"You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?

amymatteucci · June 2018

This is a hot button for me and I'm glad you posted. Of course, in any other forum, there is very little sympathy for those of us who choose to be--and work to be--"small". I've just come to the point where I don't respond at all. To be honest, it's completely inappropriate for someone to make the comment in the first place! I don't walk up to people who are heavy or who have gained weight and proclaim, "Wow! You're getting FAT! Are you okay? Maybe you should lay off the snacks!" So why in the world is it okay for someone to comment on the reverse situation? Making comments about other people's bodies is a boundary issue and it's something I don't appreciate beyond, "Hey, you look great." Anything else is just not cool. At all.

iowalinda · June 2018

I choose to believe that most people mean well with their "helpful" comments, so I take what they say with a grain of salt, thank them for sharing their opinion, and then change the subject.
And, btw, I agree that, with the obesity epidemic, most people don't even recognize "normal size" anymore.

netitheyeti · June 2018

I had people say that - when I was roughly 120lbs at 5'2 (and even more so at my lowest weight which was still a BMI of 19)
Mind you, I think it might be because I'm pear shaped so my shoulders and chest DO get fairly skinny, plus everyone around me was used to me in the BMI 30-35 range.. curious to see if it happens again, I'm dropping from 160s back to 120s, halfway there at the moment

DragonHasTheSapphire · June 2018

My own mother says it looks like I have cancer, which in my opinion was way too far. I personally don't think I look 'too skinny' at all, sure I could probably gain some weight and still be healthy/look healthy, but when it starts getting to the point of feeling insecure is where I draw the line.

AudreyJDuke · July 2018

Great sharing, I needed this!

luvmygrls77 · July 2018

Yeah it’s super annoying when people ask if you’re sick or say you’re too skinny. I get more people that say I look really good but those mean comments stick out in your brain more than the nice ones. I’m just shy of 5’4” and I loved being around 115lbs. Now that I’m older and had a kid, I feel like being too thin makes your face look older and other areas not look as good (boobs) but I love feeling healthy and energetic.

deaddawn · July 2018

If you are within a healthy BMI range, their comments say more about them than they do about you.

Some people don't know how to word a nice compliment like, "wow you have slimmed down" or as I asked a coworker several years ago, "Are we seeing less of you?" (after a brief exchange of details) "I bet it feels great! I suspect we will be seeing even less of you!" (coworker had bypass surgery and was still losing).

Other may feel threatened by the change. If you lose weight, you may have inadvertently made them reflect on their own size in a negative way. You have proved that someone like them can do it. You walking around thinner is a reminder that they are still failing at it or that they too should make hard changes. For some you would be an inspiration, for others, a threat to the way they feel about themselves.

A good comeback would be to say you feel awesome and have a ton of energy and, if applicable, that your joints/feet/whatever no longer hurt all the time. Being able to <fill in something you can easily do now> is the best feeling of freedom.

JohnnyQBelleville13 · July 2018

recently found out that a friend has been asking other friends if I have started doing hard drugs to lose weight (for the record, no). I figure the proper response, if she ever brings it up to me (won't happen) is "no, i've just stopped doing so many cheeseburgers"

HeyJudii · July 2018

Got that talk this morning. I am not even at my maintenance weight yet - .6lbs over highest weight for my age, height, gender. I am in the cutting phase of my resistance training, so I am sure I will hear more in the future.

therealmichele · July 2018

wow, you are all so polite.

i was naturally very thin for most of my life-- fiiiinally filled out in my 30s and stopped being mistaken for a 12 year old boy. i was (and am!) thrilled.

but after 3 decades of people minding my body's business, i got really good at the dead stare. and if they pushed, i stopped feeling shy about saying things like, "this is what a healthy body looks like on me. is there a problem."

it's the same thing when people comment on how i look "for my age" etc. "this is what 30/35/40/__ looks like on me." if the person is sort of a delicate flower and i have to interact closely with them and it's better to be nice, i just say "asian genes" and let them sit with it, mystified, and move on.

i am really not okay with one-size-fits-all templates for body size, shape or age progression etc b/c although there are general norms, obviously there is a ton of everyday evidence that there is a huge range out there. it's why i kinda wish all women would be much more frank and open about their weight and age. there is no shame in what we are. we work within our possible ranges... but there is a huge variability in what is possible. and it's all cool.

chantelboudreau · July 2018

I used to have this problem. I was underweight but in my family that's very normal. I had lots of energy and felt healthy. People would constantly tell me I need to eat more when I was full and one even told the school nurse she worried. It was really annoying. Once I hit my 30's I put on some weight but it was very upsetting in high school and middle school. I did not have an eating disorder. Sometimes people just don't know better. If you feel great and have lots of energy than I don't see the problem. Plus I checked your BMI and it's not even under weight. Personally, I would say if the doctor says your healthy that's what matters.

