What's on your mind?
Replies
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breefoshee wrote: »
Me too lol! It will only show me if one of the family members have taken the test too. Being as my mom was kind of excited for me to get the test, I’d say she doesn’t have anything to hide. But either way would be win/win. It would be nice to know, especially for family health history. We wouldn’t try to stir up any family drama with them though. I probably wouldn’t reach out to his family (maybe just him) because it really isn’t their fault. He has been married now for like 35 years and has 3 kids and based on his fb, he is dad of the year to them._MovesLikeJabba_ wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »So... I was raised by a single mom who was awesome and did her very best. When I was 12, I asked who my father was and she told me that it was a girl that I went to school with's dad. She told me never to tell because there was no sense in disrupting their family with something we could not prove.
When I got older she told me this story: She began dating a cop who worked night shifts and spent much of his time with her during the day. He told her that he was married but split up from his wife. She found out that she was pregnant with me, and he split saying it wasn't his and that he was going to stay with his wife. Whatever, a few years later, my mom decides to go for child support and the court orders him to take a paternity test. My mom gets the results and it says he is not the father--- but she couldn't figure out how that could be. In those days, the courts kept photos of the testers, and when my mom went to check who had taken the test, she saw that it was not actually him. Someone else had used his ID and smudged his fingerprints and because he was a cop, he was able to get away with it. My mom didn't have the means to keep fighting it, and so she just let it be.
10 years ago, I reached out to him on FB just to give him a chance. My mom really had no reason to lie to me, unless one of her bff's husbands fathered me lol -- which I highly doubt. He basically said my mom was a liar and had slept with everyone under the sun.
10 years later, 23andMe and ancestry are finding alllll kinds of DNA connections, and guess who just ordered a kit. ME!!!! So here's to possibly getting some form of justice for my mom or finding out my mom has lead a much more interesting life than what we imagined!
It's super nosy of me but now I wanna know the results 🙈 I'd bet on your momma
As someone whose father is a Reformed Womanizer who showed her what a good dad (but horrid husband) can be like, I'd rethink not approaching the family. From one woman, my dad denies fathering two of three children to this day. Sir, we ALL look the same 🤨
So consider surfacing the results. Otherwise your proposed father's children would be missing out on a sibling: you.
All the best to you and your mother, no matter the results.
This is definitely insightful!
I would hope that maybe they knew he was a little crazier in his younger days and became a better husband over time. That way it would be more like...."Oh cool, dad had a love child back in his crazy days".... rather than a life altering view of him that explodes their family. Since I don't know any of them, I can't really say.
I think it just depends on the results. I would at least try to have a conversation with him about it first. Not so much because he deserves it, but because I think it would be the wisest approach.3 -
_MovesLikeJabba_ wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »
Me too lol! It will only show me if one of the family members have taken the test too. Being as my mom was kind of excited for me to get the test, I’d say she doesn’t have anything to hide. But either way would be win/win. It would be nice to know, especially for family health history. We wouldn’t try to stir up any family drama with them though. I probably wouldn’t reach out to his family (maybe just him) because it really isn’t their fault. He has been married now for like 35 years and has 3 kids and based on his fb, he is dad of the year to them._MovesLikeJabba_ wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »So... I was raised by a single mom who was awesome and did her very best. When I was 12, I asked who my father was and she told me that it was a girl that I went to school with's dad. She told me never to tell because there was no sense in disrupting their family with something we could not prove.
When I got older she told me this story: She began dating a cop who worked night shifts and spent much of his time with her during the day. He told her that he was married but split up from his wife. She found out that she was pregnant with me, and he split saying it wasn't his and that he was going to stay with his wife. Whatever, a few years later, my mom decides to go for child support and the court orders him to take a paternity test. My mom gets the results and it says he is not the father--- but she couldn't figure out how that could be. In those days, the courts kept photos of the testers, and when my mom went to check who had taken the test, she saw that it was not actually him. Someone else had used his ID and smudged his fingerprints and because he was a cop, he was able to get away with it. My mom didn't have the means to keep fighting it, and so she just let it be.
10 years ago, I reached out to him on FB just to give him a chance. My mom really had no reason to lie to me, unless one of her bff's husbands fathered me lol -- which I highly doubt. He basically said my mom was a liar and had slept with everyone under the sun.
10 years later, 23andMe and ancestry are finding alllll kinds of DNA connections, and guess who just ordered a kit. ME!!!! So here's to possibly getting some form of justice for my mom or finding out my mom has lead a much more interesting life than what we imagined!
