"You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?
Replies
-
So funny the peeps here.4 -
There is a guy I work with who lost a lot of weight within a very short period of time and I hadn't seen him between. I'll admit my first thought was "wow, he looks sickly". It took my brain a few weeks to process the change and realize he's a perfectly healthy weight. I think that's just the human mind.
Strangely enough, I've never had anyone tell me that I'm too skinny and I've spent pretty much my whole life on the bottom end of the BMI spectrum, sometimes in the underweight. But if you use the calculations that take into account frame size, I was always within the norm. I have a verrrrry small frame. And how much muscle you have makes a huge difference as well. I look pretty much exactly the same on the left at BMI of 18.3 as I do on the right with a BMI of 19.8.
4 -
Someone knowing your history does flavor their perception. People who think I am too skinny are people who have known me a long time. I have recently taken up SUP paddling and go to some group outings posted in a FB group for local paddlers. In that crowd, I don't stand out at all; most of the SUP paddlers I have met are fit and trim. the only comment I get about my size is that I can use a smaller board than a bigger guy.2
-
SummerSkier wrote: »I hope to be just as strong and fit when I am 30 as I am now.
comments noted. So sorry if y’all are struggling. All are entitled to their opinions. I have no argument. It just shows the point of this thread.
You look like a runner to me. Thin but healthy.11 -
@SummerSkier I think you look great. My BMI calculator for a 5’7” woman puts your 118 lbs at the bottom of normal *which IS normal” — and we know BMI is not valid for folks with a lot of muscle, which you have.
Your doc says you’re great & you’re happy- I’m confused by some of these comments.
I think people are very worried about eating disorders - I have never suffered from one and I have not researched the incidence of eating disorders in folks who have lost weight. I know they are in the media a lot.
I wish you well.9 -
@SummerSkier I think you look fit
You know your body better than anyone else. You are in the best position to decide what is a good weight for you. 6 -
SummerSkier wrote: »OK - do I look underweight? Yall can woo me but my BMI per the chart is 17.9, Which oddly enough was what my BF gizmo also calculated. I think #s on a chart are just that. Average #s. To tell someone at their height and weight that they are over or under weight with no other data is ludicrous. Some folks at my height look FABULOUS 20-30 pounds heavier. Me I look and feel like a whale at anything mid to upper normal BMI. Lately more Drs are also taking a waist measurement to help them figure out if you are over or under weight. Now that I have been maintaining about 8 months a lot of the comments have actually stopped. I think part of the issue is also that people see you losing weight and are afraid that you are never going to stop and turn into a pile of anorexic bones. Once they see you staying at the weight you choose normally the comments quiet down.
Interesting to see a picture of someone who is actually underweight according to the BMI charts... you look great to me!
And you're rocking that bikini!5 -
No. I'd never allow somebody else's opinion of me make me question my self-image. I grew out of that years ago.
The best way (only way, really) to stop people from making the comments is to stop them the minute they start. They need to be shut down swiftly and permanently.
Depending on who you're saying it to, this can range from anywhere between "*kitten* off, I didn't ask you" to "your comments on my weight aren't needed or appreciated" to "thanks, but I like the way I look."5 -
garystrickland357 wrote: »SummerSkier wrote: »I hope to be just as strong and fit when I am 30 as I am now. comments noted. So sorry if y’all are struggling. All are entitled to their opinions. I have no argument. It just shows the point of this thread.
You look like a runner to me. Thin but healthy.
Bingo. 5 -
I actually tell people now that what they are saying is offensive, and they are comparing me to what I used to be, not what a healthy size is. people quickly stopped commenting and I dont care if I come across as rude because frankly making comments like that is rude anyway.4
-
I had these comments many times in my 20's. My brother and sister in law were always trying to insinuate I was anorexic. Once they realised I ate like a horse, they added bullimia to their diagnosis.
Fat people always told me to eat a sandwich and put some weight on. And at one point, I did become underweight, but it wasn't due to anorexia, it was due to being a starving student who spent all their money on rent, with little left for food.
My parents asked me nicely about this, and I told them what the problem was, so they brought food around for me during that time. That's because they were actually concerned, and not just trying to demonise my weight or gossip mindlessly about me.
I know people on here have said, 'if someone was drastically underweight, you should say something, because they may have an eating disorder.' Or, they might have cancer, or be naturally thin or have some other reason. But, if they do have anorexia, then saying you're too thin is seen as a positive reinforcement to their disease, and may encourage them to further starve themselves. It would be better to ask the person why they think they're so thin, if you're really concerned. And only if you're close to the person, I think.
What I find interesting though, is that being overweight is also a health concern, yet most decent people would never dream of saying, 'you're too fat and I think you have a health problem'. Why not? Why are we concerned for the anorexic's health, but not the obese person's? It's a double standard.
Edited to add, I don't currently have these problems as I'm overweight at the moment.
