Tell me if this is creepy, or if I am just overreacting....
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I don't think she will block him just for the drama it will create in her house. I don't want to block him so I can see when he posts on her page all the time.
I've thought about saying something on her page after he does as I feel he's pretty much a stalker at this point, but I worry about what that will do to her at home.0 -
this is creepy! im 18 and have my mum and stepdad on facebook, but i dont think they have either commented or liked anything of mine, unless i mention them in a post or something,0
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Talking to the mother and your daughter is the best advice. He's just going to get defensive. The mother will likely do the same.
If he claims he's doing it to keep an eye on her that should be the mother's job. Step-parents have boundaries. He's way beyond his.0 -
I'm "friends" with my 16 yo and a couple of friends (and his girlfriend). But I rarely post anything to them.
I guess probably what I would do is help her set boundaries with him. Or at least show her how to block him from seeing certain things (as long as she doesn't block you too!
) I think she needs to talk to him. Also, can't she delete his comments? She can delete hers. Maybe if the boundary setting doesn't stick, every time he comments she can just delete her status and maybe he'll get the hint. 0 -
I don't think she will block him just for the drama it will create in her house. I don't want to block him so I can see when he posts on her page all the time.
I've thought about saying something on her page after he does as I feel he's pretty much a stalker at this point, but I worry about what that will do to her at home.
A grown man creating drama over his stepdaughter blocking him on Facebook is beyond ridiculous and makes this situation seem even more creepy to me.
I wouldn't go to him or your ex directly yet. Like I said above, talk to your daughter about it first and if she wants you to step in or you get the feeling from her that you should, then do.
I have a daughter in high school. She wasn't allowed to have FB without friending me, but I don't comment constantly on her stuff. A few of her friends friended me and I accepted because I thought it would be a good way to keep an eye on things sort of incognito, but I never requested them and I rarely comment on their pages. They're 16 and 17 years old. I'm 34. They're my child's friends, not mine.
I don't think it's creepy for a child and her stepfather to be FB friends. It's the way they interact that's an issue.0 -
Go with your gut Dad! You are her father, if you are watching out for her, checking in from time to time, he doesn't need to. YOU are the dad not him. Unless your daughter has a history of making poor decisions that put her at risk she is allowed to have a few boundries. I am a vigilant mom. When my four kids were young I wanted to know where they were going, who they would be with, what they would be doing, and when they would be home, If I didn't have that info they didn't go. So I am not a push over as a parent. Safety is one thing, control and hovering are another, especially from an opposite gender step-parent. Since it bothers her and she has spoken to him about it and it has not changed it is time for you to step up. As her parent you can tell her it is ok for her to block him. Then tell him she has your permission to do so.0
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You are not overreacting at all. I find that very strange, to be honest. You should definitely give your daughter's stepfather a call, and ask him what's going on. Don't think you're overreacting because something really may be going on. Maybe you should talk with your daughter about it first.0
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A little background: Her mom and I split before she was 1. She was with this guy before the ink hit the divorce papers. I do not speak to her mom unless absolutely necessary. I have never spoken to him. I know he runs his mouth about me to my daughter all the time. Sometimes she stands up for me. Sometimes her mom runs her mouth about me too. I hear about that second hand as she has someone she will talk to about it that she knows will talk to me, as it is very hard on her of course. I never, ever talk about them to her in a bad light. She's getting old enough now to see that on her own.0
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Dang it, I totally misread your post and am starting over on my reply. Now there are 2 pages of replies, but anyway... Is he a total geek that spends 24/7 online socializing? That's creepy enough by itself, but I would be concerned about a grown man being interested in socializing with teenage girls. I guess one could argue that he's trying to communicate with her (as a father figure) the only way he can, after all, she is 15. Clearly I don't know her, but when I was 15 I would rather die than talk to my parents, but that's a whole other story.
If it were my daughter, I would talk to her about it first of all. About how he treats her when they're alone. Do you get to see them interact together much? Is he too hands-on? Is your daughter overly depressed or acting out? I know she's 14-15, so that's totally subjective. By all means investigate. Do you have access to his computer? Probably not, but if so, check out his browsing history etc. Call DHS if you need to. And tell her that you are there for here if she needs help with anything or anyone. Try to get across the point that she CAN come to you about things.0 -
My vote.... Extremely creepy.
