Less Alcohol - JANUARY 2021 - One Day At A Time

MissMay wrote: »

@Lilylady3k 👍👍 on your NSV.
Judging by how tight or loose your jeans are is also a good way to see victory. At times the bathroom scale confuses muscle mase with gaining pounds.
In reality muscle is more dense and takes up less volume than the other F word. Lol

Yay for you

Thanks! I’m down 37lbs I threw out all of one size pants and pulled out all the ones the next size down in my closet ... turned out they fit lose and need a belt! Also the daily planks & walking make me not feel the need to wear untucked shirts for first time in ages.

HerNameIsMischief wrote: »

It's nothing to applaud because I still want to get at least somewhat messed up. I never want to get out of my mind, but I still tell myself I want one more time getting good and buzzed. What sucks is that being this fat and this experienced with booze means I can drink ludicrous amounts, usually over an extended period of time, without really getting out of my mind.

You will find that your tolerance wanes once you cut back. Truly.
Then you can get a good buzz going with 2 or 3 instead of 12.
Cutting back on booze causes weight loss. Once you lose weight you will not be able to drink as much either without it affecting you more.
Accountability and desire to cut back is where it starts. This is a supportive thread. Check in daily.
Baby steps.

Womona wrote: »

@Amanda_Brit_Expat oh the heat would get to me for sure! Totally hear you on that one.

There is a phenomenon called the “Seattle Freeze “ that I learned about when I lived Washington. If you’re not born and raised there, Everyone is really nice, down to earth, friendly, etc. However, if you try to take the friendship to the next level by suggesting going out for lunch or coffee, they get panicked look in their eye and make an excuse to beg off the invitation.

Now, I personally did not experience this, but saw it happen to a friend of mine, who, like me, came from elsewhere to live in the area for our husband’s work. And for those of you from Seattle, I mean no disrespect! It may even be an urban legend. Or maybe it doesn’t extend all the way up to Bellingham, where I lived.

My point is maybe that’s the phenomenon you are experiencing, and if so, it’s hard to break through. Don’t give up hope. Your people are out there. You can’t possibly be the only lonely transplant looking for deeper connections.

Or, ya know, just put the house up for sale now and take advantage of a sellers market! Haha!

This!! This is exactly what I think it is, but I couldn't put it into words the way you did. The 'Seattle Freeze' that term fits perfectly with what I have experienced here in San Antonio. When we sold our last house I wasn't working so I decided to get my Realtor license and sell it myself to save on the fees (saved over 10k and would recommend to anyone who has the time). Whilst I was working at the broker's office everyone was super friendly, and every time I said something like "Hey let's grab a coffee sometime and hang out" I would get a reply like: "Sounds awesome let's do it!" .... then crickets. I would drop a msg a week or two later eg. "Was great catching up with you in the office, shoot me a text anytime you wanna grab a coffee", and I would get something like a thumbs up and then nothing.

This has happened everywhere since I moved here - at my job on the military base, at the Realtor's office, and the art classes I went to, at the gym. it never happened before moving here. It's difficult not to take it personally after 8 years of this, but I notice how easy it is for those who grew up here to talk to each other, shared high school experiences, shared acquaintances, same sports teams they support, shared memories of old tv programs, etc and my history shares none of that with them.
Yes, it is a seller's market atm, I really hope that lasts! We just bought an RV and are visiting the places we might like to move to. On this list so far is AR, ID, CO. I know I will always be an outsider, but at least we could find somewhere cooler and small town instead of big city.

I did it again. Told myself "just three tallboys, just a six pack", but it didn't give me that much of a buzz, so I went back for two more tallboys. Then picked up another at the grocery store while getting things for dinner. I have a very mild buzz and I can guarantee I'm gonna go out and pick up one or even two more.

I don't know how I'm ever going to lose weight with this. It isn't just the calories, and it isn't just that when/after drinking, the last thing I want to do is physical activity that doesn't involve getting more booze. Plus the booze brings out all the negative feelings...even in the last day, I've been posting feelings that I thought I had got rid of, about how I look, and was already getting angry at a few of the more patronizing responses ("It doesn't matter what you look like, and if anyone would reject you based on your looks, they're not worth your time!") and telling myself maybe I shouldn't have come here.

I don't understand why I do this. I suppose some of is laziness...after all, if you're drunk and/or high, you've got a free pass to just sit back and listen to music and lose yourself online. But the feelings that come are sometimes so ugly and so counterproductive, about how I'll never be attractive to anyone who isn't desperate, that I'm never going to be able to fix or counteract the negative things about my appearance that I can't change, like my height or being bald.

I'm confused. Why do I drink when it makes me fatter, poorer, sicker, stupider, angrier, more bitter, and lets me indulge in lazy thoughts about how it's all pointless and I'm worth nothing? I'm really, really good at finding reasons to hate myself and alcohol helps a lot in that regard. Is it really just that alcohol gives me an excuse to do nothing? Do I actually enjoy and even prefer hating myself?

Proud of myself. DH went out to get more non alcoholic beer. Although I thought about it, I didn't ask him to get me wine.

