Is this guy just super friendly or is he asking me out?
Replies
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Worse than an episode of Eastenders0
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Get married already!!1
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Motorsheen wrote: »HappilyDistracted wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »HappilyDistracted wrote: »Motorsheen wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »Okay.... Update:
So Friday, it was just me, "Pete", and my chinese friend and her husband. (Only continuing to call her "chinese" friend for consistency-- he went to China and wanted to chat with someone from China)
So... I didn't feel like the dinner was in anyway about me and him, really. He talked about his trip to China and showed us some pictures. Pete is also Asian and so a lot of the conversation was about the cultural differences Asians face coming to the US. It was fun, lighthearted and serious at some points.... but never romantic.
There wasn't even a moment of sparkly eyes between us or a time where we reached for the same spring roll and accidentally had a moment. No spark... nothing... just a guy and a girl hanging out with a husband and a wife.
I left feeling more friendly towards him than romantic. I'm wondering now if I didn't build up my feelings for him while he was away, only to be met with reality when we were together. We were definitely friends and laughing it up.... but... no real moments. And no follow up call or anything like that.
I did finally tell him that I hate big crowds and he was like "Hey, thats why you never come to anything I invite you to!" So.... I'll update if anything more comes about. But for now it seems pretty fizzled--- if there ever was anything to be fizzled in the first place.
so....
the elaborate destination wedding is now on 'hold'.
dang.
We can always start planning one for her anyways - it's never too early to start, right??
@breefoshee I hope you find your someone whether "Pete" or otherwise
@HappilyDistracted
I like it!
... any destinations in mind ?
Somewhere tropical and fancy?
I hear the Carribbeans are nice.
Somalia has beaches too.
.... just sayin'
Perfect. You go scope it out first and come back and let me know how it was.0 -
Read this whole thread. Boy-o-boy, I feel for you being a fellow procrastinator. I’m also completely useless at knowing if, in my case, whether a girls likes me likes me 😪
Guess you first have to decide if you like Pete more than just friends. That decided:
- if you want more, tell him. Flirt with him ‘like on a date’ next time he asks you to go somewhere. He’s Asian so traditionally he probably finds it hard to break the ice on that. It’s just cultural.
- if you don’t like him more than friends, stick with what you have. But one never knows what the future holds. Friends often make the best life partners
As for things fizzling out ... he asking you and sometimes you saying ‘no’ without him knowing why, he was probably confused and got disheartened. At least that’s sorted out now but you may well be better off making the first move. Some guys are just very shy or no hope in heck knowing when someone likes them!
Good luck - hope you find love.0 -
breefoshee wrote: »Okay so... humor me for a little while...This is "reading into things" and "overthinking at it's finest and ultimately, only time will tell what this guy is thinking. But what else do you have to do today?
About 5 Months ago I meet... let's call him Pete. At the time, I had just moved home and was seeing someone... so Pete and I were really just instant friends. We like all the same shows, my really good friend is married to his really good friend, and he was just an easy conversation. If there was a get together at our friend's house, we would both go and end up being the last ones to leave.
I had zero romantic interest on my end and really just thought he was a cool guy. He liked another girl and so we all would just talk about our prospective relationships, what we should do, and give each other advice. So... no real reason to think that he was interested.... and I wasn't either.
So couple months after we met, I stopped seeing the other guy and Pete started messaging me. No big deal at first.... just a few messages a week about a show I had recommended or something random. He started inviting me to different social events he was attending-- but it was vague. It wasn't like "I want you as my date to such and such place"... more like "I'm going to this super fun event and you, also, should attend!"
We continued seeing each other weekly at our mutual friends house. I told him that I had a friend from China and he happened to be going there... so he asked if we could all meet up for coffee so he could ask her some questions.
He started calling me to arrange this meeting. So we went and it was great... just him and I with her and her husband. Then after meeting for coffee he called to discuss how it went... but each time our conversation lasted a little longer.. 1-2 hours. Late at night. So.. fine... I mean... I talk to my girl friends for hours all the time. It doesn't have to mean anything. AND-- he sometimes calls me "dude" which to me says "friendzone!"
Still, he invites me to thing after thing-- I've only gone to 2 because BIG groups of people I don't know are overwhelming to me and I don't want to smoother him the whole time because he would be the only person I know.
But I can't tell if this is all just him being super friendly or if he is hitting on me or hoping for this to go somewhere!