Have you talked to your daughter about it??? Perhaps asked her to talk about why it bothers her and suggest that she talks to her mom about it saying something like this... "Mom, I know that you want to keep an eye on me but I need to have some sort of freedom... It really bugs me when "step-dad" comments on everything on my facebook and friend requests my friends."
I totally get parents wanting to keep an eye on their kids internet activities... In my opinion it is your responsibility and her mom's...0 -
A little background: Her mom and I split before she was 1. She was with this guy before the ink hit the divorce papers. I do not speak to her mom unless absolutely necessary. I have never spoken to him. I know he runs his mouth about me to my daughter all the time. Sometimes she stands up for me. Sometimes her mom runs her mouth about me too. I hear about that second hand as she has someone she will talk to about it that she knows will talk to me, as it is very hard on her of course. I never, ever talk about them to her in a bad light. She's getting old enough now to see that on her own.
I think if this persists, you really should have a talk with her mother about it. It's important for you to know have a good sense of well-being and for you to know that your daughter is safe in that home. What I don't understand is why your daughter's friends would accept his friend request in the first place.0 -
I had a blackberry and all my facebook notifications came through automatically. HOWEVER, My friends status's and wall posts did not notify me. You would have to be sat there on your phone/computer watching the homepage constantly.
I find this really weird. Facebook makes it so easy for people to watch others, perv on their pics and want to know where they are all the time. It's scary. That's not to say that he is doing this for sure, however it doesn't seem right.0 -
Go with your gut Dad! You are her father, if you are watching out for her, checking in from time to time, he doesn't need to. YOU are the dad not him. Unless your daughter has a history of making poor decisions that put her at risk she is allowed to have a few boundries. I am a vigilant mom. When my four kids were young I wanted to know where they were going, who they would be with, what they would be doing, and when they would be home, If I didn't have that info they didn't go. So I am not a push over as a parent. Safety is one thing, control and hovering are another, especially from an opposite gender step-parent. Since it bothers her and she has spoken to him about it and it has not changed it is time for you to step up. As her parent you can tell her it is ok for her to block him. Then tell him she has your permission to do so.
this!!!!0 -
I would be royally creeped out. ROYALLY. I'm 23 and just the thought of my dad doing that creeps me the hell out.0
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A little background: Her mom and I split before she was 1. She was with this guy before the ink hit the divorce papers. I do not speak to her mom unless absolutely necessary. I have never spoken to him. I know he runs his mouth about me to my daughter all the time. Sometimes she stands up for me. Sometimes her mom runs her mouth about me too. I hear about that second hand as she has someone she will talk to about it that she knows will talk to me, as it is very hard on her of course. I never, ever talk about them to her in a bad light. She's getting old enough now to see that on her own.
The thing that concerns me about this post, is that you seem to have heard about this second or third hand. Have you actually talke to your daughter about it? What does she say about it?0 -
It is a dangerous line to walk.. The quick response could just be because he has mobile alerts, but he would have had to manually set it up to notify him when she post. The constant page stalking certainly would send some alarms my way. There is no reason to be chatting up young girls that much.. As a father myself I would have to call foul and put a stop to it. I don't think your overreacting at all. You would would rather be over protective than wait until something weird happens and say I should have stopped it.0
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Smart to worry, keep on top of all that is going on. Bad things could being going on. Yes it is creepy and you are not overracting.0
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Thanks everyone. Honestly, this scares the hell out of me. It probably really isn't anything. But what if it is? There has always just been something off with him. Of course from the circumstances he never really had a chance, but still. Now that my little girl isn't a little girl anymore, I don't know.
