Not Hungry
Replies
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HerNameIsMischief wrote: »callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »I'd like to suggest therapy.
My husband met me at my lowest weight.
He loves me 50 pounds heavier.
Yeah, and maybe if you had met him at your higher weight, he wouldn't have been attracted to you enough to want to get to know you/date you. Looks usually come first, especially now that most dating is done through websites or apps that allow people to "shop" through photos before reading profiles. And I don't blame people for it. Unless you get to know someone first (say through work or a club or something), looks are how people determine who they want to give a chance to, dating wise, myself included.
Dating while I look my worst is not a good idea. I'm going to attract far fewer women and often more desperate ones who'd prefer a slimmer guy but can't afford to be picky. And my negative views about my appearance will most likely ruin the relationship because I'm going to be unhappy if she makes remarks about my size and it's unfair to her to say "You're not allowed to find me physically attractive, or you have to at least be quiet about it."
Looks are not everything, but they are often the gateway to getting to know someone better and then deciding if they have more than just outer looks.
with your attitude, id never date you no matter your weight.
best of luck to you
PS I met my husband online. There was ONE photo of me. He got more when I decided He wasnt a total jerk. He also only had ONE photo.13 -
You remind me of my brother. He was so extraordinarily lonely and took it out on himself. Never had a friend, never moved out of parents’ home, never had a personal relationship. It was heartbreaking.
He didn’t like the texture of his hair and pulled it all out. He didn’t like being bald so he got a hair transplant, which failed and left extensive scarring. He didn’t like the scarring and wore a hat everywhere, having a particularly foul screaming fit at TSA after being asked to remove his hat and nearly getting me arrested after I ran backwards through security to try to help. That was the breaking point for my husband.
He didn’t like that he was gay. He thought we (family) didn’t know and was outraged when we begged him to bring home someone-anyone- who would make him happy. He hated himself for that, and we couldn’t get him to understand that we didn’t care. All we wanted was to see some joy in his life. Male, female, eunuch. We. Did. Not. Care.
He is now in his mid 50’s, spiraled down, if it was possible, did something too horrible to discuss that he thought would make him happy, it didn’t, and is now making several other lives a living hell. Not a damn thing we can do about it, and god knows, the whole family has tried every type of emotional and financial support.
I hear his dissatisfaction with life in your written words.
I bet you have a sister or parent or other relative who cares as much as we did.
Please please please reach out for help. People really do care. I see my brother. I ache for you.
There are people who will take you just as you are, love you, and do their damndest to help you be whole. But it’s up to you to get past the self loathing and open up enough to let someone in, whether it’s a friend, lover or therapist.
You get one life in this planet. Every day is your personal gift, a new opportunity to make it something different, even if it’s the littlest change each day.
I’m homely, I’ve got severe scoliosis, my breath ain’t like flowers, and I have any number of downright gross habits. I’ve been fat, I’ve been underweight. I am probably the worst nag on the planet, I have a negative attitude, and I am a royal *kitten*. Plus my family is an absolute cluster *kitten*, and my husband was infinitely saddled with them the first 25 years of our marriage while I still worked for them.
My husband loves me as I am, and kept me in spite of the baggage. The comfort of having a rock to lean on is indescribable.
You deserve all this every bit as much as the rest of us. Postponing joy to wallow in misery is just plain selfishness.24 -
HerNameIsMischief wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »One of my son's is your height. I'm 5'11 and when he comes up and gives me a bear hug, I just feel small and so good.
While I know it was meant as a compliment, when someone says something like that to me, it makes me feel awful.
And THIS is exactly your problem--you should feel wonderful, powerful, masculine,....... The question is --why not? You need to figure it out. Do you hug your Mom, or your Dad? Do you ever think they're waiting for the day? Maybe they don't say a word...just wait...for you. Think about it.4 -
snowflake954 wrote: »And THIS is exactly your problem--you should feel wonderful, powerful, masculine,....... The question is --why not? You need to figure it out.
I want to be seen as average; I don't like people pointing out how "huge" I am. A lot of people here don't want to be seen as big and so they lose weight in part to try and kill those rude comments. (I'm reminded of an old gym ad showing a woman working out and the ad copy was "This is for my aunt who said I was 'just big boned.'") When they say they love feeling small next to me, I think they think they look better when standing next to me and since I'm just a big dumb guy, I'm supposed to be satisfied with that because guys aren't supposed to care how they look, at least not if (any) woman says they look good the way they are.
I know a lot of this is impossible and I'm struggling to reconcile the fact that I'm stuck this way no matter how hard I'm willing to work, and that even if I kill myself exercising and dieting, the rude remarks will likely still come. I'm hoping that maybe some meds will help lessen some of the anger. I'll never get to the point where I take pride in being a big guy, but I think I can get to the point where I'm not, at least in my darker moods, calling myself ugly and that nobody but the most desperate woman would want me. Neither one of those things is true. And while losing weight obviously is not going to change my height or build, perhaps when I lose enough, I can at least avoid some of the football player/bouncer remarks which are probably based on my weight at least as much as my height.
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I strongly urge you to find a good therapist. Losing weight will not solve your self esteem problems. You will be thinner with the SAME problems. nothing more, nothing less.11
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Idk why you think everyone is turned off from tall guys. I would find a 6'3 man very attractive. Love tall guys.2
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HerNameIsMischief wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »And THIS is exactly your problem--you should feel wonderful, powerful, masculine,....... The question is --why not? You need to figure it out.
I want to be seen as average; I don't like people pointing out how "huge" I am. A lot of people here don't want to be seen as big and so they lose weight in part to try and kill those rude comments. (I'm reminded of an old gym ad showing a woman working out and the ad copy was "This is for my aunt who said I was 'just big boned.'") When they say they love feeling small next to me, I think they think they look better when standing next to me and since I'm just a big dumb guy, I'm supposed to be satisfied with that because guys aren't supposed to care how they look, at least not if (any) woman says they look good the way they are.
I know a lot of this is impossible and I'm struggling to reconcile the fact that I'm stuck this way no matter how hard I'm willing to work, and that even if I kill myself exercising and dieting, the rude remarks will likely still come. I'm hoping that maybe some meds will help lessen some of the anger. I'll never get to the point where I take pride in being a big guy, but I think I can get to the point where I'm not, at least in my darker moods, calling myself ugly and that nobody but the most desperate woman would want me. Neither one of those things is true. And while losing weight obviously is not going to change my height or build, perhaps when I lose enough, I can at least avoid some of the football player/bouncer remarks which are probably based on my weight at least as much as my height.
Oh--I know more than you think. I'm very tall for a woman and have been since 16. I've never been obese, mostly slim to average, but I have a large bone structure--think St. Bernard, not greyhound. I hated it. Overly tall, blonde, I felt like a lighthouse where ever I went. I felt people looking at me (real or imagined). I had a boyfriend that was a lot shorter than me in high school and felt huge. Then in college finally went with a guy taller than me. I loved it and him, but didn't work out. After about 10 years I met my Italian husband. He's my height (almost), so had to wear flats. He loves me so much to this day, but going to Italy and living in the midst of a shorter darker population was a challenge. I had so much trouble finding size 10 shoes, and flat besides.
So, I know very well how it is to feel out of place height wise. Thats why my advice is gold. Take it.10 -
I wrote a long post replying rather like @callsitlikeiseeit , but in my case, my OH had no photos of me, only a memory of a meeting, and met me at my heaviest. (I then lost 3 stone - he still loved me - and loves me still when I've put it all back on.) He too is 6.3. He too hunches over - mostly cos he's afraid of hitting his head on things, but also cos he's got sloping shoulders. He loved ME, not the excess baggage. And I him.
I deleted that post, as I didn't think you were going to be able to 'hear' any of the (frankly) excellent advice on this thread so far. However, what you've written gives me hope. So here's my next thoughts...
You've written (out of context, I'll grant you):
hate myself
Ugly
Desperate
Kill myself
Cringe
Dumb
Ignore hunger pangs (I know this was intended to mean in the short term - but in the context of the above, that can become dangerously close to self harm...)
No one can nor should tell you what to feel, or what to see when you look in the mirror.
I wonder though, whose voices you ARE hearing when you read through those comments above. Who called you dumb big guy?
Who said you were ugly?
Who said bald men were unattractive?
Who said 6ft 3 was TOO tall?
It may be a succession of people, making comments along the way. The first step though is separating out those other voices from your own. What do YOU think about yourself? What 1 thing do YOU LIKE about yourself? (Maybe the fact that you're on here, being honest about your journey - which imho is awesome)
Yeah, I'm sure you'll be calling yourself out for being too 'whatever'. But find one thing that you like. Please. Feel free to message me with what it is. I'd love to continue the conversation- especially if there's no provision for a counsellor where you are.
Because, as a human being, you are worth knowing, hearing, respecting and loving. Regardless of size, ethnicity, gender, wealth or any other distinction you'd like to make.10 -
Noreenmarie1234 wrote: »Idk why you think everyone is turned off from tall guys. I would find a 6'3 man very attractive. Love tall guys.
I don't think they're turned off. Maybe if I was 6'5" or above, women would say that's just too much. But just because they like it doesn't mean I do, and I don't like the image that comes with it, esp. when combined with being bald.
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skinnyrev2b wrote: »No one can nor should tell you what to feel, or what to see when you look in the mirror.
I wonder though, whose voices you ARE hearing when you read through those comments above. Who called you dumb big guy?
Who said you were ugly?
Who said bald men were unattractive?
Who said 6ft 3 was TOO tall?
It may be a succession of people, making comments along the way. The first step though is separating out those other voices from your own. What do YOU think about yourself?
I'm listening to my own voice. Nobody told me "being big is bad, you should hate it." It's just not "me". I feel like I look the opposite of who I am and I often get prejudged based on it. When I did date, women wouldn't read my profile and just looked at my pix and inferred that I was some big rugged blue-collar type who loves football and beer. I like books and movies and I hated that I was never the "type" of smarter women more into intellectual stuff. I look like Joe Six-Pack. That might help understand why it's not a compliment when people point out my size...to me, it proves that I look exactly like I fear I do to people. It's the same as a slender or small guy who wishes he were a big beefy Real Man, except at least that guy is taken seriously, whereas people tell me I'm crazy and obligated to love my stature...because other guys would like being that way.
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I agree, this was a good post.kerrym1980 wrote: »I agree with Snowflake that it’s a great feeling, as a taller woman, to stand next to a man and not tower over them, something which leaves me feeling very self-conscious (and that’s my problem, not anyone else’s).
I’ve just joined a dating site; it might be good, it might not but I’m not waiting until I think I’m visually worth considering any longer. There is SO MUCH MORE TO ME THAN HOW I LOOK, just as there is to you.
I have learnt a few things:
1. Other people see past the things we obsess about far more easily than we ever will. There are special people who, if you let your guard down, will make you feel better, even good, about the thing you hate.
2. If you are down on yourself, you invite others to also be down on you. I saw this in that horrible 3-year relationship. You’re currently seeing it in some of the comments in this thread.
3. ‘I’ll try again when I’m slim’ is nonsense. What it really means, for me at least, is that I have an excuse for not trying. I wonder if you’re saying the same for the same reason.
I remember dating a 6'1" woman (prob. 200 lbs) who LOVED it when I spontaneously carried her into my apartment like a newlywed, though it was marred somewhat by her saying, "I've always wanted to date someone big enough to do that!" I wisely kept my mouth shut about my true feelings.
There is more to me than my looks, but dating sites begin with photos, and I don't think it's wrong for a woman to say "Eh, I'm not really into fat guys...who else is out there?" I have my preferences too and while I wouldn't say, "Well, she's not a freckly redhead and my ideal is a freckly redhead, so no go," I am going to respond to people I do find physically attractive.
1. Ideally, I would rather they simply never bring up my height or size. I don't want someone to attempt to convince me that it's awesome to be my height/size.
2. Very, very, very true. And while people on here have mostly been nice, when you bare yourself like I have done, sharks smell blood in the water.
3. See above remark about dating sites. I don't want to date someone who finds me attractive this way...at least not being fat. I don't think there's anything wrong with waiting before dating since I'll have a larger pool of candidates if I'm slim. And it's not fair to the woman for me to date her and expect her to not be able to say anything about my physical appearance, or to expect me to sulk about it when she's trying to be nice.
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Thank you for replying @HerNameIsMischief , and my apologies for inferring something that obviously isn't true in your case.
I understand better where you're coming from as a result.
You're obviously trying to change what you can - which I admire and support wholeheartedly.
For myself, I've got rosacea. Not as badly as some, but for me it's pretty much my unique identifier - the one who looks like a walking advert for "mothers ruin". My nose is sometimes bumpy or even has pustules. It's always red. Makeup doesn't usually help. Comments range from "ouch, that's some sun burn" to "who punched you?" (This from a little boy in a shop) to "Rudolph!" (Granadan chap). The fact that I remember who said what indicates how deeply I felt each comment.
One chap suggested that, as a Priest, I should "wear makeup so that I presented the best side of myself, as God would want me to." Honestly, that's what he said. The fact that ANYONE has the right to comment on what I should or should not do with my own body is wrong. The same goes for you. You do you. You have the right to feel what ever you feel, and to do whatever you need to do to.
I have continued to look for a 'miracle' cure. I've not yet found one. But I HAVE refused to wear make up. I'm me, red nose and all. I don't have to hide that part of me. I don't like it, but I refuse to let it define me.13 -
HerNameIsMischief wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »If you are 6'3 you are always going to attract women that want to feel small next to a big guy. I know because I'm a tall woman 5'11.
I hate it, even more so because everyone expects me to LIKE being seen this way. "Oh, you're being ridiculous, every guy wishes he were bigger." I feel so angry that other people here can lose a lot of weight and look different AND shut down the rude remarks they might get from people....but I'm going to get them forever and be expected to take them with a smile on my face. In the past, I even considered listing my height as six feet even on dating sites so I didn't attract women who wanted some big oaf.
I do understand this as my SO is 6'9" and gets comments on his height from strangers constantly. I'm appalled at the number of people who think it is perfectly acceptable to ask him how tall he is who probably wouldn't dream of asking someone how much they weigh, or asking a woman her bra size, or any other personal question regarding a visible physical characteristic.
He doesn't shut down the remarks but I do.
As soon as someone opens with "I don't mean to be rude but..." I interrupt and say "Then don't be. It's within your control". 11 -
HerNameIsMischief wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »If you are 6'3 you are always going to attract women that want to feel small next to a big guy. I know because I'm a tall woman 5'11.
I hate it, even more so because everyone expects me to LIKE being seen this way. "Oh, you're being ridiculous, every guy wishes he were bigger." I feel so angry that other people here can lose a lot of weight and look different AND shut down the rude remarks they might get from people....but I'm going to get them forever and be expected to take them with a smile on my face. In the past, I even considered listing my height as six feet even on dating sites so I didn't attract women who wanted some big oaf.
I do understand this as my SO is 6'9" and gets comments on his height from strangers constantly. I'm appalled at the number of people who think it is perfectly acceptable to ask him how tall he is who probably wouldn't dream of asking someone how much they weigh, or asking a woman her bra size, or any other personal question regarding a visible physical characteristic.
He doesn't shut down the remarks but I do. As soon as someone opens with "I don't mean to be rude but..." I interrupt and say "Then don't be. It's within your control".
Okay, I could be wrong, but I would bet you asked him how tall he was when you first started hanging out. My point is, when something is seen as a positive or admired, people don’t know they can’t ask. Heck, I get people commenting on my long blonde hair all the time. Anyone with a unique trait will get comments about their appearance. Just like when I was pregnant, people would ask how far along I was. I think ones attitude about it says more about them than it does about the asker unless they are being purposely rude or disrespectful. Hope that makes sense.5 -
HerNameIsMischief wrote: »Noreenmarie1234 wrote: »Idk why you think everyone is turned off from tall guys. I would find a 6'3 man very attractive. Love tall guys.
I don't think they're turned off. Maybe if I was 6'5" or above, women would say that's just too much. But just because they like it doesn't mean I do, and I don't like the image that comes with it, esp. when combined with being bald.
My ds is turning 40 this year. He's 6'8", wears a size 18 shoe, and I can only guess at his weight but I'm thinking around 285-300. Plus, genetics has taken a lot of his hair. He's never felt comfortable in his own skin and hates that he's going bald. BUT he's engaged with life, with friends, with work, and with his gf of over 15 yrs. She's 5'1" tall. They work beautifully together. Sure, he's had his moments in life, like finding out he was diabetic a few years ago because he had a foot issue that was taking forever to get better and the dr. mentioned the possibility of losing his foot. Nothing like a possibility like that to get oneself facing priorities. There are so many worse things in life than being 6'3", long arms, bald, short torso, being called a football player, etc., etc.
I don't know what you look like. But I have a feeling it's nowhere near what you think because I truly believe we're our own worst critic in that respect. Someone has certainly done a good job of drumming self-loathing thoughts into your head. It's sad really. As a PP mentioned you get one go-around in this life. If you don't change things, it's going to be a miserable go-around for you. You deserve better but it's going to take effort. It's going to take a whole different way of thinking.
I wish I could wave the old magic wand for you but only you can change things. Have you always suffered with depression? You need to pick yourself up by the damn bootstraps and do something. If you don't like something and you can change it, then just do it. Some things you can't change and you have to come to terms with them.8 -
"kerrym1980 wrote: »[*] Is there a risk that you never quite meet your goal?
[*]
[*] Have you tried being honest and telling people that you're you're conscious of your height and why?
[*] Is it worth just putting yourself out there for a bit? Talk about your fitness journey in your profile so that people know that the you they see is temporary, and the you they talk to is who you are.
Maybe I won’t be able to reach it. I will have to do the best I can.
I have tried telling people many times. I was always told I was being stupid because other men wished they were taller or bigger.
I don’t want to date looking like this with some disclaimer about how I’m losing weight. I will still be looking the way I am now. If I saw someone else’s profile with some cheerful message about losing weight. I wouldn’t believe them unless they had already lost a bunch. Even then, they’d be seeing a pic of me now. I will have to lose at least 50 lbs before thinking of dating. I have just over 80 left to lose... I am 268 as of this morning and want to be 185.
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I don't know what you look like. But I have a feeling it's nowhere near what you think...
Me right this moment (in airport bar)
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HerNameIsMischief wrote: »
With all this carrying on, I thought you'd be completely different. I'm surprised--do you ever smile? Try that selfie again with a smile, there might just be a transformation. PS: NOT throwing out compliments because not received well.4 -
msalicia07 wrote: »HerNameIsMischief wrote: »snowflake954 wrote: »If you are 6'3 you are always going to attract women that want to feel small next to a big guy. I know because I'm a tall woman 5'11.
I hate it, even more so because everyone expects me to LIKE being seen this way. "Oh, you're being ridiculous, every guy wishes he were bigger." I feel so angry that other people here can lose a lot of weight and look different AND shut down the rude remarks they might get from people....but I'm going to get them forever and be expected to take them with a smile on my face. In the past, I even considered listing my height as six feet even on dating sites so I didn't attract women who wanted some big oaf.
I do understand this as my SO is 6'9" and gets comments on his height from strangers constantly. I'm appalled at the number of people who think it is perfectly acceptable to ask him how tall he is who probably wouldn't dream of asking someone how much they weigh, or asking a woman her bra size, or any other personal question regarding a visible physical characteristic.
He doesn't shut down the remarks but I do. As soon as someone opens with "I don't mean to be rude but..." I interrupt and say "Then don't be. It's within your control".
Okay, I could be wrong, but I would bet you asked him how tall he was when you first started hanging out. My point is, when something is seen as a positive or admired, people don’t know they can’t ask. Heck, I get people commenting on my long blonde hair all the time. Anyone with a unique trait will get comments about their appearance. Just like when I was pregnant, people would ask how far along I was. I think ones attitude about it says more about them than it does about the asker unless they are being purposely rude or disrespectful. Hope that makes sense.
I didn't ask. He volunteered that information.
Maybe I'm old or just old fashioned, but I was brought up that it was impolite to comment on or ask about a person's physical appearance, particularly immutable characteristics (which hair and pregnancy are not). A compliment is different.3 -
HerNameIsMischief wrote: »
Yeah, your self perception is definitely way off and I think some counselling would be a really good idea to get that sorted. It's not about the weight or the height or the baldness, it's about your relationship with YOU.
Objectively, I see a good-looking guy. Eyes are particularly striking. Bald is actually quite flattering on you, I'm having difficulty picturing you with hair.14 -
Maybe this is an artifact of my weird life history**, but having known a bunch of university professors and such who look more or less similar to you, I wouldn't be assuming biker-bouncer-football player stuff automatically.
In some respects, you have some similar appearance characteristics to a casual friend who's a massage therapist. He's also 6'3", salt & pepper beard/moustache, balding, pleasant regular facial features, like you. His facial hair is a darker color amongst the gray so that gives him a different overall look . . . but he's not a whole different physical type. He's also a musician (primarily pianist), interested in intellectual stuff, so it wouldn't startle me to look at you and think of you that way. 🤷♀️ (His weight has varied since I've known him, from quite heavy to fairly thin, and he's done some online dating stuff over the whole time, including some longer stretches with the same women, so I guess women must respond OK to his appearance. It's not something I'd cross-examine him about, so all I know is what pops up in conversation.)
Your expression's a little fierce in this photo, but I get that you just took a selfie on the spur of the moment, so I'm not reading a lot into that. You have nice big eyes, which is a good feature. (I'm not flirting. I'm old enough to be at least your mom, if not your granny, probably.)
Just so it's clear: I wouldn't normally comment on your physical appearance, but you seemed to have invited that in the current context. Apologies if I misinterpreted.
** I worked for a big university for around 30 years, so I'm used to seeing profs and administrators of all physical types and styles of dress, but don't see many bikers (except university-employed profs/admins who are also bikers) or bouncers.4 -
HerNameIsMischief wrote: »
you're a handsome guy. And I wouldn't say that just to make you feel better. Im not willy wonka, I don't sugar coat anything
But looks are only ONE part of a person.
And when you lose weight and people stop asking if you play football and start asking if you play basketball? what then? See? same problems. Just at a different weight.
I truly feel bad for you and do wish you all the luck and happiness in the world, and stand firm that some therapy would really help you. Our value as humans is more than our appearance. Fat, thin, tall, short, man, woman, old, young. We are MORE than that.
I'm short. i love being short. its me. I cant change it. I refuse to wear heels because I refuse to have my feet hurt. Also, heels and farms don't mix well LOL. I don't wear shorts, or anything short, because I'm self conscious about my little ham hock legs LOL. Hubby, for a guy, is short (about 5'7). at least he thinks he is. to me he's tall LOL. He wishes he could gain weight. But he also knows he's blessed to not have the health problems that many men his age (50) has. low body fat, mostly muscle (though HE doesn't see it. I do). perfect labs at the doctor. its in his genetics. yes he has a physical job but most of the guys he works with are NOT slender.
Everyone has issues. No one is perfect. We are all our own worst critics, especially when it comes to our appearance. I can write a list a page long about all my flaws (real or perceived). But I can ALSO write a list that long about things that I DO like about myself, and THOSE are the traits that matter.7 -
[quote="snowflake954;c-45701278" Try that selfie again[/quote]
Me on plane...imo, this makes me look 50 lbs heavier
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HerNameIsMischief wrote: »[quote="snowflake954;c-45701278" Try that selfie again
Me on plane...imo, this makes me look 50 lbs heavier
[/quote]
still cute. look a lot like one of my best friends lol3 -
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FWIW my husband is 6-3 & bald, and with his physical appearance people are always making assumptions. He published a novel recently and seems like some people are astonished that he can write beautifully and has a poet's soul. But the ones he truly calls friends ... they know. And I know. I hope you can find peace, @HerNameIsMischief6
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callsitlikeiseeit wrote: »And when you lose weight and people stop asking if you play football and start asking if you play basketball? what then? See? same problems. Just at a different weight.
While I might inwardly roll my eyes at a basketball comment, I guarantee it would not be received anywhere near as bad as football. I don’t like my height, but my real hatred is of being seen as big, beefy, bulky, (ugh) “thick”, or “you’re like a big teddy bear.” I doubt I would hate myself as much hearing that, even if I would still rather be seen as average size.1 -
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HerNameIsMischief wrote: »
Symmetric, nothing that looks out of proportion or highly unusual, that sort of thing. In studies, as I understand it, facial symmetry is usually seen as more attractive than asymmetry (i.e. statistical tendency of preferences when large number of people are surveyed).
Nice smile in the 2nd photo, too - your eyes warm right up.4 -
kerrym1980 wrote: »HerNameIsMischief wrote: »
Dating while I look my worst is not a good idea. I'm going to attract far fewer women and often more desperate ones who'd prefer a slimmer guy but can't afford to be picky.
I hadn't quite taken this in the first time round, but no, it's unacceptable and misogynistic to refer to a woman as 'desperate' because she'll 'settle' for a bigger guy. It's also offensive to the guy, who might be the perfect match regardless of what the scale says. That you place far too much significance on appearance does not mean that others do the same.
^^^^^^^^^
I really wanted to respond to this, but think it might be better if I didn't.... AANNNYYWAAYYSS
I have been watching this train wreck of a thread most of the afternoon because I am laid up with an ankle sprain. Bro, take this from one big dude to another. You will not be happy when you reach a certain weight. In fact, you might find you are more critical. After I lost my weight, I hated how I looked smaller. Hell, hard to admit it, but I showered with the lights off for 2 years after my weight loss because I hated looking at myself. Its called body dysmorphia. You usually hear it in the media about women, but try listening to 5 gym bros talk and you quickly realize its unisex. There are always going to be things about yourself you don't like. Some you can change and others you can't. As long as you hate yourself, kind of sounds like you do, you will NEVER be happy. The negative energy you give off will definitely not attract a mate you will want. I know that it wasn't until the last year that I came to terms on my "body" and then, and only then , did I find a partner with the qualities I needed. Find your center..... Then let the rest work itself out.
Best wishes.....20
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