Things people say when you lose weight
Replies
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bobsburgersfan wrote: »
Yes, DO continue to persist!!!tonygermano2 wrote: »Shoot, I lost 50 pounds already and haven't gotten a comment yet! Oh well, I guess that happens when you start at 435 pounds. Maybe just maybe, if I continue to persist, someday, someone will ask me if I'm sick
When you start at higher weights, it generally does take at least 50 lbs before it's noticeable to others. That was true for me, anyway. I've also found that when you get to a point that you change out your too baggy clothes for smaller ones, it will become a lot more noticeable to others.
Yup, a few of us around here call it the "paper towel effect". Tearing a few sheets off a new roll seems to make little difference, but tearing a few sheets off a nearly empty roll seems like a huge difference.29 -
RelCanonical wrote: »bobsburgersfan wrote: »
Yes, DO continue to persist!!!tonygermano2 wrote: »Shoot, I lost 50 pounds already and haven't gotten a comment yet! Oh well, I guess that happens when you start at 435 pounds. Maybe just maybe, if I continue to persist, someday, someone will ask me if I'm sick When you start at higher weights, it generally does take at least 50 lbs before it's noticeable to others. That was true for me, anyway. I've also found that when you get to a point that you change out your too baggy clothes for smaller ones, it will become a lot more noticeable to others.
Yup, a few of us around here call it the "paper towel effect". Tearing a few sheets off a new roll seems to make little difference, but tearing a few sheets off a nearly empty roll seems like a huge difference.
The "paper towel effect"! I like it!
Also, Bob's Burgers is a great show!3 -
I get “you’re disappearing”
Me: “that’s the idea” (don’t like the attention it gets me, but have to keep going for myself.... some attention is good. 😉)
And
“WOW, you’ve lost weight!”
“I don’t even recognize you anymore”
“I bet you feel great”
(I’ve lost 100# and 13inches off my hips/waist... I better look different. Some days I don’t see a difference)18 -
I'm curious about what kinds of comments I'll get in the future. My Mom has grown a lot over the years but she used to call anyone who was slim "a stick" or "skinny mini." She's been super supportive of my weight loss and I appreciate that. I think telling her about how much I can lift will help prevent her worrying about my health when I get close to goal.14
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Brace yourself for Stick and Skinny Minnie. I sometimes think certain friends and acquaintances know no words outside those two. Sadly, often said with faux worry or even downright bitterness.
To my utter surprise, I’ve found that there is as much pushback against substantial weight loss as there was disdain for me being overweight in the first place.
Ya can’t win so ya might as well do “You be you” and let them all suck eggs as my mom says.18 -
springlering62 wrote: »Brace yourself for Stick and Skinny Minnie. I sometimes think certain friends and acquaintances know no words outside those two. Sadly, often said with faux worry or even downright bitterness.
To my utter surprise, I’ve found that there is as much pushback against substantial weight loss as there was disdain for me being overweight in the first place.
Ya can’t win so ya might as well do “You be you” and let them all suck eggs as my mom says.
At this point in my life I'm finally ready to say "screw 'em all, this is what I want, and it's my life so who cares what they think." Finally I have some positive rebellion going on inside! So if my mom gives me crap, or anyone else, I'll either walk away or politely say "This is something I'm doing for myself and no one else."10 -
trailrunner64 wrote: »If people ask you "are you losing weight on purpose" - it just show they want to be sensitive to your health. You could have a medical condition (i.e. cancer) that caused a dramatic weigh loss.
I have a different opinion. I lost my beloved husband to cancer. Several years later, I lost weight simply because I was overweight, wanted to be healthy, and wanted to fit in my clothes (the usual reasons people lose weight).
A neighbor who doesn't see me often asked your question, "Did you lose weight on purpose?" In other words, she wanted to know if I had cancer, too. I asked her if that's what she meant and she said yes.
Her comment opened up my husband's death and traumatized me for days. That question may seem sensitive to some people, but I find it intrustive, nosy, and jarring.
It's better to tell someone it's good to see you and leave their appearance alone if you aren't sure why they've changed.
Some people need to think before they speak. This person epitomized this. Extremely insensitive and lacking tact. Hopefully this person will put her brain in gear before she puts her mouth in motion the next time. My condolences to you for your loss6 -
mynameisnobody1990 wrote: »trailrunner64 wrote: »If people ask you "are you losing weight on purpose" - it just show they want to be sensitive to your health. You could have a medical condition (i.e. cancer) that caused a dramatic weigh loss.