HeyJudii · July 2018

It's interesting to me, that when I was in the obese range for my age & height, no one was worried about me then. No heart to heart talks about perhaps I should do something about my eating and inactivity. But, now that I am in a healthy weight range, and getting fit and lean (runner) so much concern is expressed.

ETA: The concern comes from individuals that complain about their weight and inactivity regularly. They will say something like, "You are getting so skinny. I wish I had your will power, but, I (fill in reason of choice). But, you know, enough is enough." Etc.
I would feel differently about this expressed "concern" if it was coming from an active person, satisfied with their weight and appearance. But, when it comes from someone that is in their own admission, overweight and unhealthy, it makes me wonder at the true motive.

xbowhunter · July 2018

collectingblues wrote: »

SummerSkier wrote: »

OK - do I look underweight? Yall can woo me but my BMI per the chart is 17.9, Which oddly enough was what my BF gizmo also calculated. I think #s on a chart are just that. Average #s. To tell someone at their height and weight that they are over or under weight with no other data is ludicrous. Some folks at my height look FABULOUS 20-30 pounds heavier. Me I look and feel like a whale at anything mid to upper normal BMI. Lately more Drs are also taking a waist measurement to help them figure out if you are over or under weight. Now that I have been maintaining about 8 months a lot of the comments have actually stopped. I think part of the issue is also that people see you losing weight and are afraid that you are never going to stop and turn into a pile of anorexic bones. Once they see you staying at the weight you choose normally the comments quiet down.

Honestly? Yes, you do. You clearly have bones showing, and I wouldn't be happy with that lack of muscle on my thighs.

I disagree. That picture is the definition of a healthy weight!!

mk2fit · July 2018

I think those of us who are runners get the "you're too skinny" thing a lot. Yeah, we tend to be slim, but strong! It must be a mix of envy and jealousy. If you feel good in your skin, then ta da! Don't worry about what others say (unless it's your mom - mom's can throw a wrench into anything, dammit.)

ttippie2000 · July 2018

I don't get the "you're too skinny" thing. Once I get to my goal weight we'll see I guess. What I do get--from sedentary people--is the, "You look great!" thing, which at my age actually means, "You're not dead yet."

SummerSkier · July 2018

thanks @xbowhunter and Mk2.. I believe that when folks view my picture they have some very subjective glasses on. It's all ok, because what really matters is how we feel, and how healthy we are and not some internet opinion of a photo we post. I see a lot of photos posted which IMO are still heavy, but I think it would be rude and out of place not knowing the person to say "sorry dude, you are still fat". Maybe they already lost 200 pounds? Maybe THEY like their appearance. Maybe the BMI #s says "normal"! Too many variable out there.

BattyKnitter · July 2018

I'm only a little over halfway to goal weight and I have started getting the "you are so tiny (now)!" comments, so I predict I will eventually get some of these "you are too skinny" or " you're done losing now right?" comments once I'm close to or at goal weight. This thread is so useful in getting possibly ready for those comments with good comebacks that will shut down that noise right quick!

Aly_xx3 · July 2018

I get it fairly often. I'm 5'2 and 103lbs. People don't understand why I say no to desserts, a second helping, etc. I was at a family friend's event last week and everyone was going inside to get pie. I don't like pie! Some old guy I don't even know said they "need to fatten (me) up". A drunk friend told me I'd look way better if I gained about 20 pounds. Thanks, no thanks.

iowalinda · July 2018

Aly_xx3 wrote: »

I get it fairly often. I'm 5'2 and 103lbs. People don't understand why I say no to desserts, a second helping, etc. I was at a family friend's event last week and everyone was going inside to get pie. I don't like pie! Some old guy I don't even know said they "need to fatten (me) up". A drunk friend told me I'd look way better if I gained about 20 pounds. Thanks, no thanks.

Uck! I had one woman tell me I need to eat a few Twinkies. Another told me I'll soon look like a bag of bones. Another told me I'll blow away in a slight breeze. My hubby tells me I look great, and since I feel healthy and strong, and my own mirror shows a reflection I like, the others can just stick their opinions where the sun don't shine LOL

AMIE2881 · July 2018

People use to say this to me then when I gained weight... Then it was you look like you need to lose weight. Same with not having a tan. People are a-holes. Even friends and family.

"You're too skinny!" Do others ever make you question your maintenance weight?

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