So the last thing: about 2 weeks ago he left for China. The day before he left, he asked if I would watch his plants for him. So... of course, I did... I went over to his house to get the plants and he ends up asking me to look at all these paintings he painted. We end up hanging out for a good 2 hours, chatting about pretty deep things. I take the plants and he goes to China.
He came back on Sunday and I still have his plants. So we texted a little when he first got back then he calls last night to ask if I wanted to go to a social event with him. Again, I say "no" because I can't tell if it's supposed to be a date or if it's a "come and meet the whole world" type of thing... which just isn't my picnic.
Then he says "Oh um... okay." and sounds kind of dissappointed... then he says "Well, let's hang out this weekend." But because I'm the most awkward person alive... I.... pause... because I don't want to say "yes" and it just be another big social event. And in the middle of my pause, he says " I mean.. you don't have to.. it's okay. " Then I just ramble on about my weekend plans and the fact that I have nothing going on... and sure I'd like to hang out. So he says "Okay cool! I'll ask around and see what everyone is doing."
So. Maybe I'm just old fashioned and I haven't been very successful at the whole "guys as best friends" thing. But would you be reading into this? What do you think? Just a friend or wanting more? I actually can't say whether or not I even like him as more than a friend... I'm just trying to gauge the situation so that I know what my actions should be. UGH helpppp, myfitnesspall!
Ummm...that's a ton of convolution for something as simple as being able to tell if someone it interested in you. In my opinion, if there is that much backstory to figure it out, find someone else.1 -
SirMxyzptlk wrote: »Ummm...that's a ton of convolution for something as simple as being able to tell if someone it interested in you. In my opinion, if there is that much backstory to figure it out, find someone else.
Sorry it's not a quick "k" text message.
Annnnd no worries... this mystery has been solved and is an oldish thread.
Update for those still hoping for a different outcome: We are still just friends and now that I've completely friend-zoned him... it's such a sweet friendship! We chat weekly with no expectations and he started inviting me to less intimidating things. And we all lived happily ever after.
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Thanks for the update!
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so which guy is NEXT on your check list?
Tell us about him!
I have this guy.... he accidentally made eye contact with me once.... When I stared back into his eyes.... he acted like he woke from up from a trance. Then he said the most *possibly* romantic thing... "Oh sorry, I spaced out." Then he quickly walked away.
Does that mean he was so enamored with me that he was daydreaming of our future children... or was he actuallly spaced out? Did he run away quickly because he was so afraid of his love for me that he couldn't handle it? HALP guys!5 -
breefoshee wrote: »so which guy is NEXT on your check list?
Tell us about him!
I have this guy.... he accidentally made eye contact with me once.... When I stared back into his eyes.... he acted like he woke from up from a trance. Then he said the most *possibly* romantic thing... "Oh sorry, I spaced out." Then he quickly walked away.
Does that mean he was so enamored with me that he was daydreaming of our future children... or was he actuallly spaced out? Did he run away quickly because he was so afraid of his love for me that he couldn't handle it? HALP guys!
Nope, he was thinking about lunch and spaced out. He was probably embarrassed and left or he was in a hurry to get lunch.
Next mystery.1 -
breefoshee wrote: »so which guy is NEXT on your check list?
Tell us about him!
I have this guy.... he accidentally made eye contact with me once.... When I stared back into his eyes.... he acted like he woke from up from a trance. Then he said the most *possibly* romantic thing... "Oh sorry, I spaced out." Then he quickly walked away.
Does that mean he was so enamored with me that he was daydreaming of our future children... or was he actuallly spaced out? Did he run away quickly because he was so afraid of his love for me that he couldn't handle it? HALP guys!
Spaced out. I do that too, lol.0 -
breefoshee wrote: »so which guy is NEXT on your check list?
Tell us about him!
I have this guy.... he accidentally made eye contact with me once.... When I stared back into his eyes.... he acted like he woke from up from a trance. Then he said the most *possibly* romantic thing... "Oh sorry, I spaced out." Then he quickly walked away.
Does that mean he was so enamored with me that he was daydreaming of our future children... or was he actuallly spaced out? Did he run away quickly because he was so afraid of his love for me that he couldn't handle it? HALP guys!
Nope, he was thinking about lunch and spaced out. He was probably embarrassed and left or he was in a hurry to get lunch.
Next mystery.
But you didn't hear HOW he said it. He practically whispered it... which maybe means he was hoping I would get a little closer so I could hear him.1 -
breefoshee wrote: »so which guy is NEXT on your check list?
Tell us about him!
