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Things people say when you lose weight
Replies
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From both my sister and sister-in-law (at different meetings) "Don't lose anymore!"
I'm 5'6" and 145 lbs - literally 1 lb away from the 'ultimate goal' I picked for myself when I started 74 lbs and 78 weeks ago. This figure is in the upper end of the healthy-weight range for someone my height. Since I'm 55 years old there's a lot of saggy skin, but still extra fat under it, especially around my midsection, butt, and thighs, so I've been considering a new goal of 135 which is more in the middle of my h-w range. I don't want to be 'model-thin' by any means, I'd be happy with 'healthy non-athlete'.
I was feeling pretty good about it too, but the speed/urgency with which they each blurted out the comment now has me worried that I may have some degree of body dysmorphia.
So now I'm not so happy.11 -
MonaLisainCT wrote: »From both my sister and sister-in-law (at different meetings) "Don't lose anymore!"
I'm 5'6" and 145 lbs - literally 1 lb away from the 'ultimate goal' I picked for myself when I started 74 lbs and 78 weeks ago. This figure is in the upper end of the healthy-weight range for someone my height. Since I'm 55 years old there's a lot of saggy skin, but still extra fat under it, especially around my midsection, butt, and thighs, so I've been considering a new goal of 135 which is more in the middle of my h-w range. I don't want to be 'model-thin' by any means, I'd be happy with 'healthy non-athlete'.
I was feeling pretty good about it too, but the speed/urgency with which they each blurted out the comment now has me worried that I may have some degree of body dysmorphia.
So now I'm not so happy.
Don't let it get to you. Part of it is people being shocked by quick changes. Also, in my case, not speaking of you, I do think I arrived near goal weight looking a little drawn or haggard (calorie deficit is a stressor, after all; and initially there was more loose skin facially and elsewhere). I got comments like that at first, but people got used to me, and it stopped. (I think I objectively did look a bit perkier after a couple of months at maintenance calories, besides.) Follow your own course, ask your doctor (not friends/relatives) if you think you need advice.11 -
I've only had two spontaneous remarks so far (down 44 lbs from a BMI of 34 to 27, since August of last year).
One person remarked that I looked good and asked if I had changed anything, indicating my face. Funny that she didn't consciously notice the weight loss, but a compliment nevertheless.
Then last week another person blurted out: "You've lost a lot of weight, no?!"
Which was funny since I had seen her mid-June (only a few lbs difference) and she hadn't noticed anything then.
"Did you lose the weight after the last time I saw you (June)?" Nope, lol.
"Since Covid then?" Nope again, lol. Apparently it was my face (again) that made them notice the weight loss.
The funniest thing was how they focused on my food afterwards. Asking if I was 'allowed' a scoop of ice-cream with the fruit tart they were offering.
But especially: "Are you not drinking alcohol because of your diet?" I've always been someone who drinks very little alcohol (usually one drink at the beginning of the evening is enough) and they've known me for at least 15 years!
I started losing weight in the late summer and by early fall that year it was freezing cold. I wore the same big long coat every day when I saw my friends on the commuter train. One day in May it was 47 degrees and yep still wearing the big coat. Talked to one of my train friends for quite awhile after we disembarked. The next day it was 64 degrees and I wore my new leather jacket and skinny jeans on my 75 pounds lighter body. I walked into the station that morning and my friend exclaimed “OMG did you lose a huge amount of weight overnight”??? Lol. She thensaid that talking to me the day before she thought my face had looked different but she couldn’t put her finger on why.
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MonaLisainCT wrote: »From both my sister and sister-in-law (at different meetings) "Don't lose anymore!"
I'm 5'6" and 145 lbs - literally 1 lb away from the 'ultimate goal' I picked for myself when I started 74 lbs and 78 weeks ago. This figure is in the upper end of the healthy-weight range for someone my height. Since I'm 55 years old there's a lot of saggy skin, but still extra fat under it, especially around my midsection, butt, and thighs, so I've been considering a new goal of 135 which is more in the middle of my h-w range. I don't want to be 'model-thin' by any means, I'd be happy with 'healthy non-athlete'.