I know her mom won't do anything about it. They have a child together and that kid gets everything. Every trip they take is for him. They are always too busy to take her to do anything because of that kid. It's really weird, but it seems like the only time her mom really gives a damn about her is when she is at my house. That's when she all of a sudden has time to take her school shopping, etc... This is a lot of frustration boiling over at once, I know. But damn.0 -
BTW, this didn't just start happening. It's been going on for a couple of years or so.0
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Kind of creepy! I can understand checking on FB to see what is being posted and make sure nothing is out of line, but for him to post on her updates constantly and on updates of her friends is just a little too weird for me! Has your daughter mentioned anything about this?0
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She doesn't really talk to me much about the deep stuff. She will talk to her step-mom though, and that's how I hear about it. I would prefer she talked to me of course, but as long as she has someone that she can open up to, I'm glad for that.A little background: Her mom and I split before she was 1. She was with this guy before the ink hit the divorce papers. I do not speak to her mom unless absolutely necessary. I have never spoken to him. I know he runs his mouth about me to my daughter all the time. Sometimes she stands up for me. Sometimes her mom runs her mouth about me too. I hear about that second hand as she has someone she will talk to about it that she knows will talk to me, as it is very hard on her of course. I never, ever talk about them to her in a bad light. She's getting old enough now to see that on her own.
The thing that concerns me about this post, is that you seem to have heard about this second or third hand. Have you actually talke to your daughter about it? What does she say about it?0 -
I don't think she will block him just for the drama it will create in her house. I don't want to block him so I can see when he posts on her page all the time.
I've thought about saying something on her page after he does as I feel he's pretty much a stalker at this point, but I worry about what that will do to her at home.
Hate to say it, but I'm worried about her with him at home too. He is a bonafied creep and I wouldn't trust him. Who friends teenagers like that??
I would pull him aside and tell him you're watching him. Hopefully that will scare the crap out of him and he'll stop. Being with her at home, though, is another thing. I'd talk to her and reassure her that she can come to you if anything happens. Better be safe than sorry. Good luck, sweetie!0 -
Why would her friends accept his requests though? That's something I don't understand.0
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If your gut is telling you it doesn't seem right then it probably isn't. I think its a little on the creepy side. She is 15 yr old, as I assume most of my friends are. This guy could have some sick fantasy or it could be he just wants to be the "cool hot dad" of the girls. Either way, he should not be friends with her friends on Facebook. I understand being her friend so he can keep tabs on her (like every parent needs to do). Some people tend to forget that social graces and rules apply on Facebook. Its like this alter world where people forget what is appropriate and what isn't. If he isn't calling her friends and texting them in "real" life then he has no business being friends with them on Facebook.0
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Why would her friends accept his requests though? That's something I don't understand.
Probably because they think he is "cool" and don't want to be left out of the loop. Also its more about popularity and having a ton of friends on FB, not mattering who said friends actually are. I work with a bunch of teenage girls. Trust me the reasoning for most of the crap they do isn't sound, haha....as I am sure many parents of teenage girls can attest too!0 -
well honestly its facebook its for creeps...0
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Why would her friends accept his requests though? That's something I don't understand.
That was from when they were younger yet. 10-12 range maybe? Far more innocent then for them and how were they to know? As far as I know though, he doesn't post on their pages anymore. But really, is that something you should need to be told to stop doing?0 -
All it boils down to is that she's your daughter and she's obviously feeling very uncomfortable with this situation. You need to protect her from it.0
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Why would her friends accept his requests though? That's something I don't understand.
Probably because they think he is "cool" and don't want to be left out of the loop. Also its more about popularity and having a ton of friends on FB, not mattering who said friends actually are. I work with a bunch of teenage girls. Trust me the reasoning for most of the crap they do isn't sound, haha....as I am sure many parents of teenage girls can attest too!
I'm a teenager myself, and I don't add anyone I don't know. I really wish this generation would realize that popularity isn't everything life should be about.0 -
Why would her friends accept his requests though? That's something I don't understand.
That was from when they were younger yet. 10-12 range maybe? Far more innocent then for them and how were they to know? As far as I know though, he doesn't post on their pages anymore. But really, is that something you should need to be told to stop doing?
Oh, I see. Well, if he starts to write on their pages again, I really think you should say something to your daughter's mom. I'm sure nothing is going on, but it will put a stop to your anxiety.
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