The Sober Squad- Alcohol Free Living
Replies
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I had a bit of an epiphany this evening. I'm sure this will sound totally obvious. In fact, it sounds totally obvious to me, but I'd never exactly thought of it this way before. Today is Day 6 for me. As usual this week, I really, really, really wanted a drink after work. I almost had one. My thinking was, "If I just have one, I can still legitimately count tomorrow as Day 7 because 1 drink really isn't really getting off track."
My epiphany was that the problem with that isn't that it's "cheating"; it's that it simply won't work. If I could seriously have one drink tonight and get right back to it tomorrow, I wouldn't mind counting it as Day 7 with a clear conscience. I can be flexible. However, I realize that tomorrow would NOT be Day 7. In fact, it wouldn't even be Day 1 again. It would be months until I mustered up the will or mindset or whatever it is to have another Day 1. Day 1 is hard. I had a Day 1 on MLK Day this year. Then I had Days 2 and 3. On Day 4, I decided to have just one drink because of a particular work "crisis." So I did. Just one. My next Day 1 was last Saturday, March 30. That's the reality of what that one drink tonight would do to me. It would postpone my next Day 1 until June or later. And I'm tired of having Day 1. Even after 50 days, my "one drink" on September 20 of last year put off the next Day 1 until MLK Day.
I kind of knew all this, but I haven't ever really thought it through completely. Maybe I'm different from others, but I can't summon up a Day 1 very easily. I guess that's what it means to be a person who can't moderate. An "I'll drink 3 days per week" plan would just never work in my universe.
Anyway, here's to Day 7 tomorrow! I'm intensely aware of how fragile my non-drinking life (can't say "sobriety" for some reason) is at this point, but I'm grateful for 6 days of it. For me that's a huge step forward. Happy upcoming weekend, everyone.10 -
@donimfp I wholeheartedly concur. Once I have day 1 it's a long time before I can start over. It was the same when I quit smoking for good. I'd stop for 3 days, have "just one" cigarette, then go buy a pack. Yuck. It took me many attempts to give that up but I did, I don't even know how many years ago now. I can't drink "2 drinks, 2 days a week" anymore than I could smoke like that. It's impossible for me.
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@donimfp
This is so true. It is true for me, even though I really only spent one night (since the winter solstice) wildly, I-don't-remember-any-of-it-drunk. I still had to start over and did NOT pick up the momentum I had gained for more than two weeks afterward. It takes a toll. I don't have the words to describe exactly what it robs from me but I know that, after nearly 100 days, I had this magnificent mojo, magic, serendipity happening in my life and then, POOF! It left and I had to rebuild.I'm tired of having Day 1
The good news is: it's back. It took almost three weeks, but I can feel lift-off again and I will be damned if I allow something as stupid as a glass of wine to derail what is happening in my life. Hang on, my friends. It is so worth it--you are so worth it! xxx9 -
MountainLaurel787 wrote: »My heart has been going out to all of you as I've read your words, experiences, pains and triumphs! You are all to be commended as you continue on with this fight.
I wanted to share a "moment" I had. On Saturday, my heart was breaking. I felt all kinds of emotions that I didn't want to feel. I imagine you all know what I'm talking about because that's why many of us are here. My heart was pounding and I felt like I couldn't breath. I decided to get in my car and drive around. Well, I knew exactly why I was doing that...but I was denying it. I ended up in the parking lot of my local liquor store. I had all kinds of addicted brain talk going on. I was thinking at least I can buy a bottle of Skyy and have it in my house and I can make my decision later. There was a war raging in my brain as I sat in my car trying to decide what to do. Eventually, tears started running down my face and I hung my head down on my steering wheel as sobs starting coming out. Well, at some point, I managed to honk my horn with my chin. It made me jump and when I looked up, I saw a startled lady who thought I was honking at her. I was so embarrassed that I started my car up and left. And just like that...the moment was gone.
