Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
Options
Replies
-
laurenq1991 wrote: »Confession: I’m starting to wonder if kids are really worth the effort.
The last 6 months all I’ve heard is how horrible I was as a child, how much my friend is struggling, how miserable my work colleagues daughter is having 2 sons and expecting twin girls in May, how expensive child care is, and I’m 99% sure DH won’t be as helpful as he says he will be if the time comes.
I’m convincing myself out of children. I don’t really like babies, I spent an entire evening successfully avoiding holding my friends baby. And children don’t like me. I actually had a 4-5 year old boy tell me that he didn’t like me. So I told him I don’t like him either. And I didn’t even care that he got upset.
Looks like Hubby’s family name is dying with him.
I also came to the same conclusion a few weeks ago. I get stressed out way too easily as it is, I'm terrified of pregnancy and post-partum complications, I am very sensitive to loud noises, I have no experience with kids and no "maternal instincts," whenever I'm around kids in public I usually want to leave, and on top of that I grew up in a violent and dysfunctional family and have some disabilities as a result of it.
Problem is my husband definitely wants to have kids. I'm not sure whether he fully realizes how much work kids are, as he's never babysat or spent significant time around young children, so I have told him to go visit one of his relatives with young kids for a week and see how it really is...knowing his personality I think there's a good chance he might change his mind after that.
He is fine with adoption or surrogacy. But I don't want to be involved in raising the kid either. I'm fine with helping with the logistical things like cooking, cleaning, laundry etc. which I already do but not with discipline, taking off work if the kid is sick, dealing with the tantrums, getting blamed and shamed if the kid does something bad, etc. We might end up with some sort of non-traditional relationship or we might end up breaking up...either way we will probably have to get legally divorced if/when the time comes.But seriously, what are the best bits about having kids? As far as I can tell, they cause you pain, stress and money. I just had a bath and as I’m lying there all I can hear are the 2 boys next door arguing and the mum shouting at them. I’ve been laying in bed before listening to the kid in the flat above have a full blown tantrum in the middle of the night. I listen to stories in the office about someone’s kid has done something, someone spent their whole weekend running her kids and grandkids around. My dad has endless stories (some that he told at my wedding) about how horrible I was as a child. I don’t get it. Why put yourself through it?
Some people like that for some reason. But there's also a lot of societal pressure to pretend parenthood (especially motherhood) is beautiful and perfect and all worth it, even if the person feels deep down that it isn't. Mothers are called monsters for admitting that they regret having kids, even though that's a valid feeling (of course you shouldn't tell your kids if you feel that way). I think a large percentage of people regret having kids but aren't allowed to say anything about it. And it would make things a lot better for the young people who are still deciding if people were more open about it.
I have felt a lot better about my future since deciding to not have kids. I don't have to worry about whether I'm a good enough cook or worry about saving enough money for a larger residence and childcare or living in a good school district or any of that crap. I don't have to worry about messing up someone else's life due to being less than perfect or having to give 100% every day or setting a good or bad example for someone else. All I have to worry about is me and maximizing my own enjoyment of my life. It's very freeing!
I don’t have any maternal instincts. I see mums cooing over new borns and in my opinion they look like little aliens.
My husband wants kids, but he can barely look after himself. I got home from work today, had my bath and I’m in bed. I don’t fancy eating. DH ordered himself a takeaway because he can’t/won’t cook. If we do have kids I know that it is all on my shoulders, and I can’t deal with that. I won’t deal with that. But to be proven wrong we need to have a kid, and I’m not sure it’s worth the risk of finding out.
Sadly, if our relationship was more equal I don’t think I would have a problem having kids. But it’s not equal, and that’s why I have a problem with the thought of it. I don’t want to go through it by myself.
This is very valid and a huge factor. And if he isnt showing signs of it now, he certainly will not change after the fact....2 -
Hope you're ok @Lois_1989 , you got me thinking. I do worry I put people off when I complain about my kids. They are pretty exhausting. I'm feeding Ellie as I type at midnight having had a busy day with multiple clean ups as Andrew's having potty training regression. And you know I had a hard time giving birth. I don't paint a pretty picture!