I have a different opinion. I lost my beloved husband to cancer. Several years later, I lost weight simply because I was overweight, wanted to be healthy, and wanted to fit in my clothes (the usual reasons people lose weight).
A neighbor who doesn't see me often asked your question, "Did you lose weight on purpose?" In other words, she wanted to know if I had cancer, too. I asked her if that's what she meant and she said yes.
Her comment opened up my husband's death and traumatized me for days. That question may seem sensitive to some people, but I find it intrustive, nosy, and jarring.
It's better to tell someone it's good to see you and leave their appearance alone if you aren't sure why they've changed.
Some people need to think before they speak. This person epitomized this. Extremely insensitive and lacking tact. Hopefully this person will put her brain in gear before she puts her mouth in motion the next time. My condolences to you for your loss
Wellll. . . .
I guess people could say nothing, and I know some people prefer that others say nothing about their weight loss. (But we regularly get threads on MFP with people saying "I've lost 25 pounds: Why doesn't anyone notice?", so the preference side of this, about whether to mention weight loss, is unwinnable for 3rd parties, really).
Speaking as a cancer survivor, and a cancer widow, as well as someone who intentionally lost many tens of pounds later: Yes, I can see that it would be distressing to have someone ask if we've lost weight on purpose, when we have. It's also pretty distressing to have someone compliment you on your weight loss when you actually have cancer, too. It's not like we all necessarily have visible signs; or look as dramatically pale, wasted and wan as the cancer patients in movies; or like people at very late stage metastatic cancer. How to respond: "I'm glad this possibly fatal illness made me look better"? So awkward.
Maybe 3rd parties can't win at all.
Personally, I can't convince myself to be a critic, when I think people mean well, even if they're not the most diplomatic. I still go to cancer support groups, and listen to newly-diagnosed people talk (I'm there to try to help them, these days - a long-term survivor). The exact same remarks that seem supportive to one person, are the remarks that tick another person off big time. Realizing that, I kind of gave up on being a critic of how people show sympathy or support, as long as I think they mean well. YMMV.53 -
"Don't get too skinny!" I don't know why that irritates me.9
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mynameisnobody1990 wrote: »trailrunner64 wrote: »If people ask you "are you losing weight on purpose" - it just show they want to be sensitive to your health. You could have a medical condition (i.e. cancer) that caused a dramatic weigh loss.
I have a different opinion. I lost my beloved husband to cancer. Several years later, I lost weight simply because I was overweight, wanted to be healthy, and wanted to fit in my clothes (the usual reasons people lose weight).
A neighbor who doesn't see me often asked your question, "Did you lose weight on purpose?" In other words, she wanted to know if I had cancer, too. I asked her if that's what she meant and she said yes.
Her comment opened up my husband's death and traumatized me for days. That question may seem sensitive to some people, but I find it intrustive, nosy, and jarring.
It's better to tell someone it's good to see you and leave their appearance alone if you aren't sure why they've changed.
Some people need to think before they speak. This person epitomized this. Extremely insensitive and lacking tact. Hopefully this person will put her brain in gear before she puts her mouth in motion the next time. My condolences to you for your loss
Wellll. . . .
I guess people could say nothing, and I know some people prefer that others say nothing about their weight loss. (But we regularly get threads on MFP with people saying "I've lost 25 pounds: Why doesn't anyone notice?", so the preference side of this, about whether to mention weight loss, is unwinnable for 3rd parties, really).
Speaking as a cancer survivor, and a cancer widow, as well as someone who intentionally lost many tens of pounds later: Yes, I can see that it would be distressing to have someone ask if we've lost weight on purpose, when we have. It's also pretty distressing to have someone compliment you on your weight loss when you actually have cancer, too. It's not like we all necessarily have visible signs; or look as dramatically pale, wasted and wan as the cancer patients in movies; or like people at very late stage metastatic cancer. How to respond: "I'm glad this possibly fatal illness made me look better"? So awkward.
Maybe 3rd parties can't win at all.
