Confession Time! ((ABSOLUTELY NO JUDGEMENT))
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melissafeagins wrote: »Confession: last Tuesday, when we got word that Daddy had Covid, I knew it was a death sentence. None of my brothers believed me.
My stupid brother who takes him to the doctor most of the time never stays in the room and listens to what they're saying or asks questions. I do and then he doesn't believe me because the doctors would tell him. Hey, dummy, they told me and thought you'd listen to a mom of 4 instead of blowing her off like a kindergartner. And then our middle chooses to believe him because life is more pleasant if Dad is not sick.
Today, a pulmonologist told the one with dad's POA who doesn't go into the doctors office and listen that Daddy's lungs were functioning at less than 50 percent before he got sick and are at 20 percent now. We need to override his full code status because he wouldn't survive being intubated. He won't die today, but he will probably die this week and I hate being right. I hate being right. I hate it for them because they have been in denial and now it's impossible to deny I hate it for me because I wasn't able to get in to see him during the fee days the nursing home was open because my test results didn't come back in time.
The last day I had with him was the 14th of March and it was a good one. The governor closed nursing homes to visitors the next day. The last words we will have said to each other are I love you. That's going to have to be enough for the rest of my life. And eventually, that will be enough, but tonight, I can't stop crying.
I am so very sorry to hear about this Melissa. I know you must be devastated. I am sorry for the circumstances and the situation this virus has caused for you. I hate it for you.
Please know I am thinking about you and will pray for your father.
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@melissafeagins what is the latest with dad?
We have had you in our prayers!0 -
@melissafeagins what is the latest with dad?
We have had you in our prayers!
In case she isnt back for a bit, I saw on Facebook her dad has passed now
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Italian_Buju wrote: »@melissafeagins what is the latest with dad?
We have had you in our prayers!
In case she isnt back for a bit, I saw on Facebook her dad has passed now
Thanks for letting me know.0 -
melissafeagins wrote: »Confession: last Tuesday, when we got word that Daddy had Covid, I knew it was a death sentence. None of my brothers believed me.
My stupid brother who takes him to the doctor most of the time never stays in the room and listens to what they're saying or asks questions. I do and then he doesn't believe me because the doctors would tell him. Hey, dummy, they told me and thought you'd listen to a mom of 4 instead of blowing her off like a kindergartner. And then our middle chooses to believe him because life is more pleasant if Dad is not sick.
Today, a pulmonologist told the one with dad's POA who doesn't go into the doctors office and listen that Daddy's lungs were functioning at less than 50 percent before he got sick and are at 20 percent now. We need to override his full code status because he wouldn't survive being intubated. He won't die today, but he will probably die this week and I hate being right. I hate being right. I hate it for them because they have been in denial and now it's impossible to deny I hate it for me because I wasn't able to get in to see him during the fee days the nursing home was open because my test results didn't come back in time.
The last day I had with him was the 14th of March and it was a good one. The governor closed nursing homes to visitors the next day. The last words we will have said to each other are I love you. That's going to have to be enough for the rest of my life. And eventually, that will be enough, but tonight, I can't stop crying.
Oh, Mel. I'm so very sorry. ❤0 -
Thanks, Becky and Patricia and Tha KS, Nicole for updating here. My cousin Alesha says that losing her dad was the worst experience of her life to date. I can honestly say that so far it's been better than when mom died because a) it was such a shock and b) my kids are old enough to understand what's happening. There's something terrible about having to explain over and over that Nana can't come back from heaven. But I am still going to miss him every day.
The funeral is Sunday afternoon and he will be interred at the VA with Mama on Monday morning and I will remember every minute. I still remember every minute of this from when mom died. Jimmy Lynn doesn't, which is a grace for him, but it's a strength to me to know what's coming.
I'm going to be scarce for a little while, but I love you all.6 -
How are you holding up, Mel?0
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Italian_Buju wrote: »How are you holding up, Mel?
I'm not. I fell completely apart yesterday. I promise to come back and talk it out later. Thanks for caring.
I came in to let y'all know that a Grand Jury finally indicted the mother of the baby that was missing here in February and early March. They found the body on March 6th and we were finally able to convene a live Grand Jury this week. They indicted her today.5 -
I never it made it back to confess about falling apart, but the 28th was worse. It was a month ago. I can't believe it. I spent some time with my vrother this morning and I am feeling better.5
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I cant believe its almost October.
This year feels like it both dragged on and flown by.1 -
Really ******* mad at myself for gaining so much weight back...all that hard work, down the tubes. I've gained 23lbs back from my lowest in about two years, I'm only 13lbs away from my heaviest. It's going to be even harder the second time. ARGH!
