Things in recipes that amuse you
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From names to ingredients to cooking process, things that make you laugh. Examples:
"Man-pleasing XXXX"
"Better than sex XXXX"
"Crack XXXX"
"Fall off the bone"
"Cook boneless skinless chicken breast in crockpot for 12 hours"
"Cook on high pressure for 3 whistles"
"Man-pleasing XXXX"
"Better than sex XXXX"
"Crack XXXX"
"Fall off the bone"
"Cook boneless skinless chicken breast in crockpot for 12 hours"
"Cook on high pressure for 3 whistles"
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Replies
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"Prep time 10 minutes" (never ....)28
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I don't know why but it amuses me when a baking recipe says 1/3 cup plus 1/2 tbsp sugar.
I feel like a slightly heaping 1/3 cup is fine. And I'm kinda particular when baking.5 -
i know this isn't what you meant by this thread, but it makes me laugh that there is grape jelly in the recipe i use for meatballs.13
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In my house we cook a lot of stuff "from scratch" but my husband and I still laugh about certain things in very foodie recipes, like splitting a vanilla bean just to add flavor to banana bread (!) or lengthy instructions to boil and gently tug off the skin from 18 heirloom tomatoes.
So I guess we're not that kinda people. We are Mexican vanilla extract & canned organic tomatoes people.15 -
Most recipes by Yotam Ottolenghi with an ingredient list as long as your arm, of which at least a third need to be bought by mail order.
Those thoroughly disorganized Jamie Oliver recipes that tell you to do everything in the wrong order so that you end up dirtyying 5 pans instead of 2.
I had a Russian office mate, whose parents when visiting were rolling on the floor with laughter watching a Delia Smith basic cooking program. She was making a green salad which included 10 different types of leaves and after washing the salad she instructed users to dry the leaves carefully so as not to dilute the dressing. Her preferred method was to dab them carefully with paper towels. The Russians were howling with laughter. Between guffaws they manage to blurt, "You managed to get a hold of a salad. That's great. Now don't you have more important things to worry about?"11 -
"Cook until juices run clear" 😞4
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Make XXX cake/brownies/whatever
Ingredient #1 - box cake/brownie/whatever mix
Ingredients 2-4 a couple of toppings12 -
Not sure this makes me laugh, more likely to make me cross...
Authentic Thai Curry - made from scratch (an example, but you see this all the time for lots of dishes)
Ingredients
Meat
Veg
Jar of XX brand Thai Curry Sauce.
😱😡15 -
A lot of Mary Berry recipes call for a teaspoon of red current jelly in savoury meat dishes. For a touch of sweetness in a savoury dish, I would go with a glug of port or a little squirt of ketchup.2 -
I am not amused by this, more like annoyed, by some chefs (Martha Stewart is one of them, but I do enjoy her shows) that say to “use only the best ingredients” SNOB FOODIES.
I feel if you are a good cook/ baker you can make anything taste good.
11 -
Oh and Jamie Oliver ... he’s a positive goldmine for stupidity in how he phrases recipe instructions!
He often says.. of a herb, or maybe pomegranate seeds or chopped nuts etc..
‘Sprinkle in and around’
Always make me and my daughter think of sweeping up whatever from the tablecloth, floor etc! 😂4 -
BarbaraHelen2013 wrote: »Oh and Jamie Oliver ... he’s a positive goldmine for stupidity in how he phrases recipe instructions!
He often says.. of a herb, or maybe pomegranate seeds or chopped nuts etc..
‘Sprinkle in and around’
Always make me and my daughter think of sweeping up whatever from the tablecloth, floor etc! 😂
Jamie Oliver recipes are just awful. So wrong in terms of organization and order of work. A friend of mine who cooked one of his recipes said he was shocked that after following Jamie's instruction *every* vessel in his kitchen was dirty.0 -
I have a banana bread recipe that says something to the effect of "Remove all dirty dishes from oven... now preheat to 350*"...
It's like they know me...38 -
seltzermint555 wrote: »I don't know why but it amuses me when a baking recipe says 1/3 cup plus 1/2 tbsp sugar.
I feel like a slightly heaping 1/3 cup is fine. And I'm kinda particular when baking.
Usually, when I encounter recipes like this, the 1/3 cup is for the main preparation and the 1/2 tbsp is set aside for something else as a final touch... like sugar in sugar cookie dough + some extra sugar to sprinkle on at the end...
I'll shut up now.11 -
I stopped looking at anything Jamie Oliver when I saw him take 15 minutes to make a gin & tonic on one of his shows.