It's super nosy of me but now I wanna know the results 🙈 I'd bet on your momma
I wouldn't even begin to know what to do in that situation. Does 23andMe update the other family members if there's a new match? I honestly don't know how the programs really work. In any case, I'm sure whatever decision you'll make will be the best for you and your mom. Good luck!
I don't know either! It could be that no one in his family has taken it... but if a cousin or aunt or anything like that was on there, it would show up.2 -
Motorsheen wrote: »_MovesLikeJabba_ wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »
Me too lol! It will only show me if one of the family members have taken the test too. Being as my mom was kind of excited for me to get the test, I’d say she doesn’t have anything to hide. But either way would be win/win. It would be nice to know, especially for family health history. We wouldn’t try to stir up any family drama with them though. I probably wouldn’t reach out to his family (maybe just him) because it really isn’t their fault. He has been married now for like 35 years and has 3 kids and based on his fb, he is dad of the year to them._MovesLikeJabba_ wrote: »breefoshee wrote: »So... I was raised by a single mom who was awesome and did her very best. When I was 12, I asked who my father was and she told me that it was a girl that I went to school with's dad. She told me never to tell because there was no sense in disrupting their family with something we could not prove.
When I got older she told me this story: She began dating a cop who worked night shifts and spent much of his time with her during the day. He told her that he was married but split up from his wife. She found out that she was pregnant with me, and he split saying it wasn't his and that he was going to stay with his wife. Whatever, a few years later, my mom decides to go for child support and the court orders him to take a paternity test. My mom gets the results and it says he is not the father--- but she couldn't figure out how that could be. In those days, the courts kept photos of the testers, and when my mom went to check who had taken the test, she saw that it was not actually him. Someone else had used his ID and smudged his fingerprints and because he was a cop, he was able to get away with it. My mom didn't have the means to keep fighting it, and so she just let it be.
10 years ago, I reached out to him on FB just to give him a chance. My mom really had no reason to lie to me, unless one of her bff's husbands fathered me lol -- which I highly doubt. He basically said my mom was a liar and had slept with everyone under the sun.
10 years later, 23andMe and ancestry are finding alllll kinds of DNA connections, and guess who just ordered a kit. ME!!!! So here's to possibly getting some form of justice for my mom or finding out my mom has lead a much more interesting life than what we imagined!
It's super nosy of me but now I wanna know the results 🙈 I'd bet on your momma
I wouldn't even begin to know what to do in that situation. Does 23andMe update the other family members if there's a new match? I honestly don't know how the programs really work. In any case, I'm sure whatever decision you'll make will be the best for you and your mom. Good luck!
I took a 23 & Me DNA test.
The results said: "You're a *kitten* Hillbilly."
I sent them an email that read: 'Tell me something I don't already know.'
$100 - down the drain.
I hope that I am as Native American as my Nana said I was. If I get a .000001 I'll be pretty dang disappointed. I always liked saying "no, I am not Hispanic, actually my great grandmother's great grandmother was a Choctaw Princess."5 -
GymGoddessGoals wrote: »
Haha! Thanks for the new fears you guys! I was honestly sitting here thinking, what if my dad wants to meet for coffee and then stalks and kills me to hide me from his family!! Now, I have to think of predators on alllll sides.4 -
Finally slowed down and I have 0 interest in doing this writing tonight3
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Kids today miss out on so much fun.
Now they can’t even look forward to
“snow days”, they just virtual learn as many are already doing.4 -
honeybee__12 wrote: »Kids today miss out on so much fun.
Now they can’t even look forward to
“snow days”, they just virtual learn as many are already doing.
Or even sick days. Now when my kids stay home sick they’re still expected to log in and do their work.
Keeps them from faking it though 😁4 -
Christmas food shopping.. damn its coming fast
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People who live by themselves and really shouldn't be.:( My neighbor is turning 88 this weekend. He called me at 4 this a.m., panic stricken because his furnace stopped working, he was so cold, was sooo confused, he can't see hardly anything and couldn't find the furnace repairman's number. We finally found it, and the guy came around 5:30. My neighbor refuses to go into any nursing home or anywhere else. It's up to his 2 dds to take care of him but they both live about 1.5 away and can't just drop everything to be there. He worries me terribly.
