Anyone Else “Vet” Friend Requests?
Replies
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Xiaolongbao wrote: »I couldn’t care less if strangers see what I ate but I’m pretty sure very very few people ever look at my diary. I certainly don’t usually bother to look at anyone else’s. I must admit when I enter things it never crosses my mind to wonder if other people will read it.
Many lifetimes ago (under a different account), I did use to have MFP friends and read other people's diaries - for one thing, unless you knew what someone was eating, you wouldn't know whether to congratulate them or be worried for them (e.g. if too severely restricting).
Some of my friends from real life use MFP, but I would never add them as if I'm honest, I don't want them to know exactly how overweight I am, or exactly what I'm eating. Which is exactly why I should be on this journey - if you feel the need to keep your food secret, you're probably not eating right.9 -
Yay, a few more 'life's too busy' or simply introvert people here! We should all be friends! Oh, wait...
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Oops, I just realized my profile was not visible to other people. Now it is. Now people should be able to read that I don't do friends. Lets see if it makes a difference.2
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eatpolerepeat wrote: »I do check people out though before I accept
Me too.. sometimes I make a mistake though and have to delete straight away.
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LivingtheLeanDream wrote: »I accept them all but don't ever talk outside of the forums and don't post things on my page so I don't know what others get out of it.
so you're the kind of friend who doesn't contribute
I love my newsfeed being newsy and chatty but its like everything, you gotta contribute to get anything out of it....just saying ;-)
Yes that would be me too - the sort of friend that doesnt contribute
Yes like everything I'm sure you gotta contribute to get anything out of it - but thats fine since I dont want to get anything out of it and really am not into the whole friends behind the scenes thing.
I never send friend requests and I ignore any I recieve.
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eatpolerepeat wrote: »
Pfft . 😂2 -
This is all very interesting. Tbh there’s so much junk on my newsfeed that if people are making legit comments I only find them at random. Wish there was a way to turn off the “so and so earned XX calories”, and so on. It just floods it.
I had hoped to make some “real” friends here, as I did in the early internet days (still visit with eBay buddies from back in the day!) but this format doesn’t lend itself well.
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Yes. I pretty much accept all requests, but don't accept requests from men who have lots and lots of female friends with cute profile pics (but no or vanishingly few male ones). Those are the ones with the highest likelihood that they'll be sending PMs with iffy to inappropriate come-ons, IMO. (Yes, even to their internet granny 🙄 . . . granny don't play that game. 🤣).
If it's borderline, I check their forum history.
I'm not at all a good "MFP friend" (don't post much in the status feed, don't reply much to others there, though I try to respond to direct questions people put right on my profile page, and I understand that some people will send a FR in order to send a PM - I do answer PMs, if they're actual questions, not come-ons; and I've told some people to FR me if they want to see what I eat for protein, as a vegetarian).
Huh... well aunt granny, I'm like 40% men 60% women. Better delete me!😉1 -
psychod787 wrote: »Yes. I pretty much accept all requests, but don't accept requests from men who have lots and lots of female friends with cute profile pics (but no or vanishingly few male ones). Those are the ones with the highest likelihood that they'll be sending PMs with iffy to inappropriate come-ons, IMO. (Yes, even to their internet granny 🙄 . . . granny don't play that game. 🤣).
If it's borderline, I check their forum history.
I'm not at all a good "MFP friend" (don't post much in the status feed, don't reply much to others there, though I try to respond to direct questions people put right on my profile page, and I understand that some people will send a FR in order to send a PM - I do answer PMs, if they're actual questions, not come-ons; and I've told some people to FR me if they want to see what I eat for protein, as a vegetarian).
Huh... well aunt granny, I'm like 40% men 60% women. Better delete me!😉
I could name people who, if you could look at their profile, the friend set would make you chuckle at the truth of what I'm saying. One - before I was smart enough to screen better - had a friend set of dozens or hundreds of muscular women. He sent multiple messages encouraging me to lift weights more, and to give him contact info so we could chat. Yeah? No.
Then there was one who wanted to have a "text fight" by chat. I have no idea what that is, but yeah, no. And one guy who PMed "wonder how the two old timers would do agst each other in a wrestling match". No. Just no.