But then again who wants to listen to my soppiness? Today I made fish fingers, peas, corn and carrots and everyone ate it and enjoyed it and that makes me disproportionately happy! Andrew had the time of his life today feeding the ducks. My favourite time on work days is the moment I pick my kids up from nursery.
I wonder if I'd be as happy had I never wanted kids and not had any (I really, really wanted them - hormones are crazy). Probably, life is what you make of it. But all I know is the very happiest moment of my life was when they placed Ellie on my chest straight after birth. I was naked in an operating room surrounded by strangers and being sewn back together, but it was a moment of sheer, unrivaled joy for me.
Tldr: kids make you crazy mad and crazy in love.
Hey @spamarie, no it’s not you, your stories amount to about 0.01% of the reason. 50% of it is Danny not being helpful now, let alone if we had a baby, 40% is my lack of confidence in work colleagues to do my job while I’m not there and the final 10% is filler horror stories.
Half of me wants to slowly take all the money out of my savings account in cash over the next couple of months and eventually run away and start over, the other half is trying to resign myself to the fact that we would both be rubbish parents together so we should just get a cat instead. I can look after a cat on my own.4 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »But seriously, what are the best bits about having kids? As far as I can tell, they cause you pain, stress and money. I just had a bath and as I’m lying there all I can hear are the 2 boys next door arguing and the mum shouting at them. I’ve been laying in bed before listening to the kid in the flat above have a full blown tantrum in the middle of the night. I listen to stories in the office about someone’s kid has done something, someone spent their whole weekend running her kids and grandkids around. My dad has endless stories (some that he told at my wedding) about how horrible I was as a child. I don’t get it. Why put yourself through it?
I cannot speak for everyone, but for me the two strongest factors was carrying on my father's name (both first and family name), since there are very many people in Canada with my last name. And wanting a generation Canadian born, that did not end up messed up by my mother's mistakes.
I had to make the choice very young, because I was told when I turned 18 that I should not have children for medical reasons. I had not thought much about it before that, but as soon as I was told that, I knew right away that I wanted one, even if I died trying (which was an actual possibility). It took me over three years to conceive and it was a long painful process.
When I look at my son, he is in good health, and is very successful in life already, that makes me feel like I achieved something great. By breaking the cycle of addiction and abuse and restoring honour in my father's name. It is not always easy, but I would do it again in a heart beat. And if I never had him, I do not know where I would be in life, or quite frankly, if I would even be alive.
That is why I put myself through that.
Having kids was both the worst and the best thing that ever happened to me, which I think most parents would admit if they were honest. But the good outweighs the bad.
The "worst" statement isn't a slight on my kids, I love them dearly and have no regrets, but the grind of doing everything you did when you thought you were "busy" pre-kids plus the mountain of additional things you now have to do as a parent is beyond exhausting. Hobbies, relaxation, exciting travel, certain friends, most individual ambitions - all gone, so I respect people who know themselves well enough to choose to remain childless.
I laugh when I hear my millennial coworkers without kids lament how busy and exhausted they are and how they "need a vacation", I honestly wish we could switch places for an entire weekend for a much-needed reality check on what business and exhaustion really look like.4 -
Confession:
Whenever I microwave something, I like to stop the clock with 1 second to go as though I were in the bomb squad.
Such is the level of excitement in my life!4 -
Confession:
Whenever I microwave something, I like to stop the clock with 1 second to go as though I were in the bomb squad.
Such is the level of excitement in my life!
But do you leave the 1 second on there like a heathen so the microwave won't work for the next person?!? Or do you clear it off like a civilized human being???
One of my major pet peeves about the work break room!4 -
^ SAME!! T is famous for leaving a few seconds on the microwave and it drives me crazy!1
-
Italian_Buju wrote: »Crafty_camper123 wrote: »But seriously, what are the best bits about having kids? As far as I can tell, they cause you pain, stress and money. I just had a bath and as I’m lying there all I can hear are the 2 boys next door arguing and the mum shouting at them. I’ve been laying in bed before listening to the kid in the flat above have a full blown tantrum in the middle of the night. I listen to stories in the office about someone’s kid has done something, someone spent their whole weekend running her kids and grandkids around. My dad has endless stories (some that he told at my wedding) about how horrible I was as a child. I don’t get it. Why put yourself through it?