Plus his home is like a maze, between all his furniture and stuff he has. It's not a safe situation for him to be in. Whaddya do with someone who refuses to move yet clearly shouldn't be by themselves. 6 -
People who live by themselves and really shouldn't be.:( My neighbor is turning 88 this weekend. He called me at 4 this a.m., panic stricken because his furnace stopped working, he was so cold, was sooo confused, he can't see hardly anything and couldn't find the furnace repairman's number. We finally found it, and the guy came around 5:30. My neighbor refuses to go into any nursing home or anywhere else. It's up to his 2 dds to take care of him but they both live about 1.5 away and can't just drop everything to be there. He worries me terribly. Plus his home is like a maze, between all his furniture and stuff he has. It's not a safe situation for him to be in. Whaddya do with someone who refuses to move yet clearly shouldn't be by themselves.
The DDs and dad could have a chat about home care services. It needn't be as "drastic" as a nurse for personal support worker being there 24/7 but could be as simple as someone checking in once a day for an hour, a couple of times each week.
As privatized as this portion of the healthcare sector can be, an agreeable arrangement could be in place by next week if they get free consultations lined up this week.
But all that still may not mitigate situations like you experienced with your neighbor 🤷🏿♀️
Glad you were there for him and he felt comfortable to approach you cuz that could have been a dangerous situation!
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His dd is coming this p.m. and he has a dr. appt. this week so I left her a note, asking that very same thing. I can see a problem with anyone coming into his home though. He is THE most unfiltered cantankerous old fart you'd ever want to meet.People who live by themselves and really shouldn't be.:( My neighbor is turning 88 this weekend. He called me at 4 this a.m., panic stricken because his furnace stopped working, he was so cold, was sooo confused, he can't see hardly anything and couldn't find the furnace repairman's number. We finally found it, and the guy came around 5:30. My neighbor refuses to go into any nursing home or anywhere else. It's up to his 2 dds to take care of him but they both live about 1.5 away and can't just drop everything to be there. He worries me terribly. Plus his home is like a maze, between all his furniture and stuff he has. It's not a safe situation for him to be in. Whaddya do with someone who refuses to move yet clearly shouldn't be by themselves.
The DDs and dad could have a chat about home care services. It needn't be as "drastic" as a nurse for personal support worker being there 24/7 but could be as simple as someone checking in once a day for an hour, a couple of times each week.
As privatized as this portion of the healthcare sector can be, an agreeable arrangement could be in place by next week if they get free consultations lined up this week.
But all that still may not mitigate situations like you experienced with your neighbor 🤷🏿♀️
Glad you were there for him and he felt comfortable to approach you cuz that could have been a dangerous situation! Not many people are going to be agreeable to going into his home. And I don't mind helping out in circumstances like this and other ways but don't want to make any commitment because I could see issues developing.
Life is such a trip sometimes.
Thank you @MaltedTea
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Goat yoga..
When will humans let animals be animals and leave them alone.
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Day 3 of self-isolation. I feel like I'm going crazy within these 4 walls. From someone who is constantly doing something to doing nothing at all is making me feel useless. The worst part for me is not being able to do my mommy duties 😢9
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Motorsheen wrote: »
and that’s all fine and dandy but goat yoga. And some of these goats are taking dumps on these people lol. Good.1 -
It makes you sympathize with prison inmates, doesn't it?_sw33tp3a_11 wrote: »Day 3 of self-isolation. I feel like I'm going crazy within these 4 walls. From someone who is constantly doing something to doing nothing at all is making me feel useless. The worst part for me is not being able to do my mommy duties 😢
Well, maybe not really. Ugh why do I even type5 -
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chuckle_bunny wrote: »
It makes you sympathize with prison inmates, doesn't it?_sw33tp3a_11 wrote: »Day 3 of self-isolation. I feel like I'm going crazy within these 4 walls. From someone who is constantly doing something to doing nothing at all is making me feel useless. The worst part for me is not being able to do my mommy duties 😢
Well, maybe not really. Ugh why do I even type
Hahaha well not to that extent but you did make me laugh so that was nice. I needed that 2 -
Kashmir_314_ wrote: »I'm sitting under the dryer at the salon and I'm contemplating bangs someone please chime in and tell me how much I'll regret this decision and hurry please because said dryer will be turning off in 15 and last time I got bangs I regretted it immediately but I need change and I'm confused and now it's hot under here
Abort that thought!!!!!!!!!!2 -
Kashmir_314_ wrote: »I'm sitting under the dryer at the salon and I'm contemplating bangs someone please chime in and tell me how much I'll regret this decision and hurry please because said dryer will be turning off in 15 and last time I got bangs I regretted it immediately but I need change and I'm confused and now it's hot under here
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
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