Why did you get married?

Taras Kul, vlogger, is getting married in October. Check out how he looks at her every time they talk about their wedding plans. Totally, utterly, smitten.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hKpjOA8cr_0

OP, you may have your own ideas on what a marriage (and the celebration) should look like but I promise you when you are THIS smitten with someone, you will want to do it in a way that honors this new person in your life. It will be a joint decision.

We were already in a committed relationship but I needed health benefits and SO got a tax break.

Win-win!


Edit: Also, many people say that marriage changes everything. Perhaps it does for some people, but thankfully it didn't change a thing for us. We had friends who got married after us that were concerned about this old adage too, but I think marriage is only different than a long-term, committed relationship if one or both of you want/expect it to be.

BrSpiritus wrote: »

Nice barong!

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kelfran1 wrote: »

We were already in a committed relationship but I needed health benefits and SO got a tax break.

Win-win!


Edit: Also, many people say that marriage changes everything. Perhaps it does for some people, but thankfully it didn't change a thing for us. We had friends who got married after us that were concerned about this old adage too, but I think marriage is only different than a long-term, committed relationship if one or both of you want/expect it to be.

I figured that dated back to the days when people didn't live together before being married. In my relationship I think that was the hardest part, the few months after moving in together. Since we already lived together previous to being married, nothing really changed immediately from just getting married.

I was told there was going to be punch and pie.

Which time?

Getting married was fun and tax benefits.

born_of_fire74 wrote: »

roxybeer wrote: »

My last name was a nightmare. So I needed something simpler.

My maiden name was awful. Sadly, my married name is no improvement.

I should have thought about this more, you don't realize how annoying 3 extra letters can be until its too late

vm007 wrote: »

Btw- this is how marriage works in my culture. There are exceptions now because times have changed but what I will be describing is how things operate in traditional families.

1. My grand parents will be told about a possible family,
2. They will vet the family- as in who they are and what family they come from, how old is the family and how back the roots go,
3. They will speak with the girl's parent's

After that,


1. Girl's family- They shouldn't be related closely. Theory is- if it's closely related and there is an issue prevalent in the family it may pass on to future offspring- as in genetic disorders or something so it's better to be not related. Is the family free from addictions etc etc.

2. Girl's future plans- as in, if she is even ready to get married? what are her life goals? Is she ready to make a commitment or she is 50-50 and family is forcing. What's life long goals? Kids? Career? etc - would she and I compromise or we are 100% opposite or we are 100% similar both scenarios are a "no-no".

3. Girl's background/upbringing- Was she raised in a family where they earned through jobs, business or political? Since jobs in theory have less stress because you will get paid at the end of the month, however little it may be-you'd get paid. Business the income stream is up and down and political families have times of very high stress then smooth sailing then up again. If she comes into a family which was total opposite -it'll be hard for her to transition and that would suck for newly weds.

4. Girl's family's financial status- Are they "too" rich as in total out of league or "too" poor. Since if they are very well off and I am not- it'll be hard for her to transition and adapt to our "level" and if she's too poor- she won't be able to adjust fully either.


Once this is set and done- girl would be shown my picture and given my details and whatever she needs from my side and her parents. If she approves -I'd be told alright this is this- and as a family we would go meet. If she's ok on that then it'll continue from there.

P.S- keep in mind, some things don't apply here in western culture so it may be a head scratcher.


I may have missed few details but this is how the process usually is- it's not just a union of two people it's a union of two families. Community comes together to unite them. Times have changed and now things are done in a similar way it gets done in Western society however, in my case it'll be like I've mentioned here. I have zero issues with this process. I ain't even against marriage I just wanted to know WHY YOU did it.

Like I said before, I was all for marriage and all when I was young but the more I've meditated the more I feel like why though. That whole "partner for life" and those things just don't justify. Since WE created this why can't we be together without this "marriage". Also, "thick and thin" so where one person would be going through struggle now there would be two of us drudging along.

Only thing I am totally against for now is, spending a lavish amount on wedding and the events which my family and extended family is looking towards. I just want court marriage and party that's it. Not like 4 functions before then wedding then party. However, the girl may have other plans so who knows where it'll all end up.

What country are you from? I feel like arranged marriages would definitely give me a different feeling about the whole thing.

my view was after 10 years we might as well be so we did and threw a party for the family and friends rather than us cuz we couldn't have done it without them

vm007 wrote: »

Hi,

Just wondering why does one get married?

"Life partner" - well , that one can be without married as well

"Someone with you in thick and thin" - if you are good friends with someone it'll be same

"It shows how much you love someone" - really now?