I also refuse to make anything from The Pioneer Woman because she is the most annoying person on the planet.
However, Alton Brown has a 20 step process that takes a week to make a lemon meringue pie you can be damned sure I'm following each one of those steps because Alton Brown.
One of my favorites is when the prep time says 10 minutes and the cook time says 20 minutes and in the middle of the recipe there's the hidden, "Let this marinate for 12 years to maximize the flavor." Sorry, that should be in the prep time then.29 -
bennettinfinity wrote: »seltzermint555 wrote: »I don't know why but it amuses me when a baking recipe says 1/3 cup plus 1/2 tbsp sugar.
I feel like a slightly heaping 1/3 cup is fine. And I'm kinda particular when baking.
Usually, when I encounter recipes like this, the 1/3 cup is for the main preparation and the 1/2 tbsp is set aside for something else as a final touch... like sugar in sugar cookie dough + some extra sugar to sprinkle on at the end...
I'll shut up now.
No, I definitely hear that! I have encountered it both ways and when it's all used in the same step, that's when I laugh about it.0 -
I’m always amused by recipes that call for bay leaf. But I still use it to amuse myself. “Add then remove ...for zero added flavour” IMO4
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I’m always amused by recipes that call for bay leaf. But I still use it to amuse myself. “Add then remove ...for zero added flavour” IMO
Ooh I’m not sure I agree with that! I definitely can tell when I’ve forgotten to throw a couple of bay leaves into things like bolognese sauce. It gives a subtle flavour, granted, but it’s better with than without!20 -
My mother's recipe for banana pudding says, "Butter the size of an egg". That's 4 tbsp in modern stick butter.13
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Most mornings I read newspapers from 100 years ago today, and recipes from the era tend to be really unspecific with ingredient amounts. "Start with a quantity of chicken, then add a measure of flour..." Wait, what is a "quantity" of chicken? How much is a "measure" of flour?4
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"One clove of garlic" Really? ONE? Especially when the recipe is for more than one serving which they nearly always are.14
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JessAndreia wrote: »"One clove of garlic" Really? ONE? Especially when the recipe is for more than one serving which they nearly always are.
The only recipe that should call for one clove of garlic is "How to cook one clove of garlic." And you should probably double or triple it.15 -
Sometime I laugh, sometimes I fume, when a recipe includes ingredients that are never mentioned in the directions. So, I just need to have the onion sit on the counter to watch while I make this stew?15
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Most mornings I read newspapers from 100 years ago today, and recipes from the era tend to be really unspecific with ingredient amounts. "Start with a quantity of chicken, then add a measure of flour..." Wait, what is a "quantity" of chicken? How much is a "measure" of flour?
My mum has a recipe book that is like that. It's an old Brazilian book for making all sorts of delicacies. But one has no clue how much of each ingredient to put in each thing!!!1 -
Most recipes by Yotam Ottolenghi with an ingredient list as long as your arm, of which at least a third need to be bought by mail order.
Ottolenghi recipes are the worst! I made the Gnocci alla Romana last December after I gave his new cookbook to my father. Took three stores to find the ingredients, took forever to make, made a huge mess and reminded me strongly of sliced and baked polenta when it was all said and done. Definitely needed some kind of sauce. The only up side was that I found out that I can indeed cook anything in my countertop convection oven/air fryer.
His cookbooks are beautiful though.1 -
lynn_glenmont wrote: »Sometime I laugh, sometimes I fume, when a recipe includes ingredients that are never mentioned in the directions. So, I just need to have the onion sit on the counter to watch while I make this stew?
I can't even begin to say how much I hate this!0 -
My favorite, " When browning meat, be careful not to burn it, as the burnt flavor will linger."!1
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I come from a long line of cooks and bakers (both sides of the family) and have a lot of old family recipes.
My favorites:- Butter the size of a walnut
- 1 or 2 eggs
- Flour to feel
- Vanilla
The ultimate is a recipe that calls for molasses that "pours off the spoon while singing one chorus of "Nearer My God to Thee". If the weather is cold, sing two choruses"
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I’m always amused by recipes that call for bay leaf. But I still use it to amuse myself. “Add then remove ...for zero added flavour” IMO
Bay leaves actually add flavor. You can leave them in up until serving. The only reason you take them out is because the spines never soften and can cause problems if swallowed, kind of like a fish bone. You can actually crush bay leaf in a mortar and pestle, remove the spines, and add. That way you don't have to remove it.11
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