Today, I have been sober for 11 weeks and one day. I am feeling extremely grateful that I didn't let anyone or anything take that away from me, including myself. It was a brief moment, but it happened. In the last several days, I have been able to focus on an action plan. I've realized I can't do this by myself and I need a support system in place. I am pleased to say I'm working on that with a clear head and not an alcohol saturated one. I feel stronger for having won that battle.
I am doing well and I survived the moment. I sure hope the lady in the parking lot did too!
Many thanks to all of you for sharing. Your words inspire those who sometimes need to read in silence.
GREAT GOING!!4 -
I have a hard time keeping up with the posts if I don't check in often...but I see the drinking demon's are never far away nor are they ever at rest. They attack me at the strangest times, always when I least expect it. It is really random what the triggers are.
I am also not one for quotes...But J.J. Watts (a phenomenal NFL defensive end) had a quote that I find applies to staying AF every day. I think of this quote often:
"Success isn't owned, it's leased. And rent is due every day."
When the demons hit, my immediate response is "Time to pay up!." I do this by long workouts, staying in the Word, working on the farm, talking through it with my wife, etc. No matter what...find a way to Pay up!
Thanks for sharing this!1 -
Yellowstone1983 wrote: »Also, other than my pregnancy when I obviously could not drink, this 21 days is the longest I think I've gone since age 21.. which was well over a decade ago.. so I'm feeling pleased. Hope everyone has a great day!
Great! Excited for your progress!
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I had a bit of an epiphany this evening. I'm sure this will sound totally obvious. In fact, it sounds totally obvious to me, but I'd never exactly thought of it this way before. Today is Day 6 for me. As usual this week, I really, really, really wanted a drink after work. I almost had one. My thinking was, "If I just have one, I can still legitimately count tomorrow as Day 7 because 1 drink really isn't really getting off track."
My epiphany was that the problem with that isn't that it's "cheating"; it's that it simply won't work. If I could seriously have one drink tonight and get right back to it tomorrow, I wouldn't mind counting it as Day 7 with a clear conscience. I can be flexible. However, I realize that tomorrow would NOT be Day 7. In fact, it wouldn't even be Day 1 again. It would be months until I mustered up the will or mindset or whatever it is to have another Day 1. Day 1 is hard. I had a Day 1 on MLK Day this year. Then I had Days 2 and 3. On Day 4, I decided to have just one drink because of a particular work "crisis." So I did. Just one. My next Day 1 was last Saturday, March 30. That's the reality of what that one drink tonight would do to me. It would postpone my next Day 1 until June or later. And I'm tired of having Day 1. Even after 50 days, my "one drink" on September 20 of last year put off the next Day 1 until MLK Day.
I kind of knew all this, but I haven't ever really thought it through completely. Maybe I'm different from others, but I can't summon up a Day 1 very easily. I guess that's what it means to be a person who can't moderate. An "I'll drink 3 days per week" plan would just never work in my universe.
Anyway, here's to Day 7 tomorrow! I'm intensely aware of how fragile my non-drinking life (can't say "sobriety" for some reason) is at this point, but I'm grateful for 6 days of it. For me that's a huge step forward. Happy upcoming weekend, everyone.
Yes, you are right. It is a HUGE step forward. I remember not being able to go even 24 hours. Someone kept telling me to keep trying. Well I did and so are you. One day at a time. There are enough challenges in one day to think further than that. Keep putting them together. you can do it!5 -
@lagoscarrie You are so worth it, too!
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@dbhDeb welcome!2
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@dbhDeb Welcome to our group. I think we can all relate to the depression from drinking...alcohol IS a depressive so you are perfectly normal & in good company with the rest of us. You CAN do this!!!
I have said before in this space how I admire all of you here who are fighting to remain AF while having to contend with a spouse who drinks whether they have a problem or not. The fact that there is the exposure to alcohol and you aren`t able to totally control your environment at home would be tough so I feel for you. Yet, I see everyone continue to fight and that is success...!!! Not giving UP!!! 5 -
I watched a Craig Beck video about cravings and he talked about the way our brains become conditioned to drinking to relieve stress (Or so we THINK it relieves stress) and how our brains over time actually become "wired" to respond to stress by craving alcohol. It`s like, "I`m stressed~I drink alcohol" becomes our default way of thinking.