I have this guy.... he accidentally made eye contact with me once.... When I stared back into his eyes.... he acted like he woke from up from a trance. Then he said the most *possibly* romantic thing... "Oh sorry, I spaced out." Then he quickly walked away.
Does that mean he was so enamored with me that he was daydreaming of our future children... or was he actuallly spaced out? Did he run away quickly because he was so afraid of his love for me that he couldn't handle it? HALP guys!
Spaced out. I do that too, lol.
RIGHT?! "spaced out" pffft. He might as well put a ring on my finger with lines like that.1 -
breefoshee wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »so which guy is NEXT on your check list?
Tell us about him!
I have this guy.... he accidentally made eye contact with me once.... When I stared back into his eyes.... he acted like he woke from up from a trance. Then he said the most *possibly* romantic thing... "Oh sorry, I spaced out." Then he quickly walked away.
Does that mean he was so enamored with me that he was daydreaming of our future children... or was he actuallly spaced out? Did he run away quickly because he was so afraid of his love for me that he couldn't handle it? HALP guys!
Spaced out. I do that too, lol.
RIGHT?! "spaced out" pffft. He might as well put a ring on my finger with lines like that.
What's funny to me is that your obvious sarcasm here doesn't sound much different than your original sincere question. You're good at sarcasm!
The signals were actually unclear though. Even you thought he was 100% interested....but nope. He's just a friendly guy.0 -
breefoshee wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »so which guy is NEXT on your check list?
Tell us about him!
I have this guy.... he accidentally made eye contact with me once.... When I stared back into his eyes.... he acted like he woke from up from a trance. Then he said the most *possibly* romantic thing... "Oh sorry, I spaced out." Then he quickly walked away.
Does that mean he was so enamored with me that he was daydreaming of our future children... or was he actuallly spaced out? Did he run away quickly because he was so afraid of his love for me that he couldn't handle it? HALP guys!
Spaced out. I do that too, lol.
RIGHT?! "spaced out" pffft. He might as well put a ring on my finger with lines like that.
What's funny to me is that your obvious sarcasm here doesn't sound much different than your original sincere question. You're good at sarcasm!
The signals were actually unclear though. Even you thought he was 100% interested....but nope. He's just a friendly guy.
Oh yeah.. and who's being sarcastic? This second guy is definitely in love with me!1 -
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MistressSara wrote: »I just read this whole thread. Not very carefully though. It reminds me of my sister making me watch a movie about He’s not into you or something like that. The idea is that if a man is interested in a woman he will make it clear. Idk if that’s always true but it saves so much angst just going with that. I’m not interested in being the pursuer ever again, so it’s helpful to me
HI DO YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS?
[ ] YES
[ ] NO0 -
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MistressSara wrote: »I just read this whole thread. Not very carefully though. It reminds me of my sister making me watch a movie about He’s not into you or something like that. The idea is that if a man is interested in a woman he will make it clear. Idk if that’s always true but it saves so much angst just going with that. I’m not interested in being the pursuer ever again, so it’s helpful to me
Same! I generally follow this rule... but this one got murky. But... was still true in the end.1 -
MistressSara wrote: »MistressSara wrote: »I just read this whole thread. Not very carefully though. It reminds me of my sister making me watch a movie about He’s not into you or something like that. The idea is that if a man is interested in a woman he will make it clear. Idk if that’s always true but it saves so much angst just going with that. I’m not interested in being the pursuer ever again, so it’s helpful to me
HI DO YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS?
[ ] YES
[ ] NO
Sure Swanny
But...the yes/no boxes remain unchecked...0 -
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breefoshee wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »so which guy is NEXT on your check list?
Tell us about him!
I have this guy.... he accidentally made eye contact with me once.... When I stared back into his eyes.... he acted like he woke from up from a trance. Then he said the most *possibly* romantic thing... "Oh sorry, I spaced out." Then he quickly walked away.
Does that mean he was so enamored with me that he was daydreaming of our future children... or was he actuallly spaced out? Did he run away quickly because he was so afraid of his love for me that he couldn't handle it? HALP guys!
Spaced out. I do that too, lol.
RIGHT?! "spaced out" pffft. He might as well put a ring on my finger with lines like that.
What's funny to me is that your obvious sarcasm here doesn't sound much different than your original sincere question. You're good at sarcasm!
The signals were actually unclear though. Even you thought he was 100% interested....but nope. He's just a friendly guy.
Oh yeah.. and who's being sarcastic? This second guy is definitely in love with me!
So was the first guy. You just pushed him away.