"For love" - umm ok- but do you really need to be married to them?

"Societal" - yes that I can some what understand but people will talk for a while then they will forget and accept as it is

"Family pressure" - I think same as society- will talk for a while then shut off

"Kids"- Sure, but if you aren't married and have a kid out of wedlock- that doesn't mean you can't raise the child in a wholesome environment.

"Gives meaning to life" - what does being married have to do with it?

"Friends come and go-life partner is for life" - marriages end too

"To carry my legacy" - isn't this just ego and what if the child is a total screw up?

This is me just having a conversation with myself. There is a divide between me versus myself.

Just wondering because one can surely have a wholesome relationship for life without being married, right?

Movies and all have made "hippies" or "that culture" look bad but didn't they have it right in the first place? Some tribes

did that too- one can have multiple partners and still live a happy , wholesome life.

So why did you get married? What am I not understanding? What am I missing?

Been married 26+ plus years. Wouldn't have it any other way. Our marriage has had its ups and it's downs, but has endured.

I don't think there's an easy answer to the question of "Why did you get married?"

Single life was fine for me for a while, but I just remember thinking back then that it was the right woman, the right time and the right decision.

By the way, your post reminds me of an old saying .......

"Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry." ~ Spanish Proverb

SpartanRunner1978 wrote: »

Breezybreeze7 wrote: »

Not married but want to be 🙋🏻‍♀️

Me too...I’m free in about four or five weeks...whadya say???

Out of the frying pan and into the fire? Brave man!

"To carry my legacy" - isn't this just ego and what if the child is a total screw up?

This. In the end it almost always it boils down to this (with straight folks and even some gay couples, now), but this is more "why have children" than "why get married". If you've ever played Maxis' "The Sims", you would know the creepy delight in seeing what traits get passed and combined between mates. Not to mention the appeal of creating a "mini me" that many would deny.

I could go into a great lecture about how marriage is a contract, and it was as much a bargaining tool for economic and political dealmaking at one time as it was a guarantee of a family unit - in fact it was rarely a guarantee in those times that mothers frequently died in childbirth, men at war and of disease or starvation, and children often didn't make it to puberty.

It can still be seen this way among the elites or in countries with caste systems. Celebrity couples, royal weddings, hearse chasers. But that's not most people.

Most people do want to have children, and there's no argument that having both biological parents present and happy with each other and their family doesn't make a huge positive impact on a child's future. That's why sex produces bonding hormones for both parties, and childbirth the same. Nature wants us to stick with the mothers and fathers of our children - it ensures better survival (that being said, there have been studies to show that "foster" parents do just as well on this front and that early human mothers almost surely relied upon the "it takes a village" premise - even allowing other females to breastfeed their young.)

And you're right:
Some tribes did that too- one can have multiple partners and still live a happy , wholesome life.

Polygamous tribes who have practiced marrying husbands to multiple wives seem to have better success with this model than modern-day, western style "polygamists" who are either trapped in this lifestyle for generations or not raised in the culture at all, and instead are sold a sexual fantasy by cult-leaders... Obviously that's not a healthy mindset in which to frame your community as opposed to "this is tradition, it is honored, it is the way nature wants it, we all coexist for one another's happiness and benefit" which I hazard to guess some, but few, western polygamist families have achieved. Usually in polygamist tribal family units the wives have their own property and a certain level of independence and agency over their children, but also are available for the other wives and children.

In the end, marriage is only Western culture's societal and economic justification for curbing natural sexual urges. It incentivized commitment and compassion towards women (who often came with valuable assets) instead of wife theft, murder, rape, etc. It provided a legal foundation for recognition of the relationship between a man and wife, who are not blood relatives, and allowed for women to inherit property at times when few were landowners. It created a way to make peace with, or great deals with neighbors or influential citizens. It provided upward mobility not just for women, but for entire generations.

The question is not "why get married".

The question is "what does marriage mean to me, today." Now that dowry is gone? Now that many states have eliminated dower and curtesy and the concept of community property and totally unified property ownership for married couples? Now that women may be educated, employed, and own land by the same means as men? Now that we only remarry because of divorce/choice or very rare tragedy? Now that we must have fewer offspring to see them reach adulthood? Now that the world is over populous but birthrates are plummeting, the effect being more family trees will inevitably die?"

Culture is changing, the world is changing. Because our needs and prospects are glaringly different from those of our grandparents and great grandparents just 100 years ago. It's right that people ask these questions in our current times.