This is why I don't have any yet myself at 31. Everytime I think of it, reeeaaally think of it, my mind goes to stuff like this. And yet somehow, I have this inexplicible urge to still have kids someday. I want scraped knees, and baby kisses, and to pass on family traditions. Unfortunatly that comes with diaper blow outs, the terrible two's and the terrible teen's. Not to mention the current polarizing cultural and political climate we live in right now.
It makes no sense to me. And I can't decide if my urge to have kids is due to social expectations, biological urges to reproduce, or something else. It's a really strange feeling. I have no idea if it will ever happen for me as I sit here on the fence. I suppose I will welcome either outcome however life turns out.
All of this, and I have the added situation that out of both of my husbands parents families, they were the only ones to have kids. They haven’t got any cousins. If we don’t have kids and his sister doesn’t, that’s the end of the family tree. And his sister is my age (turning 30 this year) and single, so. Yup.
FYI don’t google “perks of being a parent”. They are pretty crap perks, like ‘you have a reason to watch cartoons’. I already do, that’s not a perk. Or, “it’s an ego boost having someone depend on you”, nope, my husband depends on me and it’s not ego boosting, it’s annoying.
I do not find those perks at all lol
I cannot stand cartoons and always fell asleep when taking my son to watch them....
I definitely couldn't stand when my nieces/nephews wanted to watch Caillou, Peppa Pig, or Oobi (Oobi was a show where someone used their hand that had googly eyes on).
Now Spongebob I'll watch haha.0 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »Confession:
Whenever I microwave something, I like to stop the clock with 1 second to go as though I were in the bomb squad.
Such is the level of excitement in my life!
But do you leave the 1 second on there like a heathen so the microwave won't work for the next person?!? Or do you clear it off like a civilized human being???
One of my major pet peeves about the work break room!
Or the person who has soup/spaghetti & leaves the microwave caked with their food debris.3 -
quiksylver296 wrote: »Confession:
Whenever I microwave something, I like to stop the clock with 1 second to go as though I were in the bomb squad.
Such is the level of excitement in my life!
But do you leave the 1 second on there like a heathen so the microwave won't work for the next person?!? Or do you clear it off like a civilized human being???
One of my major pet peeves about the work break room!
Haha no I zero it out afterwards. I wouldn't keep my job in the imaginary bomb squad for long if I left live countdowns all over the place.3 -
kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Confession:
Whenever I microwave something, I like to stop the clock with 1 second to go as though I were in the bomb squad.
Such is the level of excitement in my life!
But do you leave the 1 second on there like a heathen so the microwave won't work for the next person?!? Or do you clear it off like a civilized human being???
One of my major pet peeves about the work break room!
Or the person who has soup/spaghetti & leaves the microwave caked with their food debris.
I sent a nasty email to my entire office about this. It is just one guy and he leaves crumbs on the counter. So- I have started to slide them off the counter in my hand and sprinkle them on his desk.
I am thinking about taking his dirty dishes that he leaves in the sink daily and leave them on his desk, too.10 -
kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Confession:
Whenever I microwave something, I like to stop the clock with 1 second to go as though I were in the bomb squad.
Such is the level of excitement in my life!
But do you leave the 1 second on there like a heathen so the microwave won't work for the next person?!? Or do you clear it off like a civilized human being???
One of my major pet peeves about the work break room!
Or the person who has soup/spaghetti & leaves the microwave caked with their food debris.
I sent a nasty email to my entire office about this. It is just one guy and he leaves crumbs on the counter. So- I have started to slide them off the counter in my hand and sprinkle them on his desk.
I am thinking about taking his dirty dishes that he leaves in the sink daily and leave them on his desk, too.
Do it, but he's stl not reached Plate in the Bathroom Girl level.4 -
kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Confession:
Whenever I microwave something, I like to stop the clock with 1 second to go as though I were in the bomb squad.
Such is the level of excitement in my life!
But do you leave the 1 second on there like a heathen so the microwave won't work for the next person?!? Or do you clear it off like a civilized human being???