I've had wrist and shoulder injuries all year, so, I haven't been able to lift weights, and knee pain almost the entire summer, so, I couldn't go for walks or bike, only yoga and stretching, which got boring fast. It is better now. Plus, COVID and quarantine didn't help...3 -
I miss this board!!!
Y’all??? Where are you??0 -
Melissa - how are you making out?1
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Italian_Buju wrote: »Melissa - how are you making out?
I am txting with her as I’m typing. She is immersing herself in work lately, but been a hermit since dad passed. She said she will check in 🥰🥰🥰0 -
Really ******* mad at myself for gaining so much weight back...all that hard work, down the tubes. I've gained 23lbs back from my lowest in about two years, I'm only 13lbs away from my heaviest. It's going to be even harder the second time. ARGH!
I've had wrist and shoulder injuries all year, so, I haven't been able to lift weights, and knee pain almost the entire summer, so, I couldn't go for walks or bike, only yoga and stretching, which got boring fast. It is better now. Plus, COVID and quarantine didn't help...
Don't give up. If you did it once you can do it again.1 -
Really ******* mad at myself for gaining so much weight back...all that hard work, down the tubes. I've gained 23lbs back from my lowest in about two years, I'm only 13lbs away from my heaviest. It's going to be even harder the second time. ARGH!
I've had wrist and shoulder injuries all year, so, I haven't been able to lift weights, and knee pain almost the entire summer, so, I couldn't go for walks or bike, only yoga and stretching, which got boring fast. It is better now. Plus, COVID and quarantine didn't help...
Don't give up. If you did it once you can do it again.0 -
Italian_Buju wrote: »Melissa - how are you making out?
It's very hard to be Daddy's Girl without Daddy, Nicole. I am doing my best to hang in there, but a lot of days that's not very well. Thanks for checking on me and getting Becky to text me.
That booted my butt back to Barre class tonight. Exercise is the world's most underutilized antidepressant.
It was easy to social distance in class because they limit Barre classes at my hot yoga studio to 5 people right now and tonight there were two students and the instructor. I wiped down my own equipment with disinfectant spray after watching the instructor wipe it all down before class. This is the world that we live in now, I guess.
I have been buried at work. Healthcare finance is a tough business these days.
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melissafeagins wrote: »Italian_Buju wrote: »Melissa - how are you making out?
It's very hard to be Daddy's Girl without Daddy, Nicole. I am doing my best to hang in there, but a lot of days that's not very well. Thanks for checking on me and getting Becky to text me.
That booted my butt back to Barre class tonight. Exercise is the world's most underutilized antidepressant.
It was easy to social distance in class because they limit Barre classes at my hot yoga studio to 5 people right now and tonight there were two students and the instructor. I wiped down my own equipment with disinfectant spray after watching the instructor wipe it all down before class. This is the world that we live in now, I guess.
I have been buried at work. Healthcare finance is a tough business these days.
I am glad you are able to get out to exercise and that it helps a bit. One day at a time. Don't let work totally consume you. Take it easy on yourself!1 -
I just guilt tripped my entire department by email and I am not sorry.
Since my job moved to Ensemble, we have been contract employees of the hospital I used to work in. I go into the hospital about once a month. The week my dad died, the hospital made a decision to close employee break rooms. (Even the nursing staff has to bring their own coffee in their own thermos and they are not allowed to share.) Yesterday, someone complained about it to the president of our company.
We got an email from our director about it to which replied, first apologizing to her for lack of productivity and then asking whoever complained to let me know where I could meet them with ice packs I used to use to take my dad cold Coke Zero and fruit in the nursing home. I don't need them any more because a staff member broke their rules and came to work sick. Whya I have left is shell casings and an American flad that can't stand to look at and they need to be better than this.
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melissafeagins wrote: »I just guilt tripped my entire department by email and I am not sorry.
Since my job moved to Ensemble, we have been contract employees of the hospital I used to work in. I go into the hospital about once a month. The week my dad died, the hospital made a decision to close employee break rooms. (Even the nursing staff has to bring their own coffee in their own thermos and they are not allowed to share.) Yesterday, someone complained about it to the president of our company.
We got an email from our director about it to which replied, first apologizing to her for lack of productivity and then asking whoever complained to let me know where I could meet them with ice packs I used to use to take my dad cold Coke Zero and fruit in the nursing home. I don't need them any more because a staff member broke their rules and came to work sick. Whya I have left is shell casings and an American flad that can't stand to look at and they need to be better than this.
Hugs, Mel! I’m so sorry. People suck.
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