Personally, I can't convince myself to be a critic, when I think people mean well, even if they're not the most diplomatic. I still go to cancer support groups, and listen to newly-diagnosed people talk (I'm there to try to help them, these days - a long-term survivor). The exact same remarks that seem supportive to one person, are the remarks that tick another person off big time. Realizing that, I kind of gave up on being a critic of how people show sympathy or support, as long as I think they mean well. YMMV.
I agree. Generally I just ask people how they’ve been feeling. If people want to talk about their health or weight they will usually bring up their diet/exercise or any illnesses they’re dealing with. My only comments on appearance are usually compliments to their outfit choice.12 -
I just ran into an old school friend walking back to work from the gym. She was noticeably heavier than last time that I saw her. "OMG you have lost so much weight!!! Your face looks so gaunt now". Thanks I said. I've been busting *kitten* at the gym and making sure I don't over eat. Not the reply she was expecting. 15
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Be careful you may be OCD about fitness.7
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MystikPixie wrote: »"Don't get too skinny!" I don't know why that irritates me.
I had someone say that to me today, which took me totally by surprise as while I have lost a 3rd of me I am still obese so am hardly wasting away before their eyes.
I just smiled and said "I have quite a way to go before I need to start worrying about that problem" and left it at that.12 -
@AnnPT77, 3rd parties really can't win.
Last weekend a lady from my church told me she was proud of me, and internally that comment annoyed me. Obviously this was a compliment and knowing her, she meant nothing but kindness. I'm still not sure what it was that put me off about that statement, but I'm a little annoyed at myself for being annoyed by it!14 -
bobsburgersfan wrote: »@AnnPT77, 3rd parties really can't win.
Last weekend a lady from my church told me she was proud of me, and internally that comment annoyed me. Obviously this was a compliment and knowing her, she meant nothing but kindness. I'm still not sure what it was that put me off about that statement, but I'm a little annoyed at myself for being annoyed by it!
I hear you. Among other things, I don't get the modern (?) rhetorical use of "I'm proud of you". That's odd to me.
I felt like the more traditional use of that phrasing was for cases where the speaker had some role in the outcome, or responsibility for the person spoken of, like a parent being proud of a child's great report card, or a team leader being proud of a team member they mentored who's accomplished a big goal at work.
So, in a case like you mention, my brain would quickly hop to "what reason or right do you have to be proud of me?". But - in the interests of my "don't critique well-meaning comments" philosophy, I need to make myself get over it. 14 -
bobsburgersfan wrote: »@AnnPT77, 3rd parties really can't win.
Last weekend a lady from my church told me she was proud of me, and internally that comment annoyed me. Obviously this was a compliment and knowing her, she meant nothing but kindness. I'm still not sure what it was that put me off about that statement, but I'm a little annoyed at myself for being annoyed by it!
I have had that comment too and it annoys me. It was from my pastor and his wife. I really don't need anyone to be proud of me. Maybe a personal trainer would have some reason to be proud of someone for losing weight, but it seems weird to me to have random people telling me they are proud of me. My husband has said that, but it doesn't bother me coming from him.
The worst comment I had was from a neighbor (not a friend, just someone who lived a couple of houses over from me) who asked how I lost all the weight. I told her just counting calories and trying to be more active. Then she told me not to lose any more because I "looked better with the weight on. Some people just look better heavier." It really hurt my feelings. Ironically, she passed away from a massive stroke earlier this year.10 -
'I sure hope you don't gain all of it back this time.' 'You're not planning on losing anymore, are you?' You don't want to get haggard.' 'Why bother. You're going to gain it all back anyway.'
Some of it is projection. Some are just passive aggressive comments and some of it is realizing that not everyone has your best interests at heart.
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Wow! These quotes are so hurtful and you are right, passive aggressive or even just plain aggressive. What ever happened to "Good for you, you look great!" or "I am happy for you, you just look wonderful!"Diatonic12 wrote: »'I sure hope you don't gain all of it back this time.' 'You're not planning on losing anymore, are you?' You don't want to get haggard.' 'Why bother. You're going to gain it all back anyway.'
Some of it is projection. Some are just passive aggressive comments and some of it is realizing that not everyone has your best interests at heart.
People have their own issues I guess and project onto others. Keep going with your own success.6 -
I've lost about 45 pounds this past year. Mostly I get people telling me how great I look and asking how I did it.7
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Once in a while I get “Have you lost weight” and the when I say yes they proudly proclaim “I can tell!”
