tears of happiness and sharing this morning. Janetr, I did not find it intrusive, just heartfelt. It's great when people do understand the life long damage, and, yes, I have spent a small fortune on getting over it. I never sent him the bill though.
Rori - big (((HUGS))) I do hope I can make a difference through sharing.
Karen is right that I certainly do not want to get on the wrong side of my DDIL. She was very clear that my son is struggling at the moment to hold sobriety together and life is very difficult for them. He is seeing a therapist and going to AA. I do think they are extrapolating from my last fiction book and imagining some horrible scenario.
I think I will compose something on Word and send it as an attachment, emphasising the fact of my recovery and my current well being. My elder son will get it direct, but I will send it to my DDIL, asking for her advice first, rather than direct to my younger son. She didn't want me to confide in her separately without speaking to him at the same time, but I don't want to bypass her either.
Thank you again for all your wise words.
Machka - we are with you.
Joyce - a beautiful post this morning. :flowerforyou:
Caroline - Thank you for sharing.
We have just had DH's daughter and boyfriend for lunch. Meatballs and triple chocolate cheesecake. I've sent most of the utterly delicious cheesecake back with them, leaving a couple of days' portion for DH. I had a tiny slice.
I had 100 mls of red wine with lunch and two AF drinks either side. I had three meatballs, tomato sauce and a teenzy bit of pasta. We did do our exercising this morning, so damage not too bad. Very tired now though talking and smiling all day.
Much love, Heather UK xxxxxxx9 -
Did More than Mat Pilates Intermediate DVD. The plan for tomorrow is to do some hula hoop, take the extremepump class and maybe hold my plank.
Last night Vince said to me “they’re calling for freezing rain, when you go to WalMart take it easy, go later”. Actually, when I went out to get the paper, parts of the road were dry. He’s the pessimist and I’m the optimist. Went to WalMart and got things for the board meeting (ice tea, tea bags, orange juice) and some other things that I needed. Now home to get dinner ready to microwave.
Last night I had a mini-splurge. I had about 10 squares of the Ghiradelli chocolate and some of the cake (I had mostly the icing). But in a way that was good, now I no longer have any desire to even have a little bit of that icing.
Trish – honestly, you don’t need a lot of room to do the Leslie Sanson walking videos. There are places where she walks up, back, maybe to the side. But if you don’t have the room to do that, you can just walk in place. Really, for all her videos, if you need to, you can just walk in place.
Heather – my vote for the title of your book is “A Very Nice Man”. This lets people know that the emphasis of the book is on the man and what he does, and how the person that he does it to copes. I honestly believe that you son should know about the book before it comes out. If he were to find out from someone else about what happened to you, even if you were to blame his wife for you not telling him, I don’t think he’d ever forgive you.
Joyce – I’m so sorry about Charlie’s sister. You are a true inspiration. You are so loving and caring.
NYKaren – sorry your gym is closing. That s***s big time. I hate when there’s a lot of people. The gym I belong to now has most of their people coming early in the evening so the mornings (when I’d usually go) are relatively slow. As you know, I tend to do a lot of DVD’s. I take the even easier way out of tax forms – I let Vince do it. Actually, since he’s a CPA I think he’d be embarrassed if I did them.
M – please give us updates when you can. We’re all worried. Update: thank you for popping in to give us an update
Janetr – we totally understand where you are coming from regarding Heather’s situation. Feel free to give us your thoughts, however you may think they sound. Trust me, no one takes offense regarding this.
KJ – my cousin’s MIL was in a nursing home. When my cousin’s hubby passed away, they never told her. How do you tell a 92 year old woman that she’s outlived all her sons? Fortunately, there was a man who worked at the nursing home who from the back looked a bit like her hubby. So when the mother asked where he was, Patty would just say “don’t you remember, he was just here. There he is, walking down the hall”. Or if when she’d go see the MIL who asked about her son, Joe was “home cutting the lawn”, or “he was here earlier”. You’re right, the brain is a wonderful thing. She probably never realized that her son was never there until she got to heaven and saw him. Fortunately for my cousin, she was a twin so when Patty went away, Sally would go visit the MIL. Your son’s career sounds a lot like Vince’s. He was a CPA but then went into IT for the last 23 of his working years.
Michele in NC
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Machka, thanks for the update on hubby, keeping you both in my thoughts.
Kelly, adding you and your hubby to my thoughts, hoping that he gets offered at least one of those jobs! I have become a strong believer in "putting it out to the universe". I was unemployed for a few years, and at 55 that was not something that I ever envisioned! Needless to say, it was a shock as I have always made sure to have something lined up before quitting a job, but this time the business closed down and I was in limbo. My chiropractor told me to
think of my perfect job, refine the vision and "put it out to the universe". So, that's what I did. It did take awhile, but I did find a job that I love! Good news on your son's truck!
Joyce, condolences to Charlie and to you on the loss of his sister. Even though you didn't care for her, it's important that you are there for Charlie.
Wendy, awesome photo of you and the scenery!