I could go on, and it could be worse, but I won't. I think they have no idea how truly pathetic they seem . . . still, I assume they must get some takers? 🙄
You? I don't know how you treat other MFP friends, male or female. To me, you seem like an intelligent, inquisitive, polite, slightly grumpy and unpredictable teddy bear. I plan to keep you.
I'll take a chance on men with very few male friends, but regardless, at the first "let's chat" kind of thing, they're gone. My profile says "If your PM says things you wouldn't say in church in front of your wife/GF and all your friends/neighbors . . . we can't be friends." S'truth.22 -
springlering62 wrote: »This is all very interesting. Tbh there’s so much junk on my newsfeed that if people are making legit comments I only find them at random. Wish there was a way to turn off the “so and so earned XX calories”, and so on. It just floods it.
I had hoped to make some “real” friends here, as I did in the early internet days (still visit with eBay buddies from back in the day!) but this format doesn’t lend itself well.
It’s possible. I’ve been here 8 1/2 years and some of my closest friends are people I’ve met here. I’ve met (in person) I think 30-something people from my FL, some just in passing while traveling, some doing races and travels and things.
As for “vetting” - most of my FL doesn’t even venture into the forums. I’m not sure some of them even know they are here. Most of our activity is in comments on posts (ours and mutual friends). I recognize user names from these conversations. I will occasionally check with some other old timers if it looks like another reincarnation of a certain skeevy dude.
We chat about all kinds of things. We often describe/discuss workouts in the comments part of the “burned such and such calories doing whatever they did”. We talk about life things-celebrations, successes, challenges & frustrations.
Some are hosting/joining zoom gatherings during lockdown.
It’s very rare that anyone on my FL posts a “question” (not like on the forums anyway). We all have struggles and challenges-but it’s never what/how do I do ______. Its more just navigating life and fitting in this health and fitness stuff. And a lot of fun stuff too.
So it’s possible to make “real” friends here.
One note: a relatively new “feature” (some places call them bugs) is that messages sent with friend requests aren’t always showing up in the request. Sometimes they (the message) will show on the app or the web (but the same FR will be blank on the other), sometimes the note doesn’t show up anywhere. This is different than the FR not going through at all because the requester used a naughty word in the message. This is just seemingly random. I know instant denial of requests without a message is popular-so I thought I’d pass that along.4 -
Of course. I don't accept random friend requests, lol.3
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Yes absolutely, I have a small-ish list and only want people who are actually active and mutually supportive.2
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I rarely use the friends thing anymore. so if people are looking to me for cheers because they finished their diary under calorie goal, they've got the wrong person.6
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Absolutely! My FL consists mainly of women with whom I've interacted in the forums and (usually older) female lifters. Heck, I've even requested a few that I particularly admire. Not having a human profile pic I don't tend to get a lot of random male requests anyway.
My diary is completely private because I'm not here to lose weight and I have personal preferences/targets (pescetarian, low sodium, high protein) that aren't likely to be useful to anyone else. Nobody needs to cheer the fact that I'm fully intending to have a DQ Blizzard for lunch today.
I don't have the phone app so I'm only on here when I sit down at a computer, which isn't very often. Somebody who wants to chat via message is going to find me a very disappointing friend.5 -
Nope if someone wants to add me they can I dont sit and "vet" them. If anyone is inactive for over a month i would unfriend though, I do like an active newsfeed so I can praise others and they do it to me, feels great and keeps me motivated!1
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Nah. If they're interested in having me as a friend on here, it's usually because I can give them information on fitness and nutrition for free. And that's fine because I don't mind passing on knowledge. I DO have to go through my list a every month or so to clean out the non users though. Which reminds me..............................
A.C.E. Certified Personal and Group Fitness Trainer
IDEA Fitness member
Kickboxing Certified Instructor
Been in fitness for 30 years and have studied kinesiology and nutrition
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psychod787 wrote: »Yes. I pretty much accept all requests, but don't accept requests from men who have lots and lots of female friends with cute profile pics (but no or vanishingly few male ones). Those are the ones with the highest likelihood that they'll be sending PMs with iffy to inappropriate come-ons, IMO. (Yes, even to their internet granny 🙄 . . . granny don't play that game. 🤣).
If it's borderline, I check their forum history.
