The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
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This is definately the group for me. In fact the only reason I jumped back onto MFP. Like several others, moderation with alcohol is no a skill I'm good at. I drink daily, and a decent amount, then take exederin for the headache I will have. I'll also smoke 20 cigarettes while smoking. I've only been doing this for about 5 years and feel 30 years older. It's just time to remember who I was before.12
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comptonforceten wrote: »This is definately the group for me. In fact the only reason I jumped back onto MFP. Like several others, moderation with alcohol is no a skill I'm good at. I drink daily, and a decent amount, then take exederin for the headache I will have. I'll also smoke 20 cigarettes while smoking. I've only been doing this for about 5 years and feel 30 years older. It's just time to remember who I was before.
Welcome to our group. My friend said the same thing. He said when you become sober, you get to re-discover who you really are. Your real self shines through without any chemical addiction. One day at a time. Also, see the first page of the thread called “Less Alcohol-December 2018” because it has a lot of great information for people wanting to cut back or quit. Xo2 -
@Scomptonforceten I can relate to your struggle. Both vices are difficult to kick, but difficult is doable!!! I stopped smoking 24 years ago and just recently stopped alcohol. NEVER thought I'd develop a drinking problem, but what I didn't realize is that I've ALWAYS had a drinking problem from my first drink at 13 years of age. I was a trainwreck most of my teens & into my 20s but in spits & spurts...so I suppose that is how I denied my problem for so long until it developed into a daily habit...again in spits & spurts so it took me awhile to stop for good. I'm hoping this is for good now!! 7 months in and SO thankful!
You CAN do this & checking in on this thread & sharing your struggle will help you to succeed...lots of good support here. What helped me tremendously was watching Craig Beck & Alcohol Mastery on YouTube. I finally had my eyes opened and began to view my drinking in a new light. It is only when we realize that alcohol has NO benefits that we will succeed in staying AF. These guys helped me to think about alcohol differently & helped me to see the damage I was doing to myself....hoping you look into the help available. This is not a solo fix!!5 -
lorrainequiche59 wrote: »@Scomptonforceten I can relate to your struggle. Both vices are difficult to kick, but difficult is doable!!! I stopped smoking 24 years ago and just recently stopped alcohol. NEVER thought I'd develop a drinking problem, but what I didn't realize is that I've ALWAYS had a drinking problem from my first drink at 13 years of age. I was a trainwreck most of my teens & into my 20s but in spits & spurts...so I suppose that is how I denied my problem for so long until it developed into a daily habit...again in spits & spurts so it took me awhile to stop for good. I'm hoping this is for good now!! 7 months in and SO thankful!
You CAN do this & checking in on this thread & sharing your struggle will help you to succeed...lots of good support here. What helped me tremendously was watching Craig Beck & Alcohol Mastery on YouTube. I finally had my eyes opened and began to view my drinking in a new light. It is only when we realize that alcohol has NO benefits that we will succeed in staying AF. These guys helped me to think about alcohol differently & helped me to see the damage I was doing to myself....hoping you look into the help available. This is not a solo fix!!
You are so right!2 -
I still haven’t come to terms that alcohol has no benefits, but that is such an important component. For me, it still represents momentary release from overthinking and stress, but I know that is a temporary fix. This new year will bring enormous personal changes in my life, and I am getting into battle mode. I want a clear head, calm disposition, and courageous drive to make the changes in my personal life that I have been craving. Alcohol makes my mind so foggy, my emotions out of whack, and once I come to terms with that. I feel the real “me” can emerge, after decades of hiding behind a martini.14
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Happy AF Thursday all!
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CarvedTones wrote: »Yesterday made 18 months since I have had a drink. One of the driving forces behind trying harder than ever before to make this time stick was the fear of going into my 60s as a problem drinker; risks of poor health and early death go way up. 18 months ago, I was also overweight (BMI over 33) and out of shape, which are two more big risk factors. Well, today I turned 60. I haven't had a drink in over 18 months, my BMI is below 25, I can do two hours of cardio non stop and I have visible abs. I can hardly believe that last part; that wasn't a goal because I didn't think that was realistic. So I am pretty pleased.
You've really done great things, @CarvedTones and you continue to do them, by inspiring people here every day. Love your posts.
Woo hoo, abs!!!
It's inspiring to others to know that people can change habits at any age. How many years were you a drinker, and were you a daily drinker?
I cycled, which is not surprising as I have type 2 bipolar disorder and most of my worst periods occurred when I stopped taking medication (extremely common with mental illness patients; we badly want to believe we are cured when there is a period of stability). I would drink "normally"/socially for a while, then have a few incidents of hidden drinking alone late at night and that would become more and more frequent until I would string together several consecutive nights. I mostly drank alone when depressed.
I was a drinker for over 40 years with a few stints of going AF for a while until I convinced myself I could start back and keep it under control. Twice before I have been over a year, but never over 15 months until now. Usually it was only 3-6 months before I would convince myself I had control. Every time I stopped, I had in the back of my mind that I would get it under control and then carefully start back again. What's different this time is that I have accepted that it is not possible for me to do that.
