WOMEN AGES 50+ FOR DECEMBER 2020

Chose well: stroll with T, Post Office, Grocery Outlet, BiMart, Freddie’s, gas.
Bonus: called autobody shop, they’ll order part and call back to schedule, will have to keep car 3-4 days!!!, voicemailed plumber, If I order today new faucet won’t get here til 12/11-12/14, ordered candy foils, donated to KCIW and KHSU,
Get to do: take BP, dogs to powerline, call CD, call R, email info to grantwriter, watch STAS Day 18 (go sniff), submit grant pics and receipts, test Bluetooth speaker so can do BB&B or T’ai Chi from voice recordings, make experimental almond paste, declutter sideboard, practice new dances (I ain’t never gonna love nobody but Cornell Crawford (Alley cat), A Little Less Broken, One margarita, I’m so used to being broke, All Night, Nothing but You, Blame it on my beating heart, Homesick); finish mulching flowerbed; broadcast cover crop seed in veg garden areas, invest another 10 minutes in prepping living trust, Freddie’s for complete series TDAP <$48, get Shingrix vaccine, find and configure a screen time popup, figure out where to plant naked lady bulbs, and soon as it warms up above 50 and dries out below 60% humidity I’ll tape and spray paint those rusted areas of Aunt Elsie’s stove. Reconcile Joe’s EOB’s Thrivent shows only 2263.48 so far.
Reward: inventory seeds, plan next year’s garden, wishlist replenishments.
Do Good December
7: Leave a positive message for someone else to find: favorably reviews two past Amazon purchases and sellers.

December: better than November.
daily: sit with Joe: 5, weigh: 7, steps>5505=9648 vits=7 log=7 CI<CO=7 CI<250<CO=6 Tumble & Shadow 5=7 mfp=7 outside=7 up hill=7
wkly: T’ai Chi or BB&B x3 =0 rx= dance= clean 30 mins=1.5
mnthly: board mtg= grant= 20for20=0
bonus: AF=4 play=0 sew=0

Life in Lockdown…otherwise known as 20/20 vision

Round Robins are sometimes popular at this time of year. Normally of course I’m far too busy writing bestsellers, advising national governments and understudying Benedict Cumberbatch to write one of course, but for some reason 2020 has delivered up rather more free time than usual. That being the case I have devoted some of it to writing one. A large glass of wine may help you get through it!

