Online dating

1sphere wrote: »

i hope everything looks ok on my Tinder profile

Offering eternal life is definitely a plus!

jruch23 wrote: »

Do you think that if men approached women more in public and asked them out the woman would be caught off guard? Or still might expect it? The dating world is difficult. I'm not having much luck with online dating.

I'm a guy so here's my opinion. First of all, I've given up on checking for wedding rings. Too many single women are wearing rings on that finger for it to be a useful method of determining who is single.

I don't think that it's a good idea for a man to walk up to a woman and immediately ask her out for coffee. But after 5 minutes of talking, I don't think that is wrong to do. Some women won't like it even after 30 minutes of talking.

erickirb wrote: »

nooshi713 wrote: »

bmeadows380 wrote: »

tinak33 wrote: »

While I want to say that there is always hope, because it's true..... I also want to be realistic.
If you are in a small rural town where most people your age are gone and it's just retirees that have stayed, then it sounds like dating prospects are very slim to none.... unless you are interested in retirees.
What about towns nearby? Any that are close? Within 15-30 minutes? I understand not wanting to leave home, but maybe you will meet someone in a different town who would be willing to move?

I live in a rural state but my job does take me all over. While the community I live is has a population under 1,000 and most of those being retirees, I do work in the county seat 25 miles away, though that town's population may be 4,000 at best. My job also takes me periodically to the northern, more populated areas of the state as well, but opportunities for socializing are limited when I do head north. I have a job in a field that is predominately male, but that is most likely working against me - I figure I end up being categorized as "one of the guys". And there's the fact that the majority of the men I am in contact with are already in a relationship and thus unavailable.

However, as much as I try to maintain hope, I too want to be realistic. I lived in the suburbs of Pittsburgh for 3 years and within the region for another 8. I then moved back to my home state and lived in the northern area with its younger population for another 2 years before taking the position that brought me home to where I currently am living. In all that time, I never seemed to figure out where one went for socializing (other than a bar, and since I don't drink and don't care to be around alcohol, I never went to bars except to grab a bite to eat) or even how one actually went about socializing. The church I attend and serve in has a stark lack of people my age, but that's true of most of the churches in my area, and I choose a church based upon factors that are more important to me than demographics. Though with my values and worldview, church would be the best place to come across someone likely to be compatible with me. I've also went on trips to conferences and such where people with similar interests gathered and I did mingle and socialize at such events.

I do get out and do things; I don't always just sit at home. I shop, I visit parks, go to movies and other events in the area that pique my interest, go to local fairs and festivals. I like to think that I'm friendly and open when in public, but more than likely, I just come across as weird and childish or annoying (pretty much like I do in writing....) I'm probably unconsciously projecting something that turns people off; I just haven't figure out yet just what that is to even begin to know how to change it.

So online dating probably would be about my only chance, but that hasn't seemed very hopeful in the few instances where I toed the water, so to speak.

nooshi713 wrote: »

Cutemesoon wrote: »

People in the 30's ask people to be their bf or gf still? Didn't happen in my 30s. We just usually confirm exclusivity, and you kind of grow into the relationship from there

Apparently so.

My best friend also just got into a new relationship and she confirmed the guy formally asked her the same thing. They are also both 37.

I admit that at 39, I would find it a little odd to refer to someone as my boyfriend, but then again, what else would you call them? Lover is rather blunt for polite society and implies way more than the relationship may have actually progressed to; friend implies the direct opposite. Beau seems a little out of touch these days. "This guy/gal I'm seeing" is needlessly wordy. Any ideas?

I agree that the term seems more applicable to younger people. Not sure what a better option is.

I call him boo 😋

Partner, or dont have to call them anything, refer to them by name.

This is so and so, instead of this is my gf/bf so and so.

But that doesn’t define who they are to you. For all anyone knows, you’re introducing a family member or friend.

bmeadows380 wrote: »

nooshi713 wrote: »

erickirb wrote: »

Partner, or dont have to call them anything, refer to them by name.

This is so and so, instead of this is my gf/bf so and so.

But that doesn’t define who they are to you. For all anyone knows, you’re introducing a family member or friend.

partner does seem ambiguous.

I looked up "boyfriend" on Thesaurus.com and got some interesting synonyms. Partner is there, along with beau, suitor, sweetheart, admirer, flame, steady, date, and the retro "swain" lol Though I found "follower" to be a rather odd choice; I'd probably equate that more to stalker than boyfriend

Lol @ follower

bmeadows380 wrote: »

nooshi713 wrote: »

erickirb wrote: »

Partner, or dont have to call them anything, refer to them by name.

This is so and so, instead of this is my gf/bf so and so.

But that doesn’t define who they are to you. For all anyone knows, you’re introducing a family member or friend.

partner does seem ambiguous.

I looked up "boyfriend" on Thesaurus.com and got some interesting synonyms. Partner is there, along with beau, suitor, sweetheart, admirer, flame, steady, date, and the retro "swain" lol Though I found "follower" to be a rather odd choice; I'd probably equate that more to stalker than boyfriend

Many active members on MFP simply write or say 'significant other' or abbreviate it as SO.

1sphere wrote: »

LyndaBSS wrote: »

nooshi713 wrote: »

1sphere wrote: »

nooshi713 wrote: »

1sphere wrote: »

nooshi713 wrote: »

1sphere wrote: »

nooshi713 wrote: »

1sphere wrote: »

just_Tomek wrote: »

Because of this thread I just signed on on tinder.