I haven't had an urge in quite a while but I do sometimes get "longings". The difference is that I see urges as wanting a drink right now and longings as still wishing that I could realize the dream in my head of being retired and watching the sun set over the ocean while I sipped wine or having beers while socializing at the pool. I have to think it through and I know that the end game of those situations is to get drunk, as much as I try to pretend it isn't.9 -
I haven't had an urge in quite a while but I do sometimes get "longings". The difference is that I see urges as wanting a drink right now and longings as still wishing that I could realize the dream in my head of being retired and watching the sun set over the ocean while I sipped wine or having beers while socializing at the pool. I have to think it through and I know that the end game of those situations is to get drunk, as much as I try to pretend it isn't.[/quote]CarvedTones wrote: »
I love how you describe this....longings as still wishing...urges as right now!!! That is me exactly. I have the longings not so much the urges. Have been having a few longings lately, but like you, I know that how I wish things could be is not my reality. That is just how it is!! I think the reason I'm having so many longings right now is the seasonal depression thing. This too shall pass.
I messed up the quote AGAIN...LOL I DO have other redeeming qualities!!!
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ANOTHER gifted bottle of wine for moi from one of today's jobs!!! I'm getting a collection LOL Perhaps THAT is creating my longing! This is a test for me. 9 more days until I have dinner guests who will drink one of them. I may gift the other 2 to them also...or ditch them beforehand. There are two couples coming so they could take home one each.5
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RubyRed427 wrote: »I still haven’t come to terms that alcohol has no benefits, but that is such an important component. For me, it still represents momentary release from overthinking and stress, but I know that is a temporary fix. This new year will bring enormous personal changes in my life, and I am getting into battle mode. I want a clear head, calm disposition, and courageous drive to make the changes in my personal life that I have been craving. Alcohol makes my mind so foggy, my emotions out of whack, and once I come to terms with that. I feel the real “me” can emerge, after decades of hiding behind a martini.
You'll figure this out & the real you will emerge clear headed, calm & courageous. I know you want this! That's half the battle 5 -
lorrainequiche59 wrote: »ANOTHER gifted bottle of wine for moi from one of today's jobs!!! I'm getting a collection LOL Perhaps THAT is creating my longing! This is a test for me. 9 more days until I have dinner guests who will drink one of them. I may gift the other 2 to them also...or ditch them beforehand. There are two couples coming so they could take home one each.
I had 4 or 5 bottles of wine in the house when I quit drinking in January. I kept them around for ~6 months and then put them in nice gift bags and gave it all away to friends as a "just because" gift. My friends liked the wine and it got them out of my home, so a win for everyone
I did receive one little Baileys coffee add-in from a co-worker at Christmas. I just re-gifted that to a friend, along with a pound of coffee and some biscotti. I know she likes that kind of thing, and I have no use for adding alcohol to my coffee lol
Regarding giving the wine away....For me, it was just better to not have my preferred choice of alcohol in the house. My hubby drinks craft beer, so we always have that in the fridge, but I don't have any desire to drink it. At one time, if that is all we had in the house, I would open one of his beers, but once I stopped drinking wine I lost any desire to drink beer as well.
I think eventually a lot of people will have longings or cravings to drink again. For me, it was just better to not have wine in the house when that day came.
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Went with drinking neighbors to a bar and restaurant with the kids for our annual outing. The kind of place that is kid friendly during the day (bowing, skeet ball, pinball machines. ) I was talking and laughing while they were drinking, but since this was my first outing with these neighbors, I kind of felt like a buzz kill. I truly tried to be my happy, joyful self, but it seemed forced. My girlfriend who knows my desire to quit, didnt have any alcohol which I thought was thoughtful of her.
Last year, this annual event lasted for 8 hours through lunch, dinner and drinking some more. I remember that I drank probably 8 glasses if wine throughout the day last year. This year, we were home in two hours and parted ways. Her husband kept saying let’s go to another bar... and she didn’t respond to him. I know she was being supportive of me. Nonetheless, it was a little bit of a let down. Because in years past, this was a rousing good time but this year, I felt like I was ruining the fun. AFter we came home, I did notice that he and she went out again probably to the local bars.... they sure do drink a lot. I used to as well.
Fun observation: I went to the bathroom and came back and my husband and the other guy were at the bar. The other guy had a shot of Jaguermeister in front of him and my husband had none. I went up to them, and the other guy said to my husband “Wow , you downed that shot fast.” I know my husband tried to hide from me that he did a shot. He also drank two big beers. He does very little to support me in my efforts. His alcohol intake I think has gone UP since I quit.
