Is verbal harassment common at the gym? And do women or men catch more of it?

There is one man who followed me around the gym 4-5 times over a few months. He would use the machines next to me or just generally be close by way too often to be normal and is the only person so far at that gym to interrupt my sets to ask stupid questions (my answers got shorter and less polite every time). I do consider it harassment and it did affect how safe and confident I felt but I didn't want to be told by the gym employees that I'm overreacting, or worse, that he would know I had reported him and become a different kind of harasser. So I just dealt with it and texted my sister every time I saw him there.

Haven't seen him in a while, it's nice not to be on the lookout for him.

I just remembered an article from a few years ago. Does anyone remember that nasty woman who took nude photos of overweight women in the gym changerooms and posted them online, ridiculing them? It's not common, but this is a horrific example of harassment.

smantha32 wrote: »

Candyspun wrote: »

I just remembered an article from a few years ago. Does anyone remember that nasty woman who took nude photos of overweight women in the gym changerooms and posted them online, ridiculing them? It's not common, but this is a horrific example of harassment.

An extreme version, and probably rare. She faced legal issues for that.

This reminds me of the only time I can remember when I was confrontational with someone at the gym. I was in the locker room, changing -- i.e., naked -- and these girls who looked to be 12 to 14 years old were taking selfies in front of the mirror. I had no way to know whether they were catching my reflection, but I told them firmly that they needed to stop and that it was incredibly rude to take pictures in a locker room.

But on the original question, no, in nearly 40 years of using university gyms, free or cheap county rec department gyms, cheap for-profit gyms, not-so-cheap gyms, gyms in hotels when traveling, and women-only gyms, I have never felt harassed myself, and the only incidents I can remember seeing where I felt like someone was bordering on verbally abusive were people who clearly knew each other.

I never had anyone, male or female, staff or customer, say, imply, or look at me in a way that made me feel like I was unwelcome because of my gender or current body size.

A couple of times in 40 years I've run into instructors who seemed reluctant to have me join their class because I was new, and they seemed to have the odd notion that their classes -- part of what the gym membership was supposed to pay for -- were only for people whom they already knew and already knew how to do what they were supposedly teaching. One of them turned out to be great once I made it clear I wasn't leaving. The other was still a jerk, but one session of her yoga class in a windowless concrete slab room covered in wrestling mats had me looking for a real yoga studio with light and soft music, anyway. I guess it's kind of understandable she had lost the namaste concept, having to work under those conditions.

When I was younger, I would occasionally catch guys in gyms looking, but they pretty much always looked away, embarrassed to be caught looking. Occasionally they would flash a chagrined smile. Neither of those situations felt like harassment to me. Occasionally people -- usually men -- will offer unsolicited advice. It's annoying when they don't know what they're talking about, but it's not harassment.

I've never experienced harassment out running, "power" walking, or biking, but I think it's because I mostly do that in suburban, rural, or vacation areas. I've been verbally harassed, followed, had my path blocked, had guys expose themselves or *kitten* in front of me, and been touched inappropriately walking in cities, on college campuses (heck, in my elementary school classroom as an 11-year-old and walking home from the school at about the same age), on public transit, at non-gym swimming pools, and in almost every other venue I've ever been in. Libraries. Banks. Pizza joints. Bars, of course. You name it.

So I'd have to say that gyms are among the safest spaces I know of for being allowed to just get on with your life and not have to smile and talk to strangers because somebody will you a *kitten* if you don't.

shaumom wrote: »

This is a pretty easy one -

Have you ever witnessed, participated in, or been a victim of, verbal harassment at a gym? How often - frequently, sometimes, occasionally, almost never?

If yes, what type? Sexual harassment, verbal intimidation, insults or derogatory comments, something else?

And, was the victim of said harassment a man or a woman (or someone who reads as a man or woman)?

And if anyone wishes, bonus question: are you a man or woman (or read like one) - just to see if we pay more attention to when people within our own perceived group are harassed, vs. other groups.


Bonus bonus question: if this is something you see sometimes or frequently, do you do anything about it when you see it? Or what do you think should be done about it, if anything?

i've never personally experienced verbal harassment or seen/heard it in person. but up until recently there was a guy who constantly tries to intimidate me by trying to one-up every exercise i do. on the days i do squats, he would stop his workout, loads up the same amount of weight i'm using on the power rack next to mines without warming up, then he gets under the bar and starts grunting loudly, like he didn't even unrack the bar off the rack, he's just standing under it. from the mirror in front of me, i see him staring directly at me and grunting loudly. he would not shut up and start his set until i look at him. everytime the timer on my phone goes off, i get under the bar and he stands there to watch me squat, once my set is done i sit on the floor, start the timer, and read the news on my phone app, then he goes back under the bar and starts grunting again while waiting for me to watch him squat, and he would do this continuously. on the days i really don't want to deal with him, i would just turn my head over to pretend like i looked, and then he starts doing his quarter squats. i've reported him, to a different manager and they had him banned.

this one guy who would purposely wait until i unrack the barbell to start bench press or squats and he will come over to grab weights just to spite me or something. like i walk out for squats, i take a huge breathe in, brace my core, and just when i am about to break my hips and knees to start the first rep for the set, the guy will come rushing over, squeezing/dodging between the barbells, trying to get to the back to get weights by the mirrors in front of me, and then i'm just standing there with over 255 lbs sitting on my traps/scapulas, i'm standing there waiting for him to get out, but he would just stand around to fiddling with the 5 lbs and 10 lbs. for bench press the guy would wait until i unracked the bar and moved it above my shoulders, then he would come swooping in, acting like he's grabbing weights beside me with his side of the body almost bumping into the barbell, it's so scary and i'm just holding the bar up until he leaves because with his body there, i can't even put the barbell back on the hooks. the gym only have 2 types of plates, the metal ones and the rubber ones, same color and brands, they're hanging on all the smith machines, squat racks, deadlifts platforms, bench press, they're just all over the entire gym, but he would purposely come over to where i'm trying to start my set, to come over to grab weights. on some days when i'm not in a good mood, feeling annoyed/frustrated, i really just want to smash his face with a plate.

there are many other things, like i literally have a fan club at gym. i always have a bunch of dudes following me around the gym and they just straight up stare at me while i'm lifting. no matter where i moved to in the gym, they will always show up near me within 60 seconds. they just stand or sit on a machine close to where i am and they just stare without ever doing any exercises themselves.