I'm not at all a good "MFP friend" (don't post much in the status feed, don't reply much to others there, though I try to respond to direct questions people put right on my profile page, and I understand that some people will send a FR in order to send a PM - I do answer PMs, if they're actual questions, not come-ons; and I've told some people to FR me if they want to see what I eat for protein, as a vegetarian).
Huh... well aunt granny, I'm like 40% men 60% women. Better delete me!😉
I could name people who, if you could look at their profile, the friend set would make you chuckle at the truth of what I'm saying. One - before I was smart enough to screen better - had a friend set of dozens or hundreds of muscular women. He sent multiple messages encouraging me to lift weights more, and to give him contact info so we could chat. Yeah? No.
Then there was one who wanted to have a "text fight" by chat. I have no idea what that is, but yeah, no. And one guy who PMed "wonder how the two old timers would do agst each other in a wrestling match". No. Just no.
I could go on, and it could be worse, but I won't. I think they have no idea how truly pathetic they seem . . . still, I assume they must get some takers? 🙄
You? I don't know how you treat other MFP friends, male or female. To me, you seem like an intelligent, inquisitive, polite, slightly grumpy and unpredictable teddy bear. I plan to keep you.
I'll take a chance on men with very few male friends, but regardless, at the first "let's chat" kind of thing, they're gone. My profile says "If your PM says things you wouldn't say in church in front of your wife/GF and all your friends/neighbors . . . we can't be friends." S'truth.
Sounds like you have a good grasp on me Aunt Granny. Not sure what "text fight" is either.
As far as vetting friends, uhh... I will check their profile and then ask then, "how do you think I can help you in your adventure?" That generally give me an idea of who i am dealing with. Besides, as an grumpy, unpredictable, teddy bear, not many folks are knocking down my friends door.🤣7 -
I am still trying to figure out how to send a friend request in this app2
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It is extremely unlikely that I will ever meet up with anyone on here. The only "friends" I need on here are people that will/may help me to stop being the porker that I am at present.
If someone local sent me a friend request and soon after suggested a meet up or private chat then they would be declined and deleted immediately!2 -
If you delete all the requests you do miss out on some comic relief. One guy just wanted to tell stories over PM about how he got kicked in the junk at a krav maga class in front of women. Odd kink, but I don't judge. He got deleted but I still got a laugh.7
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Yes I do vet friend requests. There are some crazies out there!! 😄 I usually don't send friend requests one because on the app it isn't easy to do. I wish they would make it if you are in the forum and see someone you want to request for a friend there is an add friend button instead of trying to remember the name and search for it and then request for friendship. I don't do guy friends on here because I am married and the only male encouragement I need is from my honey. If I get friend requests and they are female I usually accept. I will only delete them if I see foul language (I don't like seeing that on my feed) or we don't interact much. I don't like to see a lot junk on my newsfeed so I have a small friend group of some amazing ladies that I met on here and we have been friends for quite awhile. Call me old fashioned I don't care. I am here for losing weight, getting healthy, and going on this journey with people who are like minded.3
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I'm quite picky tbh. I'll add people then remove them more often than not. What's the point in adding me if your diary is closed and you never post anything? Similarly I can't stand the inane, empty "great day" comments some people like leaving every single day. Maybe some folks like that but it's not for me. I basically like having friends so I can nose at other people's diaries, let them nose at mine, and congratulate people on personal achievements.5
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crystalsan726 wrote: »Yes I do vet friend requests. There are some crazies out there!! 😄 I usually don't send friend requests one because on the app it isn't easy to do. I wish they would make it if you are in the forum and see someone you want to request for a friend there is an add friend button instead of trying to remember the name and search for it and then request for friendship. I don't do guy friends on here because I am married and the only male encouragement I need is from my honey. If I get friend requests and they are female I usually accept. I will only delete them if I see foul language (I don't like seeing that on my feed) or we don't interact much. I don't like to see a lot junk on my newsfeed so I have a small friend group of some amazing ladies that I met on here and we have been friends for quite awhile. Call me old fashioned I don't care. I am here for losing weight, getting healthy, and going on this journey with people who are like minded.
You can send a FR from the forum, it just takes a couple of steps (details depend on whether web or phone app).
In their post, click on their user name (at left of post in web version, above it in Android app so I assume likewise in iOS version). You'll get some kind of a display about them. If you don't see an "Add As Friend" button (web version) or the two-people-heads icon that is the same thing in the phone app, click on their name again, until you see one of those two (it'll just be a couple steps, not dozens). Then click on the "Add" button or the people-heads icon to send a friend request.1 -
I reject all friend requests.