Heather, hugs to you. I have to agree with a previous poster (sorry, can't remember who! Lanette maybe?) that your sons possibly do know more than you think they do. Or at least might know that something wasn't right.... This won't be an easy road for any of you, but with knowledge comes power. I know that my imagination can think up scenarios that are WAY worse than what the actual issue is! Good for you for sending away the cheesecake!
Janetr, nothing wrong with expressing your opinion and it's always good to get someone else's perspective.
I've read a few posts in which people are apologizing for a long post or for venting or ranting. Please don't apologize or stop posting on my account. I think it's good that we have a place to vent or ramble so that we can get these things off our minds. It's also nice to get someone else's ideas and thoughts, sometimes someone a step away from the issue sees a potential solution that we never thought of. And sometimes there is no solution, but being able to share with people who won't judge really helps. So thanks for sharing the good stuff and the bad stuff and the in between stuff too!
So, last night, after reading Caroline's post I upped my resolve to not eat anything else and to go brush my teeth. Well, then I decided that my dishes needed to be done and while doing that figured I might as well get my lunch ready for today. As I was putting some fresh veggies into a container, the only thing left on the plate was some cucumber slices and rather than put them back in the fridge, I ate them. I chased them down with a couple of chewable Vit C tablets, so while I did eat, I don't feel the least bit guilty about it! And so very glad that I did my lunch last night because I slept in this morning! It was so nice to just reach into the fridge, grab the containers and drop them into my lunch bag! Saved me a bunch of time, and possibly a bunch of calories as I might not have packed as intelligently this morning because of being rushed. Win, Win!
Hope everyone has a great day/night!
Evelyn, Vancouver Island
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Hugs to everyone!
So much fun to log in, and also to use the bar code feature!
Do you remember when I posted the four painted canvasses each representing a season with a tree in the middle part? I was going to either to the swirls of paint or use different size, same shade buttons. Well I have joined some button collecting groups on Facebook. Amazingly, that's quite a thing! So they have "lots" the admin sells of just a color, with many different types of buttons, so that will be fun to get most of my buttons from. I guess she does PayPal, and nightly has specific items some really old buttons etc. Something to work on all my life right. I picture myself 80+ years old, still gluing buttons on this project! Haahaa!
Becca
Oregon7 -
Kelly - my DH took an adjunct faculty position at the local community college teaching computers and electronics when he became unable to hold a harder physical job.
It soon led to a full time job with benefits in the college's IT department. He had to do some tech type stuff like hook up computers and carry PC's back and forth, but it kept him active. His final year he did phone-based customer service, and would help solve problems over the phone "Did you reboot your PC?" and dispatch the techs.
Our county is always hiring accounting types.... there's a big wave of baby boomers retiring. I know, it's a long commute for your DH.
But I think it's a good time to find employment in his field. I am thrilled to pieces and joining you in prayers.
Regarding your MIL's dementia, I found a good article in the Oct 2017 issue of Guideposts. Here's the link - hope it works: https://www.guideposts.org/friends-and-family/caregiving/aging-parents/7-keys-to-caring-for-a-loved-one-with-dementia
I even use some of these tips on my DH and could have used them decades ago, lol.
Heather - sounds like you have a good solution.
Evie - great job prepping veggies! I made myself little snack bags - weighed out 2/3 oz of nuts - combo of raw almonds, pecan halves, walnuts. Added in a couple slices of dried apple and one tsp of dried sweetened cranberries (4 berries or so). I figured the whole thing was around 140 calories per the recipe builder, satisfied my sweet tooth and the nuts have tremendous staying power. My plan is to leave the snack cupboard alone and it's working so far. I too brush my teeth after supper and it helps.
OK gals, back later!
Lanette
Sunny (for this minute) SW WA State
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DDIL just sent this. They went to see the lambs being born at a lambing centre. The countryside is on the South Downs, just a few miles from our proposed home.
Heather UK xxxxxxx
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Looking for friends for inspiration to stay motivated. Im 61 Hello everyone!14
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Evie - great job prepping veggies! I made myself little snack bags - weighed out 2/3 oz of nuts - combo of raw almonds, pecan halves, walnuts. Added in a couple slices of dried apple and one tsp of dried sweetened cranberries (4 berries or so). I figured the whole thing was around 140 calories per the recipe builder, satisfied my sweet tooth and the nuts have tremendous staying power. My plan is to leave the snack cupboard alone and it's working so far. I too brush my teeth after supper and it helps.
Lanette - I do the same but instead of apples I throw in a few dark chocolate chips!
Okie6 -
Machka - You're in our thoughts and prayers as is your hub! I know the waiting is awful, the what ifs troubling. Try to let go of what you can't control and focus on what you can. Big virtual hugs!
Okie in the TX Hill Country7 -
Karen & Barbie: DH turned the tax information over to the accountant last week. When he finishes them we'll go in, sign, write checks and mail them off to the government. Too bad we can't restrict how they will be used. :grumble:
Machka: Continuing prayers for your DH and for you.
I went out to the stable to work with Arrow this morning, but nobody else was there. There weren't even any cars out there. I'm unwilling to be alone with the old guy and no one else nearby to help. He can be quite a pill when he is in the mood and I don't want to risk getting hurt without some help at hand. I may try later today. We'll see.
Katla in beautiful NW Oregon
"The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another." - William James
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