I was feeling pretty good about it too, but the speed/urgency with which they each blurted out the comment now has me worried that I may have some degree of body dysmorphia.
So now I'm not so happy.
I feel for you. Maybe rest at your original goal weight for a while. Keep exercising and eating healthfully. See how you look in your clothes and how you feel after some time has passed. Then reevaluate where you are, how your body is handling it, and what you want. Meanwhile, enjoy your success! A 75 pound weight loss is something that you can see and feel really good about yourself for achieving!6 -
You look ill, you look gaunt, you look taller, you didn't lose that naturally you've had a gastric band fitted!10
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I turned up to sign on for a bike race with a helmet and visor which cover my face/hair. I spoke to a clubmate as I was signing on. My OH turned up and the clubmate asked him if I was riding - he'd completely failed to realise who I was when we were speaking a couple of minutes earlier.17
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Everyone in my present group had only seen me when I was ~216 pounds. When I was getting close to goal (155) everyone was telling me I was looking gaunt. I tried to explain BMI and that my doctor was saying I was getting right where I should be. Then they started challenging my doctor's competency. I finally shut them up by handing out my doctor's phone number and telling them "You're probably right. You should call him up and set him straight!"30
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DoneWorking wrote: »Everyone in my present group had only seen me when I was ~216 pounds. When I was getting close to goal (155) everyone was telling me I was looking gaunt. I tried to explain BMI and that my doctor was saying I was getting right where I should be. Then they started challenging my doctor's competency. I finally shut them up by handing out my doctor's phone number and telling them "You're probably right. You should call him up and set him straight!"
Great strategy😊6 -
Best one I’ve had?
“Where did you leave the rest of yourself?” 😂11 -
MonaLisainCT wrote: »From both my sister and sister-in-law (at different meetings) "Don't lose anymore!"
I'm 5'6" and 145 lbs - literally 1 lb away from the 'ultimate goal' I picked for myself when I started 74 lbs and 78 weeks ago. This figure is in the upper end of the healthy-weight range for someone my height. Since I'm 55 years old there's a lot of saggy skin, but still extra fat under it, especially around my midsection, butt, and thighs, so I've been considering a new goal of 135 which is more in the middle of my h-w range. I don't want to be 'model-thin' by any means, I'd be happy with 'healthy non-athlete'.
I was feeling pretty good about it too, but the speed/urgency with which they each blurted out the comment now has me worried that I may have some degree of body dysmorphia.
So now I'm not so happy.
It sounds to me like you are doing great and have a good sense of where you want to be and how you want to get there. I think many people these days have very little sense of what a normal bmi looks like. I also think that when one is losing, one's face can look quite gaunt for a while until one settles into maintenance. I found that with my sister-in-law and her husband. For me they looked for a while as though they might have lost too much weight (though I did not say anything), but they now look great.
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MonaLisainCT wrote: »From both my sister and sister-in-law (at different meetings) "Don't lose anymore!"
I'm 5'6" and 145 lbs - literally 1 lb away from the 'ultimate goal' I picked for myself when I started 74 lbs and 78 weeks ago. This figure is in the upper end of the healthy-weight range for someone my height. Since I'm 55 years old there's a lot of saggy skin, but still extra fat under it, especially around my midsection, butt, and thighs, so I've been considering a new goal of 135 which is more in the middle of my h-w range. I don't want to be 'model-thin' by any means, I'd be happy with 'healthy non-athlete'.
I was feeling pretty good about it too, but the speed/urgency with which they each blurted out the comment now has me worried that I may have some degree of body dysmorphia.
So now I'm not so happy.
It sounds to me like you are doing great and have a good sense of where you want to be and how you want to get there. I think many people these days have very little sense of what a normal bmi looks like. I also think that when one is losing, one's face can look quite gaunt for a while until one settles into maintenance. I found that with my sister-in-law and her husband. For me they looked for a while as though they might have lost too much weight (though I did not say anything), but they now look great.