Will speak privately w/anyone who sends me a PM but I have no interest in "collecting" virtual friends here or anywhere else on the Net.5 -
I reject all friend requests.
Will speak privately w/anyone who sends me a PM but I have no interest in "collecting" virtual friends here or anywhere else on the Net.
Unfortunately if you try to send someone a pm who is not a fr it does not go through. they never see it. Strangely if you can catch their attention on forums and ask them to send you one it will close the loop and subsequent pm will be received. Mfp glitches 🙄7 -
slimgirljo15 wrote: »I reject all friend requests.
Will speak privately w/anyone who sends me a PM but I have no interest in "collecting" virtual friends here or anywhere else on the Net.
Unfortunately if you try to send someone a pm who is not a fr it does not go through. they never see it. Strangely if you can catch their attention on forums and ask them to send you one it will close the loop and subsequent pm will be received. Mfp glitches 🙄
I don't believe it is a glitch but rather a deliberate programming change to solve the problem of unsolicited messages. I think this solution was dumb for several reasons, one of which being that most people are not aware that you have to be friends with someone before receiving messages and thus are left wondering why no response.
I hardly look at my feed, but would sometimes like to message people from the forums, and there should be something to let me know the Send Message feature does not work unless the recipient is already a friend.
A better solution would have been to address the problem on the spammer end.4 -
kshama2001 wrote: »slimgirljo15 wrote: »I reject all friend requests.
Will speak privately w/anyone who sends me a PM but I have no interest in "collecting" virtual friends here or anywhere else on the Net.
Unfortunately if you try to send someone a pm who is not a fr it does not go through. they never see it. Strangely if you can catch their attention on forums and ask them to send you one it will close the loop and subsequent pm will be received. Mfp glitches 🙄
I don't believe it is a glitch but rather a deliberate programming change to solve the problem of unsolicited messages. I think this solution was dumb for several reasons, one of which being that most people are not aware that you have to be friends with someone before receiving messages and thus are left wondering why no response.
I hardly look at my feed, but would sometimes like to message people from the forums, and there should be something to let me know the Send Message feature does not work unless the recipient is already a friend.
A better solution would have been to address the problem on the spammer end.
You could be right. I only realised when I sent a couple of pm to forum members whom I wanted to say good job or just a cheer up note when I thought someone needed it and I got nothing, no acknowledgement at all. I did end up friending someone and they said they'd never received a pm and then a few people mentioned it had changed and you could no longer contact non friends. 😔
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I usually open the profile and take a brief look before accepting. Some user's profiles are completely blank, and some are locked, so not sure why they're inviting me anyway.
In the earlier days I could see age, sex, and location, but that doesn't seem to be MFP's default setting now. I just felt that some potential connections weren't age-appropriate.
But the facts are that I don't post on my page very often, and I probably miss a lot of the posts my friends make as well. There's an email alert for every post, but I have those filtered to automatically go direct to a separate folder in my email account.0 -
BigMamaLynsey wrote: »Nope if someone wants to add me they can I dont sit and "vet" them. If anyone is inactive for over a month i would unfriend though, I do like an active newsfeed so I can praise others and they do it to me, feels great and keeps me motivated!
Your post is a wakeup call to me. I don't usually delete, but I just looked and discovered a lot of my "friends" have gone inactive.
Of 406 friends, 1 hasn't logged in for 46 months, and that's part of a total of 151 who haven't logged in for more than 7 months, which means not in this year at all.
Some stopped logging on earlier this year, but there are 64 who logged in during the past 1 month and are not currently logged in. Just 119 are logged on now out of that 406, so I could easily delete 300.2 -
Sure, in the sense that I don't accept them, although now you guys have me wondering if I should just so I have a chance at a good laugh. Then again, I changed my profile pic to one without my face, which makes it less clear what my anatomy might be.
Really, though, I'm another person who would be a terrible friend here. I have a hard enough time managing my trauma responses just to post in the forums, so the idea of a total stranger looking around my profile or diary just kind of wigs me out and would guarantee I stop using MFP to further my goals. It's a work in progress.
Sorry to anyone who I ignored! It really is a genuine case of "it's not you, it's me".2
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