This is exactly what I need to hear because of my cravings lately...it is makes absolute sense because that was my MAIN stress reliever at one time...now a hot bath, deep breathing, prayer, trying to think differently about my stressors, a walk etc etc is becoming my default. But every now & then I need to be reassured that what I`m experiencing is absolutely normal and there is a way out & I don`t have to "cave to the crave"!! This is where, for me, the videos are a lifesaver!
I have a very busy day today & tomorrow is painting the new bachelorette pad...I`ve also moved my move-in date up a week. One of my clients is installing my blinds next week so I should be organized by my move day...I`m really excited, but have lots of work ahead of me yet....Which WILL get done WITHOUT me stressing about it...but, you know what??? I WILL stress about it LOL Yet I want to enjoy the experience of what is happening right this moment...just feeling the 'excitement' of the anticipated new pad is worth hanging on to...cause once I`m there, this excitement of anticipation will be realized....I LOVE being excited!!! And when I begin to feel overwhelmed by the stress (yesterday was one of those days) I need to remember this:
THIS TOO SHALL PASS!!
Happy & Healthy AF weekend to ALL
PS~I still need to catch up on reading here...this thread is rockin`
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@NormInv
@errydayimmusclin
@Ed_Zilla
@MountainLaurel787
@whitpauly
@ngk2000
@salleewins
@lorrainequiche59
@Yellowstone1983
@razorcut
@lagoscarrie
@LC0924
Yo! Reminder that ^^^you^^^ are entered into @NormInv's 3 month dry challenge
It's never too late to enter...
10 weeks AF today
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I lost a long post again! Super frustrating!! Anyway yesterday I thought of drinkin just cuz my allergies are so bad I already feel drunk, my dad's mom died and I feel sad for him,then my daughter left to go back to Portland it just felt like a crappy day and I wanted to escape,glad I didn't tho,there was a post up thread about thinking alcohol will make us less depressed when in fact it makes it worse so there's that,have a Fab AF Day all!8
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I feel more prepared for this weekend than last!
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my husband had me a drink waiting when I got home. Failed. : (
Day one again. I am traveling this weekend away from him so I will not be tempted.9 -
I didn't say no but I haven't brought it up yet. Don't want to have the talk tonight either. I will try to on Sunday.7 -
I didn't say no but I haven't brought it up yet. Don't want to have the talk tonight either. I will try to on Sunday.
Sending strength your way. It is difficult when your spouse still drinks.5 -
I didn't say no but I haven't brought it up yet. Don't want to have the talk tonight either. I will try to on Sunday.
Sending strength your way. It is difficult when your spouse still drinks.
It has been so much a part of our time together. I guess I am afraid to bring it up. We've been married 3 years.4 -
@dbhDeb No doubt it is part of your history but you haven't been married terribly long. Perhaps he will be willing to support you if you don't try to urge him to quit , at least not yet. It is a delicate dance, I admit. Sometimes I will leave my sobriety books lying around and occasionally see my husband looking at them but I don't say anything.6
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@NormInv
@errydayimmusclin
@Ed_Zilla
@MountainLaurel787
@whitpauly
@ngk2000
@salleewins
@lorrainequiche59
@Yellowstone1983
@razorcut
@lagoscarrie
@LC0924
Yo! Reminder that ^^^you^^^ are entered into @NormInv's 3 month dry challenge
It's never too late to enter...
10 weeks AF today
awesome abstinence6 -
@dbhDebPerhaps he will be willing to support you if you don't try to urge him to quit , at least not yet.
I second this from Jen. Everyone "stop" moment is different. If he doesnt think you want him to quit, maybe you will support him.