I definitely think this can happen. When I was transitioning to maintenance, I had some friends that were concerned I was developing an unhealthy relationship with food or body dismorphia. They really didn't want me to lose any more weight. I actually still had maybe two pounds to goal, so I kept going. You could DEFINITELY see it in my face. I didn't think it looked gaunt, but it sure wasn't puffy like before I started to lose. Oddly enough, I stumbled on a picture of me that was taken about that time. I think that even though I'm pretty much the exact same weight, my face has "filled back out" a little. Those same folks who were concerned told me about a month ago that I'm looking really good these days. So ~maybe~ you do change a little after you get done losing, and ~maybe~ people just start to get used to how you look when it's much different than how they remember you.13 -
When I was transitioning to maintenance, I had some friends that were concerned I was developing an unhealthy relationship with food or body dismorphia. They really didn't want me to lose any more weight. I actually still had maybe two pounds to goal, so I kept going. You could DEFINITELY see it in my face. I didn't think it looked gaunt, but it sure wasn't puffy like before I started to lose. Oddly enough, I stumbled on a picture of my about that time. I think that even though I'm pretty much the exact same weight, my face has "filled back out" a little.
This is really interesting - I've heard it can take time for your skin to adjust after a lot of weight loss, so it might yet tighten up a bit. However, I hadn't heard anyone talking about face shape like this - that's a really great observation.
I guess it goes to show that the end part of weight loss is just like the journey to get there - you still need lots of patience.5 -
When they discuss my weight and then have something to say about it. Example my mom asked my husband how much weight I've lost, he told her, then the response is why does she need to lose more she's a big girl !! What the heck is that suppose to mean ?? Heres what it means I need to lose weight so I can live a healthy lifestyle and enjoy my life being joint and back pain free. So I can enjoy activities that I didn't think I were possible run my third marathon, hike, kayak, stay up on a paddle board. But the bottem line is I'm doing it for ME !!!13
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"Where's your other half?" I thought they were asking about my wife, but they meant the other half of me that disappeared.16
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Yesterday I heard "I barely recognized you!" I was trying to guide a coworker to my house for the first time, and I haven't seen him face to face in a good six months. He must have passed my house three times because I looked so different. He also said "I'm proud of you," and "you're doing amazing," and that was really great to hear.15
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My MIL sucks. She’s a nasty piece of work and has absolutely no clue that what she just said to me was utterly hurtful and offensive. The stupid *kitten* had the nerve to say “You know, you should start doing face exercises so that you don’t look so gaunt”. The *kitten* nerve!!!! This coming from the morbidly obese women who hasn’t been able to conquer her food addiction has the bloody gall to say anything about anyone else!
I’m pissed.35 -
Kaitie9399 wrote: »My MIL sucks. She’s a nasty piece of work and has absolutely no clue that what she just said to me was utterly hurtful and offensive. The stupid *kitten* had the nerve to say “You know, you should start doing face exercises so that you don’t look so gaunt”. The *kitten* nerve!!!! This coming from the morbidly obese women who hasn’t been able to conquer her food addiction has the bloody gall to say anything about anyone else!
I’m pissed.
It's really too bad she had to do that - and sad that she had to tear someone else down to make herself feel better. People like that generally hate it when you kill them with kindness.
"What a great idea! Thanks!" Definitely a time to be glad you don't have to be her. 13 -
@Sand_TIger Thanks for the support!1
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- 144 pound weight loss over 18 months
- Successful maintenance past 7 months
Reaffirming comments received (thank you!!):- Wow, you look fantastic! You look so healthy and in good shape!
- I completely did not recognize you!
- You should be proud of what you've accomplished and continue to accomplish!
Too frequently received comments (that I could do without):- I bet you're really worried about gaining all the weight back?
- What's your secret . . . Keto?
- I bet you can't wait to get back to eating some "real" food?
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hallobailey wrote: »Weight loss is a very personal journey but it inevitably draws comments from the people around us. I’m curious, what kind of comments have you received related to your weight loss? Good, bad, frustrating. Here are a couple for me...