January…We had a Fatto a Mano pizza, more of highlight than it might sound! We also paid lots of money as a deposit on an October cruise. Who says we’re not optimists? Later in the month we raised a glass or two to Rabbie Burns.
February…I had a first ever health check. It included a blood test. The results disappeared. I had another blood test. It appears I still have enough blood!
March…We had the gutters cleaned. All moss and dead leaves dislodged. All spikes to keep seagulls off the roof also removed! Annoying as this was, they proved useful in keeping starlings off a small bed of newly sewn wild flower seeds! We had another Fatto a Mano pizza, likely to be the last for a while as the Guardian front page informed us “Britain Shuts Down.” The wine rack was re-stocked and our local small Sainsbury’s ran out of loo rolls and porridge oats.
April…I watched an episode of Lewis for the third time. Fortunately at 74 I find I’ve forgotten, or perhaps lost, the plot. In an online pet naming competition I submitted Stool the Pigeon, Shelley the Tortoise, Gingrich the Newt, Dick the Terrapin and Joss the Stick Insect. It turned out there were no prizes on offer for the winners! I learnt that the oldest fossil in the world, apart from me, was a 400 million year old insect jaw. I watched an episode of Vera for the third time (see Lewis above). Heather made chocolate brownies for grandchildren. They were voted the best in the world…the brownies that is! Though we’d say the grandchildren too.
May…Everyone one could go out again but they must remain alert. Really, Boris? Some folk wouldn’t notice if you stood in front of them in a gorilla costume and sang them the National Anthem. We held the World Jumping over Sticks Between Chairs Championships in the garden. Flapjacks replaced medals for the winners. There weren’t any losers. On my permitted daily exercise walking through the local park I passed a child attempting ‘keepy uppy’. “One! That’s my record!” he shouted. That’s the attitude you need in a pandemic.
June…Doing our bit for the planet, we have driven only 2,250 miles in the last year! I only started the car to keep the battery from going flat. More wine rack re-stocking was required. I watched an episode of Vera I may only have seen twice, or perhaps twice and slept through the third time. On my daily walk I passed a small group of pensioners having a paddle board lesson…so tempting to wait until the lecture’s over and they headed onto the water but generously I decided they didn’t need another pensioner laughing at them.
July…I mastered the art of steaming up my glasses while wearing a mask but not the art of unsteaming them. Shopping for things you can’t see is quite entertaining, though it does leave shop staff with a bit of rearranging to do! I learn banging your head on the bathroom floor is not a good idea. I can no longer stand on one leg for 20 minutes…not that I ever tried it before the bathroom episode.
August…We were allowed to visit the dentist, as long as they didn’t do much! No drilling, the dentist said. I wondered if anyone argued with that? Heather became my hairdresser. She perfected the Not Much Left Anywhere cut. It quite suits me I think. Lockdown makes you mindful of small things they say. There was excitement in the garden… a single large mushroom appeared and something left some neat tooth marks in it during the night. I watched an episode of Midsomer Murders for the fourth time…or was it the fifth time?
September…We taught grandchildren rock, paper, scissors. They taught us fat man, ninja, doctor. Creative of them, and great fun but I’m not sure this version will catch on. We had the living room and dining room floors sanded in a single day by three men with a machine that leaves not a speck of dust. Beats a man with a bit of sandpaper! Despite my best efforts the car had a flat battery… strangely enough the AA man registered no surprise. He’d seen a few lately! I met Elise and Becky for an outside pub lunch in the sun and, as well as enjoying their company for the first time in 6 months, also enjoyed calves liver and chocolate mousse…not together of course. We bought a new fridge. The instructions said in several languages that we should not be surprised to hear it gurgle, hum, click or purr. A reasonable warning, because it did and still does all of these! Perhaps it will talk a bit when it’s older.
October…I made a crème brulée for Heather’s birthday. Our grandchildren sent a hilarious video. The painting of the living room began, the walls being green (according to me) or blue (according to Heather). However we do agree the paintwork is grey. We are now apparently very fashionable according to a number of highly regarded magazines! I marked 75 years with almond croissant and pain chocolat for breakfast. A lovely day followed with grandchildren in the garden, fruit cake, steak and chips and an episode of Montalbano, not one I’ve seen before…I think. The man in the local shop thought I was 63. Heather thought he wanted me to spend a bit more but I still went home and celebrated by throwing away some old socks and trousers. Later in the month a malevolent squirrel stole one of the perches from the squirrel-proof bird feeder. What is he going to do with one chewed up perch?
November…We ate a last Fatto a Mano pizza before another lockdown. They’re going know in there that there’s trouble ahead next time we turn up to eat. Heather and I had Champagne, Iberico ham and Halibut to celebrate 16 happy years of marriage. The sun shone on our walk and the rain waited until we were safely home again. I pressed on with editing the latest Winfrith novel, ‘The Incoming Tide’ while Heather was at work with the second volume of her memoirs. I ’m not sure I’d be very keen to revisit my own teenage years! I spent half a weekend watching TV or laptop football and rugby and wondered about the wisdom of “less is more.”
December…How do make a bandstand? Take their chairs away. There, that’s the standard of the quizzes and worksheets I have written for grandchildren while they’re had to isolate from school. They’ve been fun to do and they do contain some things to inform and test them too. Christmas will be just Heather and I, so Dover sole and, if we can get them, brown shrimps are set to replace turkey. I have made a Christmas cake, relying heavily on my Christmas cake adviser, Heather. The wine rack is full and, weather permitting, the seafront beckons so I’m sure we’ll have a good day as, I hope, will all of you who have had the grace or determination to read this far…and those who just had nothing better to do for five minute of course!

Happy Christmas!