You really have to take care of you right now. Don't pick up - :-)7 -
@NormInv
@errydayimmusclin
@Ed_Zilla
@MountainLaurel787
@whitpauly
@ngk2000
@salleewins
@lorrainequiche59
@Yellowstone1983
@razorcut
@lagoscarrie
@LC0924
Yo! Reminder that ^^^you^^^ are entered into @NormInv's 3 month dry challenge
It's never too late to enter...
10 weeks AF today
AMAZING!3 -
Great thread. I've been sober for just under a month. But the longest I've been sober for years. Had a prescription addiction and drank too much but focusing on sobriety for everything now. Hoping to see it be beneficial for my weight as well 7
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skmeow1122 wrote: »Great thread. I've been sober for just under a month. But the longest I've been sober for years. Had a prescription addiction and drank too much but focusing on sobriety for everything now. Hoping to see it be beneficial for my weight as well
NICE TO HEAR! WELCOME!
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I had a bit of an epiphany this evening. I'm sure this will sound totally obvious. In fact, it sounds totally obvious to me, but I'd never exactly thought of it this way before. Today is Day 6 for me. As usual this week, I really, really, really wanted a drink after work. I almost had one. My thinking was, "If I just have one, I can still legitimately count tomorrow as Day 7 because 1 drink really isn't really getting off track."
My epiphany was that the problem with that isn't that it's "cheating"; it's that it simply won't work. If I could seriously have one drink tonight and get right back to it tomorrow, I wouldn't mind counting it as Day 7 with a clear conscience. I can be flexible. However, I realize that tomorrow would NOT be Day 7. In fact, it wouldn't even be Day 1 again. It would be months until I mustered up the will or mindset or whatever it is to have another Day 1. Day 1 is hard. I had a Day 1 on MLK Day this year. Then I had Days 2 and 3. On Day 4, I decided to have just one drink because of a particular work "crisis." So I did. Just one. My next Day 1 was last Saturday, March 30. That's the reality of what that one drink tonight would do to me. It would postpone my next Day 1 until June or later. And I'm tired of having Day 1. Even after 50 days, my "one drink" on September 20 of last year put off the next Day 1 until MLK Day.
I kind of knew all this, but I haven't ever really thought it through completely. Maybe I'm different from others, but I can't summon up a Day 1 very easily. I guess that's what it means to be a person who can't moderate. An "I'll drink 3 days per week" plan would just never work in my universe.
Anyway, here's to Day 7 tomorrow! I'm intensely aware of how fragile my non-drinking life (can't say "sobriety" for some reason) is at this point, but I'm grateful for 6 days of it. For me that's a huge step forward. Happy upcoming weekend, everyone.
You said it perfectly. I am right there with you. And I have gone to meetings hungover, thinking, "ok, today is day 1", and then had a beer later that same day.
Day 1 is hard.5 -
@Beka3695 Love that screenshot! What app is that?0
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Got my 6 month chip this week 🙌🙌
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@SweatsOnSunday, thanks for the reassurance. @razorcut, great job! I'm not doing AA, but I hope to earn my virtual 6-month chip one day. I can't even imagine that at this point.
However, today is Day 8. Yay!!! I have a lot of hope and am sleeping like a baby, which is worth the struggle. I just finished Clare Pooley's "The Sober Diaries." She stopped drinking at 46, and her writing is really clear and compelling. She goes through her whole first year of not drinking and writes with insight and humor. She even dealt with breast cancer in the midst of that first year. You guys with young children might like that book. She had 3 under 12 at that point and started with a blog called Sober Mummy or something like that (she's British). Anyway, I recommend it.
Happy weekend everyone!
Oh, one insight from Clare and from pretty much every other writer I've read on this subject (I process by reading) that really hits home with me is that alcohol seems to be the only substance that--when you quit, it's presumed that YOU, not the substance, has a problem. Like if you quit smoking or doing heroin, everyone is glad you're free from that horrible stuff. When you quit drinking, people say, "Oh, I didn't realize YOU had a problem." No, the problem is that alcohol is an addictive substance and anyone, or any lab mouse, will become addicted given enough of it. Anyway, that just strikes me as worth pondering.9
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