One of my major pet peeves about the work break room!
Or the person who has soup/spaghetti & leaves the microwave caked with their food debris.
I sent a nasty email to my entire office about this. It is just one guy and he leaves crumbs on the counter. So- I have started to slide them off the counter in my hand and sprinkle them on his desk.
I am thinking about taking his dirty dishes that he leaves in the sink daily and leave them on his desk, too.
That is amazing. I should do that to the lady in my office1 -
Confession
I’m more excited about the plants I bought turning up tomorrow, than the clothes I bought. I still haven’t opened or taken the clothes out of the delivery bag and they were delivered on Wednesday.2 -
kellyjellybellyjelly wrote: »quiksylver296 wrote: »Confession:
Whenever I microwave something, I like to stop the clock with 1 second to go as though I were in the bomb squad.
Such is the level of excitement in my life!
But do you leave the 1 second on there like a heathen so the microwave won't work for the next person?!? Or do you clear it off like a civilized human being???
One of my major pet peeves about the work break room!
Or the person who has soup/spaghetti & leaves the microwave caked with their food debris.
I sent a nasty email to my entire office about this. It is just one guy and he leaves crumbs on the counter. So- I have started to slide them off the counter in my hand and sprinkle them on his desk.
I am thinking about taking his dirty dishes that he leaves in the sink daily and leave them on his desk, too.
That's pretty awesome!! Haha!!1 -
kelly_c_77 wrote: »^ SAME!! T is famous for leaving a few seconds on the microwave and it drives me crazy!
G does this to me every day.
Last night he left the microwave door open all night....just found it now when I woke up...1 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »kelly_c_77 wrote: »^ SAME!! T is famous for leaving a few seconds on the microwave and it drives me crazy!
G does this to me every day.
Last night he left the microwave door open all night....just found it now when I woke up...
1 -
Had to do several visits to the pet shop today. Our Betta fish has been out of sorts, not eating and has something wrong with the back of him. After loads of photos and a water test the fish lady decided our Cherry Barbs are attacking the Betta at night. Looks like another tank it be appearing in the future.
4 -
Awww, poor little guy!0
-
So.. I about ate a whole (Large) bag of popcorn thinking it was only going to cost me 100 calories. The box says it makes 4 cups popped, and at 25 calories per cup (at work, no scale) it should be 100 calories per bag. Well I'm dumping it into these little styrofoam cups we have at work that are just over 1 cup by volume. About the 3rd "cup" in, I find that there is still half of the popcorn in the bag. Well I had one more "cup" and am saving the other half bag until tomorrow. But I find it rather annoying and perplexing that I had to do a google search, and use a dang calculator to figure out how much is in a whole bag. Why the heck can't they just say "one whole bag is x cups and x number of calories". Do they think people won't buy it when they find out the "truth"? It doesn't stop people from buying that 2100 calorie plate at a resturaunt, so why would it stop someone from buying thier brand of popcorn? Stupid misleading popcorn, LOL. And my dumbass even fell for their tricky marketing play at the grocery store too. "Ooh, 100 calorie bags! Makes 4 cups.. Brilliant! I will buy this one!". Nope it's more like 311 for the whole bag. Not a big deal really.
TLDR Confession: Having to do math to figure out actual servings per container is annoying and inconvenient. How dare they.
1
Categories
- All Categories
- 1.4M Health, Wellness and Goals
- 391.4K Introduce Yourself
- 43.4K Getting Started
- 259.7K Health and Weight Loss
- 175.6K Food and Nutrition
- 47.3K Recipes
- 232.3K Fitness and Exercise
- 388 Sleep, Mindfulness and Overall Wellness
- 6.4K Goal: Maintaining Weight
- 8.5K Goal: Gaining Weight and Body Building
- 152.7K Motivation and Support
- 7.8K Challenges
- 1.3K Debate Club
- 96.2K Chit-Chat
- 2.5K Fun and Games
- 3.2K MyFitnessPal Information
- 22 News and Announcements
- 917 Feature Suggestions and Ideas
- 2.3K MyFitnessPal Tech Support Questions