10 -
MinimalistShoeAddict wrote: »I still think that there is much less "skinny shaming" than "fat shaming" in society if we are being honest. Skinny folk are generally seen as nicer, more attractive, smarter, healthier, more dedicated, etc.
Let's not pretend that skinny or normal body weight folks are some discriminated class of citizens.
I also think 99% of the time those who say don't lose too much or that you are getting skinny are just reconciling the new you with the old you they have known forever. While it may be annoying or bothersome, it's really understandable and quite normal IMO.I also think 99% of the time those who say don't lose too much or that you are getting skinny are just reconciling the new you with the old you they have known forever. While it may be annoying or bothersome, it's really understandable and quite normal IMO.
I strongly disagree with the 99% part. Many of the people who hear this have been at a healthy weight their entire life.
Your example may be true in many cases but nowhere near 99% of the time.
You may be right about fat shaming being more common than skinny shaming, however I do not think one is more acceptable than the other.
Until 3 months ago, I been overweight for my age since before 6th grade. I'm now 60.1 -
I know this is over a year later, but if anybody ever has a problem like this again, many companies have an anonymous tip line that, in many cases, is monitored by Internal Audit, who in turn have a direct line to the Board of Directors Audit Committee. That will get action. I work in internal audit...Yisrael1981 wrote: »This just happened to me today in my office. My manager came over to me today and said a few people had come over to him and said I look horrible that I am too skinny. It really threw me for a loop and I did question myself
I started at 220 and ended at 145-147, currently maintaining at about 2000 calories a day plus some treats on the weekend...
The wise man in me says these people just have a hard time adjusting to my new look, however it definitely was a painful experience
I can relate. My manager also runs HR and has told me twice in the past two days that I am skinny, it is not attractive and I must not lose any more weight (said in a dramatic voice). I am still 5kgs from my goal so nope, I am not going to listen to that, particularly as it is coming from the same woman who demanded to know if I was pregnant this time last year because I had a bit of a tummy - in front of a room full of people. She was not happy with my embarrassed "no, I am not pregnant, I am just fat" and went on and on, saying "you can tell us you know, we will be happy for you".
Not only was I fat not pregnant, but I am also unable to have children, a fact which most people are aware of. Beyond awkward.
Yep. Folks that run HR don't always know how to HR.
3 -
I am so glad I read this post. After losing 110lbs I am now getting people say to me how I do not need to lose anymore. While that may be true, I really like the way I look now and so I keep working at it. So there are some weeks where I may still lose. But I think the one thing that bothers me most though is when people ask if you are ok, just because you have lost weight. After getting asked this so often it makes me doubt myself.3
-
I am so glad I read this post. After losing 110lbs I am now getting people say to me how I do not need to lose anymore. While that may be true, I really like the way I look now and so I keep working at it. So there are some weeks where I may still lose. But I think the one thing that bothers me most though is when people ask if you are ok, just because you have lost weight. After getting asked this so often it makes me doubt myself.
I understand how you feel, and my immediate reaction to "are you OK" is the same.
On the flip side, when you're 30+ like I am (OK, it starts around 30+, but I'm 60+), it's sadly more common for people to start having serious physical problems or chronic diseases. It's arguably a faux pas to ask a person who's lost weight whether they're OK, but IMO it's a much worse faux pas to congratulate someone who's ill on their weight loss. Often sick people don't look sick right away, in a stereotypic kind of way. As a survivor of stage III (advanced) cancer, and a cancer widow, I can see both sides of this.
It's a conversation neither party wants to have: "You've lost weight: You look great!" "Actually, I'm dying."
So, to the extent I can, I try to take "are you OK?" as a sign that people care about me, not as a critique of my appearance . . . unless their manner or body language clearly tell me differently. YMMV.13 -
actually believe it or not there is LIGHT at the end of the tunnel. I got a lot of concerned (maybe) comments when I first hit my goal last year, but now that I am maintaining where I choose to be, and I haven't dwindled away to nothing, those comments have 100 percent stopped. So give it time, keep on keepin on with what YOU want, and the "too skinny" or "you are not going to lose anymore" comments really do stop.6
-
Here's what I wished I'd said when people used to say it to me: 'thank you for letting me know. Would you like us to discuss your weight, now?'
19 -
-
I was hiking the other day, and it's customary around these trails, to greet your fellow hikers. "Good morning" or "Hi" is the usual greeting.
As I reached the top of one peak, I saw a young woman standing there, looking off into the distance. She was what I would consider petite (@ 5'3" and slender). As I started to pass her, before I could greet her, an athletic looking woman reached the top from the other side. She looked at the young woman and said, "Good lord, you're thin!" By the lack of response or reaction from the young woman, I guessed she didn't know this person from Adam.
When did this become a customary greeting to strangers?
0
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.3K Introduce Yourself
- 43.4K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 387 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.4K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 901 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.2K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions