Not Hungry

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Replies

  • HerNameIsMischief
    HerNameIsMischief Posts: 158 Member

    because she does.

    vin diesel is hot.

    and the rock. super hot.

    people like what they like.

    Yeah, but what image do both of them have, likeable as they can be? Big tough oafs.

  • L1zardQueen
    L1zardQueen Posts: 8,754 Member
    When I was a kid, no more than 10, I thought Yul Brenner was hot. Lol. I still think so.
  • HerNameIsMischief
    HerNameIsMischief Posts: 158 Member
    When I was a kid, no more than 10, I thought Yul Brenner was hot. Lol. I still think so.

    Not arguing, and I think I know the answer, but can you elaborate as to why?

    I only know Brynner from "The Ten Commandments" and "The Magnificent Seven." However, occasionally I've collected photos of bald men who did not look like big dumb oafs as a way to remind me that there is a way to be attractive even if you're bald. You might like this one.

  • HerNameIsMischief
    HerNameIsMischief Posts: 158 Member
    It's also real easy for women to say "being bald is no big deal" and while I'm not going to be so disingenuous as to say a woman going bald is the same as a man going bald, but it changes you. You are no longer young. You are no longer attractive in a traditional sense. Big, tall guys like me (esp. being bald) have the option to default to the atavistic meathead pro wrestler tough guy football oaf and most people figure if some women find you attractive, you're okay. I'm not.

    And still, people say that since I am bald, but also tall and not scrawny, that I have no right to dislike how I look (more like the right to be taken seriously) because I fit a stereotype and some other guys would like to be my height.
  • HerNameIsMischief
    HerNameIsMischief Posts: 158 Member
    ReenieHJ wrote: »
    OP, IMO you have a very skewed perspective of what's important in life and how you play a part in your own life. No one, absolutely no one, is going to be able to convince you that you're a worthy human being. Losing weight isn't going to help. Having a beautiful girl on your arm isn't going to help. Having a full head of hair isn't going to help. People have tried to offer you encouraging words about how they see you and that obviously isn't helpful. The best thing you can do for yourself is seek a qualified reputable therapist to help you accept yourself as you are. Truthfully, the only turn-off I've gotten from you is your self-loathing.

    You'd have to have pretty low standards to say that you were cheered by strangers telling you you're a worthy human being. Losing weight will help me. I will never achieve my ideal, but I'm not going to buy that if I lose 50 lbs (I've already lost more than 15), I won't feel good about it. And who are you to say that nothing anyone has said hasn't helped me...especially after I made a special post to let people know that while I often debate or question their posts, I do listen to what they have to say?
  • lynn_glenmont
    lynn_glenmont Posts: 9,950 Member
    When I was a kid, no more than 10, I thought Yul Brenner was hot. Lol. I still think so.

    Not arguing, and I think I know the answer, but can you elaborate as to why?

    I only know Brynner from "The Ten Commandments" and "The Magnificent Seven." However, occasionally I've collected photos of bald men who did not look like big dumb oafs as a way to remind me that there is a way to be attractive even if you're bald. You might like this one.

    Not with the cigarette in his hand. That's what makes him look dumb, not his physique or his shaved head. And he would have agreed with me at the end of his life, when he made anti-smoking commercials that were aired after his death from lung cancer.
  • HerNameIsMischief
    HerNameIsMischief Posts: 158 Member
    While I don't like cigarette smoking, living
    AnnPT77 wrote: »
    If you’re alluding to my reply, my intention was not to imply that a woman being temporarily bald is subjectively similar to a man being permanently bald – I don’t think it would be.

    My point was that perhaps having a skull that’s proportionate to face, not bumpy, wrinkly, etc., may be part of what makes certain people, male or female, relatively more attractive than others when bald. At the time, I felt some gratitude for that small grace, temporary though the baldness was.

    Of course you have every right to dislike how you look, and to feel that it makes people stereotype you in a way that's not your true self. I think it's a little odd how much you seem to dislike it when other people perceive you positively, because their aesthetic preferences are different, but perhaps I'm misunderstanding that part.

    I wasn't alluding to your response. When I started to lose my hair, I was angry that while it was seen as traumatic for a woman to lose their hair, my hair loss was seen as comical, complete with head rubs and wig catalogs, usually followed by remarks on how I shouldn't be mad and should "learn to love myself" and "accept that nobody's perfect" and that "many women out there don't care how you look as long as you have a beautiful heart."

