Why did you get married?

Btw- this is how marriage works in my culture. There are exceptions now because times have changed but what I will be describing is how things operate in traditional families.

1. My grand parents will be told about a possible family,
2. They will vet the family- as in who they are and what family they come from, how old is the family and how back the roots go,
3. They will speak with the girl's parent's

After that,


1. Girl's family- They shouldn't be related closely. Theory is- if it's closely related and there is an issue prevalent in the family it may pass on to future offspring- as in genetic disorders or something so it's better to be not related. Is the family free from addictions etc etc.

2. Girl's future plans- as in, if she is even ready to get married? what are her life goals? Is she ready to make a commitment or she is 50-50 and family is forcing. What's life long goals? Kids? Career? etc - would she and I compromise or we are 100% opposite or we are 100% similar both scenarios are a "no-no".

3. Girl's background/upbringing- Was she raised in a family where they earned through jobs, business or political? Since jobs in theory have less stress because you will get paid at the end of the month, however little it may be-you'd get paid. Business the income stream is up and down and political families have times of very high stress then smooth sailing then up again. If she comes into a family which was total opposite -it'll be hard for her to transition and that would suck for newly weds.

4. Girl's family's financial status- Are they "too" rich as in total out of league or "too" poor. Since if they are very well off and I am not- it'll be hard for her to transition and adapt to our "level" and if she's too poor- she won't be able to adjust fully either.


Once this is set and done- girl would be shown my picture and given my details and whatever she needs from my side and her parents. If she approves -I'd be told alright this is this- and as a family we would go meet. If she's ok on that then it'll continue from there.

P.S- keep in mind, some things don't apply here in western culture so it may be a head scratcher.


I may have missed few details but this is how the process usually is- it's not just a union of two people it's a union of two families. Community comes together to unite them. Times have changed and now things are done in a similar way it gets done in Western society however, in my case it'll be like I've mentioned here. I have zero issues with this process. I ain't even against marriage I just wanted to know WHY YOU did it.

Like I said before, I was all for marriage and all when I was young but the more I've meditated the more I feel like why though. That whole "partner for life" and those things just don't justify. Since WE created this why can't we be together without this "marriage". Also, "thick and thin" so where one person would be going through struggle now there would be two of us drudging along.

Only thing I am totally against for now is, spending a lavish amount on wedding and the events which my family and extended family is looking towards. I just want court marriage and party that's it. Not like 4 functions before then wedding then party. However, the girl may have other plans so who knows where it'll all end up.

81Katz wrote: »

I'll put myself out there, just this time with a more real answer.

Because I loved him. Because I believed in a future with him. Because I believed all the good things he said to me and big plans he wanted for us.

I realized after all was said and done, and when I finally was really honest with myself that love shouldn't make you hate yourself or feel like *kitten* most of the time.

That just because you loved them, it doesn't mean they're good for you.

Thanks for sharing.