Um I’ve lost 75 pounds and gone from obese to a healthy weight. Pretty much everyone can tell! ( I don’t actually say this but I’m thinking it).13 -
One of my older friends told me to be careful because "when you lose too much weight, your wrinkles are more noticeable." So...heavy people don't have wrinkles??11
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One time I got changed in work to go straight to the gym, a colleague asked where I was going then said "you don't need to go, you're beautiful as you are." Having to explain to someone that my desire to be healthy and fit doesn't make me any more (or less) pretty.25
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@cugogirl2017 I don't let those comments grind me down. I've put in the work and research. My current doctor is so capable, smartest one running around out here in the sagebrush. He shoots straight from the lips. Looks you directly in the eyes and gives you the truth. He gave me 10 words that I use every single day to stoke my fire and passion. I don't share those with anyone. They're just too direct but not for me.
If you're going to make it waaaay down the road to long term weight stability you cannot be swayed by comments. You can't worry what people say or think about you or your dream weight. You can't worry about what they say about your clothes or horse tied to the hitching post.
Worrying about whether people like or dislike us for how we look or think will completely stunt your growth in every area. No one has to live in our body. Let your freedom ring.
Being too self-conscious of others thoughts and feelings becomes another self-induced prison. I'm not going out like that.
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MystikPixie wrote: »"Don't get too skinny!" I don't know why that irritates me.
I had someone say that to me today, which took me totally by surprise as while I have lost a 3rd of me I am still obese so am hardly wasting away before their eyes.
I just smiled and said "I have quite a way to go before I need to start worrying about that problem" and left it at that.
Yeah, that was when I finally got under 300, around 298lbs. Being "too skinny" is never going to be an issue because I'm not even trying for skinny, I'm trying for walking to the mailbox without being winded.24 -
Now maybe you'll get married. Ouch. Nice to know I was that unattractive.
Jokes on them, I'm losing weight FOR ME, and I AM NOT looking to get married. I don't like people enough to live with one.41 -
“Go and buy some clothes that fit. You look scruffy!” 😂13
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I am going to post this in the NSV thread too because it applies.
I started buying some technical t-shirts at the thrift store to play Ultimate and to go to the gym. They are quick-dry and don't get as heavy as cotton. I've been collecting them for a while, so I have quite a few now. If I find one in my size at the thrift store, if it's half of and I like the color at least a little and it still has life left, I'll bring it home. I usually try them on because you really can't always believe the label. I bought one not too long ago after the store opened back up from our stay-at-home order, and currently the fitting rooms are closed. Good call. I know I can take them home, let them sit a couple days, and then try them on safely. If they still have tags and don't fit, I can take 'em back.
Since I lost weight, I have been a little between sizes. I was shocked last year when I won a t-shirt in a raffle and it fit since it was size S. It's a little snug, but whatever. So I have been buying size small for workout clothes. It seems to wick better than having something baggy. So when I was at the thrift store a couple weeks ago I picked up a nice shirt in size small that I like the color. But it's not just size small, it's a FITTED size small. To be honest, it's a little too small for me, but again - whatever. I can wear it as an undershirt, and I've been using these as undershirts a fair bit.
Thanks for bearing with me. Now for the thing someone actually said....
So I was out getting some parts to tune up my lawn mower, and I stopped by the farm store for a 3 CuFt bundle of Douglas-fir sawdust for my blueberries. I was wearing this arguably too small shirt. I kind of started to cut in line in front of another customer that I didn't realize was in line because they have an odd queue. As soon as I realized what I did, I walked around and got six feet behind him. We exchanged niceties; I apologized for almost being a jerk. Anyway, he says, "That shirt makes you look good." I said it's a little small. He said, "No, it's actually a good look. Makes you look svelte." He actually said that. Me? Svelte? Um. I don't think so that's for sure, but wow. I think I gained a half inch in that moment27 -
OKbookwoman wrote: »One of my older friends told me to be careful because "when you lose too much weight, your wrinkles are more noticeable." So...heavy people don't have wrinkles??
Well they do tend to have a lot less. Plenty of people post on here about how much older/wrinklier they are when they lose weight. Inevitably they think it’s worth the trade off.
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It occurs to me that when people say "have you lost weight?" it could be fun to give them a blank look and go "nope." I probably won't ever try that because I'm so proud of the losses.15
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