Final comment, last night everyone went out again to local bar, and I stayed home and rented a movie. (A Simple Favor- very good movie) I got some takeout dinner, and then slipped into CVS and bought the 4 pack of chardonnay bottles of wine. I came home and was going to just drink one. But I didn’t. I will throw them away today. I kept saying to myself “Grow up. Stop craving this poison. The tomorrow you wlll regret it. “ So, I didn’t drink it. Will go to AA today probably for a Tune up.14 -
Happy Friday! Ruby,how great you didnt drink the little wine! Jeez,that sounds like a hard day to get through
glad you did though,my hubs doesn't really support me either yet gets mad when I've drank,I just don't get it and yes it seems like he drinks MORE now too but maybe I just didn't notice it before,I know it's hard to feel like the odd one out of the group too but usually if I'm around drinkers they start acting and saying things so dumb I start laughing right along with them,wonderful too that you have such a great,supportive friend ugh,day off here,I swear these weeks feel so disjointed with all these odd days off at work it's been hard to get my equilibrium,also I weighed in today and I'm 2 lbs up! I know I'll probably gain a couple more too cuz I'll eat my way thru NYE,grrrr,hope everyone has a fab AF Friday! 7 -
Nice going @RubyRed427!! That is frustrating if Hubs is drinking even more. My guess is you are like a mirror at times for him and he doesn't want to look at how much he is drinking.
I can't do the bar scene. I did that long ago. Glad I was more of a drinker at home at the end . One less thing for me to deal with.4 -
RubyRed427 wrote: »Last year, this annual event lasted for 8 hours through lunch, dinner and drinking some more. I remember that I drank probably 8 glasses if wine throughout the day last year. This year, we were home in two hours and parted ways. Her husband kept saying let’s go to another bar... and she didn’t respond to him. I know she was being supportive of me. Nonetheless, it was a little bit of a let down. Because in years past, this was a rousing good time but this year, I felt like I was ruining the fun. AFter we came home, I did notice that he and she went out again probably to the local bars.... they sure do drink a lot. I used to as well.
It's sad how many people don't know how to have a good time without drinking. It just shows how much it is ingrained in our culture that it isn't a good time without getting intoxicated, and the more intoxicated you get, the more fun you are having (regardless of whether that is factually true or not). I believe this culture is a big part of why we have so much substance abuse in the US. The good thing is there are so many fun and interesting things to do that do not involve drinking.
On another note, just leaving this here:
https://www.npr.org/2018/08/24/641618937/no-amount-of-alcohol-is-good-for-your-health-global-study-claims
https://www.cdc.gov/alcohol/fact-sheets/alcohol-use.htm
"Excessive alcohol use led to approximately 88,000 deaths and 2.5 million years of potential life lost (YPLL) each year in the United States from 2006 – 2010, shortening the lives of those who died by an average of 30 years.1,2 Further, excessive drinking was responsible for 1 in 10 deaths among working-age adults aged 20-64 years. The economic costs of excessive alcohol consumption in 2010 were estimated at $249 billion, or $2.05 a drink."
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Went shopping and asked for non-alcoholic beverages. The wine guy took me to a lonely shelf and at the very bottom near the floor, there were these FRE Sutter Home non-alcoholic wines. I bought a Chardonnay and a “Champagne” one. I have no idea if this is a good idea (maybe too much sugar) but for NYE , it’s worth a try.
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@laurenq1991 Good posts. Yes, since I was a drinker, all my friend group and neighbors are similar and drink a bunch. That’s the common link between all of us. It is tough to maintain these relationships without hanging out where they hang out, but it’s tough to hang out in bars when you’re trying to abstain. I’m sure this will get easier but in early sobriety it kinda sucks.
There is no doubt we are all better off not consuming alcohol. The host of problems that comes with it for people who are way past stopping at one drink, is a big burden. I will look at your links. It’s good to read the truth about alcohol.
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Happy Friday! Ruby,how great you didnt drink the little wine! Jeez,that sounds like a hard day to get through glad you did though,my hubs doesn't really support me either yet gets mad when I've drank,I just don't get it and yes it seems like he drinks MORE now too but maybe I just didn't notice it before,I know it's hard to feel like the odd one out of the group too but usually if I'm around drinkers they start acting and saying things so dumb I start laughing right along with them,wonderful too that you have such a great,supportive friend ugh,day off here,I swear these weeks feel so disjointed with all these odd days off at work it's been hard to get my equilibrium,also I weighed in today and I'm 2 lbs up! I know I'll probably gain a couple more too cuz I'll eat my way thru NYE,grrrr,hope everyone has a fab AF Friday!
Same here. Yesterday, I said to him, I may have just one glass of wine with the neighbors and he gave me such a dirty look. I felt like a child being policed. But there he was drinking and doing shots. Sorry your weight it up but that is so normal during the holidays. I’m convinced that just by glancing at the cookies, I seem to gain weight. I don’t know if he’s drinking more or am I noticing more... I cant wait until Dry January starts. January is an easier month to abstain. Xo5 -
salleewins wrote: »Nice going @RubyRed427!! That is frustrating if Hubs is drinking even more. My guess is you are like a mirror at times for him and he doesn't want to look at how much he is drinking.
I can't do the bar scene. I did that long ago. Glad I was more of a drinker at home at the end . One less thing for me to deal with.
Thanks Sallee!
My friend group is still into the bar scene. It used to be fun but now I think it’s kinda sad at our age. (50s)6
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