I talked to him on the phone the other night for TWO hours and he called at like 9:20 when I was ready for bed... how is that pushing him away? If he were interested, he would be like "Hey girl. I like you."1 -
MistressSara wrote: »I just read this whole thread. Not very carefully though. It reminds me of my sister making me watch a movie about He’s not into you or something like that. The idea is that if a man is interested in a woman he will make it clear. Idk if that’s always true but it saves so much angst just going with that. I’m not interested in being the pursuer ever again, so it’s helpful to me
I agree. Guys aren't too *shy* if they really like you.4 -
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MistressSara wrote: »MistressSara wrote: »I just read this whole thread. Not very carefully though. It reminds me of my sister making me watch a movie about He’s not into you or something like that. The idea is that if a man is interested in a woman he will make it clear. Idk if that’s always true but it saves so much angst just going with that. I’m not interested in being the pursuer ever again, so it’s helpful to me
HI DO YOU WANT TO BE FRIENDS?
✅ YES
[ ] NO
1 -
breefoshee wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »so which guy is NEXT on your check list?
Tell us about him!
I have this guy.... he accidentally made eye contact with me once.... When I stared back into his eyes.... he acted like he woke from up from a trance. Then he said the most *possibly* romantic thing... "Oh sorry, I spaced out." Then he quickly walked away.
Does that mean he was so enamored with me that he was daydreaming of our future children... or was he actuallly spaced out? Did he run away quickly because he was so afraid of his love for me that he couldn't handle it? HALP guys!
Spaced out. I do that too, lol.
RIGHT?! "spaced out" pffft. He might as well put a ring on my finger with lines like that.
What's funny to me is that your obvious sarcasm here doesn't sound much different than your original sincere question. You're good at sarcasm!
The signals were actually unclear though. Even you thought he was 100% interested....but nope. He's just a friendly guy.
Oh yeah.. and who's being sarcastic? This second guy is definitely in love with me!
Well I love you too.
Can we be "friends?"0 -
JustReadTheInstructions wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »so which guy is NEXT on your check list?
Tell us about him!
I have this guy.... he accidentally made eye contact with me once.... When I stared back into his eyes.... he acted like he woke from up from a trance. Then he said the most *possibly* romantic thing... "Oh sorry, I spaced out." Then he quickly walked away.
Does that mean he was so enamored with me that he was daydreaming of our future children... or was he actuallly spaced out? Did he run away quickly because he was so afraid of his love for me that he couldn't handle it? HALP guys!
Spaced out. I do that too, lol.
RIGHT?! "spaced out" pffft. He might as well put a ring on my finger with lines like that.
What's funny to me is that your obvious sarcasm here doesn't sound much different than your original sincere question. You're good at sarcasm!
The signals were actually unclear though. Even you thought he was 100% interested....but nope. He's just a friendly guy.
Oh yeah.. and who's being sarcastic? This second guy is definitely in love with me!
So was the first guy. You just pushed him away.
I talked to him on the phone the other night for TWO hours and he called at like 9:20 when I was ready for bed... how is that pushing him away? If he were interested, he would be like "Hey girl. I like you."
This is still sarcasm right?
I'm just saying... I'm not shutting him down. He wouldn't continue calling if I did. Just because I didn't go to certain events with him doesn't mean I squashed whatever was there. We still hung out other times.
And him calling doesn't automatically equate to him being interested in more than friendship. I talk to many of my friends on a weekly basis.0 -
SirMxyzptlk wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »so which guy is NEXT on your check list?
Tell us about him!
I have this guy.... he accidentally made eye contact with me once.... When I stared back into his eyes.... he acted like he woke from up from a trance. Then he said the most *possibly* romantic thing... "Oh sorry, I spaced out." Then he quickly walked away.
Does that mean he was so enamored with me that he was daydreaming of our future children... or was he actuallly spaced out? Did he run away quickly because he was so afraid of his love for me that he couldn't handle it? HALP guys!
Spaced out. I do that too, lol.
RIGHT?! "spaced out" pffft. He might as well put a ring on my finger with lines like that.
What's funny to me is that your obvious sarcasm here doesn't sound much different than your original sincere question. You're good at sarcasm!
The signals were actually unclear though. Even you thought he was 100% interested....but nope. He's just a friendly guy.
Oh yeah.. and who's being sarcastic? This second guy is definitely in love with me!
Well I love you too.
Can we be "friends?"
Are you someone else's husband? Other people's husbands don't make good "friends."1 -
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This discussion has been closed.
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