Good: “You are looking fit”
Frustrating: “you don’t have any weight to lose” or “don’t get obsessed with your new diet”
Frustrating: While I am actively working on reducing weight. "WeLL yOu kNow YOu cAn CHeAT." Yes. Yes I do know I can cheat. I have been cheating for the last how many years hence the reason I gotta watch it now. Lol. I know they mean well but omg.7 -
Eddie?8
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It's not a thing everyone says, but I thought it was hilarious:
I have a SIL who lives not far away, but I don't see her often (she's only seen me once since I got un-obese). Today, I was dropping off a houseplant I'd potted up for her (plus a note), and couldn't call ahead because her phone wasn't working. When I got there, I shouted through the open front window to get her attention, so the plant wouldn't get weather damaged or something, then left when I knew she heard me. (Turned out she didn't know exactly what I said, presumably because I was still masked from the previous errand.)
When I got home, she called to say "I'm so sorry, I didn't know it was you: I wondered who that skinny wild-haired woman shouting on my sidewalk was - didn't recognize you with the mask. If I'd realized, I would've come out." 🤣
Her word, skinny. Jeesh. ("Wild-haired" is 100% fair, right now.)31 -
I'm down almost 40lbs, and I've gotten several "you look great!" which I don't mind, as it comes from a well-meaning place.
And then there's the "are you losing weight? I can tell!"
The ones I don't like are "wow, how much weight have you lost??"
none of your business, weirdo.
I also really don't like when people continue to comment. the other day at work, during lunch, several coworkers went off on almost a tirade about my weight loss. while I was sitting right there, trying desperately to eat my lunch in peace. "look at her face! so skinny! her glasses are falling off! just look at her without her mask! watch when she stands up, her scrubs are falling off!"
bruh. I'm literally sitting right here. also, I still weigh over 200lbs, I'm not a cadaver.
stoppit.
after a minute I was like "hey. y'all. I'm right here, and this is weird."
"oh, sorry, it's just so crazy!"
it's weight loss, not a cure for covid. chill out.
and of course, it never fails to make me giggle a little internally when people ask "what are you doing to lose weight?" or "how are you losing weight?"
"just... moving more. eating less." and their face falls. yes, I know, I'm sorry I don't have a magic potion to sell you. or when I say I've been running, they're like "OH, so that's it!"
well, it's really more about the calorie counting than the running, but sure, whatever makes you feel better about yourself.17 -
Kaitie9399 wrote: »My MIL sucks. She’s a nasty piece of work and has absolutely no clue that what she just said to me was utterly hurtful and offensive. The stupid *kitten* had the nerve to say “You know, you should start doing face exercises so that you don’t look so gaunt”. The *kitten* nerve!!!! This coming from the morbidly obese women who hasn’t been able to conquer her food addiction has the bloody gall to say anything about anyone else!
I’m pissed.
Don't let her get to you. She's only passing off her failures and inadequacies on to you. I had a morbidly obese co-worker who also said nasty things about other colleagues who lost weight! Go figure!!5 -
"I can see it in your face."
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I've lost 134 pounds and am 32 lbs away from GW. I get a lot of comments but one that particularly bugged me came from my good friend (she is still severely overweight), "you should think about stopping soon or else you're gonna have a weird looking head" uhhhh, WHAT? *eyeroll*
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The two comments that I get from family are, 1) You will gain it all back, and 2) You should stop losing weight while you are overweight because you won't be able to maintain it if you get thin. I lost 93 pounds from 2009-2011 and kept it off for 5 years until a cancelled wedding. I have currently lost 43 pounds and have some more to go but feel that with calorie counting, walking and daily weighing that I will be able to maintain.21
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The comment that bugs me the most is “Congratulations on losing weight. I’m proud of you.”
While I know people mean this as a compliment, it bugs me because I’ve done some pretty tough things in my life that definitely deserve congrats/proud comments more, but nope. I guess only my weight matters? 🤷♀️12 -
I've lost 20 kg so far, and still got another 10 kg to go on my doctors advice, the one comment I find so frustrating is the ( what slimming pills are you taken). People don't see the hard work and effort that goes in to losing weight especially if they never had a weight problem themselves.12
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i actually really like getting comments because i personally don't really see my progress so it's nice to know that my hard work is paying off but i think some people are less willing to comment on appearances now, especially body weight/size, because of the whole body positivity thing etc.
however got my first comment today after 8 weeks of hard work (the last 4 weeks being especially focused/disciplined!!) and it was "girl you're getting so tiny! are you eating??" haha11
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