    Why is it that it's funny for a guy to lose his hair and even when he's ridiculed, he's supposed to laugh it off? And why is it that a big guy like me is obligated to love it when someone else likes how small he is?
  • HerNameIsMischief
    HerNameIsMischief Posts: 158 Member
    edited February 2021
    am8dwivg2nyg.jpeg
    Nooooooo

    j7itv8nx3pso.jpeg
    Yessssss

    While he looks good, I hate that everyone notices my height and size.
  • snowflake954
    snowflake954 Posts: 8,400 Member
    It's also real easy for women to say "being bald is no big deal" and while I'm not going to be so disingenuous as to say a woman going bald is the same as a man going bald, but it changes you. You are no longer young. You are no longer attractive in a traditional sense. Big, tall guys like me (esp. being bald) have the option to default to the atavistic meathead pro wrestler tough guy football oaf and most people figure if some women find you attractive, you're okay. I'm not.

    And still, people say that since I am bald, but also tall and not scrawny, that I have no right to dislike how I look (more like the right to be taken seriously) because I fit a stereotype and some other guys would like to be my height.

    It is ironic--you are the one stereotyping.
  • HerNameIsMischief
    HerNameIsMischief Posts: 158 Member
    As I said earlier, just because I ask people to elaborate or have responses to what they say does not mean I'm ignoring what I read or throwing out people's advice. Yes, I roll my eyes at some of the "it doesn't matter what you look like...anyone who judges you by your outer appearance isn't the right person for you" shtick because while it's the way we'd like it to be, we all judge by outer appearance, especially when dating, and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I'm not saying that's all people judge by, but since I plan on using dating sites, most daters will take a quick look at a photo and then decide if they're interested enough to learn more about you. Still, I have gotten a lot of valuable input from the people here.

    And I've focused on physical appearance here because that's what I have an issue with. That doesn't mean that all I care about when dating is if she looks good on my arm.
  • HerNameIsMischief
    HerNameIsMischief Posts: 158 Member
    It's also real easy for women to say "being bald is no big deal" and while I'm not going to be so disingenuous as to say a woman going bald is the same as a man going bald, but it changes you. You are no longer young. You are no longer attractive in a traditional sense. Big, tall guys like me (esp. being bald) have the option to default to the atavistic meathead pro wrestler tough guy football oaf and most people figure if some women find you attractive, you're okay. I'm not.

    And still, people say that since I am bald, but also tall and not scrawny, that I have no right to dislike how I look (more like the right to be taken seriously) because I fit a stereotype and some other guys would like to be my height.

    It is ironic--you are the one stereotyping.

    No, it's not ironic, it's coincidental. Ironic would be if I were to come on here saying that I didn't judge women by their appearance and they shouldn't do that to me either. I openly admit that, when dating, I care what the woman looks like. I'm not saying it's wrong for them to notice how I look or even to make judgements based on it. My anger is placed on me for looking this way, not at other people for noticing it. I'd rather they not make remarks about it but I'm also aware enough that what I deem "rude remarks" about my height or size are, to them, compliments or merely observations, like when someone asks me to reach something on the top shelf at the grocery store.

    While it would hurt to hear it, I wouldn't be angry if someone said, "You're just too tall for me" or even "Sorry, I prefer guys with hair" unless they said it in an obviously rude way. At least not angry at them.
  • HerNameIsMischief
    HerNameIsMischief Posts: 158 Member
    Until you learn to make peace with yourself and love who you are, you are never going to be happy with another person. You've already said as much yourself, in fact. As a single woman in the dating world I'm asking, please...don't start dating until you seek help.

    I said this several times in the thread while people were saying I should date right now despite how I look. I know my jaundiced view of myself would poison a relationship and it's also not fair to the woman to say, "I don't like how I look, so if you say anything positive about me physically, get ready for some sulking." While losing weight won't magically solve all my problems, I don't buy the "when you get slim, you'll just find something new to hate" bit. I may not be able to lose as much weight as I want. I will never be able to look how I truly want, and one of my biggest challenges is to learn to deal with the stuff I can't change and the remarks I receive.