Another AF night for us!

@HerNameIsMischief try having 1 less, just 1. Another good way to cut down is have 1 bottle of water between every alcoholic drink...1 beer, 1 water. You'll feel full with less booze.

Then try adding 1 movement activity. I do squats when I'm cooking or washing dishes. 1 squat every few minutes may not be much but it's more than nothing

Good luck. When you're ready you will make the effort

HerNameIsMischief wrote: »

I'm confused. Why do I drink when it makes me fatter, poorer, sicker, stupider, angrier, more bitter, and lets me indulge in lazy thoughts about how it's all pointless and I'm worth nothing? I'm really, really good at finding reasons to hate myself and alcohol helps a lot in that regard. Is it really just that alcohol gives me an excuse to do nothing? Do I actually enjoy and even prefer hating myself?

Alcohol is a depressant. And addictive.
We are all on this thread to "drink less", each for our own personal reasons. Drinking less means something different to each individual. Less is less.
If you feel that alcohol is at the root of many of the problems that you list, then that might be your own personal reason to begin to cut back and create some solutions.

@HerNameIsMischief indeed everything @MissMay said is true, and you deserve a happy life. It belongs to you and it's in your power to make it so.

Another idea, rather simplistic is taking a look at your schedule, the hours in the day when you know you routinely feel down and want to drink.

Take one of those hours and carve out time to do something else that will make you happy instead. This was important for me because when my hours became empty (loss of work, empty nester, dog passed away, etc,) it was very easy to fill those hours with wine to create some quick "happy". Which never works long term.

Your hours are precious. More valuable than money. Take one of those hours and do something new that brings you joy. Check the internet for new hobbies, ideas, projects, call friends, learn something new, put on a hat and jacket and go out for a brisk walk (movement outside in cold weather burns fat), volunteer, turn on youtube and do a goofy dance exercise video that will make you laugh, etc. Or just challenge yourself to see how many pushups you can do.

The important thing is to make a change now and push that alcohol bully aside because you can.

The number of things to do besides drinking that will bring you joy are endless....and this is the truth.

At @ fishing camp 🎣 for a long weekend. DH thought about buying half a dozen bottles of wine & more bourbon and rum to take to the camp but then he decided not to. My only response to his query Thurs was if you want to ... wine on Sat night would be nice. He took that as I'm not planning to drink all week and skipped the liquor store.

1 bourbon & diet 7up and then switched to water.

@HerNameIsMischief the fact that you are even posing the question of “do I really enjoy treating myself badly” is a huge step!

Alcohol (or drugs) masks and numbs the pain we feel, whether from adverse childhood experiences, mourning a recent death, or whatever painful emotion we live with. Cut back even one drink and it seems like those “pain monsters” come roaring back. Holy cow! Reach for a drink to push away the emotions, wake up the next day full or regret and self loathing. Wash rinse repeat.

It sounds to me like you have some past trauma that needs to be addressed, along with finding another coping mechanism that works better for you. I highly recommend working with a qualified therapist to help you on your journey.

As for being more comfortable being miserable, I think we are comfortable with what we know. A script repeats in our heads and we bow down to that script. Case in point, I was , for the longest time, more comfortable walking on eggshells because I grew up in a household where we all had to watch that we didn’t set my mother off on one of her tirades. The fact that I moved out, married and didn’t live with her anymore? Didn’t matter! I was still more comfortable walking on eggshells because it was so deeply programmed into me. Yes I got over it!

So, just know that you are worthy of a happy life, and there are resources out there to help you. I won’t promise it will be easy, but it will ultimately be rewarding. You’ll probably be one step forward, two steps back for a time, but the idea is to move forward. You can absolutely do this. We believe in you, even if right now you don’t believe in yourself.

Hi Gang! Work about did me in last week but I was bold. I had a convo with my boss. She's new. Had no idea I have been going non-stop 10-12 hour days since Oct. Good convo. Wanted to drink a million times, but I haven't--largely because I was vocal about Dry Jan. Who is still dry out there this year? I may not be by tomorrow. We're going to Moosehead today and actually to dinner for the first time in months and I might just have 2 glasses of wine. Or I may not. After all, I started my Dry Jan day after Thanksgiving, so I've got a few consecutive days in.

@HerNameIsMischief Love your handle! All I can say is that you've got to get to what is making you want to escape reality to truly get to a good place. You can try all the tactics here, but it's going to be super hard if you are always chasing the buzz/escape. I started therapy lately--specifically looked for a therapist who deals with addiction and then regular psycho junk. It's helping a lot. But even for some people journaling helps, as do communities like this one.

Forgot to mention today I have family visiting so the plan today is to indulge but set a start and end time. Today it will be 1 to 3pm. Plan is to consume anything but stop when starting to get 80% full. Involves cake, ice cream, fried goodies, carbs, and a bottle of red wine I can share. But when time is up, that's it. That fridge closes at 3pm. Water only until next day.

Reminds me, I better get a long run in now.

Trish1c wrote: »

@HerNameIsMischief -- Your body is revolting.

I know! That's why I'm here!