I did too. I got 3 or 4 matches after a month. Results were a failure as anticipated.

here's the trend:
1. Girl replies hi
2. Girl feels a (likely) instant sense of fear and distrust
3. Girl decides it is best not to communicate any further and the approach is ghosting

I'm thinking that if you're under 35 whereabouts - girls see Tinder as some kind of game, and guys take the thing for serious

Absolutely untrue.

You cannot say what’s untrue since you are not a man, and you don’t know what it’s like on the male side of using the apps.

Do I have to screenshot it for you?

You saying men are serious is directly opposite of my experience though. More women than men tend to want to actually date or find a relationship. More guys tend to look for casual flings. This is generally true. Doesn’t mean there aren’t exceptions.

A lot of women sign up with expectations such as finding a long term relationship, they also set their standards extremely high, and in a way this makes them out to be not taking it for real with unrealistic standards (ie. not practically giving anyone a chance). The end result is that they’re just there to lurk and seek attention. I’m not saying this is you, you’re probably realistic and mature... but this seems to be most people, you can even see it in the profile descriptions that they seek the ideal fairytale; stamping down the words “prince perfect” and “long term”. It ends up making you think that they’re crazy.

Long term does not suggest crazy. The fact that you think so makes me think you’re the crazy one.

Desiring a long term relationship is absolutely fine, and healthy of course. But explicitly stating that you want a long term instantly is nuts. Don’t you think that it makes more sense to seek short term relationships initially to see if there’s a good chemistry? And then eventually build it into a long term in *reality*?

Saying one wants something long term doesn’t mean they expect it instantly. You’re doing an awful lot of assuming. Anything before a relationship is just dating.

This ^^^^

I would absolutely put long term relationship as my reason for being on the site, if that’s what I wanted.

You’d be amazed how that would be a deterrent for guys who aren’t there for the same reason. Weeds out the losers. 🥰

It's important to remember that guys don't think exactly the same way that women do. Stating "long term" puts pressure on you to be the perfect man, it makes us run 100 miles even though we may also desire a long term relationship. I talked to guys about this before.

Or fly a thousand miles to meet 😏 ... At least that was my experience. Met on Tinder, dated briefly, and that evolved into a very strong friendship.

Btw - as a female doing online dating, I get inundated. 100s of likes, matches, etc in short periods of time. Which sounds awesome, but I can have no picture up and still have men trying to hit me up.... Standards. 🙄 So, obviously, most of these are not the quality men I am interested in. And after wading through unsolicited dick pics and booty calls I get tired of talking to people. Who knew.

On the flipside, The males I know typically have a handful of matches and responses at best. Total polar opposite in terms of experiences.

threewins wrote: »

I tend to keep "partner" for women I have shacked up with. Girl/boyfriend for dating (even though I am 55). There is a huge difference between living with someone and seeing them even 6 days a week.

just curious: is that term even still used these days, and do the younger generations even know what it means? lol I hear it where I live once in a while, but I'm middle aged and in a rural area that is about 20 years behind the times. Just wondering if it is still relevant

mattig89ch wrote: »

I can't speak for your rural area, but I go to board game events, and meetup events to socialize. As for figuring out how to actually socialize...its a skill not everyone learns growing up. Good news is, you can learn it when you an adult. Though it does tend to be much harder.

Board game events sound like a blast, and I wish they had something like that around here! (I wish they had social activities for adults other than a bar scene period....) I've got a cupboard full of them, but never really get to play. About the only thing you can talk my family into playing is yahtzee with mom or upwords once in a while. About once a year around Christmas I can pull them into a game of dominoes or rummy. My sister wants to play pop culture quiz type games, but she's also the sort that isn't so fun to play with when she's losing......

Socializing is probably a skill learned from your parents, and when I look back, I realize why I don't have much experience with it - my parents were very secluded. We never went to people's homes or to social events, and when we did go to church dinners and the family reunion each year, my parents for the most part sat off to the side. They were polite to those who spoke to them, but they rarely started a conversation themselves.

I was very much a wallflower when I was a teen - the sort who sat in the shadows on the sidelines and had my nose buried in a book. Then I went to college and left the area for about 15 years. I moved back to my hometown about 2 years ago. While I was away, I had opened up and learned to start conversations and talk to people. It really shocked the folks I had grown up around, and even my mother makes comments on it, though they are usually along the lines of "oh yeah, she's not the quiet mouse she was as a teen; now you can't shut her up!" *eye roll*

1sphere wrote: »

I find that I can't do small talk no matter what. And when I try, it's just nodding or "oh yea"/"yea" words. I'm starting to think to the extreme that I may even have some degree of autism.

I've learned to small talk, but I'm not very good at ending a conversation. And I usually spend the next hour afterwards castigating myself because of how childish or weird I probably sounded when I analyze the conversation. I often wondered, too, if I was on the autism spectrum, but after going through the list of symptoms, while I can definitely recognize what used to be called Asperger's in my sister and to a degree in my father, I don't really see it in me. I especially see the difference when I take my sister out into public.

I'm just an introvert, I suppose. I like my alone time and I can be open one on one, but hate being the center of attention and prefer small groups; the larger the group, the quieter I get. And I only really open up to some people; there are some who will tell you I'll talk the ear off a sign post; there will be others who can't even imagine me being that talkative. It really depends on the vibe I pick up from the person in question; if they seem friendly and open, I'm more comfortable getting into a conversation, but if they seem closed off or intimidating or they seem to resonate a dislike, I tend to shy away